Twenty humorous jokes

1. In front of the cloth counter of the store, the female clerk tore the cloth he bought into small strips at the request of a customer. Then the customer asked her to tie the strips of cloth. The clerk was angry: You are crazy! Customer: Yes, I have a hospital certificate.

2. We should miss each other every day, but we should not see each other every day. I am responsible for being beautiful and charming, and you are responsible for working hard to make money. You can fall in love with others, but don't let me find out. If I meet you, hum... you'll be cooking noodles with rat poison!

3. In the past few days, I have been wanting to say three words to you

I was afraid that we wouldn’t be able to be just friends after saying them, but I couldn’t control my feelings and finally gathered the courage. Tell you "borrow some money".

4. Teacher: "Do you smoke?" Student: "No." "Then let's eat some French fries." The teacher handed over the French fries. The student naturally stretched out two fingers...Teacher: "Don't suck? Go home and call your parents!"

5. The hunter saw a bird in the sky and opened it

Three shots missed, but the bird still fell down. It turned out that when the bullet missed, the bird patted its chest and said: Scared to death, scared to death.

6. One day I suddenly discovered that I have an aunt,

a second aunt,

a fourth aunt,

a fifth aunt, but no< /p>

Third aunt. So I asked my dad: Why don’t I have a third aunt? I also thought for a moment: Could it be that my third aunt died when she was young? My dad said angrily: Your third aunt is your mother!

7. Military exercise. The shelling was off target. I sent people to investigate and saw a man standing in the vegetable field with tattered clothes, dark face and tears in his eyes. I asked him, and the answer was: Stealing a cabbage, what is the use of it? Bombardment?

8. A certain woman tells fortunes. Fortune teller: Miss, please be careful these days! Because you carry a bad omen! Woman: Would it be better if I took off my bra?

9. A Yuan is studying abroad. One day, he found that his living expenses had been used up in advance, so he hurriedly sent a telegram to his family asking for help. There were only four words in the telegram: Out of ammunition and food. A few days later, Ayuan received a call back from home: Hold on!

10. A pig ran forward desperately, and suddenly a wall appeared in front of it. Instead of avoiding it, it bumped into it. Why? It's very simple, it doesn't make sharp turns.

11. A person keeps farting loudly in the office, and his colleagues ask him if he can keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there shaking and shaking. Ask him what? He replied: I set it to vibrate.

12. A young man went to visit his girlfriend. My girlfriend's parents deliberately avoided it, leaving them alone in the living room to talk about love. When the two were kissing, they found that their girlfriend's little sister was standing at the door and watching curiously. "Little sister, you go to bed, I'll give you ten yuan." said the young man. The little sister didn't ask for money and ran away without saying a word. After a while, she came back and said: "I have ten yuan. Let me look at it for a while." 13. Son: Xiaohua's Dad can swim very well, why can't you? Dad: Xiaohua’s dad always eats fish, so he can swim. Dad doesn’t often eat fish, so how can he swim? Son: But you always eat chickens. Can you lay eggs?

14. I have known you for so long. You have always cared about me, and I really don’t know how to repay you. I will definitely pull grass for you to eat in my next life!

15. I know you care about hygiene. You wash your hands every time you go to the toilet, and wash them very carefully. Suddenly you didn't wash your hands. I was surprised: Why didn't you wash your hands? You replied: I brought paper this time!

16. I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was taken away by the waves; so I wrote your name on every street in the street. Write your name in the corner... I was taken away by the city management.

Seventeen. A kind-hearted old gentleman was walking slowly along the street and saw a boy trying to ring the doorbell, but he couldn't reach it. So he reached out and rang the doorbell for him. The boy then said to the old gentleman: Well done, let's run!

18. I saw you wearing dirty clothes that day. When I went to the hospital to see a doctor, the nurse said impatiently: Go for a blood test, a urine test, and a stool test! After a while, you hold a basin of feces and say: Please, I swallowed the blood, the urine, and I really can’t swallow the stool!

Nineteen. On the west city, Zhuge Liang finished playing a piece of music, and the lingering sound echoed around the beams, and the 150,000 Wei troops outside the city could be heard as if they were intoxicated.

Zhuge Liang: "Thank you everyone, please pay one tael for each ticket." Wei Jun was shocked. In a moment, 150,000 people escaped without a single one left...

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10. The little earthworm asked her mother why she couldn’t see her father. The mother touched the little earthworm’s head and sighed and said that he and the fisherman went fishing.