Recommend some funny jokes to my brothers.

What kind of battle is it to kill one enemy and lose three thousand?

This is a fight between bananas and elephants, and elephants are crushed to death-

Students go to the toilet between classes, and when they are finished, they find that there is no paper, and they can't wait for people, and their mobile phones are in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 for help. . . It is said that there was silence for a long time, and later ... his classmate received such a short message in class: Hello, China Mobile User, your classmate is in the toilet and asked you to send him toilet paper. Please contact 10086 for details.

A buddy got up the courage to express his affection to MM on QQ, and MM replied for a moment: I'm her mother, and I'm here to steal food.

Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

The ant married the elephant, but the elephant died a few days later. The ant was very sad and cried and scolded: Dear, why did you walk in front of me? I don't have to do anything in my fucking life, so I buried you.

The cat was forced by life and sat in the cordate telosma hair salon opened by the fox. One day, the mouse came to the hair salon to ask for the night, and the cat vowed to die. The mouse was furious and said, I chased Lao Tzu to death, and now I'm sending it to the door, and I'm still a prude!

A farmer will kill the chicken tomorrow, and feed it at night, saying, eat quickly, this is your last meal! The next day, I saw the chicken lying down and left a suicide note: I have taken rat poison, so don't eat it. It's not easy to mess with me!

A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl, and the girl said to the boy, you will be responsible for me if you kiss me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old.

There is a girl in the class who is abnormal. The nickname of QQ is "Rejection", so I asked curiously, "Why is it called this name?" She turned around and said with a shy expression, "Don't you think it's more subtle to add radicals?" *^_^*"

I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar from the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week!

Me: Do you think I can make it with this Shanghai MM?

Dormitory brother: I said no!

Me: Why?

Dormitory brother: Do you know what Shanghai women and Taliban men have in common?

Me:?

Dormitory brother: That is to stay away from American men!

There is a news in the newspaper column of the school that two girls from a university in Harbin were * * when they returned to their dormitory at night. Here, they are warned not to go back too late. The follow-up report is that the school sent them to Peking University to avoid trouble. As a result, I didn't expect the patrol car to see n scantily clad girls wandering in the shadow of the campus late at night. Uncle pol.ice inexplicably asked one of them why he didn't go back so late, only to see that girl's eyes widened. She said angrily, "Do you care?" If you fail the exam, you are not allowed to walk! "

Just playing with a girl's mobile phone in her girlfriend's bedroom (actually peeking at her hot selfie inside * _ *).

Looking at it, I suddenly found a person named "slut" in her address book, so I asked MM.

Me: Hey, who is a slut?

Mm (very nervous): Nobody ~ Give me my phone back!

Me: Don't say? Then I'll call him ~ (dial out)

Mm (sweating): Give it back! !

So my cell phone rang. ...

A female classmate twisted her shoulder, so she dragged two roommates to find a professional massage place to take care of them. Never been to such a place, the three sisters bumped into a massage room with a red light in the street. Unexpectedly, another mm wearing a sexy bedroom is sitting on the sofa watching TV. She looked at the three sisters in surprise for a long time and asked awkwardly, "Are you ... are you here to apply?"

Today, when I was driving, the speed electronic eye flashed by me. I was definitely not speeding, so I turned around and passed the electronic eye at a slower speed, and it flashed again. I was puzzled, tried again, and really flashed again. I thought it was funny, so I slowly passed it again ... and then I got four tickets for not wearing my seat belt.

After class at noon, I went to the canteen with a dinosaur MM.

Maybe it's Mao Mao rain. She stopped suddenly and looked at me affectionately. "Would you like to be my prince?"

Looking at her sad face, I really can't bear to break her heart, but for the sake of future happiness, I must refuse.

So, I put on a silly and naive expression and asked her, "So-I have to call you mom in the future?"

The man was away on business and suddenly went home. He heard the man snoring at the door. The man walked away silently and sent a text message to his wife: divorce.

Three years later, his wife told him that he was a little lion rising in Ran Ran!

A buddy got up the courage to express his affection to MM on QQ, and MM replied for a moment: I'm her mother, and I'm here to steal food.