Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - A complete set of phrases that make me laugh.

A complete set of phrases that make me laugh.

1, don't move Your left brain is full of water and your right brain is full of flour. It is easy to move, and everything is burnt.

2. We are good friends. I'll help you up when you fall, but wait until I finish laughing.

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but the exam is coming. Others are reviewing, but they are previewing.

A driver who doesn't want to be a chef is definitely not a good actor.

What is rare in the world is the love between two people, but adultery between two people can be seen everywhere.

6, I want to bear the fate of my slap, and then, endure the pain and slap my fate.

7. These days, no puppy love, no cheating, no rebellion, no copying homework, no playing mobile phone, no one believes that you are a student.

8. Men like women's beautiful faces, and women like men's sweet words, so women learn to make up and men learn to lie.

9. Happiness is on my left, but I am not left-handed.

10, eating at home is called eating, and eating at school is purely for survival.

1 1, Houyi, your mother told you to go out and shoot the sun, hurry up!

12, winter: wear as much as you can; Summer: Wear as much as you can. I once again discovered the power of Chinese.

13, it is said that all parts of the country are mourning a guy named Hot-"It's so hot!"

14, the bell is better than the national anthem, and the bell is more collapsed than anxiety.

15, I finally know why money is so valuable and so popular. It turns out that Grandpa Mao is the endorsement.

16, brothers have money to spend together, and no money to call flowers together.

17, Happiness is when you have no money and find a crumpled one hundred dollars in your old jeans pocket.

18, eldest brother, don't spoil the word youth, you are already in beginning of autumn.

19, don't quarrel with me, you will be scolded if you don't quarrel, and you will be beaten if you don't quarrel!

20, homework, can you not appear in the holiday like a mistress?

2 1, "What's the phone number of 120?" "Are you stupid? What's the number of 120? Your pig won't call 1 14 to ask? "

I was afraid of heights when I was a child, so I am not tall now.

23. Sleep on your own and let others go to class!

25. A man is drinking in a bar with a heavy heart ... Waiter: Are you in a bad mood, sir? If you have any ideas, just say it! M: I'm gay. Attendant: So what? M: My brother is gay, too. Attendant: … Man: What's worse, so is my brother. Attendant: … Does no one in your family like women? M: Yes! My sister.

202 1 Hot Funny Talk about some sentences that are funnier than exclusive hilarity.

1. Don't ask me for emotional advice. I am single. I suggest breaking up.

When will it be my turn to have a sweet love

3. Accept new blows in high spirits every day.

You can go as far as you want.

5. After breaking up, you think I sacrificed me, and you die, and it's over.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station do we really realize that we are descendants of the dragon.

7. The best way to make someone forget you is to borrow money from him and not pay it back.

8. You look like the scene of a car accident.

9. Sometimes what we miss is not that we have loved, but that we have lost weight!

10. If I am not handsome, how can I be worthy of someone who secretly loves me?

1 1.

12. It's windy outside. what can I do for you?

13. Where did you fall? Just lie down.

14. I have a thick powder on my face and a ronin living in my heart.

15. Do you think people with sleep problems fall asleep with others in their arms?

Damn, you're laughing your ass off.

Introduction: My family has a younger brother, who is quite clever. One day lz took him to the street and saw a girl with long legs in shorts. Lz's eyes suddenly went straight and the climax came. The boy immediately ran over and hugged his sister's thigh and said, Sister, your legs are so white, don't get tanned. I'll block it for you. All right, man, do you know you took my job? outcome ...

1. I bought a new basketball with more than 800 yuan yesterday, so I asked my classmates to play basketball together. On the way, a newcomer who didn't know me came and asked to join. I agreed to let him in, and then he made a mistake and passed it far. He picked up the ball in a hurry and awkwardly. We waited and waited, then we didn't wait. This is so cheating!

2. Congratulations to the college entrance examination candidates who have finally finished the exam! Four years later, you will find that today's efforts are basically useless. It is not knowledge that changes your destiny, but your parents, your appearance, and whether your village is going to be demolished. ...

Today, I took a bus. Sister, I sit in a place where there is no sun. A girl came up to me and said, sit over there and let me sit here. Fuck you, Mahler Gobi. Are you pregnant? Holding a baby? Old people? Still disabled? Nothing! Bitch is melodramatic, where to stand hot!

4. Wash your face in the morning, and the left sleeve comes up at once, but the right sleeve doesn't come up at all. Fucking profiteers with thick sleeves and thin sleeves! Damn it! ...

People have been using WIFI to surf the internet since the office installed WIFI. I just changed my password. Colleagues came to ask me what the password was. When I said give me a dollar, he took out a dollar and said you can tell me now. I am embarrassed to say that the password is "give me a dollar". It's very kind of you to give me a dollar. Colleagues came to ask for the password one after another. After a while, the money for lunch is enough. I seem to have found the way to get rich!

6. Because of my son's puppy love, the school teacher called me to school in a hurry and said seriously, "We really love each other, please help us!" Uncle! "

7. diaosi man said to the goddess, are you thirsty? Buy you a drink? Goddess is not thirsty! Diaosi asked again: Are you hungry? Invite you to dinner, the goddess said again, I'm not hungry, I'm sleepy! Diaosi embarrassed, shyly looking at the goddess: then I invite you to sleep!

8. The high school reunion is over, and it's time to pay the bill again. To prove that I am doing well, I said to everyone, "Don't rob me. I will pay for this bowl of beef noodles myself! "

Yesterday afternoon, we had an exam. The teacher said that we must go to bed at noon, and then we all went to bed. Xueba didn't come this afternoon Nima overslept after 30 minutes of the exam. He rushed to the school and we finished it in 90 minutes. He only did it for 50 minutes, but his grades didn't affect him. ...

10, a friend natural to stay once asked her husband, "If I don't have an antivirus program, can I crush it with a compression program?" Her husband looked at her motionless for n seconds and said, "You'd better turn off the computer for a while and starve them to death!" " "

1 1. There are more than 100,000 in the pre-marriage card and I have been married for 3 years. Just now, my wife asked you how much money was left in the card, and I said more than 30. My wife said it was great. This hat is also in her thirties. Come and pay it for me.

12, what just happened is still in shock. Just leaning against a wall on the side of the road to make a phone call, a beautiful woman came by in a brand-new Buick. She was afraid of me: get out of the way, I want to back you up. Nima has such a big space that you can put your back against the wall and move away with a bang behind you. Thank you for not killing me. ...

13. One day, a new door was installed in the office, but it was very difficult. A female colleague asked the doorman if this was all right. The master said: This door is like a wife. The smoother you use it! Suddenly there was a dead silence!

14, the child dislocated his arm and took it to the village private clinic. The doctor is an old man with a gray beard. The old man put a piece of chocolate on the child's head and said: I call one, two, three, whoever grabs it will have it! One, two and three children raised their hands and grabbed them, and their arms were connected. ......

15 One of our vice presidents went to the meeting without a pen, so he took a pen from a female colleague's desk. As a result, I got angry when I wrote, and fell on the table: what a broken pen, I can't write it. The female colleague took the pen trembling and cried out in pain, you turtle, this is my eyebrow pencil! You wrote that I was bald!

16, a bowl of instant noodles is treated in two ways. Thin people eat. "No wonder you are so thin and always eat these nutritious things. Stop eating and eat skin and bones. " The fat man said, "You've been eating this junk food. No wonder you're so fat. If you don't eat it, you will die of obesity. "

17, the chairman's daughter was kidnapped. The kidnapper took a picture of her daughter and prepared to send it to the chairman for ransom. At the moment when it was about to be sent out, the chairman's daughter came out of nowhere, broke free from the rope that bound her and took the kidnapper's mobile phone. Facing the panicked kidnapper, chairman Qian Jin opened the photo album, repaired the photo and returned the phone to the kidnapper, saying, I want to send this one.

18. I went shopping with a comrade-in-arms today. There is a mobile phone hypermarket in the middle, and all mobile phones can be tried. Then he put screen locks on them one by one. When I came out, I heard the voice of the mall manager ringing all over the audience!

19, a little white rabbit came to the grocery store and asked, boss, do you have 100 carrots? Then he was caught by the grocer. After all, there are few rabbits that can talk.

20. Video chat with your boyfriend's mobile phone at night. I said to wear beautiful and sexy clothes at work today. I said I was suitable for wearing clothes with big breasts and thin waist, which looked good. When my boyfriend turned his cell phone around, I saw his mother and big sister. Their laughter is imaginary. ...

2 1, because of the hot weather, the neighbor's golden hair was shaved off. He wore a big vest with five red stars on it. "Love will win." Listen to the neighbor's aunt's criticism tonight "How many times have I said that I will go home before 9 o'clock in the evening? What time is it now? " Ah! Wear new clothes and go to other people's houses to show off your dog wife. Your wife gave birth to a baby. Did you see any puppy like you? ! Still going? How do old people grow up ... "

22. When I was a child, I was at my aunt's house. My aunt used a pressure cooker to cook chicken soup, and then there was a loud noise in the kitchen! It turned out that my cousin was greedy and opened the pressure cooker in advance. The pressure cooker exploded. My aunt anxiously asked my cousin if she was burned. My cousin walked out of the kitchen without saying a word. Many years have passed, and I still remember the picture. My cousin sat on a small stool at the door with a chicken on her head, leaving a lonely figure.

23, 20xx Shandong college entrance examination composition topic: open the window to see the problem. A picture frame under the window, through which you can see different pictures, some people see elegance and some people see vulgarity. Some people see silence, while others see noise. I was scared to death when someone saw the head teacher at the back door.

24. My distant aunt came to see me and asked me this and that: "I haven't grown so big for several years. Do you have a girlfriend? When are you going to get married? " I'm a little impatient and want to find an excuse to go out and say, "Aunt, I'll get a courier." My aunt said happily, "They are all married! When did you get married? Is the girl a courier? "

I don't mind that you let the scarecrow go, and I don't mind that you put the scarecrow on the side of the road in the dark. But, Nima, can you stop wearing wigs and skirts for scarecrows? Driving by at night almost didn't scare me! There was an accident. Who should I go to?

26. "The daughter-in-law opposite is scolding her mother-in-law again. The old man looks so pitiful! " My mother gave me a meaningful look after listening: "As long as you can find me a daughter-in-law, I am happy that she hits me every day!" " ""mom! Are you sure I'm your own? "

27. One of my college classmates posted an article today saying that "people have become much more beautiful since they changed their mobile phones." . My comments are as follows: Have you changed your smartphone? May I use the beauty camera? Then I was blacklisted, and now I can't find her among my friends. ...

28. I was offended by my girlfriend once. She had dinner at her intimate home that day and then asked me to pick her up. I just finished playing ball and I have no money with me. She said, "Nothing, I'll wait for you at the intersection when you take a taxi." Then I went, and as a result, you know, I was about to call her, but my phone was turned off, and I! Finally, I had no choice but to go home and take money to pay the fare. Women can't afford to offend!

29. The exam is over. Presumably, many fresh candidates have experienced the true face of the college entrance examination. Yes, the college entrance examination is nothing special. Just like the usual exam, I still can't answer it.

30. On the bus, a woman suddenly slapped the man next to her, called him a hooligan and touched others. The man said you could seduce your brother-in-law. Why not let me touch it now? I fucking divorced you, and then the car was quiet in an instant. After that, the car stood aside. Under our attention, the man quickly got off the bus and ran away. As a result, the woman said, I don't know him He was such a hooligan that he almost cried. ...

Editor's note: the first day of work went smoothly ... there was a big dog standing in the middle of the way home, majestic. My sister was afraid of being bitten by someone who honked her horn, so she had to ride to the edge of it slowly and said softly, make way, Nima, this product really makes way, which really gives me face. ...

I can't stand being hurt. Let's start with the phrase Daquan 202 1

1. On both sides of time, there are stories of waiting in obscurity, as well as stories of writing with a pen. Years are like songs, dreaming of this wandering time. In the background of drifting away, I can't see it anymore. Our January, with budding thoughts at this time, is full of sadness, and the comings and goings in life are silent memories of yesterday. Life is destined to be a scar full of traces.

2, we have been looking for happiness, but gradually found that happiness is getting farther and farther away from us, love is not as happy as imagined, and friends are not as sincere as imagined, so we are miserable, complaining and unhappy. After a long silence, I suddenly realized that if you simply look at everything, believe in the love of your lover and the true feelings of your friends, think positively when things are not going well, be honest with others, and don't expect anything, you won't be upset naturally. In fact, happiness is in your heart.

Once, for a short time, we thought we loved that person deeply. Later, we learned that it was not love, but a lie told by loneliness. The person you think you can't lose is not. You cry, another person makes you laugh, your heart breaks, and then you find that the person who doesn't love you is not worth your sadness at all.

True love needs to wait, but waiting too long is a kind of destruction to love. Long life, the world of mortals, flowers are similar year after year, people are different year after year. If you can't wait in this life, don't look forward to the next life. As soon as Naihe Bridge crossed, he became a stranger again. Therefore, cherish meeting, cherish love, cherish possession and cherish people around you. After all, no one can stand the change of time, and no one can wait until the afterlife to love.

At that moment, you finally found that the person you love deeply had disappeared in this world as early as the day of farewell. Love and yearning in my heart are just memories. I think, some things can be forgotten, some things can be remembered, some things can be willingly, and some things are powerless. I love you, and this is my disaster.

6. Some people are destined to be passers-by in life; Some things often make us very helpless. In fact, it is better to face it frankly than to cry; Then don't wait for the wrong person, and don't be heartbroken. Loneliness is not necessarily unhappy; Get, not necessarily for a long time; Lose, not necessarily no longer have. When you love, set him free; When you don't love, let love be free. Maybe if you look down, the damage will be less!

7. When you love someone, but you can't have him, you are faced with a choice: give up or continue. Many people, including you, said: Give up and stop wasting your youth. But, I know, I really can't let go. If I could put it down, I would have put it down long ago, and I wouldn't be in this position now. Therefore, when the night comes, I can only miss one person alone.

8. I am never afraid that my life will suddenly stop, because even if the world is stagnant with you, I will not cry. I believe that the stagnant smile is also full of happiness. I am deeply afraid that one day I will lose you, no matter the front or the end of my life, there is no breath of you. I struggled desperately to find it, and finally I was lonely, so I lost it silently, and life will never have the slightest meaning.

9, silk, winding, ups and downs. It's better not to see each other, and it's harder to leave. You should know how to beat loneliness and cherish flowers. Since autumn, my heart ached, even though I was speechless. Cross-strait, multi-meaning, cuckoo sound bitter. Tears ran out in the pavilion, and I watched the sunset. Banana meets drizzle again, duckweed meets duckweed, and it is sour and clear. More of a sigh, how many things went wrong and failed!

10, the person you once loved, you will occasionally think of it. You will occasionally suffer from insomnia, occasionally look out of the window and occasionally hear familiar songs. There will always be some people and things reappearing in my mind. But that's all. You will wake up in an instant, or heart failure, or feel sad. Because every time I think about it, I will make you understand that everything is irreversible. The so-called memory is just to miss myself once again.

1 1, some love, the more you want to pull away, the clearer it is. Some people, the more they want to care, the more perfunctory they are. I care blindly, but you ignore me so ridiculously. I poured out my heart to you and tore my heart out for you, but you watched me cry alone instead of comforting me. Be forgotten in the unknown corner, comfort yourself. I can only use my strength to erect a wall to enclose the sadness you gave me.

12, I thought I was not intoxicated with the prosperity of the world, nor was I sad for the bleak. If you are haggard, it must be vermilion tears. I am in the depths of the world of mortals, looking back more than 300 times, I still can't smell the rouge. Looking for a ray of love, like smoke curling from a kitchen stove, looking at the ferry shallowly is already confused. I didn't mean to break into anyone's rainy season, but I was deeply stained with the feelings of parting. I can't help sighing that Iraqis are so far away.

13, one day, I will never appear in your life again. I won't comfort you when you sigh, I won't accompany you when you are sad, and I won't accompany you when you are sad. Although I am a jealous and overbearing person, I can't tolerate the person I like loving others. But I still hope you have a better life than me, and I hope to see you happy every day.

14, if you love, please love deeply; If abandoned, please thoroughly; Don't be ambiguous and hurt others. The most regrettable thing in life is to give up what you shouldn't give up easily and stick to what you shouldn't stick to. I thought the bird couldn't fly over the sea because it didn't have the courage to fly over the sea. Ten years later, I discovered that it was not birds that could not fly, but the other side of the sea, and there was no waiting.

15, I can't stand the fleeting time, but I'm crossing the road. Where are you? I've been waiting all my life, and I can't change it. I bid farewell to you with a moment's gaze. May happiness always accompany you. Separation will only melt friendship, and reunion will be a little happy and sad when I miss you in that brighter tomorrow. The departure of leaves is not the call of the wind, but the abandonment of trees.

16, I don't know when I started, but I also fell in love with silence and loneliness. Maybe I always thought I was a strong person, but in fact I'm not as strong as I thought. Now I like to hide my tears from others. I want to face everything with a smile, even if that smile is hypocritical. Sometimes I suddenly wake up from my dream and feel like I'm going to cry.

17, the original stroke, now the mutilated body, is so dull and unbearable. That's all, no matter how beautiful the story is, it can't stand the fleeting time. Everything happens for a reason, and everything becomes fate. Why don't you walk away like my Buddha and find a bluestone under the bodhi tree to laugh at your heart? Destiny takes a hand, everything goes with fate. What was unforgettable is still in my heart.

18, this summer, the lake is soft, and the breeze caresses the hand of memory, floating and hiding in the whirlpool of faint fragrance, rippling with a kind of loneliness and sadness that is difficult to send away, such as the geese that are separated and gathered, unable to find a trace of peace and live with the bright. I think I am just like this, so bored and lonely. I want to remember one-sided memory, but the memory is that you and I really walked together.

19, whose tears fall from the memory, whose sadness is splashed by the past. Like the smoke of the past, I don't know who fell in love with whom; Memories are like dreams, I don't know who is waiting. Still persistent, don't ask the geometry of pain. Flowers bloom for a lifetime, flashy for half a life, and how many people repeat the flow of time. If you change your style, if I turn into rain, I will drop two tears as thin as cicadas.

20. Not everyone who passes by will know, and not everyone who knows is worrying. In this life, in that place, when we turned around, you said I appeared at the wrong time, but we couldn't forget that sincere feeling. Only one relationship can't continue, one person can't snuggle up, a voice can't ring in the ear, and one hand can't hold the temperature of the palm.

2 1, the smoke and sand are boundless, the temples are frosted, and it rains at night in the porch window for longer. The embroidered couch is bleak, lonely and melancholy, and the dream is flowing. Singing in the dream, the fog covers the silver light, and the fragrance falls. Beside the ancient road, you hold a sword and stare with tears in your eyes. Autumn is red, the dust is boundless, the sword is pale, and the thin horse is heartbroken. I still remember you once said that the red makeup will never be forgotten, and the cold rain has not stopped, but Huasan is very cold. Hate drunk eyes, lost soul, dry stream, Meng Han flower curtain.

22. If you haven't lost it, how can you cherish it? Some people feel nothing when they see what others have lost, because it is not themselves, so they can't feel that kind of mood. With love and dreams, I have been longing for it. Behind the smiling face, there are tears that others cannot know. In life, we laugh more happily than anyone else, but when all the people disperse, we are lonely than anyone else.

23. I used to think that only by staying in such a dream can I be ruthless in the years. As time goes by, from spring to summer, I can still leave a faint trace of youth. Just, I don't know, a few years later, the life with defects as the main axis, the past has come to an end like burning incense ashes, the former youth has long been sealed, and even the feelings of lighting up life are all placed on the hair.

24, the spring breeze is proud, how to make a glass of wine against me? Let bygones be bygones. If you don't laugh, don't get drunk once. Memories are boundless and poppies smell sweet. Snow enters the window, and there is no moon and no sorrow tonight. Who picked up the snowflake, who was crazy about that moment? Who will drink a pot of moonlight? Who drinks three feet of melancholy tears to melt snow, is just like the fleeting time when one loses one's youth, drinks a glass and drinks snow alone, and sighs that the Iraqis have passed away and the rest of his life is boundless.

25, residual flowers fly away, Yanqi Liu Xin. Where is Meng Xiao? Early spring is warm in March, chickens crow and peach blossoms are sticky. A drunken dream in Xiaoxiang, but a lonely pillow. How to remember no? In the past, what I left behind was sadness, only to hurt the dusk. Spring breeze, moonlight and light smoke. The water flows eastward, sending the Iraqis to the road. Affectionate only drinks wine alone, not sad. Tears fall into eyes, geese break the west wind and thin. However, Tao is a thousand kinds of acacia, and the pain of parting is all sent.

26. Years have turned into dust and mud, and people have lost weight. Fragrant fragrance pity wheatgrass alone, write a case, a curtain romantic. People are gone, their feelings are unfinished, and their hearts are hard to calm down. Thin fur cold, lonely pillow cold, tears streaming down her face. At dusk, drums and morning bells chime, and the sound is bleak. Acacia becomes sick, depression becomes sick, infatuation becomes demon, pain, pain, pain. Affectionate is always annoyed mercilessly, suddenly out of the water, wrong, wrong, wrong.

27, sad, don't tell others. Sad, quietly squat down and hold yourself, let the tears fall. Sad, look at yourself in the mirror and let the truth surface. Sad, quietly hide yourself, let emptiness cover everything. Who has never been sad, who will remember that the past is gone, why bother thinking hard but forget to vent their sadness with a smile?

28, a person listening to songs, a person sad, a person happy; One person talks to himself, while the other hums; A person sits on the railing to watch the night scene, and a person waits for the moon to set and get up in the morning. Accustomed to sitting alone, there is no sadness, no trouble, because there is no missing; Accustomed to sleeping alone, I forgot the time, the existence and the past. Get used to your own world, because your own world is only understood by yourself.

29. Although ambiguity is easy, the final injury is so heartbreaking. People's feelings are difficult to control, and the reason why they can't be consistent is because they don't want to deceive their feelings and hide their true feelings. Ambiguity is sugar, sweet to sorrow. Among many classic quotations, I especially remember these two sentences.

30. I don't believe it. Did you really forget? Where is the lighthouse in the dark? Who is she? Who is he? What is home in the misty rain? Once, sketch ink painting. Jiangnan, turn around. In my eyes, half my life is youth. Maybe people are really changeable. In the sky of freesia, several balloons fly far away. Think I don't care about your words, think I don't care about being late. When everything disappears, all that remains is memories and worries.