Talk about qq of cold jokes

First, I have two kinds of smiles in theory, grin, obscene, grin, very obscene. In fact, people say that I laugh extremely obscene.

Second, you may not study hard, but you must not review well.

Third, I am poor, please don't rob the tomb!

Fourth, this gentleman, you look like my next boyfriend.

Don't call me arrogant, I just refuse to deal with animals.

I don't know whose daughter-in-law is in my bed, and my daughter-in-law doesn't know whose bed she is!

Seven, if you can't tell your tutor clearly, then confuse him!

Eight, protect yourself and care for others, please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

Nine, does not mean that men and women are equal now, then why can't I go to the ladies' room?

10. A good wife will never ask her husband to buy her this and that. A good husband will never wait for his wife to talk before buying.

Eleven, no money, pigs, money, dogs. Those who have no money eat wild vegetables at home, and those who have money eat wild vegetables in hotels. Those who have no money ride bicycles on the road, and those who have money ride bicycles in the living room. Those who have no money want to get married, and those who have money want to get divorced. Wives and secretaries without money, secretaries and wives with money. Those who have no money pretend to have money, and those who have money pretend to have no money.

Twelve, women like two kinds of flowers best in their lives: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

When I was born, God promised to marry his most beautiful daughter to me. I looked around and looked up and down, waiting for 2 1 year, but I still didn't see the shadow of the fairy. I was depressed, so I ran to ask God. God said, "What's your hurry? I don't even have a girlfriend yet! "

Fourteen, rape the Japanese on the moon, let the earth speak!

Fifteen, your teeth are like stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

Sixteen, a woman can like you, but she doesn't love you; She can love you, but she won't marry you; She can marry you, but she can't have children; She can have children, but the children are not yours.

17. I have been far away from my dream. What a luxurious idea it is to pursue perfection. I finally collected enough wounds and learned that 80 points of happiness is enough.

Eighteen, if Shuai Neng is a meal, my face can support you for two lifetimes.

Nineteen, the leaves leave because of the pursuit of the wind or the tree does not retain?

Twenty, you planted a girlfriend in the back hill in spring, and you made that cuckold husband everywhere in autumn!

Twenty-one, I want to do two things today: 1, miss you; 2. Lying to you

22. A failed man likes to compare his wife with others, and a successful woman likes to compare her husband with others.

Twenty-three, teach you my menstrual fluid (test)!

Twenty-four, strong man, you are pregnant!

25, must be confused, don't pursue the truth ... Truth is a bitch!

Looking at the past covered with grass, who are you running with, miss?

Twenty-seven, four years in college, no girl asked for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time. ...

Twenty-eight, as long as you dare to die, I dare to bury.

Twenty-nine, a star can be more famous by taking off a little, but I was caught taking off everything!

Thirty years old, you see, there are always so many things that make you sad: lack of rain or shine, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation.

We women are the only flowers in the world, so where do we get so much cow dung?

Thirty-two, others are angry and don't eat. I was angry and ate two bowls of rice.

Thirty-three, when is the time to hug each other? I'm watching.

Thirty-four, Wensi 3,000 is not as good as a chest, and a big talent is not as good as half a catty!

Thirty-five, a frog called the priest and asked about his fate. The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you." The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? " The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year."

Everyone has a dark side. If you say you are simple, I can only say that you are not human!

Thirty-seven, birdman, I am an angel!

Thirty-eight, if you hate a man, put his woman into Chris Lee, so that he can't enjoy the happiness of the upper body. If you hate a woman, turn her man into Chris Lee, so that she can't enjoy the happiness of the lower body.

Thirty-nine, we seem to have entered an era when we can only prove love with money.

Forty, Boda profoundly and concisely summarized the essential elements of being an excellent woman and an excellent man!

4 1. I didn't guess the beginning of our story or the end of this story. ...

Forty-two, the early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

Forty-three, I only had a nosebleed once, but I still mistook the sanitary towel for a mask!

I have made so many mistakes that I don't know where I am wrong now.

Forty-five, "Do you still love me?" This sentence will be greeted several times by a woman when she kisses a man for the first time, when she is touched by a man for the first time, when she sleeps with a man for the first time, and when a man earns his first money.

46. I have always wanted to be an elegant lady. It's life that makes me a bitch.

Forty-seven, baby, I'll take you to the shower when you get paid!

Forty-eight, when the exam collapsed, I saw a question, vaguely remembering what the teacher said, but clearly remembering that I didn't listen.

Forty-nine, after graduating from college, one day I saw a classmate I hadn't contacted for a long time coming on the other side of the river, and I laughed at him: "Small sample, all mixed up like this!" " As a result, he quarreled with me, and I was angry: "Shit, bring it on!" " He said, "Who's afraid of who? Maybe you can bring the cow! "

Fifty, don't speak English in front of me in the future, okay?

Fifty-one, my ass is wet with anger. If you can't dress your woman in a wedding dress, don't stop your hand from unbuttoning her clothes!

52. The woman outside the umbrella is doomed not to go out on rainy days. ...

53,300 women lie in a row, take off their clothes and roll on them to see how many they can get.

Fifty-four, I study Tyrannosaurus rex feed, eunuch fertility, how much start-up capital is needed to engage in real estate on Mars and other professional academic issues.

How did you die? Not so poor as to die.

Fifty-six, after studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten.

Fifty-seven, a cramp in reading, Si Wenke is like a urine collapse!

Fifty-eight, choose a mature woman, the skirt is easy to pull. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

Fifty-nine, I am the original, but I am alive and become a pirate.

Sixty, the sky is falling, you hold it, I hold it!

6 1. Life is like shit. Sometimes you work hard and come out with nothing but a fart.

Sixty-two, the supermarket is too cheat people. Original price 10.00 yuan, special price 9.99 yuan. Give me 1 point if you can.

Sixty-three, the wife is a tree, the lover is a grass, plant a tree to enjoy the cool, raise a grass to walk the birds, harmonious society, green and environmental protection.

Sixty-four, the little sister-in-law who charges for public toilets enthusiastically said to me, "Sir, is it defecation or urination?" The charge for defecation is 50 cents, and it's my treat to urinate.

65% and 30% of my weight are in my head. If I say it, I will lose weight.

Sixty-six, I thought good medicine tasted bitter. Why didn't it work?

Sixty-seven, love him without hesitation, I hope he can understand, even if he doesn't understand, it doesn't matter. Who told me to love him? !

Sixty-eight, girls are like moon cakes in the Mid-Autumn Festival. After fifteen nights, they are worthless!

Sixty-nine, that who, go back and sprinkle a bag of urine to rinse your mouth and come back!

Seventy, losing weight is a complete failure-changing careers and stepping on my husband's loose bones …

Seventy-one, the idiom "an instant hit" actually describes ancient and modern female artists!

Seventy-two, you know what you look like without peeing.

Seventy-three, arguing with a MM about whether a whale is a fish. Finally, I said, "The Japanese also have a personal message", and she agreed that a whale is not a fish.

Seventy-four, one night, a robber in Lu Yu said with trepidation, Brother, I just graduated from Jinqiao, and I can't find a job, so I really have no money. The robber cried bitterly: Brother, I am from Jinqiao, too. Get a good diploma. The robber in front is also from Jinqiao. Don't worry, we won't rob our own people!

Seventy-five, when the leader attaches importance to you, it is the time when the leader uses you! But I am eager to be used by the leaders!

Seventy-six, I have grown hair and trouble. Don't think an old woman is not a monk just because she has long hair. In fact, I have been thinking about the teacher in the arms of Taoist priests.

Seventy-seven, don't waste new tears for old sadness!

Seventy-eight, men who are fined for illegal parking will quarrel with the police, and women will stop fighting; If a woman is fined for parking illegally, she will have an argument with the man around her, and the police will persuade her.

Hang mosquito nets and sleep naked in them, teasing mosquitoes and making them anxious.

I was sad to see skinny African refugees on TV, but my grandmother said, "Baby, don't be fooled by TV now. They will have no money to eat, so their mother will take them to have a perm! " "

Eighty-one, a wool felt can warm an orphan's lonely night, and can also cover up a pair of dog men and women's smelly and sweaty adultery.

Eighty-two, mistakenly entered a barber shop, teased the shampoo girl in every way, and refused. After the haircut, I gave 20 yuan change. The shampoo girl admits that she has no change: touch three, keep the change!

Qq space jokes tell jokes.

I just weighed myself, and I really lost three laps. One lap is not thinking about your diet, one lap is not sleeping at night, and the other lap is thinking about you day and night.

Do you know what is the most painful thing in life? . . What! It's just that people die and money is spent. . Do you know what is the most painful thing in life? Is that people are alive and money is gone. . .

Do you know how I know you? I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: 3 yuan was fined for wetting the bed once; Wet the bed twice, 5 yuan; 7 yuan was fined for wetting the bed three times. You suddenly stood up and said, teacher, how much is the monthly subscription?

Fourth, benefactor, are you the dog adopted by the first retarded master among the wisdom masters of Hengshan School, nicknamed Pear Flower's low-energy Xiaomi Sha?

I once had an opportunity to add clothes in front of me. I don't cherish it until I catch a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes.

6. The husband is reading the evening paper. After reading an article entitled "Women live longer than men", he asked his wife, "I really don't know why men leave first?" The wife said, "Someone has to stay and collect the clothes!" "

Giraffe said: Rabbit, I hope you know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat delicious, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. The rabbit looked at him blankly. In summer, rabbit, cold water slowly flows through my long neck. It's delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? The rabbit said slowly, did you throw up?

8. "Why are hurricanes usually named after women?" "Because when the hurricane came, you just ran lightly, but when the hurricane left, it took away your house and car."

Nine, a million hours, reach out and ask the sky. I don't know if my salary can go up. Is my dream far away? I want to get rich by speculating in stocks, but I'm afraid I'll lose all my money. Things are so difficult. 1, the wolf is coming! The pigsty is a mess! Mother pig said: "pig, you close the door, pig, you close the window, pig, don't read the text message, you are the most beautiful!" " You seduce the old wolf! "

X. What is a brother? Brother is 50 years later, when you are old and lying in bed, I ask you if you want to drink water. You shake your head. Eat fruit? You still shake your head. I asked again: Find a girl for you? You open your eyes with tears in your eyes. Brother, help me up and try. . .

Xi。 "According to the survey, more than 99.99% of homosexuals use their thumbs to check text messages and don't change them. Just admit it. "

When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and the damn diligent little man was killed.

Thirteen, on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of crowding. The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?" Confused, the man replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered.

Fourteen, a meteor flashed by, and an ugly girl made a wish: "I hope I will grow as beautiful as Lin Chi-ling in the future". Just after the promise, the meteor flew back and said to the ugly girl, "I am so difficult!" I won't do it. "

Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!

Sixteen, the times are different! Pigs can also read mobile phone messages with their hooves! Hey, pig, stop looking. It is you! Pig head, why are you still watching? Call you a pig. You are such a pig, alas …

17. The Weaver Girl came down to take a bath and met the Cowherd. She performed an earth-shattering love story. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, and she must take a bath outside. .....

Eighteen, "Darling, it's time to eat." Mom called, and Xiaoming came over and asked naively, "Mom, I am your darling, so what is your father?" "Fatty liver" mom said.

Nineteen, money is a sin, everyone fishes; Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go.

Twenty, I was born useful, but I can't understand it! One day, Wang Di woke up from a dream, got up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, and understood after eating the cake (reading the third word of every sentence is a surprise). Baby, you have the face of an angel, the figure of a devil, and even the posture of farting is so beautiful. But in public, can you control the rhythm?

Twenty-one, I heard that I want to find a lover and fill in my own mate selection criteria online. First, I must be beautiful. Second, I must be able to cook! Results the search results came out: beautiful rice cooker!

Chatting with a classmate who works in a foreign company, she said that there are many foreigners in the company. I asked her: Did you teach them to speak Chinese? She: Of course, the first sentence I taught was: I pay the bill!

Twenty-three, the wind and rain sent home in spring, but the flying snow didn't see it. It's holidays again, and text messages start to make trouble. If it's noisy, don't forward it again. The original blessing is wonderful. Delete mine if there are too many text messages!

W: Why did a girl answer the phone when I called you the other day? Man: How is that possible? Woman: Really! She also told me,' The number you dialed doesn't respond, please leave a message after the beep! Say! Who the hell is she?

Twenty-five, there are two kinds of pigs in the world: one is to send me text messages! First, don't reply to me ... haha laughed ... I think you must commit suicide. ...

Now please take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening. . .

Twenty-seven, someone spilled oil on you and said to you: Don't worry, it's all automatic! What would you do? Beat him for kidney deficiency and say to him, "Don't worry, there are six kinds of Dihuang pills to treat kidney deficiency and contain no sugar."

Twenty-eight, in the history class, when the teacher reviewed The Rule of Zhenguan, the process asked: "Water can carry a boat, but it can also overturn it." A student signed back loudly: "You can also cook porridge". The audience laughed their heads off.

Twenty-nine, someone said that you look like an ape, and I seriously criticized him. What a pity! How can you say that about others? He is a pig!

I've always wanted to ask you a question, but I dare not speak rashly. Especially on quiet and lonely nights, so many thoughts make me insomnia, so I want to send a text message to ask you … do you still wet the bed?

Thirty-one, A said: Why do you smoke? A: Aunt Yu married a daughter yesterday! Cha Yue: What does my aunt have to do with my smoking? Answer: If so, what does my smoking have to do with you?

Thirty-two, "a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived! "

33. Mother Hedgehog complains: My child's clothes often leak. Mother centipede sighed. I bought two specialty stores, but I haven't bought half the children's shoes yet.

Lao Wang likes watching boxing very much. Every time he sees someone hitting his opponent in the mouth, he cheers loudly. He saw you alone and asked, are you a boxing coach? Oh, no, I am a dentist.

I'm thirty-five. I'm tired of going to work. I'm in line for promotion. I agreed to eat, but I was drunk. So far, my lover hasn't arrived yet. I don't want to wake up in the morning and I especially want to sleep at night. It doesn't matter to me. The most unbearable thing is to wish you happiness and charge you money.

cold joke

Cold joke sentence

1, "When my wallet was so poor, I never saw much money in my life." God replied, "It's sad to be your mirror. You have never seen anyone in your life. "

2. "If you had to choose one, would you choose the ugly one or the stupid one?"

God replied, "Stupid. Because of ugliness, I knew I was ugly at once; And stupid, I may never know that I am stupid. "

Cold joke sentence

0 1 1. In middle school, the physics teacher gave lectures. Triboelectricity said: We take off our sweaters in winter. The sweater creaked. And lightning. But not in summer. Why? Boy in the back: Because I don't wear sweaters in summer.

The key to being a good lover is not to be kind to the other half, but to always have what he wants, not to let him get it easily.

3. An international student is taking a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He's not sure. He asked the examiner: Turn left? A: Yes! So he hung up.

Celery was walking, and suddenly he felt a pain in his stomach. Then he hissed. What did you say he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! What color is celery (vegetable) dung? Answer: yellow because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

My company is very interesting. Everyone is looking for fun. Some people like to play Kaixin.com, have fun stealing things and steal a mermaid. I don't know where they are happy. The whole people had a good time fighting the landlords together. Work is not so fun at ordinary times, so add more materials to your life. Cold joke cell phone sentence

02 1. In the past, the school said that we should have a physical examination, and the stool should be used as a laboratory product, and then everyone should take a little. An alumnus put it in Chow Tai Fook's bag and box ... and then walked halfway ~ someone took it away on a motorcycle.

2. The loss is nominal: there is a female colleague named Li Rui and a male colleague named Li …

3, a girlfriend, chest is very small, we bury her every day, one day this person finally couldn't help it, so he yelled at us: "My chest is small, I follow my dad, how!" "

The office is like a cathedral. Everyone has a wish. Some people want to get rich and bury themselves in the stock market. Some people just talk nonsense in front of the leaders. Some people like shooting horses, and the leaders who shoot horses are happy. I'm not as good as them, but I only listen to my work. I still want to be kind and don't care much about villains.

I have been to the swimming pool with my parents. As soon as I entered the gate, I saw a social youth with a shaved head and a big gold chain hanging around his neck! When we got into the water to get used to the temperature, we watched the brother swagger past a stopping point in the water, and something shocking happened. The thick gold chain around his neck floats on the water ... cold joke.

03 1, the host asked the name of a four-year-old child. Child: "X Xiaoyu." "Call it light rain and pinch shrimp?" "It snowed the day I was born." "So shrimp is not called Xiaoxue Pinch?" "Your grandfathers are all called Xiaoxue?"

2. A person plays in a tourist attraction and sees a bathing beach. There is a big sign outside the door that says, "No taking pictures in the celestial bathing place. Admission 100 yuan. I have been seeing male tourists coming out of it with red faces. The man was overjoyed and immediately bought a ticket, only to see a group of ducks swimming leisurely on the water.

3, a minute is very short and long, the key depends on whether you are leisurely squatting in the toilet or waiting anxiously outside the toilet.

4. I want to drown my pain when I drink, but I didn't expect to learn to swim in the wine when I was in pain.

5. Her back is beautiful. As long as she doesn't look back, she will never spoil your appetite.

6. Even if there is a bubble, you will meet dung beetles and have a bosom friend! Classic cold joke sentences

04 1, b The best unrequited love: a person who says he is patriotic. . .

2. In the new era, going out by plane and working with a microcomputer have nothing to do with tractors; Tell lies in front of people, gossip behind people, and tell jokes by reading sentences.

Two fifty cents got married, and they thought they could be together forever. Who knows about inflation? They are now 1.2.

4. At a dinner party, a young man was very happy to have a new car, and he was very proud of his license plate, saying it was 13 14, indicating that he and his wife live forever!

The other casually looked at the familiar number and said: One wound and one death. ...

I met my ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend today. I said hello stupidly. Her boyfriend asked, Do you know her? She said, well, your ex. The man greeted with great timidity: Hello seniors ~ ...

6. Once upon a time, there was a balloon elf who, after thousands of years of closed-door cultivation, finally turned into a human form. He felt a little tired on the day he went out, so he went to learn from humans and did an acupuncture. Later, he exploded. Humorous cold joke sentences

05 1。 Please don't look down, turn it off. There is really nothing to see. Come on, do you really want to see it? No regrets? You asked for it yourself You are a pig!

2。 Jade Emperor: Now the court is in session to hear the case of Erlang God's roaring dog raping Chang 'e Jade Rabbit and call the defendant! Hey! Whistling dog! Call you! Still reading sentences! Still smirking!

3。 There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that a big pig will fall from the sky. Too bad I want to sleep. You're gonna be okay. So many people watch you fly! You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings of birds, fly to me like an arrow, and tell me-this is what a bird looks like!

4。 John signed up after seeing the advertisement for lifeguards in the swimming pool. The owner of the swimming pool asked John what he was good at, and John replied, "The swimming pool is 2 meters deep. 1 m, my height is 2. 17 meter. "

5。 A drop of water is very small in the ocean and very large in the desert; Red-crowned cranes are small in cranes and large in chickens; You are small in the crowd and great in the pigsty! Funny and cold joke sentences

06 1。 You know, I met a mentally retarded person yesterday. I have never seen such a stupid person. As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

2。 I don't care about long hair, dirty clothes, messy beard, and the image of men and women. I go to bed at noon and never want to win. Who is it? It is you!

3。 Please touch your little red face first, and then touch your little belly! All right! This lecture on pig raising knowledge is over. See you tomorrow!

4。 I vomit when I drink too much, cry when I am sad, climb trees when I drive, and I can't move when I see beautiful MM. I always feel that I am making money soon, and my feelings are always not improving!

5。 Today is your birthday. All women's toilets and bathrooms are open to you free of charge. Welcome to visit! You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings of birds, fly to me like an arrow, and tell me-this is what a bird looks like! Talk about a cold joke

First, you are the master of words before they go out, and you become the slave of words after they go out.

Second, we seem to have entered an era when we can only prove love with money.

3. A king asked his minister to look for a hundred turtles. As a result, the minister found 99 turtles. The king asked why, and the minister said, The other one is looking at the mobile phone!

18, money is not the problem, the problem is that there is no money.

Five, two, it takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to change from a human to a monkey.

6. Advertising is to tell others that his money can still be spent like this.

A farmer asked a veterinarian to raise pigs. The vet said: it seems that artificial feeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

Eight, send you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will definitely eat a catty, and you will be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself!

Nine, the rich hold a money field, and those who have no money go home and get some money to hold a money field.

Ten, the three great pleasures of life: sleep until you wake up naturally, count the money until your hands cramp, and pick up girls until your legs are weak.

Eleven, tell lies with real names in reality, and tell the truth with pseudonyms in the network.

Twelve, every girl who shouts to lose weight has a mouth that can't stop.

Thirteen, women like bad-looking men, not bad-looking men.

I won't compete with an idiot, so others won't know which one is an idiot.

Fifteen, we have almost the most festivals in the world, but we have almost the least holidays in the world.

16. Never ask your wife about internal affairs, let alone diplomacy.

17. I thought the land would keep growing. Who knew there would be an earthquake?

Eighteen, a man's brain likes a woman's heart, but his eyes like a woman's appearance.

Don't believe in love at first sight, because you can't see how much money the other person earns at a glance.

Children regard toys as friends, while adults regard friends as toys.

2 1. The journey of exploration is not to discover new land, but to cultivate new perspectives.

Twenty-two, ask yourself how much sorrow you can have, just like a eunuch going to a brothel!

Twenty-three, the so-called surprise is that the rabbit you are waiting for comes, followed by the wolf!

Twenty-four, salted fish turn over, or salted fish.

Twenty-five, I am not a casual person, I am not a casual person.

I've always wanted to say something to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, maybe we can't even be friends, but I can't control my feelings! Now I summon up courage to say to you: When will you invite me to dinner?

Mouth is trying to be brave, heart is surrendering. Not that strong. Actually, we are all faking it.

Twenty-eight, in the past: first-class students went abroad, second-rate students took the postgraduate entrance examination, and third-rate students were employed.

Twenty-nine, there are so many brain-dead people in the world, but you have become one of the best.

Warning: Hello! Because your mobile phone is ugly and outdated, which seriously affects the city appearance, we decided to send a signal to destroy it.

Thirty-one, look at a beautiful MM, but there is no way to strike up a conversation. Pick up a brick by the roadside and go forward. "Classmate, did you drop this?"

People who secretly love me, please don't be silent, as long as you dare to say, I dare to promise.

I dreamed of Meng Po last night, so I said to her: Meng Po gave me a bowl of vinegar, and my stomach has been bad recently.