Ten jokes: Master, how do you know my name?

1, a friend, singing is terrible, but she loves singing and is very narcissistic! One day, he recorded a song by himself with a free-flying cottage phone, and then took it to the computer to eliminate the noise with noise reduction software. Finally, there is only accompaniment! His voice is gone! ! ! It's gone. No! Yes!

2. Sister: "Brother, my boyfriend knows every day that playing League of Legends never cares about me!" Brother: "Mm-hmm." Sister: "I dissolved all his runes when he was away that day, and reduced his ranking from 1800 to 1300." Brother: "Mm-hmm." Sister: "I'm still depressed because he came back and broke up with me." Her brother sighed and said, "He didn't kill you with a knife, which means he still loves you!" " "

The company newly recruited a young female supervisor, so several male colleagues decided to take advantage of the invitation to pour the female supervisor down and have dinner together in the evening. Before the food was served, the female supervisor drank two bottles in a row and then smiled at everyone. "A little thirsty! ! ! "As a result, the whole meal was unusually quiet! ! !

4. Buddies go shopping in the mall. Just after parking the car, someone shouted: "Wang Liting!" I was surprised and asked, "Master, how do you know my name?" The master said, "Who knows your name? I told you to park your car inside! "

5. I went to a restaurant with my friends, took the menu and watched the drinks. I found several kinds of beer, so I asked the waiting waiter, "Little sister, tell me which beer is better." The waiter replied, "It's all the same. If you drink too much, you will spit it out! " "

6. I was idle today, standing on the weighing scale eating fruit, trying to see how much fat I could gain after eating fruit. Results My weight didn't change from eating pitaya at the beginning to eating it at the end, but it didn't change after eating it. Hey, hey, if anyone says I will get fat after eating, I will stand on the weighing scale and eat, and see what you say about me in the future!

7. The teacher is teaching students how to pay attention to hygiene. The teacher said, "Students, if there is rubbish at home, you should throw it into the dustbin in time." Xiao Ming said, "You are wrong. My mother often says that my father is rubbish, but I have never seen my mother throw my father into the dustbin." Teacher: "get out."

8. When buying shoes in the shoe city, a couple bought shoes next to them. The woman took a fancy to a pair of beautiful shoes and negotiated the price with her boss. The man suddenly asked the boss, Boss, are these shoes durable? The boss patted his chest: Don't worry, you can wear it for more than five years! When the woman heard this, she turned pale with fear and quickly picked up her husband: You go, I don't want it! When the boss saw that the situation was wrong, he quickly changed his mouth: of course, I was bragging. In fact, these shoes can last for a year at most. The woman immediately stopped: that's more like it!

9. The boss said that Zongzi would be distributed during the Dragon Boat Festival and asked me to go shopping. Passing by the food market, I saw a shop selling zongzi. I think I'll go to the supermarket to buy it. Anyway, it's the boss's money. It doesn't matter whether it's expensive or not. Jiaozi in the supermarket really looks much better. We talked about the price, but it was less when we shipped it. A young man said, I'll get some from the warehouse. Then, through the glass window, I saw the young man rushing to the food market and running back with a basket of zongzi. ...

10, quarreled with my family. In order to scare my family, I stole a bottle of pesticide, dumped more than half of it, threw the rest on the ground with the bottle, and my cousin took a bite in his mouth ... everything was ready. As I ran into the yard, I pretended to panic and shouted, "Uncle, aunt, it's no good, cousin drank pesticides ..." At that time, the whole family panicked. They ran into the house and saw the pesticide bottle on the ground and my cousin foaming at the mouth and convulsing all over. At that time, my uncle shouted, "Open his mouth and don't let him bite his tongue." Then my grandfather put slippers in his mouth ... Grandpa held his head, my uncle rode on my cousin and held his arm, and my cousin and grandmother held their legs ... At that time, I wondered: Where did my aunt go? At this moment, I saw my aunt rushing in with a ladle, and my cousin was struggling to stare at me as if telling something … But I swear: I was really scared by what I saw … Finally, my cousin's strength was obviously greater than the other four people.