Basic joke

A turkey is chatting with a cow. The turkey said, I wish I could fly to the top of the tree, but I don't have the courage. The cow said, why don't you eat some of my cow dung? They are very nutritious. The turkey ate a little cow dung and found that cow dung really gave it enough strength to fly to the first branch. The next day, the turkey ate more cow dung and flew to the second branch. Two weeks later, the turkey proudly flew to the top of the tree, but soon, a farmer saw it and quickly shot it down from the tree.

Survival 1: Bullshit will get you to the top, but you can't stay there.

The crow stands in the tree and does nothing all day. The rabbit saw the crow and asked, can I do nothing all day like you? The crow said, of course, why not? So the rabbit began to rest in the open space under the tree. Suddenly, a fox appeared. It jumped up, grabbed the rabbit and swallowed it.

Survival 2: If you want to stand and do nothing, you must stand very, very high.

A bird flies to the south for the winter. It was so cold that the birds almost froze. So, I flew to a large clearing, and a cow passed by and pulled a pile of cow dung on the bird. The frozen bird lay in the dunghill, feeling warm and waking up gradually. It lay in a warm and comfortable place and soon began to sing. A passing wild cat heard the noise and went over to see what was going on. Following the sound, the wild cat quickly found the bird lying in the dunghill and dragged it out to eat it.

Survival 3: Not everyone who shits you is your enemy. Not everyone who pulls you out of the dunghill is your friend. When you are lying in the dunghill, you'd better keep your mouth shut.

There is a bottle at the bottom of the sea, and there is a troll trapped in the bottle. 500 years ago, a fairy put a troll in a bottle. The troll once made a wish that whoever could pick up the bottle, open the cork and rescue him would be given a golden mountain. However, 500 years later, no one picked up the bottle. The troll was very angry. He cursed and said, "If anyone saves me in the future, I will swallow this person in one gulp." There was a young fisherman who cast a net for fishing. When he closed the net, he found an old bottle in it. He opened the cork. A thick smoke spewed out, slowly spewing out a troll bigger than a mountain. "Ha ha ha ha!" The troll's laughter made the waves rough. He said, "Young man, I should thank you for saving me, but you did it too late. If you had saved me a year earlier, you would have got a golden mountain! Alas, I've been waiting for 500 years, so I'm impatient. I made a bad wish to eat the person who saved me! " The young man was taken aback, but immediately said calmly, "hey, how can I hold you in such a small bottle?" You must be lying. Please go back to the bottle and show me! "

"Ha ha ha ha, I won't be cheated! The Arabian Nights has already told this ancient story. If I get into the bottle again and you plug it again, won't the story be over? " "What? Have you seen The Arabian Nights? You are really a learned man! Have you read Socrates' philosophical works? " "Ha ha! For 500 years, I have been hiding in a bottle, reading world classics and practicing hard, not to mention western classics. I have studied in universities in the East, the Doctrine of the Mean, the Analects of Confucius and Mencius. " "Ah, China seeks the historical records, you also have a lot of research? Is Mozi's work involved? " "Stop it, there is nothing wrong with the historical subset!" "However, I don't think you have read the manuscript of A Dream of Red Mansions. It is a rare version! " "Ha, ha, ha, you underestimate me. The collector of this book is me! Let me take it out and let you open your eyes! " The troll immediately turned into a thick smoke and slowly entered the bottle. At this time, the young fisherman stopped the bottle without hesitation.

Once upon a time, two hungry people were blessed by an elder: a fishing rod and a basket of huge fresh fish. One of them asked for a basket of fish and the other asked for a fishing rod, so they parted ways. The person who got the fish built a bonfire with dry wood and cooked the fish on the spot. He wolfed down the fish and didn't taste the meat of the fresh fish. In a flash, he ate all the fish and soup. Soon, he starved to death by the empty fish basket. The other man continued to starve with a fishing rod, and walked hard to the seaside step by step, but when he saw the blue ocean not far away, his last strength was exhausted and he could only die with endless regrets.

Two hungry people also got a fishing rod and a basket of fish from their elders. It's just that they didn't part ways, but agreed to look for the sea together. They only cook one fish at a time. After a long journey, they came to the seaside. From then on, they began to make a living by fishing. A few years later, they built a house, had their own family, children and a fishing boat made by themselves, and lived a happy and healthy life.

A person who only cares about immediate interests will eventually get short-term happiness; One should aim high, but face the real life. Only by organically combining ideal with reality can we become a successful person. Sometimes, a simple truth is enough to give people meaningful life enlightenment.

6. When one of Confucius' students was cooking porridge, he found something dirty falling into the pot. He quickly scooped it up with a spoon and was about to dump it, when it suddenly occurred to him that a porridge and a meal were hard to come by. So I ate it. /It happened that Confucius walked into the kitchen and thought he was stealing vegetables, so he taught the classmate who was in charge of cooking. After the explanation, everyone suddenly realized. Confucius said with emotion, "What I saw with my own eyes is not true, let alone hearsay?"

Revelation: selling business is an organizational business, because there are many people and many personnel problems. From time to time, we will hear words that distinguish right from wrong. For example, when a company attacks another company, it often confuses right from wrong and affects confidence. Therefore, it is necessary to find out the truth of the matter, and don't believe rumors easily, so that the hard-earned cause will not be destroyed.

7. A scholar went to Beijing for the third time to catch the exam and stayed in a shop where he often lived. Two days before the exam, he had three dreams. The first dream is that he grows cabbage on the wall. The second dream is that it is raining. He is wearing a hat and an umbrella. The third dream is that he is lying naked with his beloved cousin, but his back is to his back.

These three dreams seem to have some profound meanings, so the scholar hurried to find fortune-telling dreams the next day. Hearing this, the fortune teller patted his thigh continuously and said, "You'd better go home. Think about it, isn't it futile to grow vegetables on high walls? Isn't it unnecessary to wear a hat and an umbrella? Isn't it impossible to lie naked in a bed with my cousin, but back to back? "

Hearing this, the scholar was disheartened and went back to the store to pack his bags and prepare to go home. The shopkeeper was surprised and asked, "Isn't there an exam tomorrow? How did you go back to your hometown today? " When the scholar said this, the shopkeeper was happy: "Hey, I can interpret dreams, too. I think you must stay this time. Think about it, isn't it high to grow vegetables on the wall? Doesn't wearing a hat and an umbrella mean that you are prepared this time? Lying naked in bed with your cousin doesn't mean you should turn over? "

Hearing this, the scholar made more sense, so he took the exam happily and got a flower exploration.

Positive people, like the sun, shine wherever they shine, while negative people, like the moon, are different on the fifteenth day of the first month. Ideas determine our lives. What kind of ideas, what kind of future.

One day, the city zoo found that the kangaroo had escaped from its cage, so they held a meeting to discuss and agreed that the height of the cage was too low. So they decided to raise the height of the cage from 10 meter to 20 meters. As a result, the next day they found that kangaroos were still running outside, so they decided to raise the height to 30 meters again.

I didn't expect to see all the kangaroos running outside the next day. The keeper was very nervous and decided to raise the height of the cage to 100 meters.

One day a giraffe was chatting with some kangaroos. "Do you think these people will continue to keep your cage?" Asked the giraffe.

"It's hard to say." Kangaroo said, "If they continue to forget to close the door!" " "

In fact, many people are like this. They only know that there is a problem, but they can't grasp the core and foundation of the problem.

9. In a small village, there was a very heavy rain, and the flood began to flood the whole village. A priest prayed in church and saw that the flood had flooded his knees. A lifeguard came to the church with a sampan and said to the priest, "Father, come up quickly!" " ! Otherwise the flood will drown you! "The priest said," no! I am convinced that God will come to save me. You should save others first. "

Before long, the flood had flooded the priest's chest, and the priest had to stand on the altar reluctantly. At this time, another policeman came by speedboat and said to the priest, "Father, come up quickly, or you will really drown!" " "The priest said," No, I want to keep my church. I believe that God will come to save me. ".You'd better save others first. "

After a while, the flood flooded the whole church, and the priest had to hold on to the cross at the top of the church. A helicopter came slowly, and the pilot put down the rope ladder and shouted, "Dad, get up quickly. This is the last chance. We don't want to see you drown in the flood! " ! "The priest still said firmly," No, I want to keep my church! "God will save me. You'd better save others first. God will be with me! ! "

The flood rolled in, and the stubborn priest was finally drowned ... The priest went to heaven and saw God. He was very angry and asked, "Lord, I have devoted my life to serving you with trepidation." Why don't you save me! " God said, "Why can't I save you? The first time, I sent a sampan to save you, and you didn't want it. I thought you were worried about the danger of the sampan. The second time, I sent another speedboat, but you still don't want it; The second time, I treated you as a national guest and sent a helicopter to rescue you, but you still refused to accept it. So, I thought you were anxious to come back to me, and you could stay with me. "

In fact, too many obstacles in life are caused by excessive stubbornness and ignorance. When others lend a helping hand, don't forget that only when we are willing to lend a helping hand can others lend a helping hand! ! !

10, five-year-old Hank went to work in the forest with his parents and brothers, when it suddenly began to rain, but they only brought a poncho. Dad gave the poncho to mom, mom gave it to my brother, and my brother gave it to Hank. Hank asked, "Why did my father give it to my mother, my mother gave it to my brother and my brother gave it to me?" Dad replied, "Because dad is better than mom, mom is better than brother, and brother is better than you." We all protect the weak. Hank looked around and ran to spread the poncho on a delicate flower swaying in the wind and rain.

The real strong man is not necessarily how powerful or rich he is, but how much he helps others. Responsibility allows us to accomplish things, and love allows us to do things well.

1 1. One night, it was very late. An elderly couple walked into a hotel. They want a room. The receptionist replied, "Sorry, our hotel is full and there are no rooms." Looking at the tired appearance of the old couple, the waiter said, "But let me think ..."

At this point, do you want the continuation of mathematics or the ending of literature? But in any case, mathematics and literature will break up here.

The story of mathematics goes like this: the kind waiter began to solve the room problem for the old couple: he woke up the guests who had already slept in the hotel and asked them to change places: 1 The guest in room 2 changed to room 3, and so on until each guest moved from his room to the next room. Then a miracle happened: 1 The room was empty. The waiter happily arranged the old couple in. There are not many rooms and many guests. When the two old people arrived, all the rooms were crowded with guests-but just move each guest to the next room and the first room will be empty. Why? It turned out that the two old people entered the mathematically famous Hilbert Hotel-it is considered to be a hotel with countless rooms. This story was told by the great mathematician david hilbert, who introduced the concept of infinity into mathematics. This concept is so important to this subject that it is hard to imagine how mathematics would exist without it. As long as anyone who can count knows, every integer has a successor until infinity (so in Hilbert Hotel, there will be one behind every house until infinity) ... Mathematics is a science about infinity.

Ok, let's go back to where the waiter said "Let me do something". . The story of literature goes like this. The waiter of this literature should be more humane and caring. Of course he couldn't bear to let the old couple go out late at night to find another place to live. Moreover, in such a small town, I'm afraid other hotels have long been full and closed. Won't this tired old man sleep on the street late at night? So the kind waiter led the old couple to a room and said, "Maybe not the best, but now it can only be like this." The old man saw that this was actually a neat and clean room and lived happily.

The next day, when they came to the front desk to check out, the waiter said to them, "No, because I just lent you my room for one night-have a nice trip!" " I see. The waiter stayed up all night, so he stayed at the front desk all night. The two old people were very moved. The old man said, "Son, you are the best hotel manager I have ever seen." You will be rewarded. "The waiter smiled and said nothing. He sent the old man out, turned around and went on doing his own thing, and forgot all about it. Unexpectedly, one day, the waiter received a letter and opened it. There is a one-way ticket to new york with a brief postscript inviting him to take another job. He flew to new york and reached a place according to the route indicated in the letter. When he looked up, a magnificent hotel stood in front of him. It turned out that one night a few months ago, he received a billionaire and his wife. The rich man bought a big hotel for the waiter, convinced that he would manage it well. This is the legendary story of the first manager of the world-famous Hilton Hotel.

Everything starts with the wisdom of a sympathetic and caring waiter: "Let me think …" To enter the field of mathematics, what is needed must be strict logic, reasonable inference and accurate verification; Coming to the world of literature depends on beautiful humanity, touching plots and unexpected happy endings. But have you ever found that whether it is literature or mathematics, the ending is magical-love and wisdom can produce miracles.

12. There are two brothers. Their family lives on the 80th floor. One day, when they came home from a trip, the power went out in Eureka Tower! Although they are all carrying big bags and small bags, there seems to be no other choice, so my brother said to him, let's climb the stairs! So they began to climb the stairs with two big bags of luggage on their backs. When they climbed to the 20th floor, they began to get tired. My brother said, "The bag is too heavy. How's this? Let's put it here first and take the elevator to get it when the phone comes in. " So, they put their luggage on the 20th floor, which was much easier and they continued to climb.

They climbed up talking and laughing, but it didn't take long. By the 40th floor, they were really tired. Thinking that they were only halfway up, the two began to blame each other, accusing each other of not paying attention to the notice of power failure in the building, which would end up like this. They climbed and climbed, so they climbed all the way to the 60th floor. By the 60th floor, they were too tired to quarrel. The younger brother said to his brother, "Let's stop arguing and finish climbing it." So they continued to climb the stairs silently and finally reached the 80 th floor! The two brothers came to the door excitedly and found that they had left their keys in their bags on the 20th floor. ...

Some people say that this story actually reflects our life: before the age of 20, we lived under the expectations of our families and teachers, and were burdened with a lot of pressure and burdens. We were not mature enough and lacked ability, so our pace was inevitably unstable. After the age of 20, I left everyone's pressure, unloaded my baggage, and began to pursue my dreams with all my strength, thus living happily for 20 years. But at the age of 40, I found that my youth had passed away, which inevitably produced a lot of regrets and regrets. So I began to regret this, regret that, complain about this, hate that ... so I spent 20 years complaining. At the age of 60, I found that my life was running out, so I told myself to stop complaining and cherish the rest of my life! So I walked silently through the rest of my life. At the end of my life, I remember that I seem to have unfinished business ... It turns out that all our dreams have remained in our 20-year-old youth and have not been completed yet. ...

13. Before a master performer came on stage, his disciples told him that his shoelaces were loose. The master nodded his thanks and squatted down to tie it carefully. Disciple turned his back and squatted down to untie his shoelaces. A bystander saw all this and asked inexplicably, "Master, why did you untie your shoelaces again?" The master replied, "Because I play a tired traveler, I can show his fatigue and haggard through this detail and through a long journey to loosen his shoelaces." "Then why don't you just tell your disciples?" "He can carefully find that my shoelaces are loose and enthusiastically tell me that I must protect his enthusiasm and encourage him in time. As for why I untied my shoelaces, I will have more opportunities to teach him to perform in the future. I can talk about it next time. "

People can only do one thing at a time, and only by grasping the key points can they become real talents.