Feng Gong's Classic Quotations _ Feng Gong's Funny Classic Quotations _ I have to read them.

1 If life deceives me, then I will also deceive life.

There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it.

The opportunity passed and I regretted it.

If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go.

If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

I don't often read the law online (I don't know who I'm hurting)

Life is like a piece of junk. If you throw it into the fire and knock it, you can make a fine product!

You can unlock the door with a poke, and a bag of instant noodles can open a community.

I just want to compare with Pan Changjiang, with Peisi Chen in hairdressing, with Pavarotti, and with US President Bushby to speak Chinese! Oh, tell him to go to hell ~

7 crosstalk pays attention to four lessons: pit, sprout, turn and cheat!

Please respect yourself, sir! We only sell ourselves, not artists!

If you catch a cold and cough these two days, you will not only receive money ~

10 you chinemys reevesii. What are we fighting for?

1 1 bought a bottle of mineral water and took a sip-fake! How is it fake? It's watered!

12 There are tricks to cut, but there are no tricks to cut.

13 You know my appetite, and I don't like roast duck. After eating four, I can't eat any more, so I said, I really can't eat any more. I have to eat it when I get home later.

Thank you for your silent encouragement.

15 There are plenty of fish in the sea, so why not look around? The quantity is small and the quality is not good.

16 can be filmed for five minutes.

17 took to the streets to recruit hooligans.

18 You can see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see the tears I dropped on the keyboard!

19 even the letter has a lie hidden in the middle!

Speak louder and you won't need electricity!

2 1 I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

We need to drink the water in our stomachs and say.

I'm sorry to make you laugh.

Don't call me playboy if you can't tie my heart!

It rained twice this week, the first three days and the last four days.

At one time, it was hard to get a ticket for Deyun Society, and the audience lined up to buy tickets under the guidance of the conductor.

A woman's family asked for help. How to decide for yourself whether to send photos online.

28 wetting the bed? Otherwise, people will say that I have a wet (main) demeanor since I was a child!

If I hadn't hit you, I would have turned my face ~

He can fart and break his white shorts into chrysanthemums.

3 1 Isn't it just cutting some meat? More than 1 kg from the thigh. If you eat well, you can come back and get the meat for the old lady and look at it with trembling hands. Too fat.

I drove three miles, which was so exciting.

The most touching thing my father said: study hard, son. Dad used to play mahjong 10 yuan, but now he plays mahjong 10 yuan for you to learn.

Kill the panda and I will be a national treasure!

Sister Lin? The first is the face!

I've been an artist for over a week ~ ~ ~

Tired of walking, he sat here, and the dog sat here, one side tall, and everyone who came over wondered: Whose twin is this?

If I can't serve my country and conquer the world, whose husband am I?

Your shameless appearance bears the charm of my youth.

You put on my fur robe and sit down to be a Tibetan mastiff.

4 1 If you want to be a chopstick in your next life, you won't be lonely!

Animals (people) have discerning eyes.

The map of Tomb-Sweeping Day talks about Tomb-Sweeping Day, the widows.

Er, this student is very rare.

I, I think you are michel platini. Come on, adoptive father, sit down, adoptive father.

I not only have a car, but also do it myself.

I can resist anything but temptation.

Holding the child's hand, you will know that the child is ugly and his face is full of tears. If you don't go, I'll go.

The physical education teacher in junior high school said: whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

Confucius said: All good cabbages are arched by pigs.

Do you have any chickens here? Attendant: Shh! I am

5 1 is a cigarette, but it is lonely.

Carla is a dog. I wrote it. I am going to write another one. Yu Qian is a pig.

When I have money, I will buy the clothes of the leader.

Feng Gong's classic quotations

1, it's not that you don't laugh, you lose your powder when you laugh!

I'm sorry to make you laugh.

I can resist everything except temptation. ...

I don't even believe in punctuation.

I have not only a car, but also my own. ...

I didn't leave my grandfather here, but I have my own place. I won't leave you anywhere and go home to do housework.

7, people are not smart, but also learn from others to be bald.

8. The most attractive person is Master Kong, and thousands of people are hitting on him every day.

9. Even if it is a piece of shit, you will meet dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

10. If you want to make chopsticks, you won't be lonely!

1 1, be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

12, in a few decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium and burn them all to ashes. You are a pile, I am a pile, and no one knows anyone. They will all be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

13, "love" is a very strong word. The upper part of it is taken from Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from Metamorphosis.

14. Why do I always feel unhappy? Is it because I wasn't at home when I was chasing Happyness?

15, the so-called beauty, three points of appearance and seven points of dressing up, the so-called temperament, three points of talent and seven points of pretending, the so-called gentleness, three points of tolerance and seven points of depression.

16, Chopin of Niu B, can't play Lao Tzu's sadness!

17, how to lose weight without eating?

18, don't call me playboy if you can't tie my heart!

19. Count the stars with me. If your IQ is low, count the moon!

20. It's disgusting to miss you so much that you can't eat!

2 1, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

22. I never hold grudges. I usually report it on the spot.

I admire myself so much. Self-adhesive labels sometimes kowtow to themselves when looking in the mirror!

24. If I win10 million, I will buy 30 houses and rent them to others, and collect the rent once a day. Wow, Kaka ~ ~ It's full!

25. Don't come to me for nothing and don't come to me for everything!

26. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

27, kill the panda, I am a national treasure!

28, light a cigarette, smoking is lonely. ...

29. What touched my dad the most: "Study hard, son. Dad used to play mahjong 10 yuan, and now he plays mahjong 10 yuan to learn from you. "

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

3 1, comrades: Don't speculate in stocks, it's too risky, making tofu is the safest! Tofu is dry and hard, tofu brain is thin, tofu skin is thin, soybean milk is useless, and stinky tofu stinks! Don't lose!

32, the iron cock will leave some rust, you are simply a stainless steel cock!

33. Keep a low profile! It's the best b show!

34. Actually, I used to be quite tall, but later I often took a shower and shrunk.

35. I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

36. If you fall, get up and cry again ~ ~ ~

37.girls! Where are so many white horses? Find a donkey to make do, don't wait until one day all the donkeys are taken away, leaving a pile of mules …

Feng Gong's Classic Quotations _ Feng Gong's Classic Lines _ That's funny

1 If I were a pussy, I would have fallen in love with me.

My sister-in-law married me. She was my sister-in-law at first.

3 Listen to crosstalk 20, hush 13 thousand, and then add money with a smile!

I am the best film and television in the cross talk field, the best director in the actor field, the most skilled screenwriter and editor in the director field, and the funniest cross talk in the screenwriter field. You have to exert your comprehensive strength these days.

5 cross talk is good! Carry forward the truth, goodness and beauty, and make Huoxiang upright.

6. Fighting earns more than fighting, doesn't it?

What does Mr. 7 want? Stop asking and fry this!

The house where I live is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes it rains too hard, so the whole family takes shelter in the streets.

As soon as Gate 9 opened, two little nurses came down, a beautiful thief, 1 m 7, with big eyes, a small cherry mouth and a small waist strip one nanometer wide, just like a retired stewardess. Look!

10 Just when I was uncomfortable, I saw my girlfriend and was with her boyfriend.

1 1 I don't even believe in punctuation.

12 Why do I always feel unhappy? Is it because I wasn't at home when I was chasing Happyness?

13 I finished my bachelor's degree, master's degree and doctor's degree, and you finished your doctor's degree.

14 a harmonious society should be calm.

15, at most, you are a naked replacement for male number nine. ...

16 I am a scientist, a scientist with a way.

17 Who doesn't know that he hasn't eaten pork?

18 hooligans know martial arts, and no one can stop them. Scientists know martial arts at home, and hooligans can't stop them.

19 Every year, I look for the buddy who looks like Jango to squeeze my face.

It turns out that my itinerary is 1 1 year.

You were eliminated by the women's football team!

If you want to be famous, publish a book first, and something will happen first!

Congratulations, 2 1 friend! Ah, can I wear it? You see, it's just different Much poorer than before.

You are not very white.

After taking part in the work, you can earn 300 thousand.

I looked at the drawings and built a 40-meter chimney, which was finished. People came to have a look and beat me up. The drawings are upside down. They asked me to dig a well.

Flight 24, from Xizhimen to Zhongguancun, the fare is 5 yuan, please board. How interesting you say this is. The flight attendants will shout when they stand there. Let's go, let's go. There are big seats, there are big seats.

The relationship between husband and wife is not necessarily good, and it is not necessarily husband and wife who have a good relationship; Crosstalk masters don't necessarily speak crosstalk, and singers don't necessarily know music.

You underestimate me, Feng Gong. I am an artist in Feng Gong, and real art is priceless. You need it as soon as you drop it, as soon as you drop it, depending on how much it costs, right?

After all, dancers are looking for steel pipes.

Who is this group? What do you mean? I have no virtue.

I just often take part in performances (sit down) when I am sick. It's all fake.

Colonel, I didn't go home (sit down) last time my father was critically ill. That's not my real father.

I sent 200 yuan to a child who dropped out of school two days ago (sit down). This child is my nephew.

Colonel, your window glass was broken two days ago. That's how I pretend (sit down). That glass is mine.

There are four plates on the table. Open the first one, oh! Very good! Old vinegar peanuts!

Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts!

Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar!

The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar!

30 low-key! It's the best b show! !

3 1 How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside.

I stopped the woman walking on the road to rob her. I didn't know it was a laid-off woman until I asked. The more I talk about it, the more pathetic it becomes. Finally, I gave her five dollars.

I admire myself so much that sometimes I kowtow to myself when I look in the mirror!

Why do I often have gum in my eyes? That's my deep love for sleep.

When they went out to pick up things, they lost them.

It takes a lot of effort to say cross talk. I'm sweating here. You watch others not sweat, they are raising.

The only difference between Superman and me is that I wear underwear.

This plane is also diesel.

39 bad lyrics ... use nunchakus. Hum, hum, ha, ha ~ ~ That's it ~ You both died here ~ ~

Mr. Fan's daughter was insulted by hooligans. I stood up with a basket and said, you scared me to death. I thought I was robbing eggs.

4 1 there is no road in the world, and there are many people walking, so it is useless to have a road.

We are born after 80 .. 1880.

In fact, I used to be quite tall, but later I often took a shower and shrunk.

The young man looks like an actor, covering his face.

Look down on everything, and you will be happy. You lost your job, and someone lost their virginity. Your daughter-in-law doesn't want you and she doesn't want me.

46 has an English name, Erbaldy.

What's your name again? Don't say that. You call it a curse.

48 fell, get up and cry again ~ ~ ~

Would you like to be my next ex-girlfriend of 1?

I became a buttonwood tree, and even the phoenix came to me. I don't believe it. I can't let you come back, a bird!

5 1 people are not smart and bald like others.

Teacher, just follow the old woman!

I am used to getting on the kang at home.

Nowadays, many noble daughters with blond hair and blue eyes on the other side of the ocean are crying to get the China green card and throw themselves into the arms of unmarried men in CCTV Spring Festival Evening.

Teacher, you are the devil in my heart. The closer I am to you, the farther I am from the Buddha.

Say another one. What do you mean? Say something practical!

I hate myself, this little tree can't stay, a bird like you.

I'm not RMB, why does everyone like me?

Classic funny quotations, I have to read them.

1, a tree will blossom and bear fruit.

2. Destiny exists, it is in your hands.

Don't take what you said seriously.

4. Water flows downwards, and the lower it is, the more water can be filled.

I don't like people who don't talk.

6. How high is the wind?

7. From darkness to light.

8. It's hard to be a man, it's really hard to be a man, and it's really hard to be a good person.

9. Life is no big deal, just be happy.

10, happy, making excuses.

1 1, the most beautiful smile only lasts for a moment.

12, the whole world knows it, but you don't know it.

13, good quality is inseparable from habits.

14, I am happier than others when others are happy, and I laugh when others are angry.

15, time can prove everything, and time can dilute everything.

16, less temper, more happiness.

17, most people only think about how to spend their days, while smart people always use their own time.

18, not so many accidents, not so many carelessness.

19 Nothing is impossible and nothing is absolute.

20. Time will not stop for you, nor for others. Time is fair to all.

2 1, the body is your own treasure.

22. No one will pity you and love yourself.

23. Always ask yourself: What's wrong with me today? What have I done?

24. Remember what you should remember and forget what you shouldn't remember.

25, love is poisonous, is fascinated by rhetoric.

26. Anger hurts the body. Don't be angry.

27, don't laugh often, be careful of extreme joy and sadness.

28. Some things are out of control. The first thing to control is our emotions.

29, words can't talk nonsense, drugs can't be eaten indiscriminately.

Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

3 1, how much is waiting for you tomorrow.

32. Listening to music is a kind of enjoyment and makes people happier.

33. Good people can go bad in an instant, and bad people need n moments to get better.

34. The truth is not pleasant to hear, and the good words are not credible.

35, no pressure, no motivation, too much pressure will crush yourself.

It is said that everyone can meet someone who loves him all his life. Where is mine?

37. Since ancient times, water has flowed downwards, people have gone upwards, stood high and looked far, and stood low, so they longed for higher.

There is no shortcut to success, but there is no need to take unnecessary detours. I wish you all a pleasant journey in life.

Don't be too simple when you are alive.

40, the way to be a man, be a not simple person.

4 1, don't treat yourself like an ordinary person.

42. Don't think of yourself as a wise man.

43. It is better to be a fool.

44. Being a man is like the inside of a copper coin.

45, two people are together every day, happy.

46. Trees are tall because of their deep roots.