Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Excerpts from excellent composition materials
Excerpts from excellent composition materials
1. What ears should you use to listen?
There is a kind of listening that requires special ears. In the countryside, there was an old couple who loved each other. The wife is deaf, and the husband comes home from doing crafts every night and bangs the door and won't open it. After the two of them worked together, the wife tied a rope around her wrist every night before going to bed, and the other end of the rope was pulled out of the window. In this way, no matter how late her husband comes back, she only needs to gently pull the rope at the window to wake her up. This method is somewhat similar to making a phone call, and even saves you the trouble of dialing, and gives you the pleasure of maintaining a tacit agreement. Over time, this secret was discovered by the playful children of the neighbor. Every night, they would come to the window and pull the rope. The woman would wake up again and again and open the door, but when she jumped in, she would be greeted by the mountain breeze or the moon. She just stood in the pure moonlight of the mountain village, thinking over and over again of the gentle clouds and rain, the oaths of friendship that her youthful ears listened to, and listened to the call from the mysterious heart. Sometimes listening is like stroking silk, or stroking a drop of cold spring water in summer. Such a release and pleasure is an amazing moment. Some special sounds are meant for special ears.
2. The most common is also the most precious
A noble man longs for a unique gem. To this end, he had ninety-nine and eighty-one sweet dreams, each of which shone with a rainbow-like charming light. In the dream, he seemed to be the richest and happiest man in the world. But once he woke up from his dream, the dazzling light suddenly disappeared. As a result, the haze of loneliness and emptiness has always shrouded his heart. A noble lady lost an exquisite gold necklace. For this reason, she wetted ninety-nine and eighty-one pillow towels with tears; her plump and charming face became increasingly haggard, and her comfortable and sweet smile, together with her confidence and joy in life, also followed the golden necklace. Gone and disappeared. One day many years later, he and she happened to pass by a rural primary school and heard an interesting conversation between teachers and students. The teacher asked: "What is the most precious thing in the world?" Some said: "Gold is the most precious." Some said: "Gemstones are the most precious." Some said: "The dress my dad bought me is the most precious." Some said : "Time is the most precious." Some said: "Friendship is the most precious." A boy with a dark face said: "I think there is nothing more precious than water, land and air." A smile appeared on the teacher's face. A girl with braids asked: "Teacher, what is the most precious thing in the world?" The teacher looked at everyone kindly and solemnly replied: "The most common thing is also the most precious." The children applauded. The noble man and lady also fell into deep thought.
3. Multilingualism leads to aphasia
Calling "teacher" "Lao Xi" and "raisin" as "pattagan"... said by a three-and-a-half-year-old Tongtong No one else can understand what you said. The "cause" of the child's illness is premature and excessive language learning. Tongtong's father speaks American English very fluently, and his mother also speaks fluent Japanese. As soon as Tongtong was born, his parents came up with a "clever" solution: from the time the child learned the language, his father would speak English to him, his mother would speak Japanese, and the retired grandparents would speak Chinese to the child. This was a "three-pronged approach." "Language training for children. At the beginning, Tongtong did master a lot of foreign language vocabulary, but as time went by, problems arose: he often mixed English, Japanese and Chinese, and the result was nothing; when speaking Chinese vocabulary, he also pronounced a long sound. Foreign language accent. Later, except for his parents, no one else could understand Tongtong's words. Tongtong's parents were anxious, so they increased their "education efforts" and frequently corrected Tongtong. Unexpectedly, after being corrected so many times, the little guy simply stopped talking, and would hide away from strangers when he saw him. If he had any requests, he would rather sign to his family than speak. 4. Grandpa’s experience
Once upon a time, there was a man who sold straw hats. Every day, he worked very hard to sell straw hats. One day, when he was very tired from hawking, there happened to be a big tree by the roadside, so he put down his straw hat, sat under the big tree and took a nap. When he woke up, he found that the straw hats around him were gone. Looking up, there are many monkeys in the tree, and each monkey has a straw hat on his head.
He thought that monkeys like to imitate people's movements, so he quickly took off the straw hat on his head and threw it on the ground. The monkeys also imitated him and threw their straw hats on the ground. The straw hat seller happily picked up the straw hat and went home. After returning home, he told his son and grandson about this strange incident. Many, many years later, his grandson inherited the family business. One day, when he was selling straw hats, he fell asleep under a big tree like his grandfather, and the straw hat was also taken away. The grandson thought of the method his grandfather had told him. He took off his straw hat and threw it on the ground. But strangely, the monkey didn't follow him and stared at him. Soon after, the Monkey King appeared, picked up the straw hat on the ground, and said, "What a joke! Do you think you are the only one who has a grandpa?"
5. The flower vendor told me
A flower vendor told me: "Almost all white flowers are very fragrant, and the more colorful the flowers, the less fragrant they are." He concluded: The same is true for people. The simpler and simpler the person, the more intrinsic fragrance they have. A flower vendor told me: "Tuberose is actually very fragrant during the day, but few people can smell it." He concluded that because the mind is too busy during the day, he cannot smell the fragrance of tuberose. If a person's mind is very calm during the day, he will find that tuberose, osmanthus, and chili scent are fragrant even at noon in the scorching heat. A flower vendor told me: "When buying lotus flowers in the early morning, you must choose those that are in full bloom." He concluded that morning is the best time for lotus flowers to bloom. If a lotus flower does not bloom in the morning, it may not bloom at noon or evening. We look at people the same way. If a person has no ambition when he is young, it will be even more difficult for him to have ambition in middle age or old age. A flower vendor told me: "The more expensive the flower, the easier it is to wither." He wanted to explain to flower buyers: Cherish youth, because youth is the most precious flower and the easiest to wither. A florist told me: "Every rose has its thorn." His conclusion was: Just like everyone's character, there are parts that you can't tolerate. To care for a rose, you don't have to work hard to eradicate its thorns. You can only learn how not to be pricked by its thorns; and how to prevent your own thorns from pricking those you love.
6. The rope should not be too long.
When I was in junior high school in the countryside, I had to herd cattle when I got home from school. In fact, herding cattle means pulling the cattle to the river embankment at the head of the village and inserting one end of the cattle rope into the ground. I looked after the cow while reading. One day after school was over late, I saw that my father had already pulled the cow to the river embankment. The cow was snorting vigorously, eating the grass around it, and trying to move to other places, but unfortunately the rope held the cow. I quickly ran home, found a piece of rope, and made the original short rope much longer. I continue reading my book. After a while my father came and he blamed me. Say why I put the cow rope so long. Only then did I notice that the cow was not grazing in patches in the circle with the long rope as a radius, but in patches here and there, and it wanted to go further away. My father said that the longer you make the rope, the less serious the cow will be about eating grass and it will be picky. Sure enough, my father took back the extended rope. The cow did not starve, but soon became full. To this day, as a teacher, I still remember what my father said. There is indeed a simple philosophy in this.
7. The King’s Leather Shoes
There is an allusion to the origin of leather shoes: In the early days, there were no shoes, and people had to endure the pain of having their feet pricked by stones while walking on the road. A minister in a certain country ordered that all the king's rooms be covered with cowhide. When the king stepped on the cowhide, his feet felt very comfortable. So the minister ordered that the roads across the country be paved with cowhide so that the king would feel comfortable wherever he went. But another minister suggested not to go to such trouble and just wrap the king's feet with cowhide. From then on the king felt very comfortable wherever he went.
8. If you take a step forward, your arms will grow
I was often sick when I was a child. In desperation, my mother jokingly listened to a teacher and sent me to an amateur martial arts school. Class practices boxing.
In every training session, I only defended myself and could never throw a fist. The coach was so angry that he shouted almost hysterically, "Take action, take action." It was like a strong wind whistling in my ears, but this time It only makes me shrink my head lower and arch my back more. Finally, the coach went to my mother, explained the situation, and asked me to withdraw from training. In the evening, my mother asked: "Why don't you punch?" I told her that my arms were too short and I couldn't hit others. At this moment, my mother said calmly: "If you take a step forward, your arms will grow longer." Just such an ordinary sentence completely changed everything for me.
9. Ten fingers cannot hold a flea.
Ten fingers cannot hold a flea. This is easy to understand. But right now, everyone wants to press the flea with ten fingers. I want to be a minor official but also want to be a big official. I am studying for a degree and taking the professional title test at the same time. I can't let go of fame, money, and wife, and I keep losing lovers. I see others succeeding in the sea, and I want to give it a try. I heard that If people make a fortune from stocks, they should buy them too. If you have too many desires, you will be impetuous. You can't wait to get rich overnight, and you can hold down ten fleas with just one hand. I used all ten fingers, but the flea ran away.
10. Specialties of beggars
One day at noon, when I was passing by Xinhua Building, I saw a beggar with a disabled leg sitting on the ground, writing with white chalk in neat and tidy fonts. , is a "block script", showing a certain foundation of calligraphy, and the written content is sincere, neatly arranged, and has a sense of rhythm in reading, and the characteristics of poetry and rhyme are very obvious. Onlookers threw coins one after another to express their feelings. In the past, when encountering beggars elsewhere, it was also found that there were beggars with "specialties", and people had a higher chance of automatically inserting coins. On the contrary, beggars who had no specialties and would just sit still or kneel down and cry would have to insert coins. The rate is very low, almost zero. I suddenly realized that even if I am a beggar, I should become a "specialized", "diligent", "pioneering" and "innovative" beggar with special skills.
11. The joy of bearers
Russell, the most influential British thinker in the 20th century, came to Sichuan, China in 1924. At that time, China was divided by warlords and the people were in dire straits. It was summer and the weather was very hot. Russell and a few people accompanying him took a bamboo sedan carried by two people to Mount Emei. The mountain road was steep and dangerous, and several bearers were sweating profusely from exhaustion. This situation made Russell no longer in the mood to watch the scenery, but instead thought about the mood of the several bearers. He thought that the bearers must hate them for carrying them up the mountain on such a hot day. They may even be thinking, why are they the ones carrying the sedan chair instead of the ones sitting in it? When they reached a small platform on the mountainside, Russell got off the bamboo sedan and carefully observed the expression of the bearer. He saw the bearers sitting in a row, taking out their pipes, talking and laughing, without any intention of blaming the weather or the bearers. They also told Russell jokes about their hometown with great interest, curiously asked Russell about some foreign things, and laughed happily from time to time during the conversation. Russell told this story in his article "The Chinese Character". Moreover, he concluded that it is wrong to view other people's happiness in a self-righteous way.
12. The temperature of tea
It is said that Ishida Mitsunari, a famous general in Japanese history, made a living at Kannonji Temple before he became famous. One day the shogun Toyotomi Hideyoshi came to the temple thirsty and asked for tea. The first cup of tea Ishida served him was a large bowl of warm tea, and the second cup was a medium bowl of slightly hot tea. When Toyotomi asked for the third cup, he served him a small bowl of hot tea. Toyotomi Hideyoshi was puzzled. Ishida explained that the first cup of warm tea in a large bowl was to quench thirst, so the temperature should be appropriate and the amount should be large; the second cup of hot tea in a medium bowl was because Toyotomi had already After drinking a large bowl, you will not be too thirsty. It has a slight meaning of drinking tea, so the temperature should be slightly hotter and the amount should be smaller. The third cup, because Toyotomi is no longer thirsty and is just fascinated by the fragrant tea, It’s purely for tea, so a small bowl of hot tea is served. Toyotomi was deeply moved by Ishida's loyalty and thoughtfulness, so he promoted him to his subordinates, making Ishida a famous general.
13. A small stone
A beautiful little jade in the mountains. I am very envious of the jade agate that was transported to the city and made into jewelry. Later, it was also transported to the city, but it was paved with ordinary pebbles on the road. One day, a small gemstone belonging to a noble lady was dropped beside it. The little jadeite said enviously: "How happy you are, you are so radiant every day!" The little gemstone said: "What good things I have are all polished away. You lost your nature and were played with all day long, I envy you!" As soon as he finished speaking, the little gem was picked up. If little jade has enlightenment, he will live happily and joyfully from now on.
14. Only the back
In the Northern Song Dynasty, Prime Minister Wang Dan had a horseman who drove his carriage for five years. After serving for five years, he bid farewell to Wang Dan, but Wang Dan did not recognize him. he. When the coachman turned around and left, Wang Dan immediately called out his name and praised him for his hard work in driving the carriage, so he gave him a generous reward. It turned out that this groom only drove carriages and rarely showed his face. Wang Dan was only familiar with his back, so when he saw his face, he didn't recognize him. When the groom turned around and went out, the familiar figure quickly aroused his memories. In our real life, there are indeed a large number of people who work quietly and honestly without seeking to be famous. They are cute and ordinary, busy silently in a corner of their lives, focused on work. People can't see their frontal appearance, what they see is always their busy figures. They never lift their heads from their work to show their faces and win applause from the crowd.
15. Miss Hong Kong Finals
In a Miss Hong Kong finals, in order to test the thinking speed and coping skills of the contestants, the host raised such a difficult question: "What if you have to "Between Chopin and Hitler, which one would you choose as a lifelong partner?" One of the contestants answered: "I will choose Hitler. If I marry Hitler, I believe I can influence him." , then the Second World War would not have happened, and there would not have been so many families destroyed. ”
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