The misunderstanding of listening mainly includes

Listening by itself is not enough to ensure success, but it is an essential workplace skill. Sometimes, whether you know how to listen not only determines a person's impression in the eyes of others (trustworthy or arrogant), but also reflects his problem-solving quality. However, most people in life have some misunderstandings about listening.

So, what is real listening? How can a truly trustworthy person listen to others? Let's have a look!

Common sense jun has something to say

Why is it so important to make others feel that "their views are heard"?

This is not only a reasonable explanation of the problem, but also a need for respect, understanding and tolerance.

"I like your idea because X; Now can you help me better understand how we should use it to complete Y? "

Through such language, you can let others know that you are respected, and you can also encourage both sides to express their opinions freely and frankly on the pros and cons of the problem.

0 1

Three misunderstandings about listening comprehension

In the process of listening, we found that people usually make three mistakes:

Listen only with rational ears, listen passively, and put yourself above each other.

1. Listen too rationally.

In real life, listening is both a rational process and a perceptual process.

Usually we think that the so-called listening skills are just posturing. After all, in communication, what we want is results and practical solutions.

But in the final analysis, when you look into a person's eyes and know that he regards you as his own thing, you will trust him more.

2. Listening too passively

Good listening is actively responding to the content of the other party's speech, not passively listening.

A key element of communication is that you come and go, constantly sending signals to the other party, indicating that you are listening and understanding what the other party said.

We all know that the perfunctory "uh-huh" or empty eyes of people we just met show that the other party is not listening to us at all.

In a more formal conversation, we need some kind of hint and response from time to time.

But what is a response? Is it body language? Or through words?

The answer is that the form of the response depends on the content of the message.

If the information is purely rational (for example, a senior lawyer teaches an assistant the essentials of analysis), then the proper recognition can come almost entirely from words.

The assistant's "uh-huh", supplemented by a slight nod, is enough to let the lawyer know that he is listening and has understood, so he should continue to talk.

However, if the message to be conveyed contains any emotional factors (as most messages do), if the response does not contain emotional or tone changes, it will send a signal that we are not listening.

When a person says, "We have to do 300,000 transactions every day", he has feelings for this number:

To know that 300,000 times you have surpassed or fallen behind your competitors, it is not enough to surpass or fail to achieve the results of last month. He may be proud of this number, or he may just be proud of knowing it, or he may find it boring, or he may feel embarrassed (or something else).

Truly trustworthy people understand that perceptual information contained in other people's words is as important as rational information.

Put yourself above others.

We know that in the process of listening, we need to capture each other's emotional content and give positive responses, but this does not mean that all responses are appropriate.

Communication mostly follows the story-telling mode, with the cause of the matter and the tense and tortuous plot, and then the matter is finally solved. There is background, development and unexpected ending.

When we talk to people, we usually need careful wording to achieve some kind of storytelling effect. But if you interrupt the story as a listener and impose your thoughts on the other person's story, then the meaning that the other person wants to convey will be destroyed.

A good listener shows respect for others by respecting the way the speaker chooses to tell stories. It is not advisable to jump to conclusions, or to miss the cause and effect of things, or to confuse the order of things.

If we impose our own structure on the dialogue, we will not hear the true meaning of the words. We will hear another version of our own voice above the speaker.

Imagine that when you are interviewing for a job in a company, if you just ask the candidates to talk about the abilities you care about, it is equivalent to depriving them of the opportunity to tell their own stories.

If you are willing to listen to their stories, you will hear the value they pursue in life and work, not the meaning you give them.

Of course, the decision whether to hire or not is still yours, but before making a decision, it is not wrong to listen to others' comprehensive views on why they are suitable for this position.

There is a joke about imposing your own structure on the other side when asking questions. The joke goes like this:

In the trial of a murder case, the prosecution lawyer is questioning the forensic doctor. Lawyer: Did you check the pulse of the deceased before signing the death certificate? Forensic doctor: No lawyer: Did you check your heartbeat? Forensic: No lawyer: Did you check your breath? Forensic Medicine: No lawyer: So when you sign the death certificate, you can't be sure that this person is dead, right? Forensic doctor: Let's just say that this man's brain is soaked in a bottle on my desk. But I guess this man may still be alive, and he may be a prosecution lawyer somewhere.

In listening, we should let the speaker decide the structure of the conversation, and then listen according to this structure until the other party thinks that we understand what he wants to express.

02

Three forms of listening

There are three forms of listening:

Feedback listening, support listening, listening possibility

Feedback listening clearly shows the speaker that his words have been heard, and the functions, influences and emotions related to the topic in his words are well understood. ("I heard you mean ...")

Supportive listening shows empathy, which not only shows us how others feel about related problems, but also shows a clear will to solve problems for others. ("God, that must be hard!") ) )

Listening to the possibility shows insight to each other and provides others with ways or methods to solve problems to help them face difficulties. ("What method have you thought of to deal with this situation?" )

03

What qualities should a good listener have?

A good listener will pay attention to the following points:

1. Keep asking questions and clarify your understanding. 2. Pay attention to the emotional expression in the discourse. 3. Listen to each other's stories. 4. Make a good summary. 5. empathy. 6. Pay attention to the differences, not the familiar views. 7. Take each other seriously (they don't say "Never mind"). 8. Discover hidden assumptions. 9. Allow others to "vent their emotions" in front of themselves. 10. Ask, "What do you think about this?" 1 1. Let others say ("What else have you considered"). 12. Keep asking for details to help you understand. 13. Eliminate all interference when listening. 14. Focus on your story first. 15. You can tell your story in your own way. 16. Think from your point of view, at least when they are listening. 17. Ask you what they can do. 18. Ask for your ideas first, and then tell you their ideas. 19. Look at others (not stare at them) when they are talking. 20. Pay attention to whether other people's language, movements and postures are consistent (or inconsistent). 2 1. Let others feel that they are the only important person, and it doesn't matter how long it takes. 22. Encourage each other by nodding or smiling. 23. Pay attention to and control your body movements (don't move, don't shake your legs, don't play with paper clips).

Here are some things that good listeners don't do:

1. Interrupt others. 2. The reaction is too fast. Compare your own story with other people's stories ("Oh, yes, I've met this situation, too. Think back then … "). 4. Don't give up halfway ("In my opinion, that choice has no chance of success at all "). 5. Premature conclusion (without careful consideration). 6. Ask the reason with closed questions. 7. Express their opinions first, and then listen to your thoughts. 8. judge you 9. Try to solve the problem too quickly. 10. Answer the phone or interrupt the meeting with others (the reason is obvious, but this is very common).