Tell some jokes, super super funny. I'll give you points if you say it well.

1. In the hospital, an electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask, "Listen, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!"

2. My son did something wrong and was scolded by his father and cried for a long time. His father ignored him. When he stopped crying, his father asked him, "You stopped crying?" The son replied, "No, I want to have a rest!" "

My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but I forgot to bring my handkerchief, so I have been sniffing hard. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! So noisy! " The whole class is quiet. Then, to be honest, he went on to say, "Who steals noodles in class and makes a noise?"

I met an awesome person in the subway in the morning. On the subway, a buddy's doorbell rang loudly, and all the passengers heard it: "Grandpa, that grandson called you again ... Grandpa, that grandson called you again ..." I saw that buddy slowly took out his mobile phone and answered it, saying, "Hey! Dad, what is it ... "

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, "I thought there was something in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole." Who knows that a fucking bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two rolls. "

6. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant's nest, and the ants climbed onto the elephant one by one. The elephant ran around and the ants fell down. At this time, an ant was wrapped around the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted, "strangle him ... strangle him ..."

7. The blind man stuttered while riding a bicycle and sat in front to watch the road. Suddenly, he saw a deep ditch between Israel and Australia and stammered in a panic, "ditch ditch ditch!" " Hearing this, the blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" " So they fell into a deep ditch to pull.

8. In the race between the tortoise and the hare, the hare ran to the front and the tortoise crawled behind. Seeing a snail crawling slowly, he said to the snail, "Come on up, I'll carry you." Then the snail climbed up. After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, "Come up, too!" " Even ants can crawl; When the ants go up, they see the snails on it and say hello to them. Do you know what the snail said? He said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

9. I drank with my friends two days ago and went to the restaurant bathroom to pee. When I saw a sentence written on the wall, I took a closer look. It said, "Stop looking and concentrate on peeing". After reading this sentence, I found that I peed my shoes.

10. A farmer drove his carriage to the market and met a hooligan at the market. The rogue said, "Hello!" The farmer replied, "Hello!" The rogue went on to say, "I said it to your horse." Then he smiled. Suddenly the farmer turned and patted his horse and said, "Bastard, don't tell me if you have relatives in the city!" "

1 1. Tortoise and snail live together. Once the tortoise was injured, he asked the snail to buy medicine for him. Two hours later, the snail didn't come back. The tortoise was in a hurry and shouted, "Shit, I'll die if I don't come back!" " At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: "You fucking said I wouldn't go!" " Ha ha laugh ... this snail is too slow.

12. Husband: "Why is the landline phone bill so high this month?" Wife: "Mrs. Wang next door once borrowed the phone." Husband: "Even once, not much!" Wife: "She has a stutter."

13. A group of students are training under the tree. The instructor said, "Count off in the first row." No one responded. The instructor said loudly, "Count off in the first row!" I saw a man in the first row, reluctantly turned around, walked to the tree and hugged it.

14. The teacher told a parent: "Your son copied the neighbor's test paper because they were all wrong." The disgruntled parent replied, "Maybe his neighbor peeked at him." Teacher: "No. I asked, "When did Napoleon die?" The neighbor answered' I don't know' and your son answered' I don't know'.

15. A psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on the pillow. The attending doctor asked, "Just sing, why turn it over?" Neuropathy said: "Fool, of course, after singing A side, you will change to B side."

16. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! "College students answered the enemy's words and were electrocuted. He said, "I'm from TV University. "

17. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over to him and said, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby!"

18. A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, "Comrade, you dropped your cigarettes!" The man was furious: "You just castrated!"

19. In an English exam, Mr. A was at a loss when he saw that Mr. B had filled it out. He threw a piece of paper for help. Soon, Mr. B threw a paper ball. Mr. a was overjoyed and opened it. I saw a piece of rubber wrapped in paper, and the letters A, B, C and D were painted on all sides. There are also a few small words on the paper: "Throw it yourself!"

20. Once upon a time, a man named A Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family shouted his name: "Shuang ... Shuang ... Shuang ..."

At this moment, a passerby saw this scene and asked, "What are you admiring?"

The cool family suddenly burst into tears: "It's so cool!"

2 1. In high school, after class was over, all the students went outside to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut before others, and the manhole cover in front of her fell off! After a while, she climbed up with the edge of the well. She was embarrassed. A group of junior high school students walked by in horror. She was in a hurry and said as she climbed, hey! It's really hard to fix. ...

22. camping in the wild, in the middle of the night, A asked B: "We can see the stars all over the sky when we open our eyes. What do you mean? " B replied, "It means tomorrow will be fine! What's wrong? " A: "Fool, our tent was stolen!" "

23. Three people go shopping. The first man said to the boss, "I want a bag of peanuts." The boss took a ladder to the second floor and a bag of peanuts, and then moved the ladder away. The second man said to the boss, "I want a bag of peanuts, too." The boss said, "I x, I stopped talking." Then he asked the third person, "Do you want a bag of peanuts, too?" "I don't want it." The third person said. The boss took a ladder to the second floor and a bag of peanuts, and then moved the ladder away. Ask the third person, "What do you want?" "I want two bags of peanuts!" The third person said. The boss fainted!

24. A man went fishing by the river. I wore a leaf first, and no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed another piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change earthworms, but no fish took the bait for a long time. In a rage, he took out 100 yuan and fell into the water, cursing: Shit, buy whatever you want!

25. A child always cries behind a pregnant woman. The pregnant woman finally got impatient and turned to ask, what's the matter with you, son? "Aunt," sobbed the child, "my balloon is gone. Did you hide it in your stomach?

26. Go by bus alone in the morning! But the car just left!

So I chased after it!

While chasing, he shouted, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! Master * * * * * * "

Fortunately, the passengers stick their heads out of the window!

Shouted loudly: Wukong, stop chasing!

27. There is a child sitting at the door playing.

A middle-aged man asked him: Is your father at home?

A: At home.

The middle-aged man rang the doorbell for a long time, but no one answered the door.

So the man asked angrily, why don't you open the door?

The child chewed his mouth and said, I don't know, this is not my home!

28. A university forbids students to fall in love. One night, the dean visited the playground and found a couple of students kissing. The dean shouted at them, Shut up!

29. Take a taxi with friends to meet netizens.

When time is running out,

A friend pointed to an ugly girl not far away and said to the driver,

"See that woman?"

"See, stop here?" The driver replied.

The friend popped out: "No, kill her! ! ! "

30. Once a girl was ill, the boy accompanied her to the ward for intravenous drip. Ten minutes and twenty minutes passed, but nothing happened. The boy wanted to break the silence and asked, "Is it cold?" "Cold!" The girl replied, "I'll cover it for you when it's cold?" The girl blushed and whispered, "Good!" Then the boy stood up and put his hand on the drip bottle.