Post-90 s jokes

it should be

Profound service lady (2) (continue to laugh)

The table is full and the leaders are here. The house was full of greetings.

The waitress next to the party is beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous.

Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" "

Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you counting?" The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog."

Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" As soon as the manager came in, he put his hand down and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?"

The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Ask about the age of this young lady."

The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "

The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders.

Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds.

After 30 days of drinking, a dish came up: "Stewed tortoise!"

Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone dialed the king with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" "

The leader looked at the turtle's crazy shaking head and was unhappy. He didn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he didn't want to go against everyone's good wishes. He tasted the soup with a spoon and said, "Good, good! Please feel free. "

Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger.

After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?"

The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"

This time, the leader didn't hear the words of "bad luck" and was very happy. He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!"

For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?"

The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?"

Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow.

Ancient poetry! (new edition)

Rizhao incense burner produces purple smoke,

Li Bai came to the bathroom.

Flying down from 3,000 feet,

Shit, there is no toilet paper.

Seeing Du Mu shit,

Busy begging for toilet paper.

Du Mu has only one piece of paper.

Two brothers made it together!

Apples and ass

A female teacher who graduated from Fan Gang drew an apple on the blackboard.

The teacher asked the students, "Children, who knows what is painted on the blackboard?"

The children scrambled to answer, "It's a donkey!" "

The teacher was so angry that his face was full of tears that he went to the headmaster to judge.

The headmaster reprimanded the students: "You are really not sensible. The teacher is so good, you still make her cry. "

The headmaster looked at the blackboard and said, "Who is it? And drew an ass on the blackboard? ! ! "

Ten jokes about God

1, a priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed, and the priest scolded, "Damn, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" " The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest. "The words sound just fell and she heard a loud thunder chopping the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of god from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

2. Believer: "Almighty God, how long is 10,000 years for you?"

God: "I blinked."

Believer: "What about 654.38 billion?"

God: "It's just a hair of mine."

Believer: "Oh, merciful God, please give me a hair."

God: "No problem, I'll give it to you in a blink."

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

4. There was a man who had a son in middle age and liked him very much. He tried to bring up his son and put him through college. His son is dressed in a suit and has a red face, but he is ragged and hungry. He saved money to buy a house for his son, married a wife, and became old himself. However, his son was unfilial and kicked him out of the house on a stormy night. The old man came to a ruined temple to take shelter from the rain. The old man was very sad and sighed: God, why is it so unfair to me? After a flash of lightning, an old voice said, "This is karma." At this time, the old man saw an older man coming in and out of the corner of the ruined temple. The old man was startled: "Are you a god?" The older man said, "asshole! You kicked me out more than twenty years ago. I'm your father. You don't know me anymore? "

In the barber's shop, when the priest finished cutting his hair and paying the money, the barber said, "I won't accept your money, so I will serve God." The next morning, the barber saw a thank-you letter and some bibles at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a policeman had to pay for a haircut. The barber said, "I don't accept your money. I only serve our community."

The next morning, the barber saw another thank-you letter and some community service manuals at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a government official came to have a haircut. When paying, the barber said to him, "I don't charge you, so I only charge go-vern-ment." The next morning, the barber saw a row of go-vern-ments standing in front of the door.

6. One day, Clinton's wife, Chirac, was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, some walking fast and some walking slowly. So she asked God's servant, "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches don't go so fast? "

The servant of God said, "These watches represent human life. Everyone in the world has a watch. If he has a lot of business, his watch will go fast, but if he has no business, his watch will go slow. "

Chirac looked around and said, "Why didn't I see my husband Clinton's watch?" The servant of God said, "Your husband's watch was taken to the office by God as an electric fan!

7. An old couple born in the same year and the same month lived together for 35 years. Today, they held a grand banquet to celebrate their 60th birthday. During the dinner, God came. God praised the old couple as a real "loving couple" and promised to give each of them a wish. The old lady said excitedly, "We are poor. I just want to have a good look at the world and make a trip around the world. "

God waved his hand, and with a bang, a dozen plane tickets fell into the old lady's hand from the air. It's the old man's turn to make a wish. He thought for a moment and said, "I want to marry a woman 30 years younger than me."

Here comes God again. Bang! ……

The old man suddenly turned 90.

8. God pinched a person with mud, and there was a person from then on;

There were white people first-because God put clay figurines on the fire and roasted them lightly;

Secondly, there are blacks-because they are worried that the heat will not reach the result;

Later, when we mastered the best temperature, we became yellow, so we were God's most successful masterpiece.

9. Little Peter proudly said to his friend, "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him a respected priest."

Little Paul said, "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him your Excellency."

Rakus Jr. was unconvinced: "What's the big deal? My uncle weighs 150kg. "

When everyone saw him, they all shouted, "Oh! Oh, my God! "

10, if you don't reply, God will be angry and the consequences will be very serious; Look at the above, God is very satisfied, bless you to earn more RMB. Amen!

The most powerful magic weapon in Journey to the West-mobile phone! !

It is said that the four men have been on the road to learn from the scriptures for too long. Human science and technology have developed rapidly. There are mobile base stations everywhere in China. One day, they went to a post station and saw the banner "China moves the Shenzhou card while learning from the scriptures". They couldn't resist the temptation, so they sold the Zijin bowl and bought a mobile phone.

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Pig Bajie sent messages to Gao Laozhuang's wife while walking, and at the same time flirted with spider essence and centipede essence.

The Monkey King's hometown is too far away from the mainland, and there is no base station installed. the Monkey King of Huaguoshan can't be contacted, so he is very angry.

No one usually hits Tang Priest, but he keeps bookkeeping on his mobile phone with account books, three steamed buns and two pickles. ...

Friar Sand is quite sophisticated. He photographed the scenery with his mobile phone while walking, and then posted his travel notes online. Earn the manuscript fee at the same time. He hasn't gone halfway to learn from the scriptures. He is already a famous travel writer. ...

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One day, I went to a small demon cave, and the monster came out to rob me. The Monkey King was in no hurry and didn't even bother to mention the stick. He called 1 10 directly, and Brother * * took the monster away. ...

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Three goblins just appeared in the Lion Tuo Cave, and the Monkey King called Tathagata. "Tathagata? Your bird, lion and elephant have all escaped. Take them away quickly, or I'll call the zoo! Sue you for cruelty to animals! ! "

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Tang Priest called Tathagata every day, chattered endlessly, reported the difficulties on the road, and told his men, "Put away your goblins quickly and let Tang Priest go quickly, otherwise complaining once a day will make me sick to death."

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When he arrived at Wuzhuangguan, Zhenyuan Daxian presented ginseng fruit. Pig is very careful this time. He took out his mobile phone and watched it again and again. Daxian was surprised and asked him what he was looking at. Bajie said, "Find an anti-counterfeiting label and make a fake identification call!"

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Four people went to a widow's house for the night and slept soundly in the middle of the night. All four people's mobile phones rang, and a voice rang in unison-"Are you looking for a young lady?" The Monkey King said impatiently, "Mother Lishan, Nanhai Bodhisattva, stop pretending. We will not be fooled. I know your mobile phone number. "

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White turned into a beautiful woman, carrying a basket full of food, trying to lure the four masters and apprentices into being fooled. The Tang priest, who had been silent, burst out laughing and pointed at the woman and said, "She is a demon!" " The Monkey King asked curiously, "Why does Master have a critical eye?" Tang Priest proudly raised his mobile phone and said, "The camera of my mobile phone has infrared perspective function, and 5,200 silver is not white, hehe."

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Pig Bajie peeped at the spider essence in the silk cave to take a bath and was entangled in the demon silk. Bajie, who has always been weak, turned on his mobile phone and rang the insect repellent bell. In the intermittent ultrasonic oscillation wave, the spider essence twitched and rolled its eyes. Pig Bajie came out of the net and said, "Small sample, do you still think you are Spider-Man?"

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When they arrived at Tongtian River, they saw that the river was wide and sad for a while, so they went to Chen Laotou's house for the night. Chen Laotou complained that the monsters in this river wanted to eat their children. The Monkey King was furious and called the China Office for Combating Trafficking in Women and Children. After a long time, the monster hung up the phone ... the four men crossed the river in a huge old turtle. The old turtle had no other requirements, just wanted to know when he could get someone. Pig Bajie usually plays with these gossip things.

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Four people came to a farmer's house for alms. Seeing four people holding mobile phones, all of which are the latest models, the peasant woman said angrily, "Why do you need to beg when you have so much money to buy a mobile phone?" Tang Priest said unhurriedly, "To tell you the truth, elder sister, we are all sent from above to the grassroots for exercise. This mobile phone is treated as a civil servant, not our private one. " When the peasant woman heard "Shangbian", she was so scared that she quickly gave them the rice.

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Tang Priest suspected that the Monkey King spoke ill of Tathagata with his mobile phone, so he drove the Monkey King away. The Monkey King was depressed and went to the Dragon Palace as a guest. The Dragon King saw the Monkey King carrying a mobile phone around his waist. He was envious and wanted to buy one. The Monkey King laughed at him and said, "There is no signal in the water. What is the use of buying it? " After that, he pulled out the golden hoop from his ear and threw it back to the Dragon King, saying, "Since I have a mobile phone, I don't need it, so I'll give it back to you!"

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The ringtone of Tang's monk's mobile phone is a "jackfruit classic", and the alarm clock is the morning bell in his temple that year; The Monkey King's ringtone is "Men should strive for self-improvement", and the alarm clock is the cry of a lark in Huaguoshan that year; Pig Bajie's ringtone is vulgar, "The moon represents my heart", and the alarm clock is shouting "Eat! ! "； Friar Sand's ringtone is an ordinary ringtone, and there is no alarm clock at all-the alarm clocks of the other three people have all rung. Do you still need to set it yourself?

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Tang Priest went to his daughter's country to attend the king's banquet. Knowing that it was a break-in, he arranged in advance when the Monkey King would call him. After three rounds of wine and five flavors of food, the king of the daughter country began to blink. He walked slowly to Tang Yan, just to hook up. Tang Yan's cell phone rang and Tang Yan answered the phone. "Hey, wife, I'm still eating. Go home right away. " After that, the Tang Priest accused him and ran away.

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Liu Er's macaque pretended to be the Monkey King, and two monkeys fell from the sky and hit the ground, turning it upside down. Finally, he arrived at the Jade Emperor Temple, and the Jade Emperor ordered him to take a photo with the magic mirror, but he couldn't see it. Two monkeys flew to the Western Heaven and asked if the Tathagata was true or false. Tathagata can't tell. Suddenly, he had a brainwave, picked up his mobile phone and dialed a number. The song "Men should strive for self-improvement" comes from one of the monkeys. The Tathagata was furious and pointed to another monkey and said, "Bad karma! Pretending to be the Monkey King is incomplete. You can't pretend to be the monkey's cell phone number. Take it! " Afterwards, Wukong wrote a thank-you letter to China Mobile.

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The Monkey King was put into a gourd by King Jinjiao, and he could not escape. Suddenly a voice came from the gourd-"I'm an old gentleman, asshole, how dare you pretend to be me with a gourd?" King Jinjiao recognized his master's voice and panicked. He quickly opened the gourd. The Monkey King jumped out and raised his mobile phone and said, "Hey, thank you, Laojun, and invite you to dinner another day."

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When the four of them came to the Flame Mountain and saw a raging fire blocking the road, Wukong asked Leigong Dian Mu to do it, but the fire was no ordinary fire and water could not put it out. Wukong had a brainwave, bought a * * * device, and sent a message to hundreds of thousands of users-"The world's largest gold mine was discovered in Flame Mountain". Then the four of them lay comfortably at the foot of the mountain, eating and drinking, and watched the tens of thousands of contractors who heard the news bulldoze the mountain.

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Finally, they went to the Western Heaven, and the four of them easily sold their weapons. When they arrived at the Dalai Temple in the Western Heaven, they saw a coke machine. Everyone took out their mobile phones and sent a message to this machine, slamming out four cans of coke. Tathagata was jealous when he saw that four people had reached the Western Heaven so easily by mobile phone, and wanted to give them another problem. They sent them a batch of white scriptures. On the way back, I found that the scriptures were fake, so I came back to look for them. Aga waiter wants to blackmail, and the only valuable Zijin bowl has been sold. Waiters want their mobile phones. Unexpectedly, the four people threw the scriptures back to them and said, "Sorry, the scriptures." Pig Bajie sarcastically said to the waiter, "It's all online now. What's the use of taking it?"

Tang Priest said to his mobile phone, "Arlene (king of the daughter country), I am in the Western Heaven. Are you free?" If you are free, send a Boeing 747 to pick me up. "

The Monkey King said to his cell phone, "Monkey 2, have you signed the contract for exporting fruit? (Huaguoshan has connected the phone and started a fruit import and export company) "

Friar Sand said to his mobile phone, "Let's print the first edition for 300,000 yuan, and the royalties will be as usual. (Friar Sand is already a well-known writer in China, with both fame and fortune) "

Pig Bajie said to his mobile phone, "Have Gao Laozhuang and Zhuangzi jointly contracted? Yes, the party's policy is good. I'm going back to open a pig farm. "

If it is good, adopt it.

thank you