Communication Tips: Six Tips to Reduce the Other Party’s Defensive Psychology (1)

Dear, do you know what defensive psychology is?

? When we put up a defensive mentality when communicating with our friends, think about it, will the information attacks we deal with harm our bodies? If it won't harm our physical body, why should we protect ourselves?

We hope to appear professional and serious in front of the boss, but we also hope to appear as a humorous person in the eyes of girls.

Defense is a process by which we protect our displayed self-image and save face.

Do we become defensive when others accept and acknowledge the external image we intentionally project? Of course not, because there is no need to defend. On the contrary, if the information expressed by others hurts our face and questions and denies the external image we are trying to project, we will subconsciously resist this information and use our imagination to mentally prepare what will happen next. Fictional stories that create defensiveness.

Here are a few examples:

Your boss criticized you for making a stupid mistake.

My buddy said you are a self-centered person.

When a girl calls you lazy.

.............

?How will you feel after hearing these words? Whether criticism or evaluation is accurate or not, you will react defensively. Even if you do make mistakes, are selfish, or always treat girls in a passive way, the right criticism will make you put up the spikes on your body to defend yourself like a hedgehog. In fact, the more accurate the criticism, the more defensive we feel.

It is our instinct to protect the external image we project. Even if the external image we display may not be true, it will still lead us to take some drastic measures, such as sarcasm and insults, to refute the other party.

?When face is hurt, it is not only our own fault, but those who threaten our face should also bear responsibility. You should know that in addition to taking care of your own face, a good communicator will also take care of other people. Especially when making constructive criticism, preserving the other person's face can minimize the other person's defensive reaction. My boss often says before attacking me: Dear, you are going in the right direction...your work has great potential...as a buffer before correcting the error. Oh my gosh, I find myself prone to falling for this routine too.

Okay, let’s talk less about routines and more practical information. Keep your eyes open, I’m going to use more tricks.

How can we effectively control defensive psychology?

1. Descriptive communication. We can focus communication on the other person’s thoughts and feelings and avoid making value judgments and evaluations.

When we evaluate each other casually, we like to use the second person "you", which can easily cause the other party to feel a lack of respect.

Just imagine how you feel when others speak to us like this:

1. You don’t know what you are talking about? (Second person evaluation)

2. Your bedroom is so messy!

3. The jokes you tell are disgusting!

......

Are you feeling very uncomfortable and are you defensive?

When we try to focus on the other person’s thoughts and feelings, we can say:

Now imagine how we feel when someone describes us like this:

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1. I don’t understand how you can have such an idea. (First person description)

2. If you don't clean the bedroom, I either have to do it myself or have to live with the mess, which makes me a little angry.

3. I am really embarrassed when I hear your dirty jokes.

......

How about it? Does the first-person description give us the feeling that the intensity of self-defense is much weaker than the second-person evaluation? Although focusing on the other person's thoughts and feelings is not the only element of effective communication, some people may react defensively no matter what you say or do.

If we want to maximize the probability of creating a pleasant communication atmosphere, then using first-person descriptive communication (describing the impact of the other party’s behavior on us) is better than directly using second-person evaluation (directly judging the other party) attack on us), is more appropriate.

To be continued... ...

The above views come from the author of "The Art of Communication" (American) Ronald B. Adler Russell.f .Proctor

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