Humorous jokes for girls _ A collection of jokes for girls

If boys want to make girls happy, they should learn to tell them humorous jokes. The following are humorous jokes I arranged for girls. I hope you like them.

I was sitting in the shop when suddenly a child rushed in and jumped on me, scaring me to death. I thought someone had hurt the child, and then she hid under the table, and a man and a woman followed her and looked around. I thought of the trafficker, but I didn't say anything, so I let her hide. Soon she hugged my leg and screamed, and someone outside came in to pull her. I didn't see anything for a long time, except that she said piteously, Aunt! Help me! I don't want an injection! ?

There is a little girl at home, and I braided her hair one morning. Lori:? Mom, do you know why my eyes are so big? Me:? Do you still have to ask? Of course, because mom and dad have big eyes. ? Lori:? No? Me:? Then why do you think it is? Lori:? Because you pulled my eyelids up when you braided my hair. ?

3. I passed the primary school after work and saw a little girl asking the little boy:? Can you do all the questions in today's exam? Little boy:? Yes ? Little girl:? Then can you play basketball? Little boy:? Yes, both. ? Little girl:? Then what won't you do? Little boy:? I won't dislike you. ? As a result, the little girl kissed the little boy. I'm going against the sky, love. Think about yourself again. I deserve to be single. Ah, what a painful understanding?

The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was furious: damn it, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it. ?

5. female:? As long as I have money, I can marry anyone. ? Man:? Will you marry the safe in the bank?

6. Patient:? Doctor, you left the scissors in my stomach. ? Never mind, I have another one. ?

7. Failed to chase girls recently? Call my mother at night and tell her not to chase girls. Too much trouble. I'll wait for girls to chase me in the future. On the other end of the phone, my mother said coldly: people should learn to recognize themselves? Recognize yourself

8. My best friend and I went to the hospital for examination and found that we were pregnant for two months. I wanted to give my husband good news, but my mobile phone was dead, so I had to borrow my best friend's mobile phone and send him a short message: I am pregnant. I didn't remember that I didn't sign it until I sent it successfully. I just want to resend it. Husband has replied: honey, really? Where are you now? I'll pick you up! I seem to understand something.

I saw a beautiful little girl on my way to work today, so I followed her. She seemed to find me following her, so she ran a short distance. I think, if I don't grasp this fate, I may regret it all my life, so I chased it up and said, beauty, can you give me your mobile phone? She shook her hand, put her mobile phone in my hand and ran away in a panic?

10. Go to buy steamed buns today and tell the boss who sells steamed buns. Boss, what flavor of steamed stuffed bun is the best? The boss said: Meat buns are delicious. ? I replied:? Give me a sugar one. ?

1 1. When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends confessed. I'm getting married. ? Message by message:? Your boy won't get on the boat before making up the ticket, will he? Congratulations! ? Reply later:? Not me, but my brother.

12. Chatting with a sister, the sister said:? I like movies very much, and you like playing games. ? I said:? Watching movies is boring, and my hands are always idle and uncomfortable. ? Sister suddenly came to a sentence:? You won't find a movie you can use, will you? Use it? Hands? Don't you know too much? !

13. Do you know that I met a mentally retarded person yesterday? I've never seen such a stupid person? As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

14. A lady reported her husband's disappearance to the public security expert bureau. The policeman asked:? When did he disappear? Two weeks ago. ? Then why don't you report it today? Remember it today, because today is his payday. ?

15. I'm a little handsome. One day, I sat in a board game bar in a daze. Suddenly three sisters invited me to play games. One of the girls is very good at blowing, saying how rich her family is and that she runs this board game, right? But how can I remember that I am the boss? When did she become me?

16. The farmer slept naked in the orchard and was awakened by laughter. A monkey stood in front of him laughing wildly, and the farmer asked inexplicably, What are you laughing at? The monkey said, I have eaten fruits all my life, and I saw bananas and lychees grow together for the first time. ?

17. Whose wife is the thinnest when three people brag? A Dai:? My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes. ? Agua refuses to accept:? My wife accidentally fell into the sewer while taking a shower. ? Xiao mingman:? My wife swallowed an almond and everyone thought she was pregnant. ?

18. Are you asleep? Pigs go to bed so early! Haven't slept yet? Dogs are always so energetic! Want to curse? Monkeys are always less patient than people! Want to hit me? Bears are always so violent! Just ignore me? That's turtle style!

19. Strange, strange, strange. Seven turtles are dancing, six lions are playing chess, five monkeys are eating pears, four donkeys are chasing Shu Kei, three mice are patting level three, two crabs are playing Tai Chi, and a little pig is reading information!

You know our friendship means a lot to me. I cry when you cry, and I laugh when you laugh. I will stick my head out without hesitation when you jump from a tall building. Wow! Not dead! ?

2 1. An African underage lion is sad and depressed, and its mother asks what's wrong. The little lion replied:? I just ate someone, probably from China. ? The lioness is anxious: eat people without looking at their passports! I told you before that their chemical elements exceeded the standard. Can our bones stand it? The lion dad comforted: Don't be afraid. People who can come to Africa to hunt in China are all dedicated to eating and drinking. This person should be green food. ?

22. Men are not drunk, women have no tips, and women are not drunk and men have no chance. People are divided into two categories: one is frugal as if to live forever; The other is as extravagant as if he is going to die tomorrow.

Biologists put a naked beauty and a camera in front of a very clever orangutan, and it chose the latter. Biologists asked orangutans why they chose this way, and orangutans replied:? I heard that this camera will automatically zoom. ?

24. A Dai went to his girlfriend's house, and when he saw no one in the living room, he shouted:? Where are you? Girlfriend: Wash dates, there is no one at home, come and help me! ? A Dai is shy and silent. The girlfriend is impatient: Come on! What are you doing? A Dai:? I'm taking off my clothes.

25. When the husband came home, his wife did a routine check-up and suddenly shouted at his shirt:? Whose lipstick print is this? While trying to remember, he muttered: remember that I took off my shirt! ?

26. Husband and wife go out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, this, this slope is really steep. It's really hard to climb. I'm exhausted! ? The wife echoed:? Yes, if I don't brake hard, we will slip. ?

27. The husband happily said to his wife: You have devoted yourself to your family for so many years, and I will give you a promotion next week! ? Wife:? What promotion? I will marry a little wife and make you a big wife. ?

28. There is a MM with a particularly flat chest, and I am afraid that my boyfriend will know that I dislike myself, so I will avoid my boyfriend. Finally, they went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights and got into bed? When the boyfriend touched MM's chest, he said, Honey, don't sleep on your stomach! ?

29. The young couple shared a bed with their son. In the middle of the night, the couple secretly made out and suddenly found that their son was gone! After searching for a long time, it turned out that my son was hiding behind the door with his knees. Husband and wife shouted:? Come back quickly, there is wind behind the door! ? The son said angrily: Don't lie, it's windy under the covers! ! ?

30. The wife asked her husband: If I am crazy, will you still love me? The husband said firmly: Honey. ? The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, you really love me! ?

3 1. Before the wedding, the groom asked the host:? How much does it cost to hold a wedding? The host said:? The more beautiful the bride, the more expensive it is! ? The groom is embarrassed to give his master a dollar. The host paused, looked back at the bride, and then found Mao.

32. The Academy of Fine Arts is taking a human body class. A girl was drawing when she suddenly dropped her pen on the ground! The girl shouted at the male model:? I'm older and younger, and I'll fucking let people draw it! ?

33. That man is chatting up beautiful women in the bar. The man asked: I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in? The beauty was silent for a while and whispered: big money, coarse equipment. ?

34. One day, a school is having a tense exam! The exam topic is "Similarities between Bad-hearted Radish and Pregnant Women"! Only three students passed! The answers of these three students are:? It's all bugs. ? Only one student got full marks! The answer is:? It is too late! ?

35. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, she hoped to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: Please pay attention to the order. ?

36. Two counterfeiters inadvertently manufactured counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to take them to a remote mountainous area for consumption. When they bought a sugar-coated gourd with a face value of 15 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two pieces of 7 yuan.

37. a:? Dude, why do you look so sad? b:？ I accidentally posted my wife's nude photos online! ? A:? Then it's too early for you to be sad now. If that post sinks, you will be sad again! ? Think about it and you will understand.

38. I saw two children chatting at the kindergarten gate. The little girl asked the little boy, Is there anything you can't do? The little boy said shyly, I won't leave you. ? Is there anything you won't do? The little boy asked expectantly. The little girl smiled shyly and said, I won't like you. ?

39. The father said to his son. Last night, didn't you go to school today Your mother gave birth to two brothers. Just tell the teacher. ? The son replied:? Dad, I only said I gave birth to one; The other one, I want to save it for next week when I don't want to go to school! ?

40. My sister-in-law goes to school and lives in my house. She often plays Three Kingdoms Kill with her classmates in my house, which makes me addicted. My wife is firmly opposed, saying that I still play games when I am old. Once my wife was on a business trip and killed three countries with her sister-in-law and classmates. My wife called and asked me what I was doing. I was in a hurry and said, sleep. ? Wife:? I don't believe it. ? Me:? Ask your sister. She's right next to me. ?

One afternoon, I went to play video games in cut class, and didn't go home until after 8 o'clock in the evening. When I got home, I thought: How to cheat your parents? Dad is sure to beat me up. ? Suddenly I heard my parents talking to someone in the room. I sighed: God bless, my parents won't ask me about playing truant when there are guests at home. ? I opened the door excitedly and went in. I see, is the class teacher? I ended up with a swollen ass.

My niece is five years old and has just eaten bananas. Call her:? Baby, come and eat bananas! ? She added:? You are so bad! ? I was shocked:? What's the matter? Unexpectedly, she said: Every time dad says that, mom always answers? .

I was sitting at home today, and there were many people in the car. I saw a poor hand in a girl's bag. On impulse, I went to hug my sister, patted her bag by the way and said, honey, it's almost the stop. ? Then give her a wink. She saw me stunned for two seconds and said to the man: Honey, I'll go! Couple, I got off before I got to the station?

I once liked a girl, but she didn't like me. She said that the man she likes is the kind that no one dares to get close to when driving on the road. She thinks such a man is domineering. Last month. She is married. As she wished, her husband drove the sprinkler.

The teacher said seriously after handing out the test paper. In this exam, another student made a mistake in the wrong question. Let's take a few minutes to ask ourselves. Why? I want an answer later. ? A few minutes later, the teacher called a classmate and asked, What's your answer? That classmate said innocently:? Teacher, I asked many times, but no one answered. ?

6. The youngest son is brave when fighting with others. Once, the son asked his father, did you like fighting when you were a child? Dad said: I dare not. ? The son said:? Why? Dad said: I can't beat him. ? The son said:? Then why didn't you call me? ?

7. The minimum standard for a college student: peasant woman, mountain spring and a little field.

8. I said you were a pig, and you said:? I am a pig. ? I'll call you from now on? Pigs are strange? ! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig! ?

9. judges:? Why are you printing counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently: Because I can't print real money. ?

10. thief a:? Count how much money was robbed today? Thief b:? No, just read the newspaper tomorrow. ?

The humorous jokes of girls are popular articles 1. A young man drove off the expressway, and the traffic police came to salute: Hello, you are the 10,000 th driver who passed this newly-built expressway. According to the regulations, you will be rewarded with 5000 yuan.

The reporter came to interview: hello, I'm sure I'm very happy to get this money. What are you going to do when you go back?

The young man said, I want to get a driver's license first

Hearing this, the traffic police next to him said: driving without a license! I'm coming.

His wife said in the passenger seat, Comrade policeman, don't listen to him, he is drunk.

Hearing this, the traffic police: drink and drive! The handcuffs are all out. I take them to young people.

At this time, his mother-in-law stuck her head out of the window at the back and cried, I told you, don't drive the stolen car, don't drive, you have to drive out to play at Guanqiao. ......

There is a student who has been drinking iced black tea for two years. Every time he opens the lid, he thanks you for your patronage.

On one exam, Huizi could not write, but calmly unscrewed the iced black tea next to him. He cried? Another bottle?

Once I went to the toilet, my brother next door said? Dude, which brand of tissue do you use? May I see such a soul mate?

I handed it impatiently, and then, it was gone.

I spent the whole day in the toilet. Who is the man who died young? Dare to stand up for me

Just now, on the bus, an old man suddenly came over. I gave up my seat decisively without thinking, and the old man was extremely moved.

As a result, the old man said, you smiled this year. I think you are a good person. Why don't we become sworn brothers? I said that the old man's life is high this year, and the old man said 93. I said ok, but there is really no reason to refuse.

Grandpa knelt on the ground and said, don't expect to be born on the same day in the same year.

As soon as I hear this, forget it. I won't worship you. You can find anyone you like.

5, a buddy is an idiot, riding a battery car retrograde, was caught by the police, to be fined 50.

He got angry at once and shouted at the police. Just not a car, and fined me 50. If I invite my uncle, you have to give me 50 pounds.

The police are angry, too. Call your uncle and I'll know how great he is. I don't believe it. I'll give you 50 bucks. The goods immediately took out 100 yuan from his pocket, pointed to Mao's head and said, this is my uncle, give me 50! The police were stunned on the spot!

6. secretly name the note in the classmate's mobile phone? Old spare? Change my contact's mobile phone number to mine and send him a text message during class: Son, go home quickly. We won100000, so what are we going to school for? Dad will build a school for you tomorrow and let you be the principal! ?

After reading it at the same table, the class teacher asked him what he was doing. He said without looking back. Labor and capital will be the principal tomorrow, who will study here with you! ?

7. An old man plays Tai Chi in the park, which is very powerful. At this moment, a young man came over and said, Grandpa is so good at kung fu, how can he practice? ?

The old man said, I can't stand still. I hate trying to hit me with all my strength. ? So the young man gave the old man a hard blow. As a result, it turned out to be ... 26 thousand.

8. A buddy's house is on fire.

He called the police and said, 1 19? My house is on fire.

1 19: Where is it?

He: At my house.

1 19: Be specific. He: In my kitchen.

1 19: I said your current position.

He: I'm under the table now.

How do we get to your house?

He: Isn't there a fire truck in the hate room?

1 19: You deserve it! !

9. A buddy has never been on a plane. I wonder who said that. If you get on the plane, you must grab the seat, or the seat will be gone.

On the day of boarding the plane, as soon as the cabin door opened, he jumped in first, grabbed a seat, and then a man came up to him and said politely, Sir, please forgive me. This is my seat.

The elder brothers show off in an ostentatious manner; Go away! I came first!

The man said, brother, it doesn't matter who comes first. This is my seat.