Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The man who tied the body by Taoyuan River
The man who tied the body by Taoyuan River
Ma Wu is only forty years old and has one eye. His thin body was covered with fan-shaped scars, which made people shudder.
Ma Wu made a living by tying bodies on the beach by the Taoyuan River, and went to the river to seal the bodies every spring. "You don't need to sign up, just take part in the competition directly. Are you from out of town? I advise you not to attend. When there was a chef here, whenever a floating corpse was found, Ma Wu paddled a raft to stop it. Then tie a red ribbon around the floating corpse's neck, and then tie a ribbon with one end of hemp rope to tie the floating corpse to dozens of wooden stakes in the river.
Did those floating bodies throw themselves into the river? Yes, there are also unfortunate drowning. Their family will buy a shroud and find it all the way upstream. If the body is found here in Ma Wu, the owner of the body will pay some money. Then, Ma Wu untied the red ribbon and helped the family of the deceased to bury the body.
That night, Ma Wu squatted by the river, thinking of several headless female bodies that he salvaged from the river two months ago and buried under Liudian. Ma Wu know, behind those headless floating corpse, must have the same grievances as him.
Ma Wu used to be the small shopkeeper of Fengrentang pharmacy in Mexico City. Twelve years ago, bandits "When Liu Zhenyun came near the Chenghuang Temple according to Wencai Zhao's instructions, a peach garden came into view. At this time, it is early summer, and the peach tree has just spread its green leaves, and the ground is covered with a thick layer of withered petals. Just now, Liu Zhenyun found a petal in the soil left by the sole when the black-faced ghost climbed over the wall, so he speculated that the black-faced ghost must have been here, and maybe it was still his lair. Liu Zhenyun pushed open the creaking temple door and found that there was no one in the temple, with messy footprints on the ground and burning charcoal in the middle. Liu Zhenyun frowned. Judging from the footprints on the ground, it is obvious that more than one person was here last night. "Hatch" created the "Fengrentang" tragedy in Mexico City. 12 members of his family were all killed by bandits' swords and guns. Then, bandits set fire to the scene. Only he survived and escaped from the fire, but he was burned beyond recognition and lost his sight in one eye.
"Pigeon Scar" is cruel. Whoever is robbed by his "son" (gangster) will never leave anyone alive. When the murder happened, "Hattori" didn't like to use a pistol, but cut off the victim's head with a "skull knife" behind him. Ma Wu knows that he can't beat those vicious bandits by himself. So, he tried to calculate the position of "pigeon scar" by the time when the headless body drifted. Then the whereabouts of "pigeon scar" were reported to the government. But "pigeon scar" is very cunning. Every success will disappear for a long time, and there is nothing the government can do. ...
On the beach in the distance, a woman and a child tripped. Ma Wu went over to meet him. The woman was startled by Ma Wu's loss of face, and the five or six-year-old boy simply cried with a "wow".
Ma Wu asked coldly, "What are you doing here?"
The woman whispered, "Looking for the body."
two
Lotus leaf's husband, Li Gangzi, used to be a chef at the "Baosheng" restaurant in Mexico City. Later, he was whipped and fired for stealing the property of the shopkeeper's house. A few days later, Li Bangzi left a note for Lotus Leaf: "I'm sorry, you two, I have to die if I throw myself into the river ..."
Hemp pointed to the distant stake and said, "Come with me to identify it."
Lotus leaf stuck behind Ma Wu in horror. Suddenly, she stared at one of the floating bodies, stunned. It should be her husband's body, especially the mole on her chest, which makes her more sure. She suddenly fainted.
Over the past decade or so, there have been hundreds of floating corpses bound by Ma Wu, and most of them have prepared coffins and shrouds before coming to find the bodies. After receiving the reward, he only needs to wrap the body in silk, then carry it ashore to dry the water, and then put on the shroud. But the lotus leaf mother and son have nothing.
Back to the stone house, Ma Wu cooked a pot of noodles and a bowl of eel soup. Because eels like to eat rotten things in the water, Ma Wu can always catch some fat eels near the stake where the body is tied.
After repeated persuasion by Ma Wu, Lotus Leaf ate half a bowl of noodles. But her son Dan Yu eats very well. After eating, Dan Yu snuggled up in the arms of the lotus leaf and fell asleep.
Ma Wu asked, "What are you going to do with your husband? Take your grandfather with you then, and we can start a new life, ok? Now my mother forces me to find someone every day, but I only like you! " "This, this" Lotus's silent eyes suddenly appeared worried, and Xicai saw Lotus's mind. Xicai said, "Lotus, I'll give you time to think about it" and "En" Lotus whispered. Ai ancient poetry. In this way, a few days later, Cai Xi didn't see the lotus on the mountain, and Cai Xi was worried, but he always comforted himself that the lotus would come back, and it would! "
Lotus leaf shook his head mercilessly. After a short silence, Ma Wu found a reed mat and went out with paper money, incense and a bundle of silk. Lotus leaf quickly got off the kang because she wanted to sleep outside.
Ma Wu said, "This desert is full of snakes at night. Aren't you afraid? " Lotus leaf froze there, Ma Wu smiled to himself and went out.
three
Ma Wu paid twenty dollars out of his own pocket, bought a coffin shroud in Dingtou Town, hired a carriage, and buried Zhao Chungui in a stable in the northeast of Jinxian County. After Zhao Chungui was buried, Zhang stayed at the concierge of the cemetery for one night. Zhang Xueliang wants to know what he is doing in it. He can't see his own figure, nor can he hear his own voice. The doors and windows are tightly closed. The captain of the guard, Qi Lao, stood in front of the door like a keeper. The next morning, Zhang walked out of the concierge. His eyes were bloodshot and his legs seemed to be lame. He walked up to Zhang Xueliang, rubbed his leg and said, "Remember, son, after I die, you have to bury me here." Hearing this, Zhang Xueliang felt pain and burst into tears. While setting a trap, the smug little man accidentally fell into a dry well and died miserably. The villagers haven't seen the villain for several days. The first person to chat after dinner is Zhong Wu. That day, Zhong Wu, wrapped in cloth, found Pi Shuang and said that he wanted to be friends and beg for food. Frost saw that the cloth was covered with blood, and some of them didn't want to put it in. Zhong Wu pleaded, "I went out to hide and was cut by bandits. Please save my life. " Sometimes everyone says that the government probably locked up the villain forever, and some people say that the villain must have found his conscience and left his hometown. Anyway, the villain didn't appear in front of them, so the villagers bought firecrackers to celebrate. Shouted: your mother's rabbah, you finally said something human! I personally sent Lotus Leaf's husband, Li Gangzi, to the grave.
Lotus leaf sat down in front of Ma Wu and said, "benefactor, I will do my best to repay your kindness ..."
The night after Li Gangzi was buried, the black image of a civet cat turned over the earth wall of Lotus Leaf's house, and then knocked on the window with his finger: "Open the door quickly, Lotus Leaf, I am a thick stick ... I didn't commit suicide, I was joking with you that day."
Cut a hole in the lotus leaf on enough paper and look at it by moonlight. That is indeed her husband. This just ran barefoot to open the door, and then desperately hugged her husband.
Lighting the oil lamp, Li Bangzi untied the blue cloth package and opened it. Lotus leaf suddenly froze, only to see all pearl necklaces, gold jewelry, and a silver ocean.
Lotus leaf asked in surprise, "Where did you get these things?" Li Gangzi said impatiently, "Don't worry about leisure at home. Anyway, with these things, you can drink spicy food with my barbell all day. "
Lotus leaf complained that he said, "these things are not mentioned for the time being, but you shouldn't lie to me-now, everyone in the village knows that I am a widow."
At this point, Li Bangzi smiled cunningly: "No matter who I am, don't say that I am still alive. Li Bangzi is dead. You are a capable woman. You really found me a body double ... "
With that, he took off his silk robe and put his arm around the lotus leaf. Lotus leaf touched his waist with a hard thing, which was a pistol. Lotus leaf heart thumped. ...
four
One day half a month later, a group of armed police surrounded Li Gangzi's home. They came to arrest Li Houzi on the orders of the county magistrate Yang Yusen, but the result was empty-handed.
Lotus leaf had long expected that her husband's gold jewelry was not obtained through proper channels, so she took the initiative to turn over the ceiling and handed it over to the government.
It turned out that the bandits in Jilong Mountain successively looted the shops in Mexico City, and even the "Baosheng" restaurant was not spared. Mocheng county magistrate Yang Yusen used the county's police force to encircle the bandits on Jilong Mountain. Most of the bandits were wiped out, but the bandit leader "Pigeon Scar" and several confidants escaped from a secret passage.
That night, Li Gangzi ventured home. Lotus leaf gnashed her teeth and asked, "Li Gangzi, why did you join the bandits?" ! "
Li Gangzi knew that he couldn't hide it, so he could only make it up and say, "I joined the bandits just to let you and your son have a good life." Then he urged Lotus Leaf to take out the previously hidden package. Lotus leaf cold track: "paid by the government."
Li Gangzi almost jumped up with anger. He began to regret hiding Dongbao at home. After thinking for a while, he said to the lotus leaf, "tonight you take me to see the man who tied the body."
Seeing the hesitation of the lotus leaf, Li Gangzi pleaded: "Turtledove Scar and others are staying outside the village. If I don't try to make up for it, the pigeon scar will definitely ruin our family. "
Lotus leaf looked at the clay doll sleeping on the kang, took some cold pancakes from the kitchen and put them on the doll's head. Li Gangzi looked at his son and was moved. Finally, he stamped his foot and went out. At the head of the village, Li Gangzi learned several bobcats. "Turtledove Scar" and two other bandits emerged from the ground and joined Li Gangzi. As soon as "Turtledove Scar" heard that the property had been paid by the government, he took a hard look at Li Gangzi.
Li Gangzi got a cold war and quickly leaned into the ear of "Turtledove Scar" and said, "At the head of this Taoyuan River, there lived a corpse-tying man. The government usually doesn't pay attention to that kind of place, so let's hide there for a while. The person who tied the corpse secretly made a lot of money, but the person who tied the corpse had no family, and the savings must be indispensable ... "
five
When Ma Wu saw the long scar on his forehead, a strange look flashed on his face.
Lotus leaf hung his head and said, "Master Ma, I came with my husband to thank you this time."
At this point, Li Gangzi told Ma Wu about the misunderstanding between husband and wife. Ma Wu's clear voice smiled: "I was stabbed wrong for the first time!"
They hurried to the left of the platform with a few jade pillars, and it was not surprising that they saw a puddle with wooden sticks next to it. He was thinking about the villagers' demand for water, and he didn't even look at the leaf. The mallet was dug out and the puddle dried up immediately. Yuzhu carefully put the stick in his pocket and began to think about how to return to Wang Long Village as soon as possible. At this time, I saw the elephant just waking up, coming out of the hole and climbing straight to the cliff. Yuzhu caught the tip of the big bug's tail. Yuzhu thought it might be faster to ride on a big bug, so he rode on a big bug. The blade ran faster and faster and finally flew. Yuzhu closed her eyes and only heard the wind whistling in her ear. Before long, the blade fell to the ground, and Yuzhu opened his eyes and saw that Xue Tao, the word Hongdu, was born in Daizong Dali (year) and died in Wenzong Taihe (year). She is romantic, as beautiful as a flower, as fleeting as water, and she can recite and write. At that time, the floating children in the city rushed to make friends with her and were proud of winning her favor. Zhong Ling's beautiful Bashan and Shushui waters gave birth to Xue Tao, a romantic genius who will remain immortal. She is beautiful, talented and famous. Through history, he served as the commander-in-chief of the shogunate in Xishi Town, Nanchuan, and created the immortal Xue Tao Notebook. However, in the later Wind Sword Li Wen, she suffered the shame of "chasing water with a frivolous platform". Is falling on Longquan. Yuzhu stepped down from the blade, and the blade posed and ran to Longquan Pool. Its huge body swept the newly built houses and walls in Yugui, and the air was filled with dust. In a blink of an eye, the smoke cleared, and the blade quietly drank water by Longquan pool. Lying on a heatable adobe sleeping platform in Ma Wu. "Turtledove Scar" took the package off his back and put it on his head. The stone house suddenly seemed a little cramped.
Several floating corpses on the river beach, emitting a burst of stench, floated with the wind. "Pigeon Scar" scolded: "* * * Bad luck! Looking for wine, I can get rid of bad luck! "
Ma Wu picked up a "fork net" and turned to catch eels in the river. Lotus leaf followed him out. Seeing the lotus leaf coming, Ma Wu stopped: "It's too cloudy here, don't go forward."
Lotus leaf said anxiously, "Master Ma Wu, to tell the truth, those people are bandits. At night, they may want to kill you, so you'd better run for your life. " Hemp five just gave me a weird smile on her face.
Ma Wu made a pot of delicious eel soup and moved out an altar of "sorghum red". "Hatch" and his friends are hungry. "Hatch" smiled and said, "Brothers, eat!"
After a full meal, "Turtledove Scar" burped and gave Ma Wu a fierce look, threatening: "I am a scholar, but I can't play chess, and I still find someone to play chess everywhere. Lose every time, never win. Fools have no self-knowledge, and their fighting spirit is high. Every time the scholar finishes playing a game of chess, he will smile and hold hands and say, "In desperation, Shi had to use magic to send the stone man out of the gate.". I don't want to. He used what he had learned in his life to do the ceremony for half a day, panting and sweating. The stone man did not move. He climbed over the wall and was discharged from hospital. He invited dozens of people nearby to put on ropes and go all out. I won a lot, but I still can't win zero. "I hope everyone will give me advice and let me win the game." Scar never shoots people, but uses this' skull knife'. Bullets make people die happily! I have made all the money over the years, but I heard that you have saved a lot of money over the years? ! "
Ma Wu replied with a straight face, "I saved a little."
At this time, "Turtledove Scar" drew a "box gun" from her waist and put it to her mouth. From then on, Prince Michelle Ye never dared to be presumptuous in front of his teacher Zheng Tianjing, but asked for advice modestly. Zheng Tianjing gradually fell in love with this clever and naughty student from The Prince's Progress, and the teacher got along well with the students. Prince Michelle Ye unconsciously became a learned man. The dark muzzle hit several times. The faint echo lingered in the dead room.
There was another silence, and the "Turtledove Scar" appeared at dawn. I cherish this bird egg very much, and put it under the bed at night, hoping to hatch a big bird in the morning. Some people proudly said, "I want to borrow some money from you."
Ma Wu said: "The money I earned is buried in several places outside ..."
six
There are still five or six white floating bodies tied to the row of stakes by the river, which makes people feel gloomy and terrible. Two or three steps away from the row of piles, Ma Wu stopped, then leaned over and dug with a shovel. Several bandits, such as "Pigeon Scar", looked at him from the side, and the strong rotten smell floated in the wind, which made the bandits frown and feel sick.
Excavation less than knee-deep revealed a hard iron box. Ma Wu carefully opened the lid, which was full of silver dollars he had accumulated for many years. Ma Wu grabbed two handfuls of silver dollars from the iron box and scattered them under his feet. "Turtledove Scar" put the "box gun" in his hand back into the gun box, and the same three people picked up the silver dollar at their feet. While cursing excitedly: "* * * Don't throw it out, dig out the box quickly!"
Ma Wu took out a red silk bag and slowly opened it. He said to Hatching Scar and them, "There is something more valuable than silver."
"Turtledove Scar" and several bandits hurried to the crowd, and several faces huddled together in the dark. Suddenly, the contents of five red silk bags were held up in front of them!
The red silk bag is filled with poisonous powder prepared and ground by Ma Wu himself. Several gangsters were unarmed. The smoky carpenter stood there with an axe and a scowl on his face, but Xiao Shilin insisted that he saw Zhang kill the chicken with his own eyes. The dialogue between the two sides is tense and explosive. Seeing that the situation was difficult to clean up, the drugstore owner suggested going to the city god to judge the case. Poison powder goes directly into their eyes, mouth or nostrils. Their eyes suddenly seem to have been pricked and they can't open at all. Poison powder rushes into their lungs from their mouths or nostrils, just like countless dragonflies get into their bodies, choking them with a splitting headache, but unable to cough.
Look at thin Mawu again, like a madman. He sighed at the back of the child, turned around and saw Cao, a ghost hand, and suddenly got a big shock: "You, how did you come back!" " The shovel in his hand, he chopped at the bandits tortured by poisonous powder. While chopping, he growled, "I'll give you money for the animals!" " "
Ma Wu didn't stop until bandits such as "Turtledove Scar" were dying. Then he found some hemp ropes tied to the body from the river and tied them one by one. Tie them to a stake in the river ...
After the news that "Pigeon Scar" was eradicated reached Mexico City, men, women and children applauded. Especially those shops, set off firecrackers for three days to celebrate.
The next spring, a new pharmacy put up a plaque on the streets of Mexico City. The shopkeeper is a one-eyed man with an ugly face There is also a woman next to him to help him manage the pharmacy. Many villagers who come to Fengrentang to get medicine know the female shopkeeper and say her name is Lotus Leaf. ...
Selected from Baihua 20 12.6438+02.
the Peach Garden
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