Hot brain teasers, hot paragraphs are urgent.

Plastic surgery of 1 ox X.

Bajie went to Korea for plastic surgery and became a handsome boy. Go to the ballroom to find beautiful women. After the passion, Bajie asked the beauty, Do you know how ugly I used to be? I am Pig Bajie. The beauty is frightened: second brother, I am Lao Sha!

Is your company still short of staff?

A male writer created a column in a magazine to solve some problems in life for readers.

One day, a reader contributed: I am a male clerk in a women's shoe store. I have a very troublesome thing and I don't know how to solve it. Because the business of the shoe store I serve is very prosperous, customers are always flowing from morning till night, so I have to squat down every day to try on shoes for my guests. Although this is only a small matter, do you know? There are many female guests who don't wear underwear at all, so whenever I try on shoes for her, I always see something I shouldn't see. This really made my heart beat faster and my face turned red. Every time I have an impulse to touch it, what do you think I should do?

The writer's answer is: "Is your company still short of people?"

3 impatient fairy

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.

Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "

Man: "I want a wife ..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving, greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.

Man: "... cake."

4 Cool Doctor

"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

"the sun." The patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

As a soldier,

Frank and Fred both received the call-up order on the same day, and neither of them wanted to do military service. Frank once heard that the army didn't accept people without teeth, so they both had their teeth pulled out.

On the day of physical examination, they were on the same line, but there was a big, hairy and smelly truck driver in the middle.

When Frank was at the head of the line, he told the monitor that he had no teeth. The sergeant told him to open his mouth, then drew a circle on his gum with his index finger and said, yes, you have no teeth. You don't need to be a soldier!

Then it was the truck driver's turn. The sergeant said, What's your problem? The truck driver said, I have severe hemorrhoids. The monitor told the guy to bend down, put his index finger around his anus and said, yes, your condition is very serious, and you are unqualified!

Then it was Fred's turn. The monitor asked, What's your question?

Fred stared at his index finger and replied, nothing, monitor. I don't think there is anything wrong at all.

6 wall clock

There is a classroom in the university and there is something wrong with the wall clock. As long as something knocks, it will knock faster and faster, and it takes 5 minutes to knock once.

One day, when the professor was in class, he found that when he was writing on the blackboard, all the students threw a wall clock with an eraser, but the professor kept quiet and still rang the bell. Before long, the final exam arrived and everyone was immersed in it. I saw the professor practicing losing the clock with the blackboard eraser.

An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach.

The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular?"

"Very regular, defecate on time at eight o'clock every morning."

"Then what's your question?"

"The problem is that I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning."

Doctor: "..."

Xiaoqing is chatting with a psychiatrist at the banquet. Xiaoqing asked, "How do you all diagnose patients?"

The doctor replied, "I always ask them some simple questions first." If they hesitate, I can probably know that they are insane. "

Xiaoqing was very interested and asked, "What kind of question? Can you give me some examples? "

The doctor said, "for example, captain cook traveled around the world three times, but unfortunately he died on one of them." Which time was it? "

Xiaoqing hesitated, a little embarrassed and said, "I'm not familiar with history. Can you give me another example?

9 ulterior motives

Female patient: Doctor, you told me to stick out my tongue. Why don't you look at it?

Doctor: I don't want to see your tongue. I told you to stick it out. I just want you to keep quiet while I write the prescription, okay?

10 hospital certificate

In front of the cloth counter in the department store, a salesgirl patiently tore a piece of cloth she bought into 2-inch strips at the request of a customer. After tearing, the customer asked the clerk to tie these small pieces of cloth into knots. In the middle of the shop assistant's speech, she finally couldn't stand it. She said, "Are you mentally ill?"

"Yes, I have a hospital certificate." The customer said?

An interesting speech about babies.

1 1 Mom tells Pippi to get up: "Get up! The rooster has crowed several times! " Pippi said, "What does cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "

12 My daughter is curious about her navel and asks her father. Dad simply explained the reason why the umbilical cord connects the fetus and the mother, saying, "After the baby left the mother, the doctor cut off the umbilical cord and tied it in a knot, which later became the navel." The daughter said, "Why doesn't the doctor tie a bow?"

Father: "Pierre, don't go to school today. Your mother gave birth to two little brothers for you last night. Just tell the teacher. " Pierre: "Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one and the other. I want to stay until next week when I don't want to go to school. "

2 1, Dad Buck is sitting on a park bench to have a rest. A child stood by him for a long time and never left. Buck was very surprised and asked, "Angel, why do you always stand here?" The child said, "This stool has just been painted. I want to see what you look like when you stand up. "

The kitten went to kindergarten. One day, the teacher asked, "Who knows how many countries there are in the world?" The kitten said, "I know!" " The teacher said, "Then tell me which countries there are." The kitten said, "There are two countries, China and foreign countries!" "

23. The child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. The child said while eating, "This fish is really delicious. It would be better if there were no thorns! "

15 thank you, uncle.

On the bus in Beijing, the donkey stepped on the foot of a beautiful girl in front. The beautiful girl glared back and said angrily, "Fuck * * * * * *!"

The donkey's eyes were glassy and tongue-tied. It took a long time to answer, "Oh, I thank you for my uncle."

When Mrs Frog gave birth to a litter of toads,

After Mrs Frog gave birth to the baby, the frog was very happy and busy, and all the housework was taken care of.

In a blink of an eye, when children grow up, frogs become less and less interesting: Why do children all look like toads? Since then, his face has become more and more ugly.

Mrs. Frog saw her husband's mind and said to the frog, I'm sorry, husband! Me Before You, I had plastic surgery.

A good man in the eyes of his wife

Say:

A gentleman was waiting for the green light at the crossroads when a beggar knocked on the window and said, give me some money.

The gentleman looked at it and said, I'll give you a cigarette.

The beggar said, I don't smoke. Give me some money.

The gentleman said, I have beer in my car. Let me give you a bottle of wine.

The beggar said, I don't drink. Give me some money.

Mr. Wang said: well, I'll take you to the mahjong room, I'll pay, you bet, and the winner is yours.

The beggar said, I don't gamble. Give me some money.

Mr. Wang said, get in the car, and I'll take you back to show my wife: what is a good man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble?

Lawyer 18: "Old classmate, I will defend you. Don't worry. "

Defendant: "I'm counting on you."

"Witness A, can you describe the man you saw?"

"He is about 1.7 meters tall, with a bald head and a moustache."

"Directly, is it a man or a woman?"

"。 . . . . . . 。"

Defendant Khan. . . . . . .

"Witness B, you said that you also met the defendant, so your memory is normal?"

"normal."

"Let me ask you a few questions. Did you eat at noon? "

"I ate."

"What did you eat?"

"Fried rice with eggs."

"What's the first question I asked you?"

"Have you eaten at noon?"

"Wrong, the first question I asked you was: Is your memory normal? Obviously, you are not fit to be a witness in this case. . . "

"。 . . . 。"

"Objection"

Sustained. Don't think hard in court.

"。 . . . . 。"

The defendant is sweating. . . . . . . . . . .

The key to this case is whether my client is an alcoholic, so what makes you say that he is an alcoholic?

"He himself said that he should drink at least a catty of white wine at a meal."

"Impossible, I know my customers very well. It is impossible to say such big words without being drunk. "

"。 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 。"

The defendant was furious: "your honor, I can't stand it, and I strongly demand self-defense!" ! ! "

19 Some things are beyond the Queen's control.

When the President of the United States visited Britain, the Queen held a grand welcoming ceremony. The red carpet was everywhere, and the Queen accompanied the President of the United States in a gilded carriage with six big horses, which was extremely distinguished among the welcoming crowd. Suddenly, a horse pulling a cart farted loudly and smelly. In order not to embarrass the queen, the president pretended not to pay attention and waved to the welcoming crowd. Embarrassed, the queen said apologetically to the president, "I'm sorry, some things are beyond her control." The president smiled and said, "If you don't mention it, I thought it was Ma Fang!" "