Recommend me a short and funny stand-up comedy.

The horse has fine hair and fat hooves, and the couple sleep on a hot kang.

The old man wanted to sleep on the kang, but his wife was dead.

The old man said I picked the firewood, and his wife said I burned the kang.

The old man said he would rather sleep than sleep, but the old woman said she wouldn't let him.

The old man picked up the rake and his wife picked up the rolling pin.

The couple had sex until dawn, and it was so hot that no one slept.

In the sixth year of Chenghua in Ming Dynasty, at the peak of Ming Dynasty, Wanbang came to Korea.

Outside the front gate of Beijing, on the pillar of the third arch, there is a list of emperors. As soon as the imperial list came out, people around him gathered around to see it. In less than an hour, it shocked the whole city of Beijing. People from Nezha City, with four doors, three bridges, five cards, eight doors and eight arms, came to watch the excitement, no matter what the five elements and eight achievements, the local agriculture, industry and commerce, the Hui and Han religions, various schools of Mohism, and 360 lines of people walking in the street, officials, officials, hunchbacks and arrows. Selling coal, charcoal, rice, noodles, onions, garlic, fried dough sticks, tea and eggs ... has almost alarmed the whole city. These people don't know what's wrong with the country and why they want to post the empire list. They are all scrambling to look around.

At this time, a man came from the north side. His name is Sun Delong, a native of Wendeng County. He is a pork seller in Zhu Shi Street, Dongsi Pailou, in his forties. It's winter now, and he wears a cotton robe and a cloth cotton robe, so he can wear satin, because he sells meat, cuts meat and oil, and loves to rub it on his body after cutting. After a long time, the cotton gown is full of oil, and when it is dried in the sun, it becomes satin. He was afraid of the cold, so he tied a rope around his waist. He was good at drinking, so he hung a pewter hip flask on the rope. His hip flask is very special. Everyone is round. He is square and polite. There is also a money bag tied to this rope. There is a hook for catching pigs under the left armpit. It is a Bai La pole, the thickness of walnut, more than five feet long, and it has two steel hooks on its head. The pig has escaped, and it can be caught within five feet, and the hukou book is still under the other arm. It just came back from the meat market.

He went out of the market today and just came out of the liquor store. He was as drunk as a fiddler, with garlic under his feet and his mouth jabbering. He said with a Shandong accent: "This wine is sorghum water. People get drunk first and can't see the road clearly. It's a ghost! " He walked to the front of the imperial list and saw so many people around him, but he didn't know what was inside. He wanted to have a look and shouted, "Excuse me! Excuse me! " As he spoke, he pushed straight in, and people on the side saw him bump around. As soon as he smelled the alcohol, he gave way to him and let him in.

He went in and saw that it was the imperial list, and he couldn't understand it. He wanted to ask but didn't say hello. He arched his elbow and said, "What's the matter? What's wrong? " The man had a backache and said, "Alas! Alas! Slow down, what's wrong with you? " Sun Delong also said, "What's going on?" Angry Han said, "Imperial List!" Sun Delong was shocked: "What is the imperial list?" The man said, "What the emperor posted at home is called the Royal List!" Sun Delong said, "OK, can you read it to me?" The one who really likes to meddle said, "OK, I'll read it to you. Listen:' Feng Tianzai's imperial edict: Since I moved to the capital, the weather has been favorable, the country is prosperous and the people are safe, and many countries have come to the DPRK. I don't want to. Today, Ryukyu sent a tribute to the righteous real people, which was actually a tribute, and it was secretly ... "

Hearing this, Sun Delong cut in and said, "Oh, don't be busy!" Holding his chin. The man flashed his head and complained, "What's the matter with you? Why are you not busy? " Sun Delong said, "Are you studying? I didn't understand a word after reading it for a long time! " Airway: "You haven't understood it for a long time. I read for nothing. What don't you understand? " Sun Delong said confidently, "What else don't you understand? I don't know anything! Let me ask you first what is "Fengtian Shipping"? What does' Emperor Zhao Yue' mean? " The man said, "Don't you understand the imperial edict? I tell you, when the emperor speaks, he is called' Emperor Zhao Yue'. " Sun Delong said happily, "Oh, when the emperor speaks, he is called' Emperor Zhao Yue'. What if I talk? " The man said, "How do I know where to go? How do I know what your decree is? " Sun Delong said, "Oh, great! You go. " The man said, "I don't want to study." You don't understand after reading it. It's too much trouble for me to talk about it again. Why don't I tell you what this means? This Ryukyu country is our vassal country, paying tribute every year and becoming a vassal year after year. This year, a veteran named "Yishi" was sent. He can play charades with 36 hands, read 70 Diamond Sutra and find us China people to play. If anyone can play charades, read the Diamond Sutra, win him, reward his daughter and seal Wan Huhou, they will pay him as much as they want, and they will still pay tribute every year and come to the DPRK every year; If you can't win, or if no one fights with him, then they will take Ryukyu as the upper position and we Daming as the vassal country. It's no use asking. You can't play charades or read the Diamond Sutra. Why bother? "

Sun Delong has a nickname "know-it-all", that is, no matter what happens, he will get angry when you say he can't do it. He didn't know or understand at first, and said urgently, "Stop it! How do you know I can't do crossword puzzles? How do you know that we can't read the Diamond Sutra? " The man was surprised and said, "Oh! Can you play charades? " Sun Delong said proudly, "Of course. I won't. Can I grow up? " What can he do? When he is drunk, you will find out what a charade is, that is, bargaining with others in the meat market about the weight and price, which is completely different from the old charade. The man was even more surprised: "Oh, dear! It would be better if you knew, so why don't you go the old way? " Sun Delong said, "Yes, then how can I find it?" The man said, "Just tear up the imperial order." Sun Delong looked at Yu Lan and said, "I, I can't tear it up. You tore it for me. " The man said, "Yes, I'll tear it for you." Sun Delong followed: "You have finished tearing it for me, so you have to leave." The man pointed to himself and said, "Me! I can't play charades or read the Diamond Sutra. Just tear it yourself. " "Yes!" Sun Delong was about to go over and tear it up when the man said, "Don't be busy, I have to read it to you. Don't blame me for losing in the future. It is clearly written on the imperial list that the old man can solve 36 riddles. " Sun Delong was drunk and asked, "How old are you?" The man said, "Thirty-six hands." Sun Delong rolled up his sleeves and said, "We'll be seventy second-hand." The man was startled and said, "Hey! Twice as much as him! Lao Dao will read the Seventy Diamond Sutra. " Sun Delong shook his head and said, "I can't finish reading the Diamond Sutra." "Endless?" Eyes stare big, "endless? How much does it cost? " Sun Delong pouted and said, "Don't finish, how much do you care?" The musician said, "OK, then you can tear up the imperial order." Why does Sun Delong think: "I can't reach it." The man glanced at it and said, "What's this under your arm?" Sun Delong said, "Take a pig hook." The man said, "Take this hook!" "ah! Right! " Sun Delong held out a pole, and 1 of "wow"! Hook the empire list.

I saw the list of soldiers at a glance. Someone tore up the imperial list, wiped his shoulders, extended his arm to Sun Tie Delong, and pushed him to see the list of officials. The official on the list is Jie Jin, a student with a bachelor's degree. When Sun Delong came here, he stood up without kneeling, curled his mouth at the adults, raised his chin and said, "I said, what's your last name?" Master Xie listened to his heart: What? What if you want to teach me a lesson? Said, "My last name is Xie." Zhang Delong said, "Master Xie, are you reasonable?" Master Xie was stunned and asked, "Why is it unreasonable?" Sun Delong shouted, "What are you talking about? Find an old-fashioned way to fight, are you tied? " Hearing this, Master Xie shouted, "Ouch! You are a judge who opposes the law, hmm ... "He quickly pointed to the soldiers and complained," How did you guys tie up the judge? " Master Xie didn't know what he was capable of, so he was afraid. He came to untie him himself. He said politely, "Please sit down." This is the only seat in the room. It should be handsome. Sun Delong also don't understand. He just sat down. Sitting down doesn't count. What he said is still irritating. He looked at Lord Xie and said, "Hey! Then where do you sit? " Master Xie said, don't worry about where I sit. He said politely, "Then I'll stand. Can you play charades and read the Diamond Sutra? " Sun Delong said, "Of course, why are we here?" Master Xie said, "OK, follow me into the palace." Sun Delong paused: "Go in, which palace?" Master Xie said, "See you in the palace." Sun Delong winked and said, "Look at which driver?" Master Xie said to himself, I don't understand at all. Then he said, "Go to the palace to see the emperor!" " Sun Delong laughed, patted his thigh and said, "Aha, meet the emperor, yes! I have to see the emperor, alas, we have never met. " "ah? ! "Thank adult's mouth is wide open, he said, what? With the emperor's brothers! Strange way: "Where have you seen it?" Sun Delong waved his hand and said, "I haven't seen it, but I've heard of it." Xie adult heart way: nonsense! Who hasn't heard of it? He added, "Well, you come with me to the palace. Are you riding a horse or riding a sedan chair? " Sun Delong said, "No riding, no sedan chair." Master Xie said, Judge, you can use magic. Busy asked: "Then how do you go?" Sun Delong said, "Riding a donkey." "Riding a donkey? ! "Master Xie said," Where can I find you? " Sun Delong rolled his eyes and said, "I won't go without a donkey." Master Xie listened, and his tone immediately eased. "Ok, I'll find it for you." No way, he called the soldier who looked at the list to Zhang Yimen and spent 200 yuan to hire a little donkey for him.

Master Xie is riding a horse and Sun Delong is riding a donkey. He is still whispering all the way: "Alas, I haven't seen my brothers for a long time ..." Master Xie smelled the alcohol on him and said, "I can't take him to see the driver yet." He met the emperor and said, "Long time no see for my brothers." So he took him to the palace, put him in the east room, let him sit in a chair and rest, and let the adults see the coachman themselves. When the emperor heard this, he really had such a capable person, so he came to fight the old road that day. He was very happy and ordered to be summoned immediately. Xie said, "Long live my Lord." . "The judge is from other provinces. He has just arrived in Beijing, but he didn't hold a ceremony in the Ritual Department. I'm afraid he will lose his manners. In my opinion, it's not too late to find an old-fashioned way to call first and come to see you after the call. If he wins the old road, if he loses his manners when he sees driving, adults will have an excuse. If you can't win the old road, you won't see the driver. If it's time to kill, kill him. " Hearing this, the emperor said, "OK, then find an old road." At that time, someone was sent to Jintai Inn to pick up the old man. The old man said, "If you want to fight the law, fight it now. Two towers stand in front of the Hall of Supreme Harmony, three feet high and three feet high. Prepare a table, a plush chair, an incense burner, five offerings, wax strings, yellow fringed paper, cinnabar pens, whole grains and a bowl of rootless water for the Eight Immortals. I don't know what your judge should use. Ask him. " The emperor listened and asked the master Xie, "Xie, what should our judge use?" Master Xie thought about it and prepared such a copy for him. It's not too late for him to go back now. Many hands make light work. By this time, the altar had been set up and everything was ready. The old man came to the East altar and said, "Infinite Buddha, go to the poor altar and wait for your judge." Say that finish a shake robe sleeve, a black whirlwind rises under your feet, put him on the law table, civil and military officials were dumbfounded. The old man sat on the altar and closed his eyes.

The emperor said, "Thank you, pass it on to the judge." Master Xie ran to the east room and went in to have a look, huh? Sun Delong is missing. When Lord Xie looked down at the ground, he slipped down from his chair and fell asleep on the ground, sleeping soundly. Right there, snoring. Master Xie quickly said, "Don't sleep, don't sleep, judge, wake up!" " "Sun Delong absently said," don't make trouble, don't make trouble with me! "Jeda was very popular and said," Who pissed you off! "Wake up Sun Delong. Sun Delong rubbed his eyes and looked out. He has never seen the inner court of the palace, yellow glazed tiles and green glazed tiles, resplendent and magnificent. " Where is it now? "He asked quickly. Master Xie said, "The palace courtyard." Sun Delong wondered, "Hey me, what am I doing here?" Master Xie exclaimed, "Ah! Don't you forget, aren't you looking for an old-fashioned way? If you win the veteran, you can give as much as you want and as much as you want. Now the veteran is here, waiting for you at the altar, and the emperor has arrived, depending on how you two fight. Come on, come on stage with me. "Sun Delong drunk, drunk tore up the national imperial list. He was drunk at that time, but he rode Xiao Lv all the way into the palace and slept on the ground for half a day. In the cold place, he was drunk and woke up. I forgot all about tearing up the imperial list just now. Now I hear from Master Xie that I'm going to hit the old man. I'm awake and scared. I want to have a fight with that old man, I said. What should I do? Me? Besides, this old road is from other places, and it is not easy to walk. If the good one doesn't come, I can't die at his hands. The more he thought about it, the more afraid he became. With a bang, he fell to his knees and cried, "Boss, help!" " Master Xie shouted, "alas! Judge, what do you say? What's the intention? Get up! Get up! What's wrong with you? " Sun Delong sad face said, "boss, I can't get up. Let me tell you the truth. " Master Xie said, "What is it? You said. " Sun Delong said, "I'm, I'm dying." Master Xie wondered, "This, what the hell is going on?" Sun Delong said honestly, "I can't play charades at all, and I can't read the Diamond Sutra at all. I tore up the imperial list because I was drunk, so I tore up the national imperial list. I can't play charades and read the Diamond Sutra. The old man came from other places, but the good man didn't come. He has magic, and I must die at his hands! Boss, you'd better be tired. Tell the emperor to stop treating me like a human being and let me fly like a kite! Hearing this, Master Xie said, "Ah! "With a loud cry, his nose was crooked and he said," Hey! You are a man, you can't drink this wine anymore. Your drinking method is called "drinking hard"! This is really a troublesome reason! " He added, "What? Just now, you were drunk, immoral and tore up the national royal list. Is this a drunken joke? It's okay for you to say that to me. What should I tell the emperor? Say that you are drunk and ask the emperor to let you fly as a kite, ok? If you say so, we will all die! " Sun Delong didn't understand: "You, how did you die?" "Hum! Master Xie snorted and said, "I'll say this crime for you and me: I accidentally interfered with oversight and led bandits into the palace, and I died;" "Your charges are: drunken immorality, tearing up the national royal list, playing with imperial envoys, and straying into the palace, damn it! If we are both dead, it doesn't matter, we deserve it, we deserve it! Unexpectedly, from then on, Ryukyu Kingdom became a country, and we Daming became a vassal country. We will pay tribute to others year after year, and we will be conquered people, you know? Because of you! We have become conquered people! " Sun Delong was shocked when he heard this. He is a bloody man. What happened? He said. I became a conquered person so soon, and this country died on me. Why? Why should I be a conquered person? He was so angry and anxious that he stamped his foot and snorted, and the wine that had just gone down hit him again. That's great. Wine helped others, knelt down and jumped more than two feet high. Master Xie was startled and said, we are going to fight! You put me down. How can you run? Seeing him like this, Sun Delong said happily, "Boss, I'm just playing with you. Think about it, I won't play charades and dare to tear up the national imperial list? " Master Xie heard this and said in a hurry, "What's the matter with you? Who can stand your jokes? " Sun Delong smiled and said, "I can't play charades. Dare I enter the palace? " Master Xie breathed a sigh of relief and said, "That's great. Don't be so joking! " Sun Delong explained, "I'm joking. I'm a little drunk, but one thing, if I don't find an old-fashioned way of fighting, I won't live. Not only I can live, but also you can't live. There is a saying: it is better to die in the front than in the back, with a bowl of scars on your head! " Even if I can't fight, I have no magic. If I want to fight that veteran, he may not be able to beat me! Otherwise it's death. After all, don't worry, let's go! Find an old road! "Hearing this, the master xie was at a loss again. He said nervously, "What do you know? Isn't it? What you said is very vague! This is not a fight, this is a fight ... "Sun Delong said impatiently," Leave it alone and go! "Wanted to think, can't. Just hit the fence, and you can count where you hit it.

So, when they arrived at the bottom of the West Tower, Master Xie pointed with his hand and said, "Come on stage." Sun Delong looked east at the altar and saw the old man with his eyes closed and said, "What do you mean? Is the old man asleep? " Master Xie said, "Don't worry. Come on stage. " Sun Delong shook his head and said happily, "He is here, so I have to go there. When we go there, we fight for territory. " Master Xie said, "Don't talk so much nonsense. Come on. " "Very good." Sun Delong replied, "How did he get it?" Master Xie reminded: "Judge, you have a lot of ideas. He has magic. " Sun Delong asked, "What spell?" Master Xie said, "As soon as I shake my robe sleeve, there is a small whirlwind at my feet. He has the ability to lift him. Be careful. " Isn't Sun Delong's nickname "know-it-all"? He doesn't know anything. He shouted at the master, "Stop it, what are you talking about? You will let others down a peg or two and ruin my spirit! " Master Xie said, "Where did I kill your spirit?" Sun Delong said, "What's the big deal about being sophisticated?