Who has several classic cell phone jokes?

1 I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

3. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

5. Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

6. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? Look at you!

7. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

8. Is there any way to tell whether the RMB is true or false?

Prepare 100 yuan. Fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If it is, it is true. If not, it's fake.

There are two drops of water on the pig's ass. Give me a song title. Forget it. it is

10 A person climbed the wall and walked out of the school. The headmaster caught him. The headmaster asked, why not go from the school gate? Answer: Meters, Bang Wei and Bang Wei don't take the usual road.

The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying.

The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it.

On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason.

On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The headmaster said he couldn't wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

1 1 .. What's going on? I called your mobile phone just now, and after the bell rang, the phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please redial later. I can't believe it! Call again and say:

Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is no longer in service, please redial later.

12 Shopping alone and urinating in the corner. The old lady looked at it and said, you will be fined five yuan for urinating and urinating anywhere. Who said I peed? Can't I show it?

?

13 water-splashing festival, a man suddenly cursed: Who the fuck threw me? People advise: it is a blessing to vote for you. Bitch: Come on, which idiot threw boiling water at me?

14 After reading this message, you already owe me a hug; Delete this message and owe me a kiss; Save this message and owe me an appointment; If you reply, you owe me everything; otherwise

Reply, you are mine.

15 riddle: birds fly by the swan lake, and there is no such thing as double walking. These two trees have nothing to do with the heart of the forest. If you don't want to fly first (type four words) ..................................................................................................................................................

you

16 Shantou made noodles, and the steamed bread was beaten and cried. Go home and call Hua Baozi for revenge. As a result, the instant noodles opened the door and the steamed bread said, "Your boy is very hot.

I know you too! "

17 test you: What should I do if all the pigs in the world die overnight? (Headline) ..................................................................................................................... "At least you"!

18 A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. How to eat cucumber and watermelon to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

Hello, 19, this is 168 information desk. Your friend ordered a power train as a friendship gift for you. Next, please hit the washbasin with your head. Did you hear "when"? Ok, the song list is over!

20 "Is it tight?" "Never mind!" "Can you go in a little more?" "Be careful, it should work!" "Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt! It feels so cool! I will take this pair. 7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!