What do you think is the funniest joke?

The funny jokes are as follows:

1. The probability of picking up money

Ten years ago, when we went out to eat, we basically paid in cash.

Five years ago, when I went out to eat, I basically swiped my credit card.

Now, when you go out to eat and pay, you just scan WeChat. What does this mean? This shows that the probability of picking up money when going out in the future is almost zero...

2. Injury

As soon as a hungry wolf came to a farmer's house foraging for food, he heard the woman in the house lecturing the child: If he cries again, he will Throw it out to feed the wolves!

The child cried all night, and the wolf waited until dawn and sighed with tears: Liar! Women are all liars!

3. Don’t think of the worst

Late at night, my daughter cried and called her mother: Mom! If he hasn't come back yet, he must have another woman!

The mother comforted her softly: Silly boy! No! Don't always think the worst when things happen in the future. Maybe it was a car accident? !

4. So suspenseful

Lao Li came home from get off work early and found that his wife was having an affair with the secretary. He was so frightened that he ran back to the work unit and sighed: So suspenseful, the leader almost found out that he left early!

5. Married Daughter

Lao Wang had an ugly girl who could not get married. She hoped to be kidnapped and trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnappers thought she was ugly and sent her away. When we returned to the original place, the woman refused to get out of the car. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet and said, "Let's go!" I don’t want the car anymore!

6. Bank rules are strict

I saw a scene at the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China today: there was a table in the lobby with several tributes on it. Next to me, there was a Taoist priest in yellow robes holding a wooden sword and mumbling something...

I asked the person next to me: "What's going on?"

The man replied: "People die. I don’t know the passbook password, the bank has to come in person..."

7. Visit

Cao Cao took his son Cao Chong to visit Liu Bei. Cao Cao walked to the door and shouted: "Cao Cao is here to visit with his young son (youzi)!"

Liu Bei: "Oh, come as soon as you come, why don't you bring any fruits!"

8. Pets

During class, the teacher said: “Children who have pets at home, please raise your hands.”

Xiao Ming replied: “My dad’s pets are the most powerful! Listen to what my mother said , Dad has a vixen outside, I haven’t seen it yet

I also found that when my dad called, he always said there was a tigress at home, but I couldn’t find it. I asked my grandpa, and he said it. He just sighed and said: There are more than one..."

The teacher fainted on the spot! The whole class burst into laughter.

9. I had more than fifty yuan left on a bank card, and I thought it would be a pity not to withdraw it. I happened to go to the bank today and wanted to withdraw all the money. Because there was only 50, and the ATM could only take out 100, I ran to the counter and tried to deposit another 50 to make up 100 and take it out. So I was laughed at by the girl from China Merchants Bank who handled the business for me for ten minutes!

10. There is a buddy who is very stingy and is reluctant to throw away anything at home. One day, a friend visited him at his house while he was taking a cold shower. My friend said, "Brother, what's wrong with you? It's such a cold day and it's not like there's no heating at home. How can you take a shower with cold water?" He said something that I will never forget for the rest of my life: "There are still two packs of cold medicine left at home." , it will expire if you don’t eat it.

11. My sister-in-law lives in my house when she goes to school. She often plays Three Kingdoms with her classmates at my house, which makes me addicted. My wife firmly objects, saying that I am still playing games in my 20s. Once, my wife was on a business trip and we were playing Three Kingdoms with my sister-in-law and her classmates. My wife called me and asked me what I was doing. I said in a hurry: "I'm sleeping." Wife: "I don't believe it." Me: "If you don't believe it, ask your sister, she is right next to me."

12. Psychological research shows that men every day Say 20xx words, while women say 7,000 words a day. The man has finished speaking at work and wants to go home and rest! But the woman still has 5,000 words left to say, so she must finish them! So, the tragedy happened.

13. I have something to go back to my hometown in the past two days. I told my friend, and my friend called me to care about me. It is more than 20 degrees at home. I don’t want to bring such things with me for a few days when I come back. I am so touched. After I arrived home after two days of high-speed driving, I saw people on the street wearing winter clothes. I was wearing short-sleeved shirts. Can anyone tell me where is the best place to beat my friend to death and throw him away?

14. Last night, my wife was bored and flipping through the photo album, and suddenly said with a sullen face: Husband, you have changed, is the boat of our love going to capsize? I laughed and said: How could it be! "Look". He said and handed me a photo and a mobile phone. They are the young and handsome me before marriage and the swollen and haggard me that has been ravaged by time! Damn it, will the boat capsize if you become fat? Push decisively and turn over.

15. I just went to apply the film, and there was a rocking car for children opposite. There was a little golden retriever who refused to leave and just sat there. The male master refused to leave no matter what, and then the female master couldn't stand it anymore, and that was it.