Jokes are no longer jokes.

1. Chatting with my boyfriend, when it comes to rising, my saliva splashed all over his face. Then instinctively wipe it off by hand. I was a little embarrassed, but I deliberately shifted my focus and pretended to be angry: "What? Don't like me, "he said with a gentleman's smile. "No, wipe it evenly!"

2. In the past, the school said that it was necessary to have a physical examination, and stool was used as a laboratory product, and then everyone took a little ~

And then what,

There is an alumnus in Chow Tai Fook's bag box.

Then I walked halfway ~ I was robbed by a motorcycle driver. . . . . .

3. A girlfriend, with small breasts, we bury her every day. One day, she finally couldn't bear it, yelling at us: "I have small breasts, so I will follow my dad, whatever!" "

4. I took my family to swim on the beach in Jinshan today, mainly to play with the children in the sand.

In the process of piling sand, the lifeguard (commander) on the distant high platform shouted with a megaphone: Parents with children should pay attention, please take good care of their children, especially those with their own children and other people's wives, please don't leave them aside, I can see that!

5. In other words,

I have a female colleague,

My name is Li Rui,

There is a male colleague,

The name is Li. ...

6. In winter, I eat hot pot with my classmates. After eating, I'll come out first and wait for the students behind me. I pick my teeth according to the black glass of the off-road vehicle, and then apply lip balm ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I finished fixing my hair, the window rolled down and a group of people looked at me in the car. A macho man's face was close to mine and said, Little Sister, have you finished filming? We are driving!

7. When I first went to college, because our place was messy, some friends in the dormitory went to the market to buy knives and put them in the dormitory for self-defense. After buying it, I passed a bank, and someone happened to carry boxes of money to the cash truck after work. We didn't want the escort to misunderstand, so we asked a friend to hide the knife in his clothes. As a result, when I came to the escort with a gun, the boy fell to the ground. Later, we left silently, afraid to pick a knife. . .

Triboelectricity, a middle school physics teacher, said: We take off our sweaters in winter. The sweater creaked. And lightning. But not in summer. Why?

Boy in the back: Because I don't wear sweaters in summer.

9. My friend was drunk once. According to civilized language, he was in the toilet, holding the phone in his right hand and pressing his left hand in the mirror, looking at the "prisoner" in the mirror affectionately: Did you eat well? Has the prison been strictly controlled recently? Leave as soon as possible ...

10. My parents are not at home tonight, so I have to cook and stir-fry by myself. After pouring the oil into the pot, I heard the phone ringing in the bedroom, ran back to the bedroom with my mobile phone, and walked to the kitchen while talking on the phone. When I got to the kitchen, I saw the oil boiling and spilled everywhere. I threw my mobile phone in the pot when I got excited. .

1 1. Some buses in Hangzhou are high-end, so the glass is stuffy. It says: Break the glass in an emergency.

The temperature has risen these days, and the bus is hot, and there are many people on the bus. The most depressing thing is not knowing that the immoral guy put a silent fart in the car. . . Later, the glass broke. . .

12. One night, my parents came back from playing mahjong. I woke up when they entered the room, but I was still confused.

Suddenly my leg cramps died (I think it is very long), and then I jumped out of bed. At that time, my consciousness was very vague, and I just wanted to take two steps to suppress the feeling of cramp.

As a result, I took two steps and felt that I could not persist any longer. I plopped down on my knees in front of my father and gave him a fright.

Kneeling down, I felt no cramps, then stood up silently and turned back to my room to sleep.

There was not a word in the whole process. I guess my father was petrified at that time.

On July 22, 2009, I met a buddy on a BBS and said, "TMD, the eclipse was in the daytime, which made me wait all night for nothing!" "

14. The last time I watched a CCTV program, I couldn't remember the name, but I remember that at the beginning, a reporter asked a person at the train station, "Are you happy?" Ask everyone, some people say happiness, some people say unhappiness, and then ask a farmer. .....

Reporter: "Are you happy?"

The farmer looked at the reporter a few times and said innocently

"My name is Wang"

15. I perform plays at school. Before my monologue appeared, I noticed some girls changing clothes backstage-so I got **high. This play is Superstar of Jesus Christ, and I play Jesus. I only wear a few pieces of cloth. As a result, all the audience saw that Jesus was shamefully hard when he was crucified.

16. Punching in the bus is usually a beep.

There is also a student card, the voice is "di, student card" ..

One of our classmates, a woman, rushed to take the bus, but she didn't bring any money. The bus came in a hurry. ..

I lined up with others to get on the bus as usual. When she punched in, she took the school student ID card to the machine and waved it ... She said "Di, student ID card" in Mandarin. She walked away in style. The bus driver was cheated on the spot. After a few seconds ... the bus started slowly ... no one wanted to say anything more. .....

17. The head teacher in junior high school likes to pick his nose. Once in self-study, the teacher came in to see if our homework was done well. After a visit, he became interested in my neighbor's homework. When sticking out his head to watch him do the problem, he didn't forget to pick his nose with his hand. Just listen to "pa", the teacher's booger actually fell on the neighbor's exercise book! At this time, the teacher should also be embarrassed to stand there and not know what to say. At this time, something terrible happened: I saw my neighbor slowly raise his head, look at the teacher and say, thank you, Long En!

18. Take the computer test, wait in the preparation area first, and then enter the examination area through a big glass door. After I finished the exam, I touched the door for a long time, but I couldn't touch the glass. The kind teacher next to me reminded me: "classmate, the door is open." ………

19. A gentleman sang rock and roll at the top of his voice in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change ..." A gentleman was reading a book and suddenly looked up and asked in surprise: "Isn't the toilet empty?"

20. The male and female bathhouses in the school go together, so it is quite embarrassing for students of the opposite sex to meet often. One day, when I walked to the door, I happened to meet a schoolmate. He came out with a lingering look. I couldn't dodge to say hello and said, "Are there many people inside?"

2 1. Once, I had dinner with my friends in a restaurant. We sat there waiting for the waiter to serve us. After a while, a beggar came up with a bowl, walked behind my friend, touched him gently and imagined that he wanted money. My friend was chatting with me, thinking that the waiter had brought the meal, so he didn't look back and took the rice bowl in the beggar's hand and put it in front of him. We were all stunned at that time, and the beggar wanted to cry more (even if he was killed, he wouldn't think that someone would rob him of his job) ~ ~ ~

22. When I was in college, one of my buddies met a beautiful woman on campus and fell in love at first sight. Every day, he is in a daze. One day at noon, I went out to eat with him, and a beautiful woman passed by. My buddy immediately pulled me behind and saw a beautiful woman enter a noodle restaurant, and we also sat in it. I advised my buddy: "Senior year, hurry up ~" So he got up the courage, stepped forward and blushed and asked: "What's your name, classmate?" The beauty looked at my buddy blankly: "My name is beef noodles." My buddy was confused at that time, and I was laughing.