Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - You're going to die if you drink like this
You're going to die if you drink like this
You never serve a glass at home unless you have guests; your capacity for liquor is only five or six liang, but you claim to be able to drink a pound in front of others.
You have a straightforward personality. No matter if you are a fellow countryman or a relative, a classmate or a friend, as long as you come to your city, you will treat everyone with wine and even risk your life to accompany them.
You like to be lively by nature. If a phone call from dozens of kilometers away invites you to dinner, you will rush to the dinner after get off work. If you say you can't ruin the other person's good intentions, being present is the greatest respect. And when you go, there will often be adverse consequences.
Looking back at all the dangerous situations you have experienced after drinking in the past few years, you should restrain yourself and stop holding a glass. As long as you hold the cup, you will be out of control; as long as you drink five liang, you will drink eight liang, after drinking eight liang, you will drink a catty, after drinking one catty, you will drink a catty and a half, until you are as drunk as Mud, full of ugliness, unaware of human affairs.
Let’s not talk about the distant past, let’s just talk about the past few years. Three years ago, when you were transferred, your boss and several colleagues bid farewell to you. You have just returned from a business trip, you are tired and exhausted, but because of the kindness of your leaders and colleagues, you are in high spirits. You do not refuse their toasts, and then you return the toasts one by one. As a result, you don’t even know how you got home. It is said that at 10 o'clock that night, your colleagues drove you to the gate of the community, but you refused to get out of the car, saying that you wanted to go back to your work, and pestered your colleagues at the gate of the community for more than 30 minutes. When you see two security guards in the community, you want to rush up and compete with them. You say that you have practiced boxing before and you will definitely beat them.
If two colleagues hadn’t desperately held you back, the consequences would have been disastrous; if a neighbor hadn’t happened to pass by the gate of the community, recognized you, and told your family about your situation in time, the family would have been in a hurry. Come here so you can get home safely.
Others will shirk and control themselves when drinking, but as long as you hold the cup, you will forget both. You don't refuse anyone who comes, and you drink all the wine offered to others in one gulp. After three rounds of drinking, you will definitely take the initiative to find someone to drink with. Not only is it not just about finding someone to drink with, you also have to fight around.
When you are at the wine table, you can't even stand the attention of others. When others say something nice to you, you will be so happy that you follow their words and drink three glasses of wine in a row. After the meal, others keep their heads clear, but you are already staggering.
In September this year, a 28-year-old beauty from Hainan served as a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding banquet in Wenchang. An online video shows a woman and a man drinking liquor. The woman picked up a glass of liquor and downed it in one gulp. The man next to her was even more "bold" and drank the bottle directly. The woman was drunk and was raped. Luggage carts roll out of the restaurant. He was sent to the hospital for rescue at 0:00 that night, but his life could not be saved. Because of alcohol poisoning, vomit blocked the respiratory tract and suffocated to death.
Is this kind of drunken vomiting rare to you? You get that a few times a year.
Two years ago, you and a colleague invited two leaders to dinner. It was originally agreed that you two would pay for the meal, but that day your colleague insisted that he would pay for it. He even said half-jokingly, "I'll pay the bill, just give the leader a few more drinks!" You, who were already strapped for cash, were even more grateful. So at the wine table, you frequently raise your glasses. Even though you are drinking red wine, you always toast with a big glass and toast with a big glass. You don’t know how I got back that afternoon. When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself lying in the dormitory of your work unit. The bed was in a mess. There was dirt on your body and face. The white sheets were colorful and the pillows were soaked in unknown liquid. And that night, your family didn't know where you were. They called everywhere and looked for you. They were worried.
There are many other cases like this, too numerous to mention. You often drink too much, vomit in the middle of the night, vomit on the bed, and make a mess on the entire bed and room.
Last August, you went on a business trip with your unit leader and colleagues. On the night you arrived at your destination, the leader sat at one table instead of two. You are not the leader, and you should not sit with the leader, but with colleagues of the same status.
But you couldn't stand the instigation of others. You sat at the leadership table because there were few leaders and there were still two seats missing. If the leader drinks, you must drink. If the leader doesn’t drink, you can’t just sit there!
Everyone drinks three drinks first. After three drinks, the leaders begin to toast each other, and you are not to be left behind, taking the opportunity to toast to the leaders. The liquor, which is over 50 degrees, is really hard to swallow. Every time you drink it, your stomach will start to churn.
The wine you just swallowed may flow back at any time, so you can only drink it in small sips, for fear that the wine will spurt out of your mouth if you drink too fast.
You toast one by one. After a circle, after being moistened by the wine, your stomach seems to have adapted to the strong liquor, your immunity seems to have been strengthened in a short period of time, and the liquor no longer smells bad. It is no longer difficult to swallow, but the more you drink it, the better it tastes, and the more you drink it, the smoother it becomes. You start a second round of toasts. After all, leaders are leaders. Some leaders are very graceful and say: "I drank too much and I can't drink anymore!" You just follow the leader's words and say, "Leader, you can do whatever you want, I'll finish it!" Then pick up the glass and drink it. Drink it all. Some leaders are particularly good at drinking and like to drink, and they take the initiative to ask you to drink. You were so flattered that you wanted to grab the leader’s cup and drink it for him.
A boss said something about you at the wine table. Your heart felt hot and your eyes filled with tears. My boss is caring about me! You are very touched. Drink wine to express gratitude to the leader.
Then, you toast to every leader who has promoted and helped you!
After five rounds of drinking, some colleagues found a place to stay, or made excuses to make phone calls or go to the toilet, using various excuses to avoid one round of "bombing" after another. And you, unaware of the danger, keep fighting. Drinking at this table is not enough, you have to go to the other two tables to toast. You say to yourself, sorry for being disrespectful, we are all colleagues, so we can’t show mercy. Yes, you are the most considerate. So you hold the wine glass and toast from table to table.
But you meet someone who is causing trouble. "Brother, you're here, great! Let's toast one by one!" You are stupid and don't know how to make excuses, so you can only clink glasses with them one by one!
After dinner, the leaders and colleagues kept a clear mind to carry out the second activity, but what about you? But with the help of others, he returned to the hotel room.
In the middle of the night, you wake up from your sleep. In a daze, you find that you are unbearably thirsty. You were looking for water to drink when suddenly an unpleasant smell hit your nostrils. You turned on the bedside lamp and saw, "Damn it!" The pillow was half wet, and the right half of the bed was filled with dirt. It is the fruit of your labor in the first half of the night.
You got up and got out of bed, only to find that the world was spinning and you almost fell. You quickly held the head of the bed with your hands, took a breath, calmed down, and then recovered. Then you pick up the pillow, pull up the sheets, roll them into a package and throw them on the floor. He went to the table to get mineral water and drank a bottle in one breath.
You looked at your watch. The hour hand pointed to two o'clock. You return to bed feeling dizzy and your body aches. You want to get up, but after sitting up, you feel weak, so you have to lie down. You closed your eyes, trying to fall asleep as soon as possible so that you could forget the pain all over your body. But no matter what, you can't sleep. You tossed and turned on the bed, truly feeling that the alcohol still in your body was torturing you, making you weak, making your hands and feet sore, and making you dizzy.
Neither sitting nor lying down, I can’t find an ideal posture to place my body. It feels like you have been thrown into an abyss of eternal destruction. Your body is falling and falling, and you are trying to climb up and up, but to no avail.
What kind of feeling is this? It is a feeling of being unable to live and dying - life is worse than death, and death is worse than life.
In this way, you struggled with your sick self for the whole second half of the night, and until dawn, you failed to fall asleep.
The next morning, your colleagues in the same room as you showed a generosity that is difficult for ordinary people to do to you. All he said was: "You drank too much last night!" "Yes, you drank too much!" You had to admit it.
Your colleague brought you porridge and pickles, which may be the best food for you after drinking. You struggled to sit up, holding the bowl in your left hand and the chopsticks in your right hand, struggling to get some porridge into your stomach.
After drinking about half a bowl, you suddenly feel a rush of air in your stomach from bottom to top at lightning speed. You quickly put down the bowl and chopsticks and ran to the bathroom. Just as you entered At that moment, a stream of liquid broke through the mouth and poured out like mercury. With a loud crash, you vomited out all the porridge you just drank.
At 8 o'clock, you have to get up. You have to participate in the team's activities this morning. After getting dressed, you walked out of the hotel door. You felt that your feet were soft and uncontrollable, so you had to stop and calm yourself down before walking out.
The morning activity is a visit. You sit in the car heading to your destination, indifferent to the elation of your other colleagues. You said nothing, your eyes closed, and you just hoped that the car would take as much time as possible on the road so that you could rest longer.
When you arrived at your destination, your colleagues got off the bus, and you followed suit. Follow the team forward, go, go, go, you are walking like a zombie, and the beautiful scenery along the way has nothing to do with you. You're behind the line!
You spend the whole morning in a daze, and you have no idea what others are doing. You're looking forward to the tour ending early so you can get back to the car and rest.
How uncomfortable is this? I guess only you know.
Falling, bruises, sprains, and scratches often happen to you after being drunk. In April this year, you were having dinner with a group of friends. First they had a big fight in a hotel, and then they went to a food stall for supper. In the hotel, they drank liquor, while in the food stall they drank beer. You can basically control yourself in the first game, but in the second game, you can no longer distinguish between east, west and north. It's disgusting to preach to your friend's subordinates in front of your friends.
You didn’t take a taxi home until 0 o’clock.
After you woke up the next morning, you found that your face was burning. You quickly got out of bed and took a look in the mirror. You saw a big blood mark on your left cheek. If you looked closely, you could see that the blood mark was all over your face. Gone, bloody and bloody. Look at the new leather shoes I wore last night. The leather on the front half of the leather shoes is torn. One can imagine how serious the fall last night was.
"My appearance is disfigured!" Your heart froze, and you quickly used aloe vera to rub it. Apply the cool ointment to the affected area and you will feel the pain in the flesh. It took two weeks of continuous application before new skin grew.
During that time, when colleagues and friends saw you, they would always ask with concern: "What's wrong?" "I accidentally fell down!" You said embarrassedly. In fact, everyone knows in their hearts that this is the result of your drinking, but they just didn't say it clearly to give you face.
On the second day of drunkenness, when you replay everything that happened yesterday, you can only remember the first half, and the second half has no impression at all, it is "fragmented".
In August of this year, you were invited by a friend to have dinner with several colleagues who had sex with you!
I don’t know how much foreign wine I drank that night, and you don’t even know! When you walked out of the hotel door, you said to your colleagues: "It's okay, I can go back by myself!"
Your colleagues were also drunk, and they had no time to look after you! You walked straight over and took a taxi at the roadside.
The taxi was taken, but the driver did not take you home, but sent you to the police station! What's going on? Of course you can’t remember clearly!
Because, you are "fragmented" again, and your memory only stays in the few minutes before the fight. So how did you get to the police station? How did you come back after going to the police station?
Listen to your lover’s resentment and your parents’ stern reprimands!
The next morning, your lover restored what happened that night. It turns out that after you took the taxi, the long-handled umbrella in your hand scratched the other person's car. The taxi driver said he had to pay for it, but you didn't want to. You had a conflict with the driver, and the driver drove the car to the police station angrily. After mediation by the police at the police station, you took out one hundred yuan, and the driver took the money and left. You made a fool of yourself at the police station.
Seeing that the night is getting late, you can’t accurately tell your home address. The police had no choice but to pick up your phone, see the number 553 in the call history (this number is your mother's number), and dial it. After the call was connected, your mother's voice came from the other end, "Who is it!" "I am a police officer from the XX police station!" As soon as she said this, your mother hung up the phone, thinking she was a liar. A few minutes later, the police called again, but your mother hung up again after getting through. It wasn't until the third call that the police were able to explain the situation clearly. Your mother quickly told your lover, and your lover immediately took a taxi with your father to the police station 40 kilometers away. When they arrived at the police station, you were already fast asleep on the chair in the lobby of the police station, with the bent umbrella beside you.
The police, your father, and your lover helped you get into the taxi.
When you returned to the gate of the community, you were unconscious, and an enthusiastic security guard and your lover and father carried you into the house.
When you wake up the next day, your first sentence is: "Where is this?" After figuring out where it is, you say: "How did I get back?"
< p> For the next three days, your parents said nothing and looked gloomy.Finally, on the morning of the fourth day, you were eating breakfast with a bowl of noodles. Your parents came to you quietly and sat down. When you just put down your chopsticks, your parents covered their faces. Give me a scolding! The criticism is as fierce as a gust of wind, and you are completely unable to withstand it. < /p>
"I warned you again and again not to drink, not to drink too much, but you just turned a deaf ear to my words!"
"Tomorrow, I will Get up and go back to your hometown. I won’t live with you anymore. I’m far away from home. You can drink as much as you want! I’m out of sight and out of mind!”
“I’ve seen many people like you who drink. I could count twenty of them at once, including those who were paralyzed and those who died due to drinking." Then, the two old men spoke out one by one like they were familiar with each other.
Seeing this situation, my lover also came up to help. "Do you still want that job? It's okay if you don't want it. It would be more honorable for you to resign yourself. Your employer will fire you and you will be disgraced. If you drink like this, you will lose your job sooner or later!"
Three people The bombing continued for more than two hours. You bow your head and say nothing! Looking back on what I did, I feel lingering fear and regret! You are reflecting: "What will happen to me if the driver sees me drinking too much and abandons me in the wilderness? If the conflict escalates and I hit the driver, what will happen to me?..." p>
If, if,... countless hypotheses are floating in your mind.
At this time, the scene of the Hainan woman being rescued in the hospital once again appears in front of your eyes. You close your eyes in horror and say to yourself viciously: "If I keep drinking like this, I will never be close to death." Far away! "
"But what will happen to my elderly parents if I die? The mortgage has not been paid off and I still owe a lot of money to the bank. What will happen to my spouse with a low income if I die? We are still young, what will happen to them if I die?”
Thinking of this, you felt terror spreading throughout your body!
You can’t drink anymore. If you continue to drink, something will happen sooner or later!
What a wonderful thing it is to be alive! Look at the happy smiling faces of the family, the pleasant sunshine outside the balcony, and the green trees in the community. How wonderful it all is! And it's all yours.
You still have a healthy body! You can still enjoy life to the fullest! You can also make full use of your strengths in your workplace and realize the value of your life.
Don't touch it again, it almost took away everything precious from you and your only one life.
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