Homophonic jokes of 100 thousand cold jokes

Homophonic jokes of 100 thousand cold jokes

China's Chinese characters are extensive and profound, with many polyphonic characters, which will make many homophonic jokes. Some homophonic jokes will make you laugh. The following are the homophonic jokes of100000 cold jokes I compiled. Let's have a look.

Homophonic jokes of 100,000 cold jokes +0 1, South China Sea Islands

Mr. Li is having a geography class. Mr. Li: Where are the South China Sea Islands? Have you seen them? The students burst into laughter and shouted, "Yes, the front row!" "There was a boy named Zhu Dao in the class. Tip: South China Sea Islands (65333)

2. "The territory of China"

Mr. Li: How big is the territory of China? A student: Jiang Yu from China? Jiang Yu from the Yangtze River or Jiang Yu from Heilongjiang? Mr. Li: Your geography score may be the last. A student: First come to Shudu? Then I will go to Sichuan to study. Tip: Territory =jiāngyù= Jiang Yu; Countdown = dà osh incarnation = to Shu.

3. "Three administrative divisions"

Mr. Li: What are the three administrative divisions of China? A student: China's humorous remarks about the sexual characteristics of the third grade are not suitable for children. Tip: Regionalization

4. "Regional culture"

A class teacher took maternity leave, and the school arranged Mr. Li geographically to take his place. One day, the monitor found Mr. Li and complained anxiously: "The blackboard newspaper in our class has not been published this month, and the school will evaluate it next week." Please set a theme and ask everyone to provide the manuscript. " Mr. Li thought for a moment and said, "Go back to class immediately and tell the students that this month's blackboard newspaper will take' regional culture' as the theme, so please contribute actively." The monitor returned to the classroom and announced it widely on the blackboard: please contribute actively to the theme of this month's blackboard newspaper-hell.

5. Place names.

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal. During the dinner, the cheerful and reserved students introduced us: "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."

6. The Chinese teacher with a strong accent read an ancient poem "Wochun" by Lu You to the students for dictation.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following words: I am stupid in spring sleep. I have no education and hate the bottom. My IQ is very low. If you ask me who I am, I can easily find Chun Lv. A big donkey. The shore is green, I am a donkey, the shore is green, I am a donkey, and the shore is dark green. I am a stupid donkey.

7. Once, two scholars visited Ouyang Xiu, a great writer in the Song Dynasty. On the way, they happened to be sitting in the same boat with Ouyang Xiu, but neither of them knew Ouyang Xiu. These two scholars also know a little about poetry, but they think they are experts. At this moment, a white goose suddenly jumped into the water, and the two of them couldn't help being poetic and picturesque by generate. One man shouted, "There is a goose on the shore," another man replied, "Jump into the river." Both of them muttered to themselves, but they couldn't recite the following poem or make up a poem. Seeing that they were in a hurry, Ouyang Xiu helped to sing: "White hair floats with green water, and red palms stir up clear waves." The two scholars were surprised to see Ouyang Xiu say such a good poem, but on second thought, they felt something was wrong. One of them shouted at Ouyang Xiu: "You are so thick-skinned. Is this poem yours? " Ouyang Xiu smiled and said, "This poem is really not mine. It was written by Luo, one of the four outstanding figures in the early Tang Dynasty, when he was a child. " Hearing this, the two men laughed: "I tell you, with your appearance, you can also read poetry." Ouyang Xiu just laughed. Soon, three people got off the boat. Two scholars saw a pile of ash on the shore and wanted to show their poems. One man shouted, "Look at a pile of ashes from a distance", and another added, "Look at a pile of ashes from a distance." Due to lack of talent, the two of them can't stand it any longer. I saw Ouyang Xiu chanting unhurriedly, "A gust of wind starts and the sky is full of snow." Hearing this, they were all surprised, knowing that Ouyang Xiu was singing a good poem, but they were unwilling to give up. One of them pretended to say, "This is not a clever sentence, so-so." The other said, "I'm connected, but I'm a little reluctant." They walked on, and soon they saw a dead tree by the roadside. One scholar chanted, "A dead tree by the roadside", and another chanted, "Two big branches." Two people want to sing, but can't think of words, so they have to sing these two sentences over and over again, with their eyes straight. Ouyang Xiu couldn't see the past, so he added two sentences to them: "Moss is a leaf from spring to the sun, and snow is a flower in winter." After listening to them, they still refused to give up and continued to compete with Ouyang Xiu. They chanted, "They both went aboard to visit Ouyang Xiu." Ouyang Xiu laughed to himself after hearing this, and immediately said, "Xiu already knows you, and you still don't know how to fix it (shame)."

8. An old farmer accidentally overturned while transporting watermelons. A young man helped him up. The old farmer was so grateful that he immediately cut a watermelon and said to the young man, "You eat shit (big braid) and I eat urine (pigtails)!" "

9. A lady crossing the street lost her key. A kind gentleman picked it up for her and said to her, "You dropped your key." My wife flew into a rage when she heard someone say that she was "dying (losing your key)". She slapped her husband and turned away. ...

10, the ear is here.

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because I had to pay the bill, I said to the master, "Go and buy me two bamboo poles." As soon as the master heard that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", he quickly agreed and ran to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You know better! " The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears. Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" " The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" " " "

1 1, see chicken.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first. A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the lease of the land next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of fields." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When he decided to be a chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "Who will you give it to if you don't give it to Zhang San?" Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!" The landlord replied: "That sentence just now was' nonsense (chicken talk)', and now this sentence is' play it by ear (chicken talk)'."

12, there is a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. When he arrived in Beijing, he wanted to fly. Afraid that the manager would not agree to reimburse him, he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity, do you want to seize it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an "opportunity" to conclude the transaction and immediately called back: "Take it if you can." When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's reply and the manager was dumbfounded.

Homophonic joke 100 thousand cold jokes 2 Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife

Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in Hebei Province, is very afraid of his wife. If he disobeys his wife's orders, she punishes him for sitting still, making his hair into the shape of a needle and thread plaque, putting a lamp bowl in it, and then lighting the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body did not dare to move or catch his breath, just like a dead wooden head or a clay doll. Friends who saw him punished joked with him and said, you are a lampstand at home.

One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, before the snow melted, it was difficult to catch crows with nets. Li Dazhuang didn't get a crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to hit him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he stepped on the sand to lure crows with food, and only caught one.

A friend joked about him and said: saints regard phoenix as auspicious. You caught a crow and escaped your wife's beating. This crow seems to be Dark Phoenix.

feng shui

A man was dying, so his son nailed four big copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said, in the future, you have to listen to Mr. Feng Shui and move me around, so it will be much easier to move words.

The dog denies it.

Two people sit together. One of them didn't say anything, so he pretended nothing and covered his nose with his sleeve.

There happened to be a dog nearby, so the man said it was a dog who farted. Just then, the dog yawned, and the man said to the man, look, it still refuses to recognize it!

magnificent

There is a plum blossom painting with no inscription. Someone saw it and praised it very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said, Zhang Chang.

Send plaque

A man boasted that he would win the bid and said, I dreamed that a drum band was playing at night and sent a plaque to my house. One of his friends said, I also dream of sending a plaque to your home. The man asked: which four words? The friend replied: What a shame.

Spread the news with a smile.

When a new official takes office, a village head asks to give the new official 100 dogs; I bought ninety-nine, and one is missing. I couldn't buy it, so I sawed off the horn of a sheep and handed it to the dog.

Sheep are ruminants, chewing food constantly in their mouths. Seeing the sheep's mouth moving, the new official asked: Why does the dog's mouth keep moving? The captain replied that the dog was chewing maggots.

Laugh at a fool

Once upon a time, there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him very much and once asked him: How could you steal? The thief replied: I am good at stealing for only one reason: whenever I steal other people's property, I will put a branch made of crows and magpies in my hand so that others can't see me. Fools believe what thieves say.

One day, he really went to the crow's nest, holding a branch in his hand, and then went to a family to steal property, and was caught and beaten. When being beaten, the fool also said: I was beaten down by you, and you couldn't see me.

New car

A boss bought a new car, but he was very uneasy about the driver he hired. He is worried that the driver will replace the parts of the new car with the old one to make a profit. He can't drive himself, so he has to ask the driver every move.

Once he went out by car, the car slowed down and got up soon.

"What's the matter?" The boss asked the driver.

"Nothing, sir, I just changed gears."

The boss turned to his friend next to him and whispered, "Look, he didn't even let me change gears. I must give him up. "

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