China homophonic joke

The door of the bathroom at home is made of plastic steel. One day, the door broke down and got stuck there, so my dad called the master who sold the door. My father said, "Master, my steel door (anus) is broken." The master said, "hmm ~ ~ well, shall I call you 120?"

Mr. Li: How do you say that the United States and Japan are both in Asia?

Global Connect: I said, what's wrong with being in Asia every day? Aren't I in Asia every day?

Lao Li calls Xiao Wang if he has something to do.

After the phone was connected, Lao Li heard Xiao Wang's familiar voice and asked happily, "Are you Xiao Wang?"

Xiao Wang said angrily, "You are the tortoise!" "

At an academic seminar, all the people present were quite learned professors. According to the arrangement of the meeting, professors should be invited to speak on stage one by one. The host reacted fairly quickly, and he remained silent regardless of the environment. On that day, all the professors called him Zi.

"Mencius, please come up and talk ..."

"Let's ask Confucius to come up and tell you something ..."

"Next, Zhuangzi, please welcome ..."

The meeting went on in an orderly way, and it was Professor Wen's turn. "Please welcome Wen Zi ..."

Professor Wen was very angry: "The mosquito went to the toilet."

"Oh, please invite Asako to the stage."

Professor Ma replied angrily, "Pockmarked has something to do and has gone back."

Where is the grandson? Is the grandson there? "

Professor Sun couldn't bear it: "Grandson is not here, but Grandpa is!"

I went to a friend's wedding a few days ago and had a wedding reception. ...

When I arrived at the restaurant, someone on the same floor was eating a wedding banquet. Out of curiosity,

I looked at their bulletin board ... it said that "Yin" and "Mao" were married! !

I see that both the subject and the object look unnatural. ...

One day I asked mm what was the first thing you did after you got married? Mm thought for a moment, first blushed, then a pair of eyes flashed, and said very wisely, "What else can there be if two people talk?" I said, "No, your sister is in a coma. Why don't you call an ambulance? " (Note: In the Northeast dialect, the word is often read three times. Later, I told mm in the south, and she said directly, "Take it to the hospital!" "I am sweating. )

One day I was washing clothes in the water room, and a mm came in. I said to her, "Marry me." She was too shocked to speak. I said, "What are you doing? Give me the hanger quickly. "

A young couple just got married. The wife complained to her husband, "My parents are too anxious. Your mother mentioned the birth of a child again yesterday and said that she wanted to have grandchildren early. " The husband said: mom is a little anxious about this, but dad never says much. The wife pouted and said, "Dad didn't say anything, but he held a copy of Sun Tzu's Art of War in front of me all day."

In a busy market, a fish seller shouted, "fresh fish!" " "At this moment, a bubble gum seller immediately shouted:" bubble gum! The fish seller said to the sugar seller, "hey, why did you say my fish was ruined?" "They are more noisy more fierce. Just then, a seller of bean sprouts shouted again: "bean sprouts!" " A security guard came up and asked, "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an avocado seller shouted "avocado!" After listening to this, the security guard said, "Well, take the four of you with you. "

In a certain unit, there are not many people, there are ten * * *, and everyone's surname is different, such as Zhang, Li, Wang, Liu, He, Shi, Cai, Wen and Fan. Because they all have different surnames, we usually call each other by their surnames in a friendly way.

"Zhang, give me that document."

"Li, let's go for a drink after work."

"Call Liu over and we'll discuss the meeting."

……

One day, the unit organized activities and sang and danced together. At first, everyone was a little embarrassed. After shouting for a long time, whoever sings first is pushing each other. Seeing the silence, Lao Zhang pointed to the beautiful young stone and said loudly to everyone, "Pull the stone out and let her sing!" " "

At a meeting in the village, the village head said, "Rabbit and shrimp, don't burn melons, pickles are too expensive." Comrades and villagers, don't talk. Let's have a meeting now. The host said, "Sausage and melon for pickles." (Now, please speak to the township head. The township head said, "Rabbits, shrimps and dogs ate today's meal. Everyone is chinemys reevesii." Comrades and villagers, we have enough food today. Let's all use big bowls.

The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you." One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )