How to learn to speak roundly?

In social activities, due to various unexpected reasons, such as the lack of communication between the two sides, misunderstanding between lovers and the occurrence of unexpected situations, it often leads to embarrassing or unpleasant scenes. At this time, if no one comes forward to say a few words to resolve it, it is likely to cause embarrassment for one or both parties, interfere with normal communication, and even hurt each other's friendship, thus causing regret and interruption of interpersonal communication.

At an old classmate party, due to years of separation, everyone met happily and chatted happily. At this time, a man casually said to a girl, "It was you who took the initiative to pursue me. Do you still miss me now? " It stands to reason that in the atmosphere of reunion of old friends, although these words are somewhat inappropriate, they are harmless. But the lady was in a bad mood for some reason, and even changed her face and said angrily, "You are crazy! Who will pursue a person who is psychologically awkward like you. " Her voice was so loud that everyone present looked at her in surprise and felt embarrassed, especially the man, and the scene suddenly cooled down. At this moment, a lady stood up and said with a smile, "Our little sister's temper has not changed. Whoever she likes will be called crazy. The worse she says, the more unbearable it is, which means that she likes it more. Little sister, am I right? " These words reminded everyone of the beautiful life in the university, all kinds of past events in the university, and they couldn't help playing a joke on each other, and a storm subsided.

From this example, we can see that it is very important and valuable to assess the situation, accurately grasp the psychology of both sides, and then use speaking skills to make up for the embarrassment in time with the help of appropriate words, so as to maintain normal communication activities. It is really necessary and worthy of attention. If you want to go back and forth smoothly, you can be flexible according to the actual situation, or change the topic with humorous words to create a relaxed atmosphere; Or point out the rationality of the views of all parties and emphasize that the embarrassing incident has its rationality; You can also deliberately distort the meaning of the other party's words and make an explanation acceptable to both parties; We can also affirm the rationality of both sides' views and find a solution acceptable to both sides.

Change the subject and create a relaxed atmosphere.

In communication situations, if a serious and sensitive question makes the two sides of the conversation very antagonistic and emotional, causing embarrassment, or even hindering the normal and smooth progress of the conversation, we can temporarily let them avoid it, by changing the topic, enliven the atmosphere with some light and pleasant topics, divert the attention of both sides, or dilute the serious topic with humorous words, so as to revive the originally deadlocked scene, thus alleviating the embarrassing situation. If a friend is red-faced and deadlocked on a certain issue, he can say in time that "this issue is harder to win than the national football team"; Or make a joke, change the subject, let both sides calm down, let the embarrassment of both sides disappear in a relaxed atmosphere, and let the communication activities go smoothly.

Sometimes when people are arguing over their own views, it is often not the views of the two sides that make it difficult to ease the deadlock, but the feeling of winning and fighting with each other. In fact, the views on a certain issue are often not fixed. With the change of environment and the shift of angle, different or even opposing views may be reasonable and correct. Therefore, when we beat around the bush, we should grasp this point, help both parties to the dispute to look at the dispute from a different angle, analyze the problem flexibly, make them realize the relativity and inclusiveness of each other's views, make the rigid issue that originally seemed to be one of them flexible and compromise, and make both parties stop.

Find an excuse and give each other a step down.

The reason why some people are in a dilemma in communication activities is often because they have made inappropriate or unreasonable words and deeds on specific occasions, and it is often inconvenient for others to directly point out the irrationality of this behavior, thus further causing embarrassment and embarrassment of the whole situation. In this case, the most effective way to beat around the bush is to change the angle or find an excuse to prove that the unreasonable behavior of the other party is justified, understandable and reasonable in this case, so that the embarrassment of the other party can be lifted and normal interpersonal communication can continue.

Once, the famous actress Xin and her husband held a dinner to respect the elderly and invited many famous predecessors in the literary and art circles. Qi Baishi, a famous painter who was over 90 years old at that time, also came to participate with the help of nurses. After the old man sat down, he took New Xia Feng's hand and stared at her. The nurse said to Baishi in a reproachful tone, "What are you staring at?" The old man Baishi was unhappy and said, "I am so old, why can't I see her?" She looks good. "Say that finish, the old popularity got red in the face, making everyone very embarrassed. At this time, the new Xia Feng smiled and said to Baishi, "Look, I am an actor and I am not afraid of being seen." Everyone present laughed and the atmosphere eased. Here, the new Xia Feng properly used the skills of paddock, emphasized the rationality of the incident, and proved that it was justified for the old man Baishi to see himself on the grounds of being an actor, so as to get out of the predicament smoothly, find out the reasons for the other party's behavior, and conduct the communication activities normally.

Misinterpret in good faith, turn an enemy into a friend

In communication activities, due to the misunderstanding between each other's words, both parties or the third party often say something that surprises others and make some strange behaviors, leading to embarrassing and embarrassing scenes. In order to alleviate this situation, we can adopt the method of deliberately "misunderstanding", pretend not to understand or deliberately ignore the true meaning of his speech acts, and make an explanation that is conducive to resolving the embarrassing situation from the perspective of goodwill, that is, misinterpret the incident in good faith and guide the situation to develop in a direction that is conducive to easing. For example, at the beginning of this article, it is inappropriate to criticize any party, which will only intensify contradictions and destroy the atmosphere within the party. At this time, the effective way is to "distort" the language of both sides from the perspective of goodwill, and deliberately interpret the words of the lady as a kind of "like" to guide everyone to recall the good old days. In such an atmosphere, everyone will soon forget the embarrassment and unhappiness, and the embarrassing scene that should have been formed will disappear. Well-intentioned misinterpretation is not a simple muddling through, but a very effective and necessary means of communication, which makes up for the temporary negligence of others, eliminates the misunderstanding and unhappiness in others' hearts and ensures the normal progress of interpersonal communication.

Evaluate the situation to the satisfaction of all parties.

Sometimes, under certain circumstances, when the two communicating parties quarrel because they are not satisfied with each other's views, it is difficult to say who is right or wrong. As a mediator, we should understand the psychology and emotions of both parties to the dispute at this time, and don't favor one over the other, so as not to deepen the dissatisfaction of both parties. The correct way is not to compare the advantages and disadvantages, but to emphasize the differences between the two sides, affirm their advantages and values, and satisfy their self-realization psychology to some extent. On this basis, we can come up with constructive suggestions acceptable to both sides, so that both sides can accept them easily.

On one occasion, the school held a recreational activity for the teaching staff. Teachers and staff are divided into two groups, and the performances are arranged by themselves according to the selected props, and then graded. Just after the performance, before the host asked questions, the people sitting below were divided into two groups, the teacher helped the teacher and the employee helped the employee. The obstacles are obvious and the quarrel is fierce. Seeing that the activity was about to come to a deadlock, the host had a brainwave and said to everyone, "Which group can win the first prize? I think it should be analyzed in detail. " Teachers are full of creativity and passion, and should win the creation award; The staff team is full of vitality and spirit, and it is worth awarding performance awards. "Then it was announced that both groups had won the first prize.

The host knows that the purpose of cultural activities is not to really distinguish the good from the bad, but to stimulate the enthusiasm of faculty members to participate in cultural activities and enrich their amateur cultural life. Based on this consideration, when there is a contradiction in identification, he does not argue with others about which is better or worse, but emphasizes the different characteristics and advantages of the two groups and affirms their efforts. Finally, some suggestions are put forward to solve the dispute: if both groups are the first, they will be easily accepted by everyone.