A long joke

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to make trouble:

"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

"Don't pickle, I pick up a shit to lick for you. . . "

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )

Taoyuan dialect is very strange and has a high ending. For example, "ju" is pronounced "pig".

Go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee first and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called me to make an appointment and put me on speakerphone.

Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau) "

The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a person, I am a pig (Personnel Bureau) and my mother is a pig (Grain Bureau). "

I tried to hold back my laughter and my stomach hurt.

The next day, I attended the briefing of the county government. Roll call before the meeting.

Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"

So the participants signed up one by one:

"I am a wild boar (Public Security Bureau)."

"My name is Pig (Education Bureau)."

"I am a pig (post office)."

"I am a typical pig (telecommunications bureau)

Jay Chou took Jolin Tsai to Stephen Chow to drink water. Suddenly Nicholas Tse blew and an Nicky Wu emerged from the water. Nicky Wu and Ekin Cheng rode Ka Kui Wong together and took Jolin Tsai. Jay Chou held Emil Wakin Chau, stepped on Deric Wan, crossed Zhao Benshan, crossed Rosamund Kwan, leaped over Pan Changjiang, grabbed Jolin Tsai, returned to Aaron Kwok, and hung a flag in this city called Ren Xianqi!

"The bright line at the foot of my bed" and "Li Bai slept soundly"

2. "Two heads are better than one" and "All stink the same"

3. "Five measures of rice don't bend over", "Just give me six measures" …

4. "If you are poor, you will be alone" and "If you are rich, you will have wives and concubines".

5. "Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse" and "turtles crawl by the river in East Village"?

6. "If the sky is affectionate, the sky will be old" and "If people are affectionate, they will die early"?

7. "Glowing glass of wine" and "Many beautiful rich women" …

8. "In retrospect, Jin Ge was an iron horse", "Look at now, pestering and fighting" …

9. "Friends and relatives in Luoyang ask each other" and "Please don't tell him" …

10. "If a relationship lasts for a long time" and "Two people should get married"

Question: Jasmine, sunflower and rose, which flower is the weakest?

Answer: Molly.

Reason: What a beautiful (powerless) jasmine.

2. Question: What is the pencil's surname?

A: Xiao.

Reason: Sharpen (sharpen) the pencil.

3. Question: What line do orangutans hate most?

Answer: parallel lines.

Cause: Parallel lines do not intersect (banana).

4. Question: Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

Answer: Eraser.

Cause: Eraser (rubber difference).

5. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

6. Question: What will Kirin become when it arrives at the North Pole?

Answer: ice cream.

Reason: ice cream (iced unicorn).

7. Question: Which historical figure should be beaten the most?

Answer: Su Wu.

Reason: Su Wu was herding sheep by the North Sea (being beaten by the sea).

8. Question: From 1 to 9, which number is the most diligent and which number is the laziest?

Answer: 1 lazy; 2 work hard.

Reason: One (1) does not do two (2) endlessly.

9. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

10. Question: Who runs fastest in history?

Answer: Cao Cao

Reason: Speak of the devil.

1 1. Q: Who is Mi's mother?

Answer: flowers

Reason: peanuts

12. Question: What is white plus white?

Answer: equal to the white rabbit.

Reason: Xiao Bai Er

13. Question: 30-50 which number is worse than bear shit! !

Answer: 40

Reason: Facts speak louder than words.

14. Question: What should I do if the pigs in the pigsty run out?

Answer: Wang Leehom.

Reason: to coax.

Question: What if I come out again?

The answer is: Han Hong.

Reason: Still coax.

Laughing students make sentences.

Title: Among them

Student: My left foot hurts.

Comment: Are you a centipede?

Title: One after another.

Student: After work, my father went home one after another.

Comment: How many dads do you have?

Title: Prosperity.

Student: My brother is thriving.

Comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable?

Theme: sadness

Student: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Comment: The teacher is even sadder.

Title: Again ... Again.

Student: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

Title: In addition,

Student: A train passes by, besides, besides.

Comment: I am dead.

Title: Right away

Student: I'm happy to ride a horse.

Comment: Come down.

A man climbed over the wall and went out of school, and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why not go to the school gate? Answer: Meters, Bang Wei and Bang Wei don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

There is a beautiful woman who works the night shift, followed by a lecherous man. The beautiful woman was very scared and happened to pass by a cemetery. The lecherous was about to start work when the beautiful woman went to a grave and said, "Dad, open the door quickly, I'm back." The man who was scared to lust ran away. The beauty smiled proudly for her cleverness, but the laughter did not fall. A gloomy voice came from the grave and said, "Daughter, why did you forget your key again?" Scared the beautiful woman to run away screaming. At this time, a grave robber climbed out of the grave and said, "It affected my work and scared you to death." Suddenly I found an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel in his hand and asked curiously, "What are you doing?" ? The old man said angrily, "These black sheep carved my tombstone wrong and asked them to change it themselves." . Hearing this, the grave robbers ran away in fear. Looking at the back of the grave robber, the old man sneered: "Stealing Lao Zi's business scared me to death." Accidentally, the chisel fell to the ground, and the old man was about to bend down to pick it up, but he saw a hand sticking out of the grass and a cold voice came: "Oh, dare to change my house number." Scared the old man to roll and climb away. A scavenger climbed out of the grass, picked up the chisel on the ground and sighed, "These days, it takes such a great god to pick up a piece of rotten iron.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "I don't know." The teacher said, "Then go home and ask your family." Xiao Ming went to ask his mother, who was quarrelling with others. Xiao Ming asked, "Mom 1+ 1=?" Mom said, "Asshole!" Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= asshole; Xiaoming went to ask his father again. Dad is drinking beer. Xiao Ming asked, "Dad 1+ 1=?" Dad said, "Cool!" Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= cool; Xiaoming went to ask grandpa again. Grandpa is watching TV. Xiao Ming asked, "Grandpa 1+ 1=?" Grandpa said, "gangster!" "Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= gang boss; Xiaoming asked his sister who was singing the national anthem: people who don't want to be slaves! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= people who don't want to be slaves; Xiaoming went to ask his sister who was singing children's songs: rabbit, open the door! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= bunny opens the door. The next day, the teacher asked, "Xiaoming 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "Asshole." "Pa" teacher slapped Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming said, "Cool." The teacher said inexplicably, "Who taught you?" Xiao Ming said, "The boss of these people. The teacher was startled and asked, "Xiao Ming, what are you doing?" "Xiao Ming sings: people who don't want to be slaves. The teacher shut Xiao Ming out of the door. Xiao Ming knocked at the door and sang, Bunny, please open the door. The teacher fainted.

Sighed: "This year, it takes such a great god to pick up a piece of rotten iron.