One-liners in life, I fought fat and almost didn't sacrifice.

You told me to go away, I went away, and you told me to come back. Sorry, I walked away.

3. Explanation is cover-up, and cover-up is story-telling.

4. Earn money to sell cabbage and white powder.

5, no matter how ugly, you must fall in love and talk about the world full of love.

6. I like making friends, especially girlfriends.

7. The so-called simplicity, those with wings are angels, and those without wings are idiots.

8, adults are uncomfortable, and they are uncomfortable.

9. When someone pretends to be cool, my brother will bow his head. It is not that my brother is educated, but that I am looking for bricks.

10, the ship naturally sinks when it hits the bridge.

1 1, I can resist everything except temptation.

12, do all the bad things you can while you are young. It's only been a few years.

13, I haven't been in Jianghu for a long time. There are always legends about me in Jianghu.

14, say it out loud if you love me, and keep it in your heart for the rest of your life if you hate me!

15, Introduction to Happiness: There are no patients at home, no relatives in prison, no enemies outside, no villains in the circle, no bad guys around, seemingly no lovers, promoted nobles, acquaintances at work, laughing philosophers, high-ranking people at parties, sages who drink tea, servants who do housework, photographers and people who chat.

16, the piano, chess and calligraphy are not good, and washing and cooking are too tiring.

17, you are "Gao Qiu" and I am "cool" by you.

18, no windtight wall, no hanging beam.

19, leading cadres don't drink and have no friends; Middle-level cadres don't drink and have no information at all; Grassroots cadres don't drink, and there is no hope at all; Discipline inspection cadres don't drink and have no clues; Ordinary people don't drink and have no happiness at all; Brothers don't drink and have no feelings at all; No drinking between men and women, no chance at all!

20. Ordinary people are worried about housing, developers are worried about selling houses, entrepreneurs are worried about accounting firms, producers are worried about box office, officials are worried about their second house, greedy class houses, men are worried about private houses, women are worried about breasts, the elderly are worried about their hearts, and they are worried about renting houses, being hospitalized, having children and getting married.

2 1, I will help you solve the problem that Confucius can't solve.

22. I don't divine in the square, so I can't say so many things you like to hear.

23. Officials talk nonsense, experts talk nonsense, businessmen tell lies, stars talk nonsense, rich people talk crazy, and poor people talk angry words.

24. Take your hand and drag your son away. If the child doesn't leave, dizziness will continue to be dragged away.

25. Marry a man like the national football team. They take care of their families and insist on not traveling in Asia for decades. Such a man should be cherished.

26. Summer is not good. When you are poor, you don't even have to drink the northwest wind.

27. I struggled with fat and almost didn't sacrifice.

28. I prayed that Jesus would give me a stable life. He thought for a moment and said, let's talk about world peace first!

29. Life is about being born and living.

Classic wisecracks _ network wisecracks _ wisecracks

1 If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent.

Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you ~ ~

3 Life is like a drama, and drama is like life, suddenly looking back; Being alive is a kind of pressure.

A tree without skin will surely die, and a shameless daughter is invincible in the world.

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face.

6 in a long life, there will always be a few wrong steps.

If I take off my clothes, I am an animal. I'm the devil wears Prada if I don't take off my clothes.

I never write typos, but I write interchangeable words.

It is not that I was careless, but that I did it on purpose. I can't give you happiness, but I can comfort you!

No matter how great the truth is, it will become a cliche if you talk too much.

10 Now I know why pants should be designed with pockets. That's because no one took my hand and walked away.

1 1 Those who work in public institutions are called iron rice bowls, and those who work in private enterprises are called disposable tableware.

12 distance produces not beauty, but a third party.

13 So who wants to be buried in my ancestral grave after death?

14 There are always a group of invisible friends lying on your friends list like dead people. Deceive the corpse occasionally and change the epitaph from time to time.

15 You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, and I am thin because you are sick.

I laugh because you are strong, and I have money because I sold you.

Pig!

16 Don't let too many yesterdays occupy your today!

Breaking up with 17 means not loving. Those high-sounding reasons are not to make each other feel better, but to make themselves feel better!

18 After watching Lust, Caution, a monk said it was boring, and others asked. What is boring, the monk said; Religion is boring!

19 miss, I'm sorry, I'm not handsome. But not every woman has a chance.

There are dark clouds in the wind. There is a petrel between the dark clouds and the sea. Let's meet here and have a romantic love ~

2 1 at first, I didn't give it to women, but later the women were in a hurry!

Married men and women are overjoyed.

Money is a black hole, and affection, friendship, affection and loyalty will disappear without a trace.

The procedure of attending a memorial service is often to receive a profound life education first, and then everyone will smoke, drink and play cards together.

If you want to test my patience, please prepare your patience first.

Nongfu Spring is a little sweet, and women speak a little.

27 said that people in their previous lives were deceiving themselves; It is said that people in the next life are lying to others.

What is birth, illness and death? Live well, get old slowly, get sick late and die quickly.

If you see a shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you.

Without the wind, the clouds will not move;

Fish can't swim without water;

If there is no sun, the moon will have no light;

Without you,

Stupid people do not exist.

3 1 Give me some sunshine and I will rot.

Suddenly thought of a question, is the walnut caught in the door still healthy?

Give me a girl and I can create a country.

You look sterile!

Summer is coming, girls can wear skirts, but not over their knees!

The latest definition of tourism is from one's own tired place to another's tired place.

We have a little disagreement: she wants me to turn stone into gold, and I want her to treat gold like dirt.

When I become a swan, you are still an egg!

Women see what they like, but they don't see the danger.

If you burn incense for one year, you can meet you, incense for three years can know you, and incense for ten years can cherish you.

Therefore, for the happiness of my next life, I am willing to convert to Christ!

4 1 Don't perfunctory me, you can't afford to perfunctory me.

The iron fences in the university campus are all sharp, and the warning signs on them are as follows:

When a boy accidentally flips over, he becomes a girl.

When a girl accidentally turns it over, she becomes a woman.

The ideal is full and the reality is skinny.

Men are reliable, and sows can climb trees.

You know my length, and I know your depth.

As long as it's not dirty, we are the mainstream!

Don't fool me with the' 83 xo, have a bottle of this year's XO.

The so-called unsuitable for children, in fact, is that adults have done something to keep themselves in danger of making mistakes.

You can lead the industry with foresight, catch up after you know it, or be eliminated unconsciously.

50 holding your lover's hand is equivalent to returning to 1899;

Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret not doing it that year;

Holding my aunt's hand, I found that I had held the wrong hand before.

5 1 Beauty is not discounted. Sister is called beauty, sister is called discount!

I prayed to Jesus to give me a stable life. He thought for a moment and said, let's talk about world peace first. ...

Four weaknesses: boss kidney, three speeches, miss tears, statistics table.

I took the floppy disk to the refrigerator and froze it for a day, then it became a hard disk! In this way, I have another hard disk.

I am in a daze, but I am not here now. If you are slow, look down.

56 There is only a mistress who doesn't work hard, and there is no inseparable home.

Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, one is the first day and the other is the fifteenth.

If you don't study for a day, no one will see it. If you don't study for a week, you will start to explode. If you don't study in January, your IQ will be lost to pigs.

I planted a bunch of girlfriends in spring, and now it's autumn. Gee, nothing ~ ~

Wallet, what happened to your wallet? Answer my wallet. Why have you lost weight again? Wake up.

6 1 Men are poor. They work hard to make money and inevitably have to pay. It's dangerous to have a lover.

I don't miss my wife, but she always thinks of me.

63 how far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

64 men are lewd and can't stand the temptation; Women are easy to say, so they can't stand loneliness.

True leadership lies not in how many gentlemen you command, but in how many villains you control.

I must be reborn as a woman in my next life and then marry a man like me.

Tell me, do you want to die or not?

I often eat garlic, onions and radishes to cultivate my aura. Now, my body is full of aura.

Picking up girls is like hanging up QQ. Coax her for 2 hours every day, and it will soon be sunny.

What is yours is mine, and what is mine is mine!

7 1 If I want to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I want to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Both? You think I'm an alien!

wisecrack

1, pieces, no paste head. If you can't cross the river, don't complain that your crotch is full of water.

3, people die than people, and goods are thrown than goods.

4, Wowotou stepped on a foot, no good cake!

I have never been a soldier or a bandit!

6, the weasel lays down the mouse, a nest is not as good as a nest.

7. When a crow falls on a pig, no one should say who is black.

8, itchy skin is not terrible, terrible is itchy heart!

9. It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

10, the meat on the belly will only be thick, not thin.

1 1, garbage export, export garbage.

12, the weight is like a chicken's ass, and it is growing every year!

13, I would rather hit the wall than face the wall at home.

14, you boy, you are really crazy, and your breath is bigger than beriberi.

15, once the seas dried up and the rocks crumbled, but it was difficult to get together and disperse.

16, learning the sea is endless, and there are shortcuts in Shushan.

17, I looked at you yesterday, and my eyes still hurt.

18, 30 cents to buy two rotten eggplant, expensive and cheap is not a commodity.

19, as a typical failure, you are too successful!

20, radish eggplant a basket of vegetables, whose children do not love.

2 1, I can't get it, and it didn't take much effort to get it!

22. Whoever delays me for a while, I will make him regret it for life.

23. Sleeping is the best tool to test a teacher's teaching level.

24. There are no constant promises, only endless lies.

25. Baidu can't find the 30-degree smile on your mouth.

26, don't pull so far, who is sure that you can live to that day.

27. What is your vital capacity? You can blow cow B so big.

28. I have never been cheated, because no one has ever cheated me.

Whether cycling is fashionable or not depends on whether you are really poor.

30. When sows can climb trees and pigs think so.

3 1. My ideal is to be a bather of human soul.

32. Who says tofu can't kill people? Try changing frozen tofu next time.

The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

34. People like you can only live two episodes in one drama!

If you go first, don't blame me for betraying you.

God will certainly forgive me, because that's his profession.

37. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do.

38, the world is so wonderful, but I am so impatient, not good!

39. Pregnancy is just like pregnancy. It takes a long time for people to see it.

40. To tell the truth, people are all black and blue. Those liars were covered up before the resumption.

4 1, seriously anti-Italy, Phoenix Satellite TV interrupted TV series when playing advertisements!

42. Unfortunately, it was lost when it was time to lose, and it was not lost when it was time to lose.

43. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix kindergartens!

44. Happiness is a comparative level. You can only feel something at the bottom.

45. Only by looking at others severely can we see their shamelessness.

46. There are many ways to destroy friendship, and the most thorough way is to borrow money.

47. Your future depends on your dreams now, so go to sleep!

48. God said: Don't forget to take an umbrella when you go out. I will water the flowers later.

49. After this village, there is no such shop. After eating this steamed stuffed bun, there is no such stuffing.

50, holding the child's hand, I know that the child is ugly and full of tears. If the child doesn't go, I will go.

5 1, some idol dramas are too pure and really have no acting skills.

52. No matter how bad the mud is, as long as it turns to the wall, something can always stick.

Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

54. Besides love, there are radishes in other people's fields.

55. Life is sometimes like a computer. If it collapses, it collapses. It's not negotiable.

56. The highest state of shameless people is that they are completely unaware of their shameless.

57. Have you been thrown three times at birth and only been caught twice?

58. Asshole is the continuation of dreams and the embodiment of ideals. Come on for Asshole!

59. Say it out loud if you love me! Hate me and hide it in your heart all your life!

60. God, did you share a room in summer and winter? This kind of weather! .

6 1, the recent work is not outstanding, the performance is not outstanding, and the lumbar intervertebral disc is a little prominent.

62. Marriage is the grave of love. I love more. I want to sleep in the grave.

63. Not many people wash their hearts, but there are feet all over the street. Virtue is rare, and beauty is everywhere.

64. Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art.

65. I try to lose weight every day except during meals. You still say I have no perseverance?

If your ugliness can generate electricity, nuclear power plants all over the world can stop.

67. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

68. Football in China is April Fool's Day every day. It is fake to spend tens of dollars to watch a game.

69. The world is a giant doll machine. I just want to see you through the window.

If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

7 1, you can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig.

72. The old ladies on Naihe Bridge have sold Pepsi. How can I forget you?

73. Life is like an electrocardiogram. You want smooth sailing without ups and downs, unless you die.

74. I know all banquets must come to an end, but at least I want to eat well at the banquet!

75. A knowledgeable person is exquisite in all directions, a knowledgeable person is wise to protect himself, and a knowledgeable person is bleak all his life.

76. The most romantic thing I can think of is that you are getting older day by day while I am still young.

77. Life is short because you forget it when you are alive and suddenly realize it when you die.

78. My name is him in my girlfriend's mobile phone. After breaking up, I became it.

79. When they are in love, they promise to get married again in their next life. After marriage, they often suspect that destiny takes a hand's love was made in a previous life.

80. Praise cows, because I care about milk. Praise the sheep because of the aftertaste of mutton.

8 1, the only criterion for me to test whether a person is sexy is whether he eats much or not, and whether he eats well or not.

82. Buying a computer without broadband is like being a monk without eating.

83, the book has its own Yan Ruyu, I want to have sex with many women or keep proper relationship and study!

84. I want to find a man like King Kong to stand in the tallest building in America and give me a plane.

85. Actually, I can't tell jokes, but someone always asks me to tell one, and you laugh before I tell it.

Boss, is money really that important to you? You talked for more than three hours and didn't leave a penny behind?

Love quip

1, it's hard to love someone. Farthest you are my latest love, bound all my life. I think you are because of you. The greatest happiness in my life is having you by my side.

2. Weather forecast: I miss you a little from tonight to tomorrow morning. I expect to miss you continuously in the afternoon. Affected by this low mood, it will become a crazy dream at night, and the mood will be reduced by five degrees. It is expected that this weather will last until I see you.

There is no pain in liking someone. It may be a long pain to love someone, but the happiness he gives me is also the greatest happiness in the world.

4. Don't trust roses. This thing is expensive and perishable. If you want to believe, please believe my three tears, they are higher than yours 100 degrees Celsius-I love you! Just give me a glass of water every day, and I can pour it out for you every day!

5, the water is flowing, the fish is swimming, and there is no reason to love you; The wind is blowing and it is raining. I really want to hug and kiss you. What about love in heaven, love on earth and romance?

6. There is nothing wrong with being single, only beautiful single ladies and unattractive single ladies.

7. Torturing yourself is unrequited love, torturing others is sadism, and torturing others is love.

8. The temperature of love is like bath water. It's not that the hotter the better, but that you feel comfortable.

9. Most young people get married just for the moment they enter the bridal chamber, really to continue the big goal of incense. I'm afraid I won't choose one.

10 whenever I miss a girl, I put a brick on the mountain, and the world has the Great Wall.

1 1. Do you like me? If you like me, press it again. You really like me! I pressed it when I said I liked it. Press it again! I didn't expect you to like me so much, so moved! Press again! I like you too.

12. If there are 10,000 people in the world who love you, it must be me. If there is only one person in the world who loves you, it must be me. If no one in the world loves you, it must be that I am dead.

13, a thousand roses for you, you have to love yourself. Give you 1000 paper cranes to keep you away from your troubles. A thousand lucky stars are given to you, let good luck surround you. A thousand pistachios for you, let happiness accompany you. Give you a thousand meteors, demo ~ I can't believe I can't kill you!

14, the saddest and most confused thing is not that you know the moment you lost your love, but that you are still wandering and don't know that you have lost it.

15, the biggest emotional difference between men and women is the order, the former is bottom-up and the latter is top-down. Many misunderstandings stem from this basic point.

16, the moon is the most beautiful at night, and the stars at night are the most touching. We agreed to see the moon and the meteor shower. At the moment when the meteor passed, we made a wish: cherish each other forever!

17, love has not come yet, and life is carefree; The most painful things are tests and exams. I felt a lot of pressure at that time, but in retrospect, it was so small.

18, loneliness is not innate, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

19, groom: A person who makes a stunning appearance at a wedding unless he doesn't show up. Such people often go through a glorious course from slaves to generals.

20. I won't go to work until the sun comes out; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep!

2 1, if men take the initiative, women often choose to be reserved; If the man plays dumb, the woman will give a hint; If men still don't understand, women will be disappointed or leave.

22. I was still waiting for you, but you forgot that you had been here.

23. Don't lose heart, my friend. Without her, I would sleep less in bed and cook less in the kitchen.

24, marriage is to wear cotton-padded clothes freely, it is inconvenient to move, but it will be very warm.

25, you are happy and carefree, I am really infatuated with you, I am worried about you, and I have always been very sad and obsessed, and I dare not change my mind. Don't doubt. I'm tired of writing, and I'm afraid you didn't mean it.

26. Love is just a poison. Its biggest side effect is not to make people stupid, but to make people desperate rather than an antidote.

27. Baby, I love you just as mice love rice. You are the wind and phoenix flying in the sky. I am a jackal chasing on the ground. I won't hit you or scold you. I torture you with my feelings.

28, marriage certificate: let a woman legally drive a man's car or be driven by a woman to know the driver's license.

29. Some people are destined to wait for others, while others are destined to be waited for.

30. You are a little aura, I am a little silly, you are a little delicate, I am a little rustic, you are a little fragrant, and I am a little alcoholic. If you are angry, I won't lose my temper.

3 1. My hopes for you before marriage are mine, and what I want is yours. What is sure of you after marriage is mine, and what is mine is yours. After the divorce, you are still yours, and I am still mine.

32. A person is sitting in the chair of Acacia, holding the pen of Acacia, looking at the moon of Acacia, and writing the letter of Acacia. Every word of Acacia, every tear of Acacia is missing you. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and loving you is true!

33. Men have the idea of getting married after their careers fail, while women have the idea of marrying men after their careers succeed.

34. The distance between two points is the shortest in a straight line, and the distance between two lovers is also the shortest.

35. The more mature the husband who is deeply loved by his wife, the less mature the wife who is spoiled by her husband.

36, Qian Shan Wanshui always has feelings, love me all my life, and I will come to you when I get married. Walking is so tiring!

37. The difference between liking and liking is simple. If you love a flower, you will water it. Take it off if you like!

38. Fate is powerless, which is beyond our control. What we can do is to cherish the short time when karma met.

39. I look forward to every time the stars fill the sky. But the appearance of this scene is an illusion. Every day, I am haggard. This irretrievable point should be a moving day, a moving day, and a moving day!

40. Love is putting your heart and soul into it, and then pulling it away!

4 1. When the night was put in bed again during the day, the sun was born.

42. You, the moon and my earth will unswervingly take you away. I use my mobile phone to express my love and make a request for love. Please allow me to look at you affectionately and walk around hand in hand.

43. Five hundred years ago, you were a regular worker in our family. I fell in love with you the other day when I peeked at your posture of cutting vegetables in the window. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time!

44. Bride: A girl became a woman overnight. An unfortunate person changed from a woman to a maid a month later.

I have told you many times that you should be careful not to go out at night, but you just won't listen. That was not the case. I dreamed again last night, which made me unwilling to wake up!

46. I am a young man, everyone loves me, flowers bloom and flowers fall, and cars have a flat tire! ! ! Every time I walk down the street, either a handsome guy turns around or a beautiful woman jumps off a building!

47. Love is a habit. You are used to having him in your life, and he is used to having you in his life. I don't feel anything when I get it, but once I lose it, it's like losing everything.

48. Some people say that women like to lie; If a woman can get royalties for all her stories, she will easily become rich.

49. To be a girl, you must stand up to lies, love perfunctory, endure deception, forget promises, let go of everything, and finally cover up your tears with laughter!

50. Love will end when it comes to an end. At that time, you didn't want to end it.

5 1, my girlfriend used to feel inferior, so I spared no effort to enlighten her. As a result, now she is full of confidence and despises me!

52. Long ago, human beings discovered that fate is wonderful. When you and I met online, our meeting was a classic. Can we meet?

53. If you are a fish, then I am a fishhook, and I want to catch you; If you are a hill, then I am a river on the side of the mountain, and I want to walk around you; If you are a steamed stuffed bun, then I am a bowl of mutton soup, and I want to soak you.

54. Seeing your smile is the happiest thing in the world, seeing your tears is the most unforgettable thing in the world, seeing your anger is the most unforgettable thing in the world, and not seeing your information is the most pitiful thing in the world!

If marriage is the grave of love, then if there is no marriage, love will not have a good end.

56. Love is a disease that must be cured by marriage. Marriage is a disease and must be treated by divorce. Divorce is a disease that must be cured by death.

57. Talk in a dream: What lovers will say during the day and what husbands will say at night.

If you take advantage of a woman, please don't be complacent. If it is convenient, she will pick you up later.

59. If you can't change the ending, improve the process.

60. If a woman is hard-hearted, she can hardly knock in a nail.

6 1, love can certainly break all kinds of obstacles; However, money can break all kinds of love!

62. Relationship after breaking up; You can't be friends, because you have hurt each other, and you can't be enemies, because you loved each other deeply.

63. The fastest walk is the most beautiful scenery, and the deepest hurt is the truest feelings!

64, like a grandson when you are in love, obedient; After engagement, learn to talk back like a son; Give orders like Lao Zi after marriage.

65. If a drop of water falls from the sky, it will be a tear that I miss you. If two drops of water fall from the sky, it is my heartbreaking love for you. What would a fool think if there were countless drops of water in the sky? It is raining!

66. The image of a man has only one use: soaking in mm. So once MM gets her hands on it, this MM will be very sad to find that this man has no image at all.

67. Men love romance, but if you get a romantic woman, I'm afraid men will give up.

68. Men often want to be women's first love, while women want to be men's last romantic history.

69. Disappointment is sometimes a kind of happiness, and it is only because of expectation that you will be disappointed. Because there is love, there will be expectations, so even disappointment is a kind of happiness, although this happiness is a bit painful.

70. If I have a choice, I want to be a cat. I can be spoiled in the sun. I must be a lazy cat! But I will definitely surf the Internet, because I want to be spoiled in your arms.

7 1, excessive love, only two seasons: cute and unlovable; There are only two voices in the night sky of love: luck and misfortune; There are only two kinds of scenery on the road of love: mine and ours.

72. What pleases women most is to dampen men's conceit, and what pleases men most is to satisfy women's conceit.

73. The flowers in the wall are red outside, so there is no way to pick flowers. If you want to spend, you have to thank, and a joy is empty.

74. I love you all my life. It's true. Please believe me, you are the only one for me. I can't live without you. Only I know your heart best, and your eyes are the gentlest. To understand my mind, please look at the third word of each sentence!

75. I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive. I tried to comfort you, but I didn't learn. I want to give you a ring, but it's still in the safe. I have to send you a message. I hope we will never screw up.

76. You know, I hate you, because you stole my heart, my love and my feelings, and will occupy the rest of my life. What I hate most is that you waste a dime of my mobile phone fee!

77. It's a little sad to love you! I give my heart as always. Why create reasons for hesitation? Is my promise not sonorous enough, persistent enough and long enough? Loving you is doomed to be seriously injured. Beautiful love should not be bleak!

78. If I turn into loess, the growing grass will be green for you and the blooming yellow flowers will be fragrant for you; If I become a clear spring, the fish will dance for you, and the spring will be song for you.

79. I made a wish in front of the Buddha, hoping to become a small tree and stand by the roadside where you pass every day. I hang love and miss all over the branches, hoping that one day you will fall in love with me!