Those grandmothers help to take care of their children's hardships and tiredness.

There is a hot search in Weibo, and the discussion is in full swing. It is said that in the second child era, grandma became the main force to take care of the baby, and grandma was gradually faded out of Separate child care.

I flipped through the comments, and most netizens' opinions were: "When grandma takes care of the baby, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law does not exist, because grandma loves her daughter more." More than 20,000 comments, almost all think so.

I wonder how grandmothers will feel after reading these comments. Probably mixed feelings. Dare not say if you are bitter.

Is it okay for your mother to help with the children? My own mother has the same difficulty.

Aunt Chen is the grandmother of the children on the 0/6 floor of our building/kloc-. She has been taking care of her nephew in Shenzhen for four years. Upstairs and downstairs in and out, we often meet, plus her niece is about the same age as my daughter, and after the children played together several times, we became familiar with it.

At first, everyone just exchanged a few pleasantries and didn't reveal much about family life. After getting familiar with the road, Aunt Chen said to me, "You are right not to let your mother come and help you with your children. My wife and I are now in a dilemma, which is unbearable. "

It turned out that Aunt Chen was talking about the contradiction with her son-in-law. Aunt Chen is from Hengyang, Hunan Province, with a partial taste. Her son-in-law is from Chaoshan, Guangdong, and has a light taste. The family often make a scene about several dishes on the table.

"My daughter likes to eat fried peppers, but my son-in-law doesn't. One wants to eat and the other doesn't, so it's hard for me to cook. Besides, we are used to heavy taste and it tastes too light. So I try to cook more dishes at a table and make some spicy and light dishes. But sometimes I can't take care of the children, and I will do whatever ingredients are available at home. As a result, the son-in-law was unhappy and went out to eat with friends. Then my daughter quarreled with him and said that she didn't understand me. "

Uncle Chen couldn't bear to hear this and complained, "I told you not to come at first, but you must come." Who is to blame now? "

"I still feel bad about my daughter."

I heard that Aunt Chen and his wife were particularly wronged to live here, but their daughter refused to go back to Hunan, saying that she didn't want to live with her mother-in-law.

"I don't want to have a conflict with my mother-in-law", which should be the reason why most women take over their mothers. As far as the harmony of family relations is concerned, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is far less spread or gathered. After all, it is a mother and daughter. What happened?

But they all ignore the relationship between mother and husband. Not all men can turn a blind eye to their mother-in-law's dissatisfaction.

Whether living habits or dealing with people, there will be friction when living under the same roof. Only some men choose silence, and some men choose exposure. In fact, most men will choose silence, which is the nature of men-more than one thing is better than less.

Keeping silent about friction is not accepting, but accumulating contradictions. After a long time, the accumulated friction is much more, and the outbreak is an instant. This result is bound to affect the relationship between husband and wife. And this result is not what grandma wants to see.

I want to help my children as much as I can, but I don't want my arrival to add trouble to my children. I want to go but I can't bear to go. I'm in a dilemma. This is the dilemma of grandmothers now.

I have to admit, in real life, grandma has really become the main force with baby. Five out of eight students around me were brought up by grandma.

Ali, my primary school classmate. She has two children, the older is 4 years old and the younger is over 1 year old. Since she became pregnant, her mother moved from Guilin to Wuzhou. I have lived here for five or six years and haven't been back to my hometown several times.

Her family is three sisters, influenced by the traditional ideas of her hometown. It doesn't matter where families without sons spend the New Year. Therefore, her parents rarely go back in recent years.

Last time we visited Lijiang River and chatted, she said a lot of "boring, boring".

What's her trouble? Probably all the "troubles" of raising children are the same.

She said that if she was dissatisfied with her mother, she would give the child medicine. Watching cartoons is always unlimited, which leads to her daughter's obsession with TV; Don't respect her privacy, everything in the room likes to tidy up; No matter whether the child is right or wrong, we must protect it; Parents should follow wherever they go to play …

Anyway, I said a lot of "annoying". And my classmates, with their children and mothers-in-law, besieged her after listening to her words: "At least my mother won't care about you."

"But it's true. My mother ignores what I said and won't care. "

You see, after all, she is her own mother, and she can bear to hurt others. Frankly speaking, I don't quite agree with this attitude of my classmates. Many people want to take grandma over to help, because they think it doesn't matter if they talk more and talk less. Anyway, their mother will love me.

But mother-in-law, it's different. If there is a slight disagreement, the relationship will be tense and the whole family will jump. From the perspective of family harmony, it seems a very wise decision to take grandma over to take care of the children.

However, they also ignored that grandma also had unhappiness and contradictions when she took care of her children. Don't think that just because your mother takes care of the children, you can be willful, complain if you want, and lose your temper if you want. My own mother has feelings. She just doesn't want to argue with you.

As the saying goes, being born without raising is ashamed of being a parent. There are many troubles in raising children. Parents have tasted your taste, so they have no obligation to help you. They have experienced all your pains and troubles.

Having children, being parents and working in their positions still have to bear their own responsibilities. No matter whether grandma or grandma helps you, you have to accept the irritability, anxiety, pressure, warmth and love of taking care of your children. Because, you are the adopted son of the child, and your parents are your companions at most.

Hello, I'm Miao Xiao, a columnist, psychological counselor and the mother of a 4-year-old girl. WeChat official account Xiaoyaozi, ID:Yao xiaoya-2.