Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - There are interesting stories about management.

There are interesting stories about management.

First, the way of employing people

Anyone who has been to the temple knows that as soon as he enters the temple gate, the first one is Amitabha, welcoming guests with a smiling face, and in the north of him, it is Darkmouth's black-faced Wei Tuo. But according to legend, a long time ago, they were not in the same temple, but in charge of different temples.

Buddha Miller is enthusiastic and happy, so many people come, but he doesn't care about anything, and his accounts are improperly managed, so he still can't make ends meet. Although Wei Tuo was a cook in charge of accounts, he was unhappy all day, which was too serious. He made fewer and fewer friends and finally died.

Buddha found this problem when he was looking for incense, so he put them in the same temple. Maitreya was in charge of public relations and greeted all the guests with smiles, so the incense was flourishing. And Wei Tuo is impartial, he will be better than others, so let him be in charge of finance and strictly control. In the division of labor and cooperation between the two people, the temple flourished.

In fact, in the eyes of the master of employing people, people without waste, like martial arts masters, can hurt people by picking flowers and flying leaves without expensive swords. The key is how to use them.

Second, parrots

A man went to buy a parrot and saw a sign in front of it: This parrot can speak two languages, 200 yuan.

In front of another parrot, it was written: This parrot can speak four languages, and the price is 400 yuan.

Which one should I buy? Both are shiny, very flexible and lovely. The man turned and couldn't make up his mind.

Suddenly I found a parrot with a tooth missing. Its coat color is dim and messy, and its price is 800 yuan.

The man quickly called the boss: Can this parrot speak eight languages? The shopkeeper said, no, this person is very strange: then why is it so old, so ugly and so incompetent that it is worth this number? The shopkeeper replied: because the other two parrots call this parrot boss.

This story tells us that a real leader is not necessarily strong in his own ability. As long as he knows how to trust, how to delegate and how to cherish, he can unite forces stronger than himself and thus enhance his value.

On the contrary, many people with very strong abilities are too perfectionist and hands-on, and no one can match them. In the end, I can only be the best researcher and sales representative, but I can't be an excellent leader.

Third, kangaroos and cages

One day, the city zoo found that the kangaroo escaped from the cage, so it held a meeting to discuss and agreed that the height of the cage was too low. So they decided to raise the height of the cage from 10 meter to 20 meters. As a result, the next day they found that kangaroos were still running outside, so they decided to raise the height to 30 meters again.

I didn't expect to see all the kangaroos running outside the next day. The keeper was very nervous and decided to raise the height of the cage to 100 meters.

One day a giraffe was chatting with some kangaroos. "Do you think these people will continue to keep your cage?" Asked the giraffe. "It's hard to say." Kangaroo said, "If they keep forgetting to close the door!" "

Management experience: from beginning to end, light and heavy, light and heavy. Closing the door is the origin, heightening the cage is the end, and it doesn't matter if you give up the origin and pursue the end. What is management? Management is to analyze the main contradiction and secondary contradiction of things first, and understand the "background", "severity" and "urgency" of things clearly, and then start from important aspects.

Fourth, Bian Que's medical skills.

King Wen of Wei asked the famous doctor Bian Que, "Your three brothers are all good at medical skills. Which is the best? "

Bian Que replied: "The eldest brother is the best, the second brother is the second, and I am the worst."

King Wen asked again, "Then why are you the most famous?"

Bian Que replied, "Eldest brother treated the disease before it started. Because most people don't know that he can eradicate the cause in advance, his fame can't spread; Brother Zhong treated the disease at the early stage. Most people think that he can only treat minor illnesses, so his reputation only extends to his own village. When my illness is serious, I will treat it. Most people have seen me undergo major operations, such as pricking needles on meridians and bleeding and applying medicine to the skin, so they all think that my medical skills are brilliant and my reputation has spread all over the country. "

Management experience: control after the event is not as good as control in the event, and control in the event is not as good as control in advance. Unfortunately, most business operators don't realize this and wait until the wrong decision has caused huge losses before seeking compensation. Often, even if the famous "airborne troops" are invited, the result will not help.

Five, sudden pay.

A guest visited someone's house and saw that the chimney on the stove was straight and there was a lot of wood next to it. The guest told the host that the chimney had to be bent and the wood had to be removed, otherwise it might catch fire later, but the host didn't give any indication.

Soon, the owner's house caught fire, and the neighbors rushed to put out the fire. Finally, the fire was put out, so the owner cooked sheep and slaughtered cattle to entertain his neighbors and rewarded them for their contribution to the fire fighting, but he didn't invite anyone who suggested that he move the wood and change the chimney.

Someone said to the host, "if you had listened to that gentleman, you wouldn't have to prepare a banquet today, and there would be no fire damage." It is very strange now that the person who gave you advice is not grateful, but the person who put out the fire is a guest! " The host suddenly realized that he quickly invited the guest who had given the suggestion to have a drink.

Management experience: Generally speaking, people who can settle or solve various thorny problems in the business process are excellent managers. In fact, this is debatable. As the saying goes, "prevention is more important than cure", preventing problems before they happen is better than treating chaos afterwards. From this perspective, the prevention of enterprise problems is actually better than the solution of enterprise problems.

Sixth, save lives.

In a fierce battle, the captain suddenly found an enemy plane swooping down to the position. As usual, don't hesitate to lie down when you find the enemy plane diving. But the captain didn't lie down at once. He found a little soldier still standing four or five meters away from him. He forgot to think much.

A diving fly pressed the little soldier tightly under him. At this time, there was a loud noise, and the splashing soil fell on them. The captain patted the dust on his body and looked back, suddenly stunned: a big hole was blown out of his position just now.

Seven, go out

In ancient times, two brothers each took a suitcase to travel far away. Along the way, the heavy suitcase weighed down the brothers. When their left hand is tired, they have to change their right hand, and when their right hand is tired, they have to change their left hand. Suddenly, Big Brother stopped, bought a pole by the roadside, and hung two suitcases on the pole. He picked up two boxes and set off, but he felt much more relaxed.

It may be far-fetched to link these two stories together, but they do have striking similarities: the little soldier and little brother in the story are lucky, but the captain and little brother in the story are even luckier, because they help themselves while helping others!

Management experience: We will certainly encounter many difficulties in our life. But we don't all know that on the way forward, moving the stumbling block under others' feet is sometimes just paving the way for ourselves!

Eight, the fish king's son

There was a fisherman who was first-class in fishing technology and was honored as the "king of fishing". But "Fishing King" is very upset when he is old, because his three sons have average fishing skills.

So a man often tells people his troubles: "I really don't understand, my fishing skills are so good, why is my son so bad?" From the time they were sensible, I taught them fishing skills, starting with the most basic things, telling them how to weave a net to catch fish most easily, how to row a boat without disturbing the fish most, and how to get off the net to invite the fish to the tank most easily. When they grow up, I teach them how to know the tides and distinguish the seasons of fish ..... I have taught them all my years of hard work, but their fishing skills can't catch up with those fishermen's sons who are worse than me! "

A passerby heard his story and asked, "Have you been teaching them by hand?"

"Yes, in order to give them first-class fishing skills, I taught them carefully and patiently."

"Have they been following you?"

"Yes, in order to make them take fewer detours, I always let them follow me."

Passers-by said, "In this case, your mistake is obvious. You only taught them skills, not lessons. For talents, no lessons can make people great, just like no experience! "

Nine, the apples by the river

An old monk, surrounded by a group of devout disciples. On this day, he told his disciples to go to Nanshan to get a load of firewood. The disciples hurried to the river on the hillside, and everyone was dumbfounded. I saw the flood rushing down from the mountain, and I couldn't cross the river to collect firewood in any case. Without success, the disciples were a little depressed. There is only one young monk and master who are calm and stand opposite each other. When the master asked him why, the young monk took an apple out of his arms and handed it to the master, saying that he could not cross the river to collect firewood. When he saw an apple tree by the river, I picked the only apple on it. Later, the young monk became a descendant of the master.

There are endless roads and rivers in the world. It is also a kind of wisdom to turn around if you can't cross the river. But true wisdom still needs to do one thing by the river: fly the kite of thought and pick an "apple". Throughout ancient and modern times, people who hold such a belief in life have finally achieved a breakthrough and transcendence in life.

Ten, the right hand holds the left hand.

There is a popular jingle on the table: holding your wife's hand is like holding your left hand with your right hand.

Every time someone reads: a table of familiar or unfamiliar people will smile knowingly, and the atmosphere will be relaxed immediately. Of course, this is based on people's consistent understanding of jingles-accurate feeling and appropriate description.

One day at the dinner table, someone read this sentence again, and the men laughed as usual.

Later, I found a woman at the dinner table who didn't laugh. Men are busy talking and joking. Don't take it seriously I didn't expect the woman to say seriously: the best thing is to hold the left hand with the right hand. First, the left hand is most trusted by the right hand; Second, the left hand and the right hand belong to one; Third, how do other hands make you happy and excited? After that, you can chop off your hand, leaving only your left hand. Without it, it's not complete, right? A table full of men admire and praise the profound and unique understanding of women. Women simply say: What is profound and unique? You might as well go back and read it to your wives and see what they say.

Some brave men really went back to test their wives, and sure enough their understanding was the same as that of the ladies at the dinner table.

They are all left-handed, so men should count with their left hands.

They are all right-handed, of course, they think they are right-handed.

XI。 select

A farmer saved his wife from the flood, but his child was drowned.

Afterwards, people talked about it. Some people say that he did the right thing, because children can have another child, but wives can't come back from the dead. Some people say that he did something wrong, because his wife can marry someone else, but the child can't come back from the dead.

After listening to people's comments, I feel very confused: if I can only save one person, should I save my wife or my children?

So I visited the farmer and asked him what he thought at that time.

He replied, "I didn't think of anything. My wife passed me when the flood hit. I grabbed her and swam to the nearby hillside. When I came back, the child had been washed away by the flood. "

On the way home, I pondered the words of the peasants and said to myself: There are many so-called life choices.

Twelve. bald facts

Once upon a time, two hungry people were blessed by an elder: a fishing rod and a basket of huge fresh fish. One of them asked for a basket of fish and the other asked for a fishing rod, so they parted ways. The person who got the fish built a bonfire with dry wood and cooked the fish on the spot. He wolfed down the fish and didn't taste the meat of the fresh fish. In a flash, he ate all the fish and soup. Soon, he starved to death by the empty fish basket. The other man continued to starve with a fishing rod, and walked hard to the seaside step by step, but when he saw the blue ocean not far away, his last strength was exhausted and he could only die with endless regrets.

Two hungry people also got a fishing rod and a basket of fish from their elders. It's just that they didn't part ways, but agreed to look for the sea together. They only cook one fish at a time. After a long journey, they came to the seaside. From then on, they began to make a living by fishing. A few years later, they built a house, had their own family, children and a fishing boat made by themselves, and lived a happy and healthy life.

A person who only cares about immediate interests will eventually get short-term happiness; One should aim high, but face the real life. Only by organically combining ideal with reality can we become a successful person. Sometimes, a simple truth is enough to give people meaningful life enlightenment.

Thirteen, it's not what you think

Two traveling angels went to a rich family for the night. The family was unfriendly to them and refused to let them spend the night in a comfortable room. Instead, they found a corner for them in the cold basement. When they made the bed, the older angel found a hole in the wall and repaired it conveniently. The young angel asked why, and the old angel replied, "Some things are not what they seem."

The next night, they went to a poor farmhouse to spend the night. The host and his wife were very enthusiastic about them, took out what little food they had to entertain the guests, and then gave up their beds for the two angels. The next morning, two angels found the farmer and his wife crying, and their only source of livelihood-a cow died. The young angel was very angry. He asked the old angel why this happened. The first family had everything, and the old angel helped them mend the hole in the wall. Although the second family was so poor, they warmly entertained the guests, but the old angel did not stop the cow from dying.

"Some things are not what they seem." The old angel replied, "when we spent the night in the basement, I saw the wall covered with gold bullion from the hole in the wall." Because the master was confused by greed and didn't want to share his wealth, I filled the hole in the wall. Death summoned the farmer's wife last night, and I replaced her with a cow. So some things are not what they seem. "

Sometimes things shouldn't be like this. If you have faith, you just need to firmly believe that your efforts will always be rewarded. You may find out later. ......

Fourteen, the method of raising cattle

When we traveled to the countryside, we were surprised to see an old farmer shoveling grass on the roof of a small hut to feed cattle, so we asked:

"Grandpa, why don't you put the grass for the cow on the ground and let it eat?"

The old farmer said, "This grass is of poor quality. If I put it on the ground, it will despise it. " But I put it on the roof where it can barely reach, and it will eat hard until it eats all the grass. "

Fifteen, the heart of love

This is a true story that happened in England.

There was a lonely old man, childless and sickly. He decided to move to a nursing home. The old man announced the sale of his beautiful house. Buyers flocked to hear the news. The base price of the house was 80,000 pounds, but people quickly bid it to 654.38+10,000 pounds. Prices are still rising. The old man lay deep in the sofa, full of melancholy. Yes, if it weren't for his poor health, he wouldn't sell the house where he spent most of his life.

A young man in plain clothes came to the old man, bent down and whispered, "Sir, I want to buy this house, but I only have 65,438+00,000 pounds. However, if you sell the house to me, I guarantee that you will still live here, have tea, read newspapers and walk with me, and be happy every day-believe me, I will take care of you wholeheartedly! "

The old man nodded and smiled and sold the house to him for 1 0,000.

You don't have to kill and cheat in cold blood to realize your dreams. Sometimes, as long as you have a loving heart.

Sixteen. Giving

An old carpenter is preparing to retire. He told his boss that he would leave the construction industry and go home to enjoy family happiness with his wife and children.

The boss didn't want to let his good worker go and asked him if he could help build another house. The old carpenter agreed. But everyone can see later that his heart is no longer working. He uses soft materials and does rough work. After the house was built, the boss gave him the key to the gate.

"This is your house," he said. "My gift to you."

He was dumbfounded with shock and ashamed. If he knew he was building a house for himself, how could he do it? Now he has to live in a humble house!

So do we. We casually "build" our own life, not actively, but passively, refusing to strive for perfection in everything and failing to do our best at critical moments. When we realized our situation, we were already trapped in the "house" we built. Imagine you as a carpenter. Think about your house. Every day you knock a nail, add a board, or erect a wall. Use your wisdom to build well! Your life is the only creation in your life, which cannot be erased and rebuilt. Even if there is only one day to live, that day should be beautiful and noble. The nameplate on the wall reads: "Life is your own creation."

Seventeen, remind yourself

An old lady sat on the side of the road and looked at a high wall not far away. She always thought that she would collapse soon. When she saw someone coming towards the wall, she kindly reminded, "That wall is going to collapse. Go away. " When the reminded person swaggered across the wall, she looked puzzled-the wall didn't fall down. The old lady was very angry: "Why didn't you listen to me? ! "Someone came again, and the old lady gave advice. Three days passed, and many people walked by the wall without danger. On the fourth day, the old lady felt a little strange and disappointed. She couldn't help walking to the wall and observing it carefully. At this time, however, the wall collapsed, and the old lady was buried in dust and masonry and died.

It is often easy and sober to remind others, but it is difficult to remind yourself soberly at all times. So many dangers come from themselves, and the old lady's sorrow is born from this.

Eighteen. window

A lady has been complaining about the laziness of the lady opposite for years. "That woman's clothes can never be washed. Look, the clothes she hangs in the yard are always dirty. I really don't know how she can wash clothes like this ... "

It was not until one day that a discerning friend came to her house that she discovered that it was not the wife across the street who couldn't wash her clothes properly. A careful friend took a rag and wiped the gray stain on the lady's window and said, "Look, isn't this clean?"

It turns out that my window is dirty.

Nineteen. Habit and nature

Isn't it ridiculous that a small pillar and a thin chain can hold an elephant weighing one kilogram? But this absurd scene can be seen everywhere in India and Qin. When the elephant was a baby elephant, the elephant tamers tied it to a concrete column or a steel column with chains. No matter how hard the elephant struggled, it could not break free. Elephants gradually get used to not struggling until they grow into elephants and can easily break free from the chains.

Tiger trainers are as successful as elephant trainers. He made the tiger vegetarian from childhood until he grew up. Tigers don't know the taste of meat, so they naturally won't hurt people. The fatal mistake of the tiger trainer was to let the tiger lick his blood on the ground after he fell. The tiger licked it and finally ate the tiger trainer.

Elephants are chained, elephants are used to being chained.

Tigers used to be bound by habit, but the tiger trainer died of habit (he was used to his tiger not eating people).

Habit can bind almost everything, but it can't bind accident. For example, a tiger who accidentally tasted blood.

Twenty, leave a gap for others.

A famous entrepreneur was giving a talk when an audience asked, "You have achieved great success in your career. What is the most important thing for you? "

The entrepreneur didn't give a direct answer. He picked up the chalk and drew a circle on the blackboard, but it was incomplete, leaving a gap. He asked, "What is this?" "Zero", "circle", "unfinished business" and "success", the audience under the stage replied noisily.

He was noncommittal about these answers: "In fact, this is only an incomplete period. You asked me why I achieved brilliant results. The reason is simple: I won't do things perfectly, just like drawing a full stop. I must leave a gap for my subordinates to fill. "

Leaving room for others doesn't mean that you are not competent. In fact, this is a kind of management wisdom and a higher level of overall improvement.

Give the monkey a tree and let it climb constantly; Give the tiger a mountain and let it roam freely. Perhaps, this is the highest state of enterprise management and employment.

2 1, Ma

Horses used to roam freely in the mountains. When they were thirsty, they drank some mountain springs. When you are tired, sleep on the ground and bask in the sun, carefree. However, since the appearance of Bole, the fate of horses has changed. Put a cage on its head, a saddle on its back and tie it. The death rate of a horse is already 23/0/0. If you force it to carry things, force it to walk thousands of miles a day, and nail iron palms on its feet, the death rate of a horse will be more than half. A horse is an unruly and useless animal. Let it absorb the essence of the sun and the moon, the aura of heaven and earth, and it will be useless and inaction. You can also enjoy its life, educate it and let it know manners, but it will harm its life.

Isn't that what people do? Under the constraint of rules, have we lost our id, followed the etiquette formulated by others all day, and forced ourselves to do things we don't want to do? How much is left in our limited life?

Twenty-two, the director is useless

There was a Lu man who was good at weaving straw sandals and his wife was good at weaving white silk. He wants to move to Vietnam. His friend said to him, "If you go to Vietnam, you will be poor." "Why?" "Straw sandals are used to walk, but Vietnamese people are used to walking barefoot; White silk is used to make hats, but Vietnamese people are used to long hair. Take your strengths and go where you are not needed. Is it possible to make yourself not poor? "

This story tells people that if a person wants to give full play to his expertise, he must adapt to the needs of the social environment. If it is divorced from the needs of the social environment, its expertise will lose its value. Therefore, we should decide our own actions according to the needs of society and give full play to our own specialties.

Twenty-three, the mouse on the stupa

A stray mouse made its home on the top of the stupa.

Life in the stupa is really happy. Not only can you cross the floor at will, but you can also enjoy rich sacrifices. It even enjoys privileges that others can't imagine, and it can chew unknown secrets; People dare not face up to the Buddha statue, which is a free relaxation. When it rises, it can even leave some shit on the head of the Buddha.

Whenever a good man and a woman burn incense and kowtow, the mouse always looks at the intoxicating smoke and rises slowly. It sniffled and sniggered: "Funny human, your knees are so soft that you kneel!" "

One day, a hungry wild cat broke in and caught the mouse.

"You can't eat me! You should bow to me! I represent the Buddha! " The noble prisoner protested.

"People bow down to you only because of your position, not because of you!"

The wild cat sneered, and then it broke the mouse in half like a hamburger.

24. The story of steel and glass

A farmer, who has only been in junior high school for two years, has no money to go to school at home. He dropped out of school and went home to help his father cultivate three acres of thin land. /kloc-when he was 0/9 years old, his father died, and the burden of his family was all on his shoulders. He must take care of his poor mother and grandmother who is paralyzed in bed.

In the 1980s, farmland was contracted to households. He dug a puddle in the pond and wanted to raise fish. But the village cadres told him that fish could not be raised in the paddy field, only crops could be planted, so he had to fill up the pond again. It became a joke. In others' eyes, he is a silly man who wants to get rich.

I heard that raising chickens can make money, so he borrowed 500 yuan from his relatives and raised chickens. But after a flood, the chickens got chicken plague and all died within a few days. 500 yuan may be nothing to others, but it is astronomical to a family living on only three acres of wasteland. His mother couldn't stand the stimulation and died of depression.

Later, he made wine, caught fish, and even helped people dig holes in the cliff of the stone mine ..... but he didn't make any money.

At the age of 35, he had not married. Even divorced women with children despise him. Because he only has a mud house, it may collapse at any time after a heavy rain. No one looks down on a man who can't get a wife in the countryside.

But he still wanted to take a chance, so he borrowed money everywhere to buy a walking tractor. Unexpectedly, less than half a month on the road, this tractor carried him into a river. He broke a leg and became lame. The tractor that was salvaged has become fragments, so he had to take it apart and sell it as scrap iron.

Almost everyone said that his life was over.

But later he became the boss of a company in my city, with assets of 200 million. Now, many people know his bitter past and legendary entrepreneurial experience. He has been interviewed by many media and described in many reports. But I only remember such a plot-

The reporter asked him, "Why did you never back down again and again in the hard days?"

He sat behind the big and luxurious boss's desk, drinking a glass of water in his hand. Then, he held the glass cup in his hand and asked the reporter, "What will happen to this cup if I let go?"

The reporter said: "It fell to the ground and broke."

"Then let's try." He said.

As soon as his hand was released, the cup fell to the ground, making a crisp sound, but it was not broken, but intact. He said: "Even if there are 10 people present, they will think that this cup will definitely break. However, this cup is not an ordinary glass, but made of FRP. "

Then, I remembered this classic and wonderful dialogue. Such a man, even if he has only one breath, will try to hold the hand of success unless God takes his life. ......

Twenty-five, opportunities

A, a white-collar worker in a joint venture company, feels that his ambition has not been appreciated by his superiors. He often thinks: If only one day he could meet his boss and have a chance to show his talents! !

A's colleague B has the same idea. He went one step further and asked the boss when he got to and from work and figured out when he got into the elevator. He also took the elevator at this time, hoping to meet his boss and say hello.

Their colleague c went further. He learned about the boss's struggle in detail, made clear the school where the boss graduated, his interpersonal style and his concerns, carefully designed a few simple but weighty opening remarks, took the elevator at the calculated time, and greeted the boss several times. Finally, he had a long talk with the boss one day and soon won a better position.

Fools miss opportunities, wise men seize opportunities, and winners create opportunities. Opportunities are only given to those who are prepared, and the word "preparation" is not just talk.

Twenty-six years old, crazy and nerdy.

A psychology professor visited the madhouse to learn about the living conditions of the mentally ill. After all, it's an eye-opener to think that these people are crazy and act unexpectedly.

Unexpectedly, when I was about to return, I found my tire dropped. "Some madman must have done it!" The professor thought angrily and began to get the spare tire ready to install.

This is serious. The man who got off the tire actually dropped all the screws. You can't get on without screws and spare tires!

The professor was at a loss. Just as he was in a hurry, a madman jumped up and sang an unknown happy song. He found the professor in trouble and stopped to ask what had happened.

The professor ignored him and told him out of courtesy.

The madman smiled and said, "I have an idea!" " He removed one screw from each tire, so that he had three screws to install the spare tire.

The professor was pleasantly surprised and very curious: "How did you come up with this idea?"

The madman smiled and said, "I am crazy, but I am not a fool!" "

In fact, many people in the world, because they find pleasure in their work, always show different fanaticism from ordinary people, which is hard to understand. When many people laugh at them as crazy, others may still laugh at him as a bookworm.

Stupidity and cleverness are especially a good attitude in China.