Here’s a joke, a new one.

1. The only difference between me and Superman is: I wear underwear inside.

2. I am not a casual person, but I am not a casual person.

3. I am in the world, but there are no legends about me in the world...

4. Follow other people's paths and leave others with nowhere to go.

5. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually ran around naked for 19 years!

6. I would rather believe that there are ghosts in the world than believe in a man’s bad mouth!

1. If the water is extremely clear, there will be no fish; if the people are extremely humble, they will be invincible.

2. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel - my mother said, it is a birdman.

3. Time is the same as cleavage, if you squeeze it there will still be some.

4. One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers, unless there is one male and one female.

5. Don’t be careless about animals that are still alive after bleeding for a week...

6. I, a college student, have goals in life: a peasant woman, a mountain spring, and some farmland.

7. Women remember: they must eat well, have fun, sleep well and drink well. Once we are exhausted, other women will spend our money, live in our room, sleep with our husband, have sex with our boyfriend, and even beat our children.

1. In spring, I buried myself in the land at the entrance of the village, and in autumn I harvested many handsome men. Then I changed the name of the village to "Handsome Guy Village", and I got my wish and became the village chief.

2. One day, I dreamed that I had spent all my money. When I woke up, my pocket was really empty...

3. I have made great progress in losing weight. Success, you see, all three of my chins are pointed!

4. The trouble with chocolate is: when you eat it, it’s gone.

5. Don’t wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

6. If my friends can sell them for five yuan each, I can make a small fortune.

7. A big belly is not scary. What is scary is that it is big and empty.

8. The biggest advantage of going on a blind date is that if there are problems in your marriage in the future, you can shift the responsibility to the matchmaker.

9. If a woman shows herself to be generous first, then a man will not dare to be stingy.

10. People are born on the bed and die on the bed. If they want to live or die, they are also on the bed.

1. Wizard, please tell the princess that I am still on the road of overcoming thorns and thorns. There are still snow-capped mountains that have not been climbed, rivers that have not been crossed, giant dragons that have not been killed, and beauties that have not been bathed... Tell her to continue sleeping!

2. My crush is a stunning beauty, and one day she will come to marry me riding a fire-breathing dinosaur. However, at the end of the story, I only saw her mount, but not its owner.

1. If a tree doesn’t want its bark, it will definitely die; if a person doesn’t have shame, it will be invincible.

2. Do nothing but do nothing, do nothing but do nothing.

3. The true meaning of an iron rice bowl is not to have food to eat in one place, but to have food to eat wherever you go throughout your life.

4. If you are cool, you will be cool, and you will have the chastity of being cool; if you are humble, you will be humble, and if you are humble, you will have dignity.

5. If eating more fish can make people smarter, then I must have eaten at least a pair of whales...

6. Success in life does not lie in getting a good pair of fish. cards, but how to play bad cards well.

8. When you were born, you cried and everyone smiled; when you left, you smiled and everyone cried.

10. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them find it.

11. In a few decades, we will meet, be sent to the crematorium, and burn to ashes. You will be in a pile, I will be in a pile, no one knows each other, and we will all be sent to the countryside to be used as fertilizer. .

2. Experts look at doorways, laymen look at sidewalks.

3. Don’t step on the wild flowers on the roadside!

4. I met a MM with a personalized signature: I don’t know how to play chess, calligraphy and painting, but I’m tired of doing laundry and cooking.

5. Encountered a GG personalized signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

6. Encountered an old Shaanxi personality with his signature: Ugly girls tend to cause mischief, black buns tend to contain vegetables.

7. Encountered our teacher’s personalized signature: Tell you that the teacher is very angry now, and the consequences will be very serious

8. Encountered a writer’s personalized signature: Maybe it seems like, However, this may not necessarily be the case.

9. When you encounter a love saint’s personalized signature: What you have said does not count, the person you like changes every day.

10. When you meet the sleeping king in the class, his signature is: three full meals in the morning, noon and evening, and six empty stomachs before and after meals.

1. Offline on time at 12 midnight! Otherwise, the princess will turn back into Cinderella.

2. Hello, is this China Mobile? My name is China Unicom and my PHS is broken. Can you send China Railway Telecom to fix it?

3. I am an academician of the Advanced Diving Academy of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, a Nobel Prize for long-term disconnection, and an Oscar for lifetime invisibility...

4. I wish to be a winged bird in heaven, and a fellow traveler on earth. pig!

7. Five Horses Dismembered——Would you like a piece?

8. God said: "Let there be light." I said: "No!" So we had dark night.

9. I pinned the KONKA TV remote control to my waistband and pretended to have bought a new NOKIA mobile phone.

10. I think I would enjoy the morning if it came later.

2. Life is so fucking fun, because life keeps fucking playing with me.

3. Buddha said: "It takes 500 looks back in the past life in exchange for one pass in this life." I would rather exchange one pass in the next life in exchange for 500 looks back in this life.

4. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used them to roll my eyes.

5. I am an actor, and my eyes widen when I see a beautiful girl...

6. The reason why angels can fly is because they take themselves very lightly...

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7. I want to fall in love early, but it’s too late...

9. I only believe in two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

10. Don’t speak English in front of me in the future, okay?

1. Get away from me as far as your thoughts go!

2. The hooligans are not scary, but the hooligans are educated.

3. Guests, please respect yourself, this little girl only sells herself but not her art.

4. You can’t satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

7. Go the way of NB and let SB speak!

8. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge!

9. Zi said on the river: "It would be great to have a boat!"

10. Driving is not difficult, I'm afraid there are new people!

1. We are looking for little girls, and *** will come with us to fill the water; I will fill the head of the Yangtze River, and you will fill the tail of the Yangtze River.

2. Love at first sight, then fades, and then exhausts.

3. A person is not alone, only when he wants to be alone is he lonely.

4. Born, easy. Life is easy. Life is not easy.

5. If I could see my back, I think it must be very sad, because I left all my happiness in front!

6. Work QQ, no small talk, if you want to force a chat, it will cost you 50 cents per word; punctuation marks, half price, for more than 1,000 words, 20% off; emoticons, 10 yuan monthly subscription, voice and video, not available yet Activation; make payment first and then chat, chat as soon as payment is received, pay online, provide invoice; no monthly rent payment, individual charges, holidays and weekends, business as usual; agents are wanted,

1. If there is a problem first Find the cause within yourself, and don’t blame the lack of gravity on the earth when you have constipation.

2. The road is long and long, and I will go up and down to ask for help.

4. Knit me a scarf and I am willing to repay you with my lifelong care. Otherwise, just strangle me with your scarf!

5. Men pretend to understand when they don’t understand, but women do the opposite.

6. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of China’s family planning work this year, I have decided not to have contact with friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

1. When birds are big, they can be found in any forest.

2. The garden is filled with spring scenery and I can’t keep it in, so I pull Hongxing out of the wall.

3. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes.

4. I thought I was decadent, but today I found out that I was already scrapped.

5. I am my old man and my wife is my wife, my wife is my wife and I am my wife.

6. I regard money as dirt, and my father regards me as a cesspool.

7. I drank to drown the pain, but this damn pain learned to swim.

8. I am your kite, the string is in your hand, but the only thing that accompanies me is the wind.

9. Others are pretending to be serious, so I can only pretend to be unserious.

1. Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money!

2. When I’m drunk, I won’t accept anyone, so I’ll hold on to the wall!

3. I’m like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but looking for No way out.

4. Senior brother, do you know? The second brother's meat is now more expensive than the master's.

6. If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if the people are humble, they will be invincible.

7. Youth is like toilet paper. There is a lot of it, but once you use it, it is not enough~

8. Pregnancy is like pregnancy. It takes a long time for people to notice it. .

9. Friends around me, hurry up and become famous, so that my memoirs can sell well~~~

12. I have always regarded handsome guys and money as dirt. , and they have always looked at me like this

13. Don’t compare yourself to me, I am too lazy to compare with you

16. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four things to say Say. Including this sentence and the previous two sentences. I have finished what I said...

18. My big name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata. ..

21. The farmer’s three punches hurt a little

22. In fact, I have always been very popular: when I was a child, everyone loved me, but now I am loved by bitches

23. Don’t be afraid of enemies who are like tigers, but be afraid of teammates who are like pigs

24. Go your own way and let others take a taxi

25. Carrying mice Knife, look for cats all over the street

26. As long as you work hard and poop seriously

27. Who is the fastest in China? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because it is said that Cao Cao and Cao Cao have arrived

29. Only when there is a long queue at the train station can you truly realize that you are the "descendant of the dragon."

32. Lie down wherever you fall

33. If the tiger doesn’t show its power, you think I am HELLO KITTY!

34. A donkey is a wrong idea~

◆A woman is fat, plump, slim, tall, slender, short, petite; a fat man is fat, a pig is thin, a rib is tall, a bamboo pole Short is a winter melon

◆Professor: 90% of adult women in our country are not virgins. The president sent a letter to other 10% of women. Have you heard about this? The girls shook their heads. "Then you haven't received the letter!"

◆"How much do you love me?" "As much as a dime." "That's all?" "Isn't it just a dime?" "Very good?"

◆You are very creative. Living is your courage. Being ugly is not your intention. It is God who lost his temper. If you live without you, who will bring out the beauty of the world? !

01. The early bird catches the worm, the early bird catches the worm!

02. I was arguing with a girl about whether whales are fish. Finally, I said, "Japanese people also have personal characters", and she finally agreed that whales are not fish.

03. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

04. If replying was a virtue, I would have become a saint long ago.

05. Life cannot be like cooking, where you have to prepare all the ingredients before cooking.

07. Wear other people’s shoes, go your own way, and let them find it.

08. There is a very old legend, saying that people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever...

09. Could it be that if eggs all over the world unite? Can it break a stone? ! So you have to be more realistic...

11. Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I couldn’t even drink the northwest wind...

12. I also had a pair Wings, but I didn’t use them to fly in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup...

15. Today a group of Japanese people came to visit our school - to be honest, this is the first time I have seen it To the Japanese wearing clothes!

16. Go as far as your thoughts go! ! !

17. I am very poor, my servant is also very poor, my gardener is also very poor, my driver is also very poor...

18. The bank said when charging: "This is in line with international practice!" The service said: "China's national conditions must be considered!"

23. My friend's name on his girlfriend's mobile phone was "him". Later they broke up and it became "It"...

24. Don't come to me if you have nothing to do, and don't come to me if you have something to do!

27. What can I do to kill your lover...

28. The Internet is like a prison. You enter with a stolen wallet, but when you get out, everything is gone. Learned.

31. Master! Just obey me!

32. I love you! What does it have to do with you?

33. There is no limit to learning, only to return to the shore!

37. I really want to call your grandfather: Dad!

38. Beijing University of Science and Technology deceived me for four years of college, so I plan to use the knowledge that Beijing University of Science and Technology taught me to deceive society for the rest of my life!

40. When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock...

41. I have never seen such a disgusting school - book the midterm exam On May 8th! ! ! (Taboo)

42. House prices are getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men...

43. If I become the emperor, I will make you the prince!

45. Never becoming an outstanding college student depends on strong character!

46. Damn it, I got complained! The customer said that the mp3 file I gave him had no images!

48. Reduce the number of boys behind each girl to 6!

49. The sun rises in the east and rains in the west. The teacher is ruthless and I am affectionate. So I have to fight with my classmates during the exam!

50. Hugging is really a strange thing. They are so close but can’t see each other’s faces

1. What the RMB should do is to follow the path of the US dollar and let the US dollar There is no way to go.

2. A priest who does not want to be an abbot is not a good priest!

3. If you can’t bear it anymore, just bear it again!

4. He knows astronomy from the top and geography from the bottom, but he doesn’t understand English.

5. A good horse does not eat grass when it turns back, because there is no grass when it turns back.

6. Life is like shit. Even though you have worked very hard, what comes out is still shit.

7. Sleeping means you have to get up tomorrow~~! !

9. In 2009, as a post-80s generation, I still have a playful and smiling face!

10. A soldier who doesn’t want to be a soldier is not a good soldier

11. He looks quite fat, but he still looks quite fat after taking off his clothes!

14. A girl’s sincerity is valuable, but a young woman’s price is higher. If a rich woman is around, both can be thrown away.

15. I swear I will never swear again!

16. I am short of money, lack of women, and short of heart, but he is not immoral!

18. Cherish drugs and stay away from life.

19. Half of my life is bad luck, and the other half is dealing with bad luck.

20. Does true love still exist? Of course there are, there are a lot of them in TV series.

21. Flowers bloom not to fall, but to bloom more brilliantly.

22. If you are stupid, you are too smart!

23. Start from the heart

24. Legally speaking: a sexual relationship based on money is prostitution. I send you a text message and we have a "letter" Although the relationship is only a dime, I can still count as having prostituted you in my life!

25. Even though I lied to you, you have to believe me!

26. Women’s tears are the most useless liquid, but if you make a woman cry, it means you are useless.

27. Haha,,,, living is the last word.

28. As long as you live, one day your life will burn out, your body will return to the earth, and flowers and plants will bloom. The soul turns into memories and lives forever in people's hearts. Everything in the world is endless and cyclical, and so is human life.

29. In public situations, I often choose to be polite, but in private I often disgrace myself.

30. There are two types of men: one is lustful and the other is very lustful; there are two types of women: one pretends to be pure and the other pretends to be impure.

31. There is something special about ugly people, they are particularly ugly. The best among people.

31. I am very tired today. I just want to say four sentences, including what I said before and what follows. I have finished.

32. Before the exam, I thought I knew everything. After the exam, I realized that I didn’t understand anything.

33. It is better to spend money to spend the money and spend the sun.

34. Ugly people are also human beings. Because you are ugly, you are also a human being.

35. Busy---busy with your heart. Without your heart, you will be dead...

36. Hatred is like fire. Hate others but burn yourself.

37. Children who live in fairy tales will die in fairy tales.

39. Don’t test people, people cannot stand the test.

40. Joke bar catchphrase: I am also an Ox this year!

1. If you push me again, I will pretend to be dead for you!

2. Not only do I have a car, I also drive my own bicycle!

3. If you like it, I’ll buy it for you... (After realizing the other person’s anger) Oh no, it’s “Brother, I’ll buy it for you!”

4. There are so many people who despise me, who do you think you are?

5. Even if you beat me to death, you haven’t even used a beauty trick yet!

6. Not only do I have good luck, but I also have good athlete’s foot!

7. Mirrors always reflect light!

8. Is there a P for handsome? Maybe he will be eaten by pawns!

9. Don’t worry if you leave it to me, nothing can go wrong!

10. Don’t be nervous, I’m not a good person...

12. Don’t thank me, how can I have the nerve to collect money from you after thanking you!

13. Don’t tell me to come here—I am Afanti!

14. If you don’t pay attention to me, then I will become a dog and ignore you!

15. When will the bright moon come? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

16. If you can’t reach it, try stepping on the right foot with your left foot.

17. Some people are alive, but she is already dead. Some people are alive, but he should have died long ago!

18. You said...you like me? Actually...at first...I actually...well, let me tell you, I actually like myself quite a lot.

19. Do you want to drink water, water, or water? It’s up to you!

20. The green hills are still there, just a little red.

21. Hey, say what should be said, and whisper what should not be said.

22. Scholars Can you call it stealing?

23. I hate it, don’t ask single men such questions!

24. Zi once said: Don’t regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital!

25. Don’t think that just because I am handsome, you think I am unattainable and unattainable. In fact, I am open to all rivers.

26. The weather is good today, windy and rainy.

27. As a typical failure, you are so successful!

28. I really want to get rid of this little bug, but my tongue is not long enough...

29. The feet of three cobblers stink as much as one Zhuge Liang.

30. In this golden autumn with red maple leaves...

31. One will cut the thyroid hormone, and the other will not.

32. I will tie you up if you bother me again. Let’s borrow arrows from the straw boat!

33. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. You have to pay back the money you owe!

34. A: Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let’s go to a restaurant, I’ll pay for the water pipe.

35 .Is there anything that should be left behind?

36. I have a blue dragon on my left and a white tiger on my right, with a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my waist.

38. A: It’s hard to swallow this revenge without revenge. Such a bad breath.

B: How can I make you die?

40. She is so fat that I can’t even twist her arm with my thighs.

41 .There is a road in the mountain of books, first of all, it is clear, and there is no limit to the sea of ??learning. Eight treasures are used to make porridge.

42. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandsons.

43. I can do my homework well!

44.A: Have you done your homework?

B: Sit down! Well, it’s still warm under the buttocks... You want it? Here you go.

45. Who is in charge today? He didn’t even wipe the blackboard!

46. How much does this shoe cost per pound?

47. My dog ??eyes were really blinded back then...

48. Is this blind man a blind man? ?

1. Ernong plays with pigs

2. If you kill the birdman, I will be an angel!

4. Live well, because we will die for a long time!!!

5. Have you ever heard the story of "The big pig said yes, and the little pig said no"?

7. Artificial intelligence and natural stupidity cannot be compared - because we advocate pure nature.

8. We should keep quiet when listening to sermons in church. It is very impolite to disturb others' sleep.

10. People are not smart, yet they imitate others’ baldness! !

11. You are electricity, Li Siguang, you are the only myth...

12. The scary thing about stupid people is not that they are stupid, but that they are smart.

13. I am always wandering between A and C.

14. If you are not afraid of being used, you are afraid of being useless.

16. At noon on the day of hoeing, bend your bow and shoot at the big eagle

17. The hair is gone without a trace, and the dandruff is even more outstanding!

18. Don’t come to me if you have nothing to do, and don’t come to me if you have something to do.

19. I would rather fight with someone who understands than say a word to SB!

20. A big woman cannot be without power for a day, and a little woman cannot be without money for a day!

21. If Heaven fails me, I will be Hao; if you fail me, I will be shaken!

22. The garden is filled with spring scenery and I can’t keep it in. I lure Hongxing out of the wall.

24. Since ancient times, no one has ever died. He doesn’t need paper to poop.

25. Is it okay not to steam the steamed buns to get a good reputation?

26. His knife is cold, his sword is cold, his heart is cold, and his blood is cold. Damn, is this man not dead?

27. Live great and die under flowers!

28. If I lose this life, I don’t want the next life either.

29. I love you! What does it have to do with you?

31. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

32. No matter how awesome Chopin is, he can’t express my sadness!

33. Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he left the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience? ! !

34. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationships.

35. As long as the hoe dance is good, is there any corner that cannot be dug?

36. You don’t have to study hard, but you can’t not review well.

37. I learned a saying from a friend: Ten words for you - as far as the fuck goes, get the fuck as far away as you can~ I remember the first time he said this to a group of us, I saw everyone counting on their fingers below to see if they had ten words...

38. The best way to deal with people who cover up their ignorance by keeping silent is to respond in their own way. Treat the person's body.

40. You even believe the advertisements. You are stupid by reading!

41. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage, or money!

42. The reason for constipation is that the earth’s gravity is too weak.

44. I don’t know if I went to college or if the university went to me.

45. Most people only do three things in their lives: deceiving themselves, deceiving others, and being deceived.

49. It is easy to quit smoking, but it is too difficult to quit you!

50. If you want to hang out in the world, it is best to be a bachelor! !

53. Rich people eventually get married.

54. What is love in the world? One thing brings down another thing.

56. I am Jesus’ son, coconut~!

57. College is all about learning!

60. Life can be made easy, but life can also be exquisite!

61. Other people’s money is my personal belongings.

63. I am the most honest person. Never tell lies. Except this sentence.

64. Don’t say that others have brain disease. The prerequisite for brain disease is that you must have a brain.

65. I’ve been really busy recently, and it’s hard to even get 16 hours of sleep a day!

66. Don’t wash it. If it weren’t for the mud, this car would be broken. It fell apart.

67. The sky is Lingling, the earth is Lingling, let’s have another ice cream.

68. The three friends of Suihan - hot pot, cabbage, and hot quilt.

69. I have no intention of being different, but how can I have outstanding taste!

71. Why do you need to sleep for a long time when you are alive? You will sleep forever after death.

72. I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with the mouse, then select a 100 yuan note, hold down "ctrl-c" and then press "ctrl-v"....

73. If a woman wants to please herself, she will allow a man to be poor if he wants to please himself!

75. You bald donkey, dare to steal the master's wife from a poor Taoist?

77. I said to the buddy sitting next to me~~You are only one step away from being a genius

78. It is gold, it will always be spent; it is a mirror, it will always reflect light...

79. Who can not shoot for 90 minutes~~China National Football Team~~

80. God has given you a pair of wings, so you should be braised...

81. Being a bitch is a universal truth, and you and I are just one of them

82. A handsome man has a butt. Use it? Can I swipe a card with my face at the bank?

83. It is said that men become bad when they are rich, but I have been a good man for more than 20 years!

84. Face first on the ground, unable to recover.

86. When facing difficulties: If you are not afraid of death, are you still afraid of living? When facing danger: If you are not afraid of living, are you still afraid of death?

87. Tall means tall and is like a straw bag; short means short and can withstand being stepped on; thin means thin and has muscles.

88. Only women and English are hard to find, only wives and jobs are hard to find!

89. There are three things that hurt people: worries, quarrels, and empty wallets. The most hurtful of all is an empty wallet.

91. When arguing with others, take a step back and the sky will be brighter; when chasing your girlfriend, take a step back and the sky will be empty.

94. If God wants to cause people to perish, he must first make them crazy; if God wants to make people crazy, he must first make them buy a house.

95. When the sky falls, you hold it up, and I hold my cushion, haha...

96. The can ring loves the can, but the can has Coke in its heart!

97. Don’t be the next person, just be the first me.

100. After studying for more than ten years, kindergarten is still easier to get along with!

1. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight - at the graduation job fair, someone said to him: "Brother, let me go, you are blocking my mobile phone signal."

2. Lei Feng did not leave a name for his good deeds, but he recorded everything in his diary.

4. I skipped too many classes. I wanted to go to class yesterday. When I saw the professor, he was surprised and said, "I haven't seen you for such a long time and you have grown so much."

6. Whenever I miss a girl, I put a brick on the ground, so there is the Great Wall.

7. If a couple plays in the water, they will drown; if they fly together, they will fall to death.

8. Pure, fictitious, chaotic, beautiful.

9. Happiness means scratching an itch when you feel itchy. Unlucky means being itchy but not being able to scratch it. What’s even more unfortunate is that for a long time, neither the soul nor the body can feel the itch that is about to move.

10. Although I cannot be a descendant of a wealthy person, I must be an ancestor of a wealthy person.

11. God has not given me any great responsibility, but it still tortures my mind and strains my muscles and bones.

12. Who holds my hand and curbs my madness for half my life; who kisses my eyes and covers my wandering for half my life.

13. I looked for her thousands of times in the crowd, but suddenly looking back, that person still looked down upon me.

15. What is happiness? Happiness is when cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Ultraman fights little monsters.

16. Could it be that you are the little novice adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple who was the only one in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts in Huashan Mountain? The imbecile pet dog Wangcai crushed the cockroach Xiaoqiang once rolled over A turd ball?

17. The first half of the short story I Love Your Mother will be broadcast here today. Please continue to enjoy the second half of the short story I Love Your Mother at the same time tomorrow...

18. Advertisements on the subway: Is it crowded? Buy a car! Advertisements on taxis: Traffic jam? Take the subway!

19. I received a text message on my mobile phone. There was a monkey in the zoo that was so ugly that everyone vomited. One day I went there and I vomited. One day you went there and the monkey vomited.

20. They say that money is a sin, but everyone is trying to get it; they say that beauty is a disaster, and everyone wants it; they say that the heights are too cold, and everyone is crawling; they say that smoking and drinking are harmful to the body, but they don’t quit; they say that heaven is the most beautiful place. It’s so beautiful, don’t even go!

21. Strongly protest against the insertion of TV series during commercial breaks!

23. Although the famous flower has its owner, I will loosen the soil!

24. Sorry! I'm already dead! But thanks for coming to see me! I will also visit you at 12 o'clock tonight!

26. Data show that in 2008, Chinese men accounted for 52% of the country’s total population, and women accounted for 43%. 27. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to be lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to stay young forever?

——-Don’t think blindly, study hard!

28. The fool stole the beggar's wallet, and the blind man saw it. The mute roared, which frightened the deaf man. The hunchback stepped forward, and the lame man kicked up, and the wanted prisoner tried to pull him away. Public Security Bureau, Mazi said, forget it because of my face.

29. Loneliness is the carnival of one person, carnival is the loneliness of a group of people

31. I dreamed of eating spaghetti, and when I woke up in the morning, I found that my shoelaces were gone!

32. Lovers are roads, friends are trees. There is only one road in life, and there are many trees on the road. Don’t get lost when you are rich, rely on trees when you are short of money, and don’t forget the road when you are happy. Water the tree during breaks.

33. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

34. Although the green mountains are left, there is still no firewood.

36. I can’t bear to eat porridge every day. I went to the vegetable market yesterday and thought I’d better continue eating porridge.

37. My principle is: I will not offend others unless they offend me; if someone offends me, I will get angry!

38. I gradually discovered that talents are fairies! Some goblins eat humans, but humans will eat anything. If you catch a goblin, you might be able to barbecue it!

39. Listen to your words, Saint Seiya is studying.

42. You see, there are always so many things in this world that make you sad: ups and downs, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation. . . .

44. Cannon’s head was also struck by lightning.

45. Love is a luxury product. Just like the fox fur coat in the Paris window, it is so dazzling and charming, but the price tag on it will make people sober. Love is also a luxury product, you can only look at it from a distance, don't imagine or touch it because it requires the right time, the right person meeting at the right place, both are indispensable.

46. If something goes wrong, first look for the cause within yourself. Don’t blame the earth’s lack of gravity for constipation.

47. Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, some people praised my left nostril for being idol-like.

48. Old advice: Girl, you must eat appropriately to lose weight effectively.

49. Spring is the season when colds and emotions are most common. Some people accidentally catch a cold, and some people accidentally fall in love. I belong to the former.

50. I was also an infatuated person, but it rained... and I drowned.

51. Hongxing refuses to get out of the wall and pulls her out resolutely.

52. I allow you to enter my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in it.

53. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry a female toad.

56. Boys must be poor, otherwise they will not know how to struggle; girls must be rich, otherwise they will coax them away with a piece of cake.

57. When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even.

58. If I give birth to a son in the future, I want to name him "Hao Shuai". Then when others see me, they will say: "What a handsome dad!"

61. Everyone should at least Have a dream and a reason to be strong.

62. The 5-year-old daughter asked her father to help her do something. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Please praise me a few times. If you praise me a few words, I will feel energetic again."

"Daughter: "Old Zheng! Dad: "Hey!" "Daughter: "Your girl is so beautiful..."

64. If the heart has no place to rest, it will wander wherever it goes!

65. The brain is The most noble organ – because it’s what your brain tells you.

67. Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he left the mountain, why do you want me to have work experience!

68! .The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and receive other people's wages.

69. When I didn't study when I was a child, my mother said: "When you grow up, I want you to marry Wang Laowu who sells pork." "Now I educate my daughter: "Study hard, and when you grow up, you can marry Wang Laowu who sells pork." "

70. After living for more than 20 years, I have been unable to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about this, I feel heartbroken.

71. Happy? Come back soon. Can you feel happy?

73. It is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and a person who loves you deeply.

74. The important task is to create the post-08 generation.

75. There is no rehearsal in life. Every day is a live broadcast. Not only the ratings are low, but the salary is not high.

76. The future is bright and the road is bright. No.

77. Who said that all crows in the world are black? In fact, one is darker than the other!

79. I really want to have a quiet and serious Quixote-style solo. Love...

80. If it weren't for making money, what would I do with face...

81. If I can't eat a swan, why can't I eat a duck?

85. Get up every morning and yell: “Fuck you little Japan. "This is not only good for your health, but also cultivates patriotic moral sentiments!

90. The lady's beard grows so gracefully, she must be a lady!

91. Your father How nice it would be for Mom to use those 10 minutes for a walk!

92. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work...

93. How did you get out of the trash can after the abortion? Who escaped?

95. Love your country, love your family, love your junior sister, guard against thieves and theft, and guard against your senior brother~

96. I really don’t want to look down on you with my toes, but brother, yes. You forced me to do this.

97. The cruelest thing about life is that you can only be young once.

99. The innocence of college love lies in being able to eat instant noodles together. Be able to drink soup with humility.

31. Confucius said: Fight with bricks. It is not advisable to use too many bricks and use too much force. It is not advisable to be messy and to shine hard. The Buddha said: I am a compassionate Buddha and should use a knife. Chop, chop hard, chop hard!