Urgent for English jokes, humor and famous sayings (all in English)! ! It's due tomorrow afternoon! ! Thank you!

Adversity reveals genius; Wealth covered it up. (Horace, ancient Roman poet)

Suffering shows talent, but good luck hides talent. (Horace, ancient Roman poet)

Almost any situation, good or bad, will be affected by our attitude towards it. (Seneca, ancient Roman philosopher)

Almost any situation, good or bad, is influenced by our attitude towards the situation. (Seneca, ancient Roman philosopher)

Although the world is full of suffering, it can be overcome. (Helen Keller, American writer)

Although there are many sufferings in the world, they can always be overcome (Helen Keller, American writer)

Rejoice in hope and endure in suffering. (American President Kennedy)

Get joy from hope and remain tenacious in suffering. (American President Kennedy)

The use of adversity is sweet. (Shakespeare, British dramatist)

Share joys and sorrows. (Shakespeare, British dramatist)

I only know that what is moral is that you feel good afterwards, and what is immoral is that you feel bad afterwards. (Hemingway, American writer)

I only know that morality means that you feel good afterwards, and immorality means that you feel bad afterwards. (Hemingway, American writer)

Morality is an individual's group instinct. (German philosopher)

Morality is a gregarious instinct in one's mind. Nietzsche, German philosopher.

When the giver is unfriendly, even the best gift will become bad. (Shakespeare, British dramatist)

If the giver is not sincere, no matter how expensive the gift is, it will lose its value. (William Shakespeare, British dramatist)

Nothing in the world is difficult for one who sets his mind to it.

Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

The early bird catches the worm. The early bird catches the worm.

Better than nothing. Talk is better than nothing.

Pain in the past is happiness.

The pain of the past is happiness.

The hardest part is actually in the beginning

The hardest part is actually in the beginning

Where there is a will, there is a way.

You can do anything you want.

Where there is life, there is hope.

Where there is life, there is hope.

I firmly believe that I can succeed.

I firmly believe that I will succeed.

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

The shortest answer is doing.

The shortest answer is action.

Four short words sum up what makes most successful people stand out: a little more.

The secret of success is four simple words: a little more.

As heroes think, so thought Bruce. As heroes think, so thought Bruce.

A picture is worth a thousand words. I'll believe that when I see it.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Life is full of ups and downs. Life is full of ups and downs.

Water under the bridge. /What's done is done. Water under the bridge.

The grass on the other side of the fence is greener. The scenery on the other side is good; The grass next door is green.

Hunger is the best seasoning. Hunger is the best condiment.

It's never too late. It's never too late.

God helps those who help themselves.

Love me, love me, love me and love me.

He has more than he can chew.

Teach fish to swim. Selling articles in front of Confucius.

Rome was not built in a day, and Ye Wei was not built in one industry.

Well begun, half done. A good beginning is half the battle.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. No, it is too late.

Look before you leap. Look before you leap.

Birds of a feather flock together, birds of a feather flock together.

A little knowledge is dangerous. A little knowledge is the most dangerous.

Clothes make the man. Clothes make the man, and gold depends on Buddha.

Good medicine is bitter in the mouth. Good medicine is bitter in the mouth.

History will repeat itself. History will repeat itself.

Strike while the iron is hot. Strike while the iron is hot.

The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved-victor hugo.

The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved-victor hugo.

Education and good manners are worth paying attention to everywhere-Johnson.

Proper and noble behavior is often a passport-Johnson, whatever you like on the swing, you can go back at the roundabout.

Mulberry in the Lost Oriental Corner

Happiness does not fall from the sky, but is created with both hands.

No one lives without being pushed and pushed, and he has to squeeze through the world in various ways to give and accept offense-Thomas Carlyle.

No one can conflict with others in life. He has to push his way through the crowd in various ways, offending others and putting up with other people's insults. Thomas Carlyle.

Thought is the seed of action-Emerson's thought is the seed of action.

Joke:

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. One of her students told her that a bird has built its nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What bird?" My sister asked.

"I don't see any birds, madam, only a bird's nest," the child replied.

"Then, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Well, madam, it's like your hair."

Precautions:

(1) notify v.

(2) nest n. nest; nesting

3. Description

(4) Encourage

(5) reassemble v. similarity; similar

18. Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. Once, a student told her that a bird had built a nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" Sister asked her.

"Teacher, I don't see any birds, only a bird's nest." The child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Oh, teacher, just like your hair."

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" The young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue!"

Precautions:

Poisonous

Because I just bit my tongue because I just bit my tongue. Cause in the sentence is the abbreviation of cause.

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" A young snake asked its mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue."

A woman who fell down

It was rush hour, and I rushed to a train at new york Central Station. As I approached the gate, a plump middle-aged woman rushed up from behind, lost her foothold on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her momentum brought her close to my shoes. However, before I could help her, she had climbed up. She calmed down, winked at me and said, "Do you always let beautiful women fall at your feet?"

A depraved woman

During the rush hour, I hurried to new york Luxury Center Station to catch the train. Near the door, a chubby middle-aged woman rushed from behind, only to find that she slipped on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her inertia brought her close to my feet. I was going to help her, but she stood up by herself. She calmed down, raised my eyebrows and said, "Do beautiful women always fall at your feet?"

English jokes (1)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: Monkeys can have fleas, but fleas cannot have monkeys.

What's the difference between monkeys and fleas? You may directly think that they are a big one and a small one. But besides, monkeys can have fleas, but fleas can't have monkeys. Is this an interesting answer?

Q: How can you irritate a farmer best?

Step on his corn?

If you step on a farmer's corn or grain, he will definitely get angry; And if you step on the corns of farmers' feet, they will be more angry. Corn can refer to both "corn/grain" and "corn".

Q: What is the strongest creature in the world?

A: Snails. It carries the house on its back.

Because snails always carry a house on their backs, it is not surprising that snails are the strongest creatures in the world. What did you say?/Sorry?

Q: What do people do in watch factories?

They make faces all day.

When you see this sentence, don't think that people who work in a watch factory make faces all day! Because in addition to this meaning, it can be literally understood as making a clock face.

Q: How to stop sleepwalkers from walking in their sleep?

Keep him awake.

How can we stop sleepwalkers from walking in their sleep? The easiest way is not to let him sleep. Although this is not a treatment, if the sleepwalker is awake, he will not sleepwalk.

English jokes (2)

He is really a big shot.

-My uncle has 1000 people.

-He's really something. What does he do?

-The maintenance man in the cemetery.

He is really a big shot.

There are 1000 people under my uncle.

-He's really a big shot. What do you do?

Graveyard keeper.

English jokes (3)

Shortly after an old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States, she went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk carefully checked every bill to see if it was true. This made the old lady impatient.

Finally, she couldn't hold on any longer and said. "Believe me, Sir, believe in money. They are real dollars. They are directly from the United States. "

They were brought directly from America.

An old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States and went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked every banknote to see if it was fake.

This made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't help saying, "Trust me, sir, and please trust these bills, too. These are real dollars, and they are brought directly from the United States. "

English joke (4) My puppy can't read.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My little dog can't read.

My dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs Smith: But you should put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My puppy can't read. "

English jokes (5) bring me winners

Waiter, this lobster has only one paw.

-I'm sorry, sir. It must be fighting.

-Well, then bring me the winner.

Give me the winner.

Waiter,

This lobster has only one claw.

Sorry, sir, but this one must have been in a fight.

Oh, then give me the winner.

English joke (6) The party of mean men.

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Go up to 5 meters and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it with your foot. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Oh, dear," he replied, "you won't come empty-handed, will you?"

The miser's treat.

A notorious miser finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said, "You go up to the fifth floor, find the middle door, and then ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it open with your feet. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Your hand has been taken as a gift. God, you won't come empty-handed, will you? " The miser replied.