Jokes about Japanese and father-in-law

1 Someone is belligerent. In ancient times, almost all young men were recruited to fight as soldiers, and there was no time to get married and have children, so there were fewer and fewer people. At that time, a national leader formulated a national policy to make all men

Whenever and wherever, you can have sex with any woman at will to keep the birth rate. So during the truce, women in a certain country are used to the "whenever and wherever" way, in short.

They went out with pillows and sheets on their backs, and later they became so-called "kimonos". Many women are "whenever and wherever", they joined the war before the other party could say their surnames, so they gave birth to children.

There are Inoue, Tanaka, Matsushita, Watanabe, Yamaguchi, Noboru takeshita and Kondo. ...

2

& gt A China and a Japanese came to the New Year Temple Fair. They first came to the Jade Emperor Temple.

& gt The Jade Emperor said, "Come on, I can grant you a right-related wish."

& gt The Japanese quickly said, "I want to be the king of the world."

& gt So the Japanese became the king of the world.

& gt China people went on to say, "Take him to 10,000 years ago."

& gt So the Japanese became the monkey king of the world.

& gt

& gt Then they came to the temple of wealth.

& gt The God of Wealth said, "Come on, I can grant you a wish related to money."

& gt The Japanese scrambled to say, "I want a lot of money."

& gt So the Japanese are rich.

& gt China people went on to say, "I want him to always owe me money."

& gt So all the Japanese money was returned to China.

& gt

& gt Then they came to Yuelao Temple.

& gt The God of Wealth said, "Come on, I can satisfy your two love-related wishes."

& gt The Japanese said shyly, "I want a big beauty."

& gt So a beautiful woman stood in front of him.

& gt China people went on to say, "Turn this beautiful woman into a man."

& gt So the beauty immediately became a man.

& gt

& gt The Japanese are very angry. In order not to let the people of China make trouble, he asked the people of China to speak first.

& gt China people said, "Turn him into a woman."

& gt So the Japanese became women.

& gt The Japanese have no choice but to say, "I don't want to be a woman."

& gt So the Japanese became men again.

& gt

& gt The Japanese were furious and deliberately left China for the Confucian Temple.

& gt Shen Man said, "Do you want the best food?"

& gt Japanese people drool and say "think"

& gt Shen Man said, "Do you want to wear the most beautiful clothes?"

& gt The Japanese took off their clothes and said, "I want it."

& gt Shen Man said, "Do you want to win the favor of the strongest woman?"

& gt The Japanese took off his pants and said, "I really want to."

& gt Shen Man went on to say, "The price is your true love and conscience. Will you? "

& gt The Japanese were moved to tears: "I do."

& gt Shen Man said, "You did, but you didn't."

& gt

& gt China people then came to Mantian.

& gt Shen Man said to him, "You want to eat the best food. . . "

& gt China people immediately interrupted her: "Is it Chen Hong?"

& gt Shen Man: ". . . . "How do you know?

& gt China people say, "Cut the crap. Don't think I can't recognize you with a lightning rod on my head. What about Chen Kaige? "

& gt Shen Man proudly said, "He sells black-bone chicken at the stall."

& gt China people say, "Don't come out to play without an adult."

& gt God is full of grievances and says, "I will never dare again."

& gt China people said, "Do you know that playing tricks is illegal?"

& gt Shen Man lowered his head and said, "I know."

& gt China people said, "Do you know that knowing the law is aggravating?"

& gt Shen Man blushed and said, "I know."

& gt China people said, "Shall I call the police?"

& gt said with complete fear, "Never."

& gt People in China said, "Do you want Chen Kaige?"

& gt Shen Man said firmly, "I don't want to."

& gt China people say, "Do you want the best food?"

& gt Shen Man said, "Think"

& gt China people said, "Do you want to wear the most beautiful clothes?"

& gt Shen Man took off his clothes and said, "Think about it."

& gt China people said, "Do you want to get the favor of the most obscene man?"

& gt Shen Man said "too much" without thinking.

& gt China pointed to the Japanese next to him and said to Shen Man, "Take him away and think about other things."

A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! NO0 Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to factories, made into shrimp cakes and then sold to you in China.

After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked, "What should I do with the remaining lemon peel?" "Of course," said the waiter. "no! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory and then sold to you in China. "

When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile, "What should I do with the remaining gum?" ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said proudly, "In Japan, chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China."

The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know what to do with used condoms in China?" "Of course I threw it away." Japanese humanity.

The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum and sold to you. "

four

A Japanese wrote a love poem to his girlfriend:

My sun,

You are my sun.

You are still my sun,

You are like my mother, my sun!

The Chinese translated into Japanese is:

Fuck me,

Fuck me.

You pay me back,

Fuck you, my mother!

five

Four surgeons sit together and talk about who they like to operate on. The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best." When you open their bodies, everything in them is arranged alphabetically? The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best." When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order. The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best." When you open their bodies, everything is color coded. The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best." The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads can be exchanged.

six

A man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro. This time the operator was a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? " The man said, "Because I just like listening."

There is a taxi on the way to Chicago airport, and a Japanese tourist is riding on it. At this moment, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted, "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! " After a while, another taxi passed by. "Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's too early! " Another taxi passed by. "ah! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! " Taxi drivers are 100% American. Seeing that so many Japanese cars have surpassed their American cars, coupled with the arrogant language of the Japanese, he was a little annoyed. When another taxi overtook it, the taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. "It's Honda! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! " The taxi driver stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said, "1500 dollars." "So close to 1500 dollars? ! ""forget it! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! "

There are an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane. Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American showed personal heroism and went to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live America and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly ... at this moment, the captain announced that the weight was still too heavy, and one person had to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Jumped down, too The plane continued to fly ... At this moment, the captain announced: No, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese rushed to hold China's hand: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! ......

9 An China (Mr.) went to Greece, because of the serious language barrier, and squatted in the wrong pit (that is, the legendary WC). When he was comfortable, he came out and found that the door was full of people. The local residents were ready to be beaten with sticks in their hands. He is afraid of it. So he had a brainwave. He said a word, and everyone got out of the way without blaming him. Do you know what he said?

He said-I'm going there ~ ~ ~

10 said that there are two Japanese in our community, a couple, tall, and the Japanese are not tall, but these two people are exceptions, one is 1 m 1 and the other is 1 m 2.

These two people are not welcome in their neighborhood, but they still try to play something elegant!

One day, two people were playing golf in an alley. The ball is as big as sesame. They use chopsticks as clubs.

They played there, and the ball hit 10 meters. It took them 2 hours to get it back.

That day, they were in trouble. This woman has bad eyes. When she went down, she only heard a bang. The man said, "Maybe she broke someone else's window. Go and have a look! "

So two people went. Three hours later, the two men came to the downstairs where the window was broken. They were panting. They went upstairs. Actually, it's 1 building. The door was open and they went in. I saw a ball in the room, broken glass and a broken vase on the ground. Two people thought, this is bad! !

At this time, a man came out of the room, at least 1.80 meters, and said, "Who are you two looking for?"

The Japanese said, "When we were playing ball, we accidentally broke your window and your vase. We are here to apologize to you, sorry! "

"You don't have to apologize, I have to thank you?"

I've been thinking these two days.

"In fact, I am a fairy and have been staying in this vase. If I don't meet you today, I can't get out! "

This can make the Japanese happy. "It is said that the magic in this bottle can satisfy people's wishes, will you?"

"Yes, do you have any requirements? Go! "

The man said, "I want the territory of China, can I?"

"No problem, you go back to your bookcase, where there is a map of China. Just blow two breaths! "

The man was very happy, and the woman also said, "I want all the gold and silver treasures in China!" " "

"Yes, you can also go back. Just dig 3 feet under your bed! "

I am very happy these two days!

At this time, the man said, "I am a fairy with little magic." I can only give you two one wish. I'll keep one for myself. If you can help me finish mine, I can finish yours! "

These two days I said, "No problem, we Japanese are the most honest. Tell me your wish! "

"As for me, I have been in this vase for 1000 years. I am very happy to meet your wife today. I just want to lie in the back room with your wife. Does this suit you?

The Japanese said unhappily, "Then you have to add another 50 yuan!" "

"Ok, no problem. You can go back and have a look. There is not a 50 yuan in the carpet under your door." Then, the man led the Japanese woman into the room and the Japanese man waited outside. . . . .

Half an hour later, two people came out of the room and the fairy lit a cigarette. Q: "How old are you both?"

The man said, "I am 27 years old on both sides."

The fairy nodded and said, "27? Such an adult, you still believe that there are immortals in this world.

1 1 An American, a Japanese and an China were exploring the jungle. They were all caught by the cannibal tribe, but the tribal chief said, "I am in a good mood today, so I won't eat you. But you are all going to be hit by hundreds of boards, but you are hit.

You can realize your wish in front of the board meeting. "

The first person who was hit by a board was an American. He said, "Before being hit by a board, put 10 cushions on my ass."

Pad, the board rained down. The previous 70 boards are ok. The cushion behind the 70-board was smashed, and then the board bled ... After the fight, the American left by touching his ass.

When the Japanese saw this, they wanted a 10 mattress.

After 1, 2, 3 ... 100, the Japanese got up and patted their ass. Nothing happened. Then Zhang Kou boasted about his ability to imitate and recreate, and wanted to sit in a Chinese drama.

China people slowly get down and say slowly, "Come on, give me the Japanese mat." ...... "Face up."

12 Japanese prime minister Koizumi wants to issue stamps in his own name, print them and sell them. Later, he went to the store to see the sales situation.

The shopkeeper said: people say this stamp is not firm at all ~! Koizumi wants to know,

Then I took a stamp and spat on the back, and then put a post on the paper, which was very firm.

He asked discontentedly, isn't this very reliable?

The boss replied awkwardly, but. . . . Everyone is spitting in front ~!

13 One day, a kid, who knew a few Chinese characters by himself, wandered in the street. When he was hungry, he began to look for a restaurant. It arrived at the door of a small noodle restaurant and saw several big characters written on the water sign at the door: beef noodles, large rows of noodles, simple meals.

He wanted to taste it, so he went in.

The busy waiter ran over and asked, "What noodles would you like to eat, sir?"

"I will eat ..." At some point, the little devil wanted to show off his recognition of Chinese characters, so he turned his head and looked at the words written vertically on the water label, and read horizontally: "I eat a bowl of' cow',' big' and' poop' ..."

I want to "shit" loudly and slowly.

So all the diners in the restaurant looked at the little devil in surprise and whispered, "This beast is really fierce!" " "

14. Machines with testing capability. Just put a coin in it and do it again against the hole, and there will be a result. therefore ...

China people put in a coin with a smile.

"Your sexual function is very strong."

Not to be outdone, the British put a coin and topped it up!

"Your sexual function is basically normal."

The American smiled and said, "Look at me" and put in a coin. Top!

"System error, please don't make fun of me with a toothpick."

The Japanese couldn't help laughing, put in coins, took off his pants and topped! ! ! ! !

1 minute later. ..

In two minutes. ...

In three minutes. ....

When people think that the machine is broken and scattered. ...

"Since you put in a coin, why don't you try it?"

15 These three people flew together again.

This time something went wrong, and three people jumped to another savage tribe. There is also a rule in this tribe that every foreigner must mate with gorillas, and if there are any young gorillas, let them go.

Then each of them was put in a cage. After a while, Bush took out eight little orangutans, and Blair took out four little orangutans, none of them. The tribal leader said you can't leave, Koizumi said, fuck.

Can you fucking blame me? I don't know. That son of a bitch put a male gorilla in me.

16 One day, a Japanese patient came to a big hospital in China. The nurse said: Go for urine test and stool test first. As a result, after a long time, the nurse wondered whether you would take the exam or not. Japanese patient: I have swallowed my urine, but it is a little difficult to defecate.

17 -

Americans, British, China and Japanese discuss their own military affairs together.

The Japanese said, "We advocate Bushido and are not afraid of sacrifice. I dare you to test your marksmanship with an apple on your head. "

It was he who put an apple on his head.

The American turned and walked back 20 steps, then walked back with a gun, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

"I'm Hunter."

The Japanese put another apple on his head.

The Englishman turned and walked back 50 steps, then walked back with a gun, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

"I am.

Boone (bond). "

The Japanese put a small apple on their heads.

China people turned and took three steps back, then turned and shot, and their heads were blown off. He proudly said:

"I am.

sorry "

18 self-defeating

In the bar, there is a Japanese who is drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too."

19 A Japanese came to Beijing to learn Chinese and worked hard.

Ten years later, he can speak not only Mandarin, but also Cantonese and Hakka without any Japanese accent.

"No one should treat me like the devil anymore …" he thought.

One day he traveled to a small fishing port in Tianjin and saw an old man catching shrimps.

So on a whim, he confidently greeted the old man in Mandarin: "Old man! Do you know where I come from? 」

The old man replied, "I can't hear your accent clearly ..."

The devil was very happy and thought, "I didn't expect my Chinese to improve so much." Can be said to be perfect ... "

At this time, the old man glared at him and said, "If you can count the shrimps I caught clearly, I will know where you are from."

The devil began to count with a fairly standard pronunciation: "One, two, three, ... fifty ... one hundred ... two hundred ..."

After counting for more than an hour, he proudly replied, "Nine thousand seven hundred and eighty-seven shrimps! Old man, I think you'll never guess where I come from! ! 」

The old man smiled and said, "I know! You must be Japanese! Ha ha ha ... "

The devil was very surprised, but he still asked the old man in standard Mandarin: "You ... you ... why do you know?"

The old man replied, "Ah, this is simple. China people ask about the weight of fish and shrimp, not as stupid as you! "

20

When the old man was picking shit, a Japanese man walked by and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce a catty? Grandpa said nothing. The Japanese dipped a little into his mouth with his hand and thought, I won't tell you how much it costs a catty unless you tell me. . .