Joke! The more the better! Give five points

The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: * What can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

Giraffe and monkey got married, and a year later giraffe filed for divorce: I don't want to jump up and down any more! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom, only to find a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!

The child stole the parrot kept in the brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer!

The mouse is particularly depressed because he has no girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat has tears in his eyes, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Viagra, with strong firepower, jumped on the ceiling and gave him a hand.

Cucumber was lovelorn and cried, and eggplant comforted her: love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbroken and tearful. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions?

Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could grant a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

Twenty years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

Xiao Ming told his mother that my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair today, and I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it?" Xiao Ming said, "I stood by. When the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

The gate of heaven was broken and ready to be rebuilt, so a tender was held. Indians say it will be ready as long as 3000 yuan. The reason is that the material cost 1000, the labor cost 1000, I earn it myself 1000! Here comes another German. The German said to the person in charge, you need 6000 yuan. The material cost is 2000, the labor cost is 2000, and you earn 2000! Finally, a man from China came, and a man from China said, it costs 9000 yuan! Heaven stared blankly at the gate. Why so many? The man spoke, 3000 yuan for you, 3000 yuan for me, 3000 yuan for Indians!

At noon, I went to the ATM to deposit money. When I was waiting in line, the beautiful woman in the back asked me, "Do you save money?"

"hmm"

"I just want to withdraw money. Anyway, if you want to save it, you might as well give it to me without waiting in line. "

I gave her the money as soon as I thought it made sense.

In the military training of freshmen in senior high school, teachers are not very familiar with freshmen. There is a boy in the next class, and his face looks a little crooked.

Once, after a long walk, when the queue came to the corner, the boy slipped and hit the wall with a loud noise. The teacher flew from far away, picked him up and shouted, how did it happen?

In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes, stealing a cabbage is worth shelling?

There are three women ... they are short-lived in their parents' home in the east ... and they exaggerate that my husband can shoot ... when he ejaculates, he is 50cm ~ ~

The other said ... what's the matter ... my husband can shoot 2 meters. ...

Another woman sighed ... and said: my husband is useless ... only shot five. .....

Five what five centimeters?

No ... five minutes! ! !

Mingming came to a salmon shop and asked the owner, "Do you have mustard greens here?" The boss replied, "No.""Do you have soy sauce?" "No" "Do you have sushi?" "no! ! ! ""Don't you dare to open a shop! ! ! ~ ~ "Mom told Mingming to buy soy sauce and gave Mingming three dollars. Mingming said, "Soy sauce, soy sauce ..." All the way to the store, Mingming almost fell into the well and snorted. When he got to the store, he couldn't remember what to buy. He thought, oh, yes, it seems to be hum. The boss thought he was crazy and kicked him out.

On campus, the honesty movement is strongly advocated.

Sheng: How to reward if you find money?

Student B: I will give you a reward if I don't lose money.

Sheng: What about pornography and comics?

B: Will the tutor believe that you found it? Just leave it to me.

I went to buy watermelon that day, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ……

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What do you teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. ...

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He's gone ..."

In computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine and shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " "The whole class is stupefied.

It's not good to go to Internet cafes often. )

99th floor

When I first entered school, the whole class introduced themselves. A male student stepped onto the platform: "My name is You Yongzhi, and I'm from Beijing. I love playing chess! " Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The woman shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "I ... My name is Shakuyaku ... I like swimming ..."