Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Liu servant's house
Liu servant's house
He Manzi felt that his home was like a birdcage, and he was like a willow kingfisher in a cage. He feels that this home is like a straw fruit basket, and he is like a little green fruit caught in the basket.
Surrounded by a willow fence, the fence is covered with bean sprouts, which are also mixed with morning glory vines, like four sealed walls. Inside the wall are apricot trees, peach trees, hawthorn trees and flowering fruit trees, and outside the wall are poplar trees, willow trees, elm trees, locust trees, mulberry trees, jujube trees and pear trees, just like putting two iron frames and two hoops on these four walls. Grandma's palm-sized plot is not empty, and several cucumber racks have been set up in the yard; And it not only occupies land, but also occupies days. Numerous pumpkin seedlings climbed on the roofs of three mud houses, and pumpkins as big as stones were lying on the roofs. If they grow any longer, they will collapse the roof.
The weather is getting hotter and hotter, there is no wind, and the small yard asks like a steamer. Although full of green and He Manzi were naked on the grape trellis, there were still bursts of sweat; He looked at the rope tied to his ankle, but he couldn't untie it and couldn't make any money. He was so anxious that he was sweating profusely.
Suddenly, the shadow of the flowers on the partition moved, revealing a handsome face from the bean sprouts and trumpet vines on the east wall, and gently calling out: "Man Zi!" "
He Manzi looked up, and it turned out to be Aunt Wangrilian, and the life-saving star came.
"Lian Gu!" He Manzi was full of grievances, and she finally looked forward to her relatives. Wow, she cried.
An old lady sitting in the outhouse heard the crying, threw down her cow bone and came out. "Man Zi, what's the matter?"
He Manzi heard grandma's tone, obviously distressed, so he performed his specialty and cried at the top of his lungs.
Outside the fence wall, there was a string of brittle smiles. Wang Rilian asked, "Mom, how big a family rule has Man Zi broken, and should he stab Cangzhou with a lock?"
He Manzi cried louder and louder.
"The old man who killed thousands of knives smashed the black, and he looked at our girls as soon as he entered the door; I want to strangle the little one first, and then force the old one to die, so that the wild girl outside my mouth can take over the nest! "
A post-Qing aunt spat at any university and asked.
On the heatable adobe sleeping platform of the landlord's house in the north, the tiger roared, and Master He angrily demanded to rush out of the house. Bare-armed and barefoot, wearing only a pair of baggy shorts and stubble like a pine needle, he shouted, "If you don't choose three nests and four, I'm willing to stick one full?"
"I asked you to tie it?" Aunt Zhang's voice drowned out He Manzi's crying and the roar of He University. "I just want you to scare him, who wants you to be cruel!"
"I'm not really tied up!"
"Alas, the child is tied up by the thief's belt buckle and can't breathe!" A green aunt patted the mountain.
"I'll cut off your long tongue, you sissy!" He University asked, strode under the grape trellis, stretched out a finger, shook the ropes in the loops and loops, and crashed away. "You see, is this really binding him?"
Wang Rilian ran in with a big basket on her back and said with a smile, "michel platini, you really know how to play with flowers."
"This is called all is fair in war, empty cable plan!" Master He asked with a smug smile, "But now, my flowers are stuffing, and thieves full of money are more courageous."
"You'd better go into the house and sleep in a cage. Manzi will accompany me to the seaside to get firewood. " Wang Rilian said.
"Wait a minute!" He University asked, "Let his grandmother stutter for the children."
I don't care! Aunt Zhang Qing is still angry with the old man.
"I dare not have the help of the queen mother!" Dr. He sighed and asked, "I, the little ancestor of He family, am an old lady with big feet."
"I don't eat!" He Manzi shook his arm. "Bring me the string of bird clips hanging on the Westinghouse wall, and I'll shoot birds."
"make it!" He University asked loudly and promised: "For the sake of filial piety, give grandpa a game and drink at night." Say and trotted into the house.
He Manzi took a bunch of bird traps from grandpa and walked out of Chai Men by Wang Rilian's hand, with tears hanging on her eyelashes. He pursed his lips and imitated the cuckoo's call: "Goo goo!" "
"You are also my little ancestor." Wang Rilian said, "Come on, I'll carry you."
Looking for a slope, Wang Rilian crouched down and leaned the big basket on the slope, and He Manzi got in. Wang Rilian straightened up and ran to the river behind his back.
Wang Rilian is nineteen years old and has a poor milk name. She is the child bride of the Du family next door to Hejiadong. Twelve years ago, Dusty, who opened a small shop at the ferry, bought it from a hungry man who fled and took it home to be a child bride for his silly son who was 17 years old at that time. This silly son, nicknamed the Second Monk, is ugly and careless, and can sweep horse manure in a small shop. Du Si in flower shoes is a famous mud leg in this small village, and his wife, Dou Yehuang, is a unique whore in this small village. Bean leaf yellow looks a little beautiful, but it has a vicious heart, and a mouth is like a snake spitting letters. The poor son came to Dujia and got up before dawn all the year round, making a fire, cooking, carrying water, feeding pigs, spinning, weaving, digging wild vegetables and firewood. At night, he must weave mats and baskets in the moonlight. When he dozes off, there will be a pimple on the broom, and his body is often twisted black and blue.
When my poor son was ten years old, Zhang's team and Wu Peige's team fought together across the North Canal. There was heavy gunfire. A shell blew a big hole and buried the poor son headlong. Dusty and Dou didn't pick her up, so they ran away in a panic. Aunt Zhang Qing was soft-hearted and pulled the poor child out at the risk of smoking. The poor child lost consciousness. Aunt Zhang Qing put her in a big basket and ran away behind her back. A shell skin cut a young woman's sideburns, but she still couldn't bear to leave the bitter child and run for her life alone. I hid in the green tent for three days. After the battle, I returned to the village, only to know that the second monk was caught by Feng Jun and his whereabouts were unknown. Bean leaf Huang cried, and a poisonous fire rushed at the poor son, calling her a jinx, killing him, pinching and biting, and the poor son rolled in pain. Aunt Zhang Qing couldn't bear it, jumped over the fence and saved the poor child. Bean leaf yellow is also annoying. She quarreled with Aunt Zhang Qing. Although Aunt Zhang's quarrel was sharp, Bean Leaf Huang's tongue stung, so she changed her words and began to fight. She browned the bean leaves until they bled. Bean leaf Huang climbed to the door of any family and lay down to play dead. Dusty is not a fuel-efficient lamp. He came here with a butcher knife to burn down his house. Aunt Zhang Qing picked up a harpoon and shook hands with Deuce, who sells flower shoes. It was a life-and-death battle, and it was inextricably linked. He Da-shi asked, driving his horse back from outside his mouth, brandishing a whip, smoking a whip flower and a flower shoe, and Du Si almost broke his waist. Dusty, a flower shoe, can't stop there. He has connections on the official side, and he moved a patrol head of the River Defense Bureau to send Master He to prison. Finally, someone stood up and said that He University invited two tables of banquets and promised to invite Dusty and Dou to dinner. However, He University asked Aunt Zhang Qing that she must recognize this poor son as her daughter, and Deuce agreed. However, in the future, when the poor son got married, his college asked his aunt Zhang Qing to accompany her. Twice, the paperwork was done and the commitment letter was crossed. The poor son kowtowed to michel platini and his foster mother in public.
Aunt Zhang Qing thought her adopted daughter's name was unlucky, so she changed her name to Gui Lian. Although Gui Lian is no longer beaten, she still has no time to catch her breath 360 days a year. She went to the beach to get firewood, and Ling Zhou next to Hejiaxi went to the beach to get firewood after school. They are very close and often play together, so Zhou Ling calls her Wang Rilian. Her life is not expensive, but she likes this nickname. In the long run, she calls it away.
There are colorful wild flowers everywhere on the canal beach, and the flowers that will not die are the smallest. Only broad beans are big and blood-red, scattered along rivers, roadsides and under Liu Yin. They are not afraid of wind and rain, sun exposure and drought. It didn't rain for many days, the land cracked and the seedlings withered, but the small flowers that didn't die grew brighter and greener. Wang Rilian, like an immortal flower, grew up in hunger, abuse and hard work and became more and more handsome and beautiful. Michel platini and her adoptive mother love her very much and make her a new dress every year to make her look better.
The second monk was arrested by the army and never looked back. Aunt He asked Wang Rilian to find another husband's family. If it's inconvenient to talk face to face, please ferry the willow bucket of the boat, nail the old scale, and the old carpenter Zheng Duanwu went to Dujia to sound out his breath. Who would have thought that as soon as the three men explained their purpose, Dou burst into tears, slammed a gunshot and said a lot of gossip. It seems reasonable for Hua Xiedu to say that he doesn't want to delay his daughter-in-law's youth, but his son's life and death are uncertain, and he would rather tear down ten temples than break a marriage. He advocated asking fortune tellers to make twelve hexagrams for Wangrilian. Coincidentally, as soon as his words stopped, the flute of the fortune teller sounded outside the door, and he ran out and invited him in. In front of everyone, the fortune teller questioned the two monks, Wang Rilian and his birthday, counting and mumbling; So it's concluded that these two monks have become officials abroad, and like Xue Pinggui, it will be 18 years before they can return to China in a golden suit. Two monks have been monks for eight years, and Wang Rilian will stay in the cold kiln for ten spring and autumn periods, going through hardships and honoring his wife.
In fact, both Deuce and Dou have ulterior motives. Dusty, a dog with flower shoes, is full of chop suey. When he saw the lotus flower like a flower, he was incestuous. Bean leaf yellow is a whore. Dusty lived in a small shop all the year round and seldom went home to sleep, so she recruited a savage. Seeing that I am old and not good-looking, I want to use Wangrilian as a cover to attract bees and butterflies. One night, Bean Leaf Huang made an appointment with her savage to come at midnight. It was midsummer, and Bean Leaf Huang cried that the room was stuffy and the front and rear doors and windows were open for ventilation. In the middle of the night, Bean Leaf Huang came out from the back door and called in the savage who was waiting under the fence. She locked the door outside. The savage crept in like a weasel stealing chickens. Just then, the thief slipped into a shadow at the front door; The moon is dark and windy, gloomy as the bottom of a pot. Neither of them saw anyone, so they rushed to Wangrilian's hut.
Looking forward to the sun, Lotus was worried. He saw that the behavior of bean leaves was abnormal. Dusty, fancy shoes, sneaking around. Every night before going to bed, he stood by the door with a sickle on his left and a pair of scissors on his right. Two evil thieves jumped at the door and watched Sun He jump up from the kang. Before she could do it, the two evil thieves started fighting. Wang Rilian threw a sickle and scissors, jumped out of the window and called for help from Aunt Zhang Qing. When Aunt Zhang Qing heard the sound, she lit the lamp and saw the sickle cut on Du Hua's four legs and the scissors inserted in the savage's arm. The two evil thieves still clung to each other and rolled around together.
After this incident, Aunt Zhang Qing was very determined. Bean leaf yellow had no choice but to promise Wang Rilian to work at home during the day and sleep with her aunt at night.
He asked about the horse's exit, and Wang Rilian slept on the kang with his aunt and He Manzi. He Da Xue asked Ma to come back and hoped Lotus would go to Westinghouse to sleep with He Manzi. At that time, He Manzi was only three years old and slept in Wang Rilian's arms every night for three years.
Although Wang Rilian got rid of the plot against Deuce and Dou, she still had to work all the year round. Moreover, the bean leaf yellow has to vent because of the unsuccessful plot, which adds to the hard work of looking forward to the sun lotus. Looking at the sun, the lotus keeps ringing. At noon, the boss is going to get firewood.
Young girls and daughter-in-law take a child to the fields, not for protection, but to prevent suspicion. Therefore, Wang Rilian will take He Manzi with her when she makes firewood at noon.
four
He Manzi was carried into the big basket of Wangrilian. Walking out of the village along the river bank, there is a river beach.
This beach in Fiona Fang is seven or eight miles long, with rivers criss-crossing, patches of water injection dotted all over the place, and sand hills rolling continuously. The water in the tributaries of this river gurgles. Spring is just the depth of the feet. In the rainy season, the water depth is only knee-deep, the width is three or five feet, and the narrow one jumps over without a bridge. On both sides of the tributary of this river, there are big trees to shade the sun, and the branches are covered with large and small bird nests. Reed, wild hemp and cattail are clustered in the puddle, and the 3355 red-winged dragonfly rests on the reed tip, hemp leaves and grass slices; The waterfowl, hidden deep in the red neck, is only as big as a butterfly and sings tactfully and charming. Its nest is on the half waist rubbing the reed of Shui Pi's son. As soon as it heard the noise, it got into the water from its nest, which was very difficult to catch. Lush willows are scattered on the sand hill, and the sand in Liu Yin is as white as snow. Lying on the white sand on a hot day is refreshing both physically and mentally.
He Manzi likes playing on the river beach best. Dip naked into the tributaries of the river, catch shrimp, dig out crabs and shape small fish; More interesting is to get into the reed pond, search for red-necked waterfowl and drive red dragonflies flying all over the sky; However, the most interesting thing is to bury clips under trees, grasslands and bare willow fields and shoot birds with nets.
As soon as he got to the floodplain, He Manzi called Wang Rilian to unload him from the big basket, happily waded through the branches of the river bank, ran ahead, got in and out of the reeds in the puddle, and ran up the highest sand mountain with his last breath.
Wang Rilian also came to the high sand mountain. She sat down to catch her breath and folded two willow branches into a circle of willow branches in the shade. She doesn't even have a broken straw hat. Willow rings are woven. She put a thick black braid around her head and then put on a wicker ring. At this time, He Manzi must pick a few red, gold, white, crimson and sky-blue wildflowers and put them in the willow circle to make Liangu look better. Wang Rilian took off the patched blue-flowered homespun coat and threw it to He Manzi, urging, "Watch this for me! Don't shoot birds like flying kites. Call me when a man comes. "
He Manzi saw a long rag wrapped around his chest and said, "Lian Gu, it's so cool to tear this rag off."
"Bullshit!" Looking at the sun, Lotus blushed. "Girl, can you take off your arm?"
Looking forward to the sun, wearing a willow circle full of wild flowers, carrying a big basket in one hand and a sickle in the other, the lotus entered the Artemisia grass. He Manzi was sitting in a willow field, with a blue-flowered homespun coat of Wangrilian in his hand. After a while, he felt lonely. The more lonely he is, the more sleepy he feels. So, he was impatient, rubbed his eyes, shook his head, woke up, picked up a bunker, buried the blue flowered jacket, and walked down the sand mountain with a string of bird clips.
He Manzi first went to the grass tree to catch insects, strung them on the wooden sticks of the clamp, and ambushed them one by one, pulling out several straw covers everywhere to disguise himself. Then, he got into the lush grass and whistled softly, holding a blade of grass to imitate the songs of birds, and lured birds from trees and bushes to come down to the village and go out to feed. He Manzi heard a splash here and there. He was so happy that he wanted to somersault and roll a few times. That was a success. However, sometimes there is a poof, but it is empty. The frightened birds got into the cloudless sky in Wan Li, and their scarred feathers were scattered with the wind.
He listened to the sound of birds, silently counting; It will take twenty or thirty years before he and Wang Rilian can have a meal.
The thought of not having enough to eat every day in the valley made He Manzi feel sour. When playing green firewood, he often saw Wang Rilian's face as white as cabbage leaves, layers of sweat on his forehead, gingerly picking pears and filling his stomach. He Manzi looked at the lotus in distress and went to Gua Tian of the rich man's house to steal melons; Melons are sweet, soft and delicious, and you can be full for a while after eating a few. Moreover, stealing melons is also an adventure game, which is very attractive to He Manzi.
He often patronizes Gua Tian, a rich man from Dong Taishi, a neighboring village.
It was Dong who climbed the last sand hill on the river beach. This 20-acre Gua Tian has a shack in the east, west, north and south, and a tall melon seed building in the middle of the ground. On the melon floor stood a Tuanding with a gun. There are two vicious dogs with long red tongues running around in Gua Tian. There is a gun buried in the melon ridge, with the muzzle exposed outside the soil and a tight string tied to the bolt. The melon thief accidentally tripped on the rope, the gun rang, and the sand hit him or his leg, so he was seriously injured.
He Manzi climbed quietly from the grass to the edge of Dong, and saw Tuanding on the high melon floor, snoring with a gun against the railing, and the melon watchers in the four shacks were bowing; The two evil dogs also found a shady place to lie down and were too lazy to run away. He Manzi is not only bold but also cautious in stealing melons. He turned his round little black eyes round and round, and found the favorable terrain first, and then carefully observed it to distinguish which melon ridge was buried with a ground gun. Then, he fell down and crawled with only two elbows; Come to the edge of the ground, slip away, and get into the melon ridge like a loach.
Under the dense leaves of melon ridge, He Manzi swam like a fish, and then a breeze brushed the melon leaves, giving him a hand and covering him. His favorite food is melon, which quenches thirst and is sweet to the heart. He also likes to eat noodles, which not only relieves hunger, but also smells fragrant after eating. He prefers watermelons, but watermelons are big and have to be smashed. They can't be eaten in melon ridges and must be introduced to Gua Tian. The work was very tiring, but He Manzi did it skillfully. He picked a watermelon in a vat, then lay down on his back, spread his legs, put the watermelon in his crotch, pressed his palm on the ground, and pushed the vat with his ass. Slowly, slowly push out the Gua Tian and enter the lush grassland, even if it is a victory. But you must sweat, and you are covered with sand.
He Manzi heard the sound of pa again and again, and hit a dozen birds, so he got into Dong. First, I ate a round belly in the melon ridge, and then I took out three big-faced melons to look for lotus flowers in the chrysanthemum.
This large area of chrysanthemum over five feet high is invisible. When He Manzi entered, he was like a stone thrown into the sea of Wang Yang. As he walked, he listened attentively, listening to where there was the swish of a sickle, and then followed the sound to find it. Another convenience to find Wang Rilian is that Wang Rilian likes to sing a little song while making firewood. Her voice is very soft, and it is sweet and moving when she sings gently. These songs are all love songs, with bold words; He Manzi doesn't know much about it, but he knows he can't sing at home.
He Manzi, holding three big melons, searched through the chrysanthemum bushes, but he couldn't hear the swish of the sickle or the soft melody. He felt strange and a little scared. He stopped, propped up his ears, listened and listened, as if he heard a faint cry. He got up his courage first, followed his toes, raised himself and walked over in small steps.
He saw Wang Rilian cut a large piece of green firewood, but he didn't know why he was lying on the green firewood, clutching two handfuls of dirt with both hands and crying all over. He Manzi thought that Wang Rilian must be hungry and have a stomachache, so he shouted, "Aunt Lian, are you hungry? I'll send you a melon! "
Wang Rilian looked up half of her face, full of tears, sobbing and said, "I'm not hungry, you … eat!" " "
"I have already eaten!" He Manzi put three big melons in front of the shower head, released his hand and patted his stomach like a grasshopper. "Eat, eat."
"I ... can't eat ..."
"Are you sick? I asked grandma to give you an injection. " He Manzi said, and turned to go.
"I'm not sick!" Wang Rilian hooked his wrist.
"Then why are you crying?" He Manzi asked doubtfully.
"I just want to cry for no reason." Wang Rilian sat up and wiped her tears.
He Manzi stared into her eyes and suddenly smiled: "I guess! You want to be an uncle. "
"Who said I missed him?" Wang Rilian burst into tears again, but she kept her mouth shut.
"What is he to me and what am I to him?"
"You two ... you two ..." He Manzi didn't know how to answer. "You two should be a couple!"
"There is no fate in this life, let's talk about it in the afterlife!" Wang Rilian said sadly.
"How many years do we have to wait in the afterlife?" He Manzi asked.
Wang Rilian said absently, "I'm going to die now, and I'm going to be reincarnated. In another 20 years, I will still be so big. "
"I don't want you to wait for the afterlife!" He Manzi said cheerfully, "When Uncle Ling comes back, I will urge him to hire a sedan chair to carry you."
"He should have come back a long time ago." Wang Rilian said sadly, "I graduated from Liuhe Middle School this year and am going to Beijing to go to college. Can you still remember me, a country girl who makes firewood? "
"If he forgets you, I'll scold him when I see him!" He Manzi said angrily, "I'm going to stab him with grandma's harpoon and rob him with a thick stick."
"Shut up!" Wang Rilian hurriedly put his hands over his mouth. "Don't curse him."
"I curse him, curse him!" How does He Manzi Pepe spit?
"Please, good boy!" Wang Rilian pleaded, "You curse him here. He has a diseased leaf outside. Who will serve him? "
"Look at your face, I won't swear."
"You have to say, please God bless Uncle Ling."
"Why do you say that?"
"You just cursed him, you have to save him from the disaster!"
"God bless Uncle Ling!" He Manzi said with tears: "Bless my aunt and uncle Ling as a pair!"
Wang Rilian held He Manzi tightly in her arms and kissed him like rain.
Looking forward to the sun, the lotus is really hungry. She ate three melons like lotus leaves and was in a good mood. A delicate and charming color appeared on her face, like a cabbage leaf, and her eyes were as bright as spring waves in the moonlight. She hung up her frowning eyebrows and her rosy lips smiled. He Manzi just stared at her.
"What are you looking at me for?" Looking forward to Sun He asked in surprise.
"Lian Gu, you are so beautiful."
"Bah!" Wang Rilian spat at him. "In recent months, your eyesight has been bad. Don't sleep with me later. "
"When Uncle Ling comes back, I'll go with him!" He Manzi said angrily.
Wang Rilian froze, blushed and whispered, "Then sleep with him for one night, and then sleep with me for another night."
"no!" He Manzi said flatly, "Uncle Ling is back, and I don't want to sleep with you."
"So you are so cruel to me!" Wang Rilian said, "My aunt teased you just now, but I can't bear to part with you."
"You can't bear to part with me, let's sleep together!" He Manzi said.
"Fuck you!" Wang Rilian opened her hand and patted He Manzi's gourd head with her palm. "Go and tidy up your bird trap, and don't let anyone get up."
He Manzi suddenly remembered this great event and flew away in a hurry.
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