25 classic funny jokes that will make you laugh to tears

1. Grandma said that when my father was a child, he was running around in the fields, fell into a latrine and almost drowned, but was fished out. Grandma said that when I was a child, I was running around on the field, fell into a manure bucket and almost drowned, and was picked out with a bamboo pole. This is so personal...

2. Woman: Let me tell you a story. Man: Well, let’s talk. Woman: There once was a man who died while watching TV? Man: Sudden death? Are you sick? Woman: No, because he didn’t help his wife wash the dishes after dinner. Male: Damn it, my wife, go and wash the dishes. . .

3. God: ?Say it! I am very busy and can only grant you one wish. ?I said: ?Settling on the Diaoyu Islands, feeding horses, chopping firewood, and traveling around the world. God is having trouble: ?It’s a bit difficult, let’s change it! ?I said: ?I want to be a city manager! ?God was angry: ?Mom, let’s fulfill your last wish! Even the urban management officials didn’t even take my turn

4. A male classmate had the word "dao" tattooed on his hand. Bubu thought to himself, had he met a legendary swordsman? One day, I finally couldn't help but ask him what the special meaning of this tattoo was. He looked blank, as if he was stuck in a painful memory. Bubu quickly said it was inconvenient to say, so I stopped asking. I saw him staring into the distance and saying: "Actually, I want to get a tattoo of the word "forbearance". It hurts so much that I can't stand it until I get the word "knife" tattooed on it.

5. When someone was in love and was dumped by his girlfriend, he said to his friend: "No wonder people say that women are the most poisonous in the world. Now I completely think that women are poison, and I will stay away from them in the future!" ? Soon, this man fell in love again, and they talked very enthusiastically. His friends asked him: "Didn't you say that women are poison?" Why are we talking again? ?The man replied: ?I don’t know what happened. Since the last time I fell in love, I have always wanted to take poison and commit suicide

6. The algebra teacher said to the parents: ?Please take care of your business. Son, look at the algebra problem he did, 90-45 = second half. The parent said: "I will definitely teach my son when I go back. There is a second situation that he ignored, that is, he did not consider the overtime situation." ?

7. A and B go hiking. A: This is a very famous mountain in my village. B: Wow, what mountain? A: Shanshan. B: What kind of mountain is this? A: sh-an mountain. B: I know how to write mountain. I just want to ask you what mountain is it called? A: sh-an mountain! After a beating, B: Are you kidding me? A felt aggrieved and pointed at the stone sign and said: It’s really Shi’an Mountain!

8. There is a girl in my community who is in the first grade of elementary school. She is very fond of studying. When the final exam results came out, the following conversation took place. My dad: Girl, how did you do in the exam? ?, girl? Not so good! ?, What score did my dad score in the exam?, Girl? Zero score in math, 4 score in Chinese?, My dad? Well, he wasn't very good, a bit partial. I stood on the edge and instantly became messy?

9. I was walking alone on the road, and I felt something was wrong. There was a chill on the back of my neck, and my throat seemed to be pinched, making me unable to breathe. Come, it wasn’t until a passing expert from the travel side shouted out that he rescued me: “Hi!” Dude! You're wearing your sweater inside out! ?

10. Question: Someone confesses to me, how should I refuse to minimize the harm? ?Answer:?I just said that I would go home and ask the children for their opinions. ?

11. In the high school basketball game, there is a sharpshooter in one class who can score 8 out of 10 shots. But he is so ugly that he yells at a bunch of girls as long as he doesn’t make a shot? SB! Chuan Wang Chacha! ?As the voices got louder and louder, the sharpshooter had no choice but to pass the ball to a boy with a Korean idol drama face. The girls’ voices didn’t weaken at all after three consecutive no-sticks. It was just a hair’s breadth. Another vote and it was in! ?Understanding the world since then.

12. I encountered something depressing while repairing my computer today! A young man brought the computer in for maintenance, and after checking it, I confirmed that there was something wrong with the CPU! Then I turned on the radiator and a familiar smell of toothpaste hit my nostrils! Brother, why are you using toothpaste as heat-dissipating silicone? This guy also said that they are all the same, and the toothpaste does feel a bit cool at ordinary times, so of course it is good for dissipating heat! Brother, you can do it! You're really good

13. A couple was shopping. Suddenly, the girlfriend quietly told the boy: "Look at that person in front of you." When the boy saw that the man in front of him was winking at his girlfriend, he suddenly became angry and rushed forward to crush the man. A patrolman passed by and saw them, pulled them apart, and asked what was going on. The man complained: "What the hell is this world like? Small bugs fly into your eyes, and you still get beaten." ?

15. Driving during summer vacation is all kinds of evil. A certain man: Girl, why don’t you go out to play? A certain woman: Because I’m learning to drive. A certain man: Girl, why are you so dark? A certain woman: Because I’m learning to drive. A certain man: Girl, why are you dressed like an aunt? A certain woman: Angry~~ I told you that I am learning to drive.

16. The Chinese teacher said that if you love someone, you don’t buy water for them after class, you don’t send text messages back and forth, and you don’t go out to sing and chat and eat together on weekends, but you do it as a person. Excellent people. In the future, there may be others who love her. What you have to do is compare yourself to others. You have to be good and be better than everyone else. Believe that the future is not just unknown, love can change reality. I instantly felt like I was weak.

17. One day, a drunk man walked out of the Portman Hotel, got into his boyfriend's taxi, and told his boyfriend to come to the Portman. Then he fell asleep. The boyfriend was stunned and hurriedly pushed the drunk man to wake up and said: You are in Portman now. After hearing this, the drunk man took out the money and handed it to his boyfriend, saying: There is no need to look for it. Before getting out of the car, he said to the driver with concern: Don't drive too fast in the future, it's dangerous.

18. A male customer ate in a restaurant. When he finished eating and asked for the check, the boss surprised him with the bill. ?3,000 yuan is too expensive! ?He said: ?You should give a discount to your peers, right? ?The boss said: ?So you also open a restaurant? ?. He said: No, I am stealing money. ?

19. I just bought a jar of chili sauce. Say to the monitor: What do you think this is? The squad leader replied: Lao Gan Daddy, I: Hey, good son. Monitor: After a while, the monitor took the chili sauce and went to the next door dormitory. Question A: What is this? Mr. A: I don’t know, what is this? Monitor: Old godfather. Mr. A: Hey, good son. . .

20. My buddy received her call again. The weather was very cloudy. My buddy was thinking about the beauty of his first love. He hesitated for a long time and answered the phone: "Hello...", thinking what she would say, the phone There was just silence on the other end. ?Are you okay? ?he asked. Still no answer, he said frantically: "Do you know how much I miss you!" ?Finally a distant and familiar voice came from the other end of the phone: ?Don't play with mommy's phone, baby, be good?

21. A cyclist ran a red light, and a truck stopped beside him. The man in the car shouted to the truck driver: "I don't want to kill you!" ?The truck driver was stunned and couldn't say a word?

22. Girlfriend: How stupid! Your watch was robbed, why not scream for help? Me: If I open my mouth and call for help, they'll find out I still have four gold teeth, which would be even worse.

23. Yesterday, the man baking eggs at the door accidentally knocked over the stove. I hurriedly helped to pick it up. There was a kind sister next to me who also helped to pick it up. Suddenly, a private car came from behind and ran over it. When it reached the ground, the eldest sister shouted, Oh my god! ! ! Uncle’s eggs, uncle’s eggs. I just heard a clicking sound, and two of them were crushed. The sister said, luckily it wasn’t too much, so just two balls were crushed...? The uncle was messy in the wind thoughtfully! !

24. This afternoon, a classmate in the class was caught by the dean for puppy love. Parents were notified that his father was here. The teacher asked, "Are you XXX's brother?" ?His dad said with a smile, ?I am his dad. The teacher said, "I can't tell. I'm so young."

You’re going to be a dad? His dad said? Hey! What a big deal, my mother and I had him when I was in the third year of junior high school. ?

25. A company was recruiting employees, and hundreds of college students rushed to report their family background: ?I am Peking University. ?I go to Jiaotong University. ?I am from Zhejiang University. ?I am from Tsinghua University. ?Suddenly a girl shouted: ?I have big waves! The chairman slammed the table and said, "It's up to you. Come to my office to talk." ?As soon as she entered the office, the girl showed the Ningbo University certificate to the chairman. . . .