Civilized etiquette joke

One day, I took my two-year-old son home from kindergarten. The child was bored sitting in the back seat of the bicycle, so I said, "Hey, kid, let me make a word. Can you make a sentence for my father? "

"Yes, you go," he said.

"Delicious," I said.

"What a sweet fart!" He blurted out after my voice?

speed

A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant.

"Dude, I really envy you, so fast."

"I envy you, I didn't take off my pants."

Didn't betray his wife

One night, the husband came back from dinner and happily said to his wife, "Today, the manager of our company invited several employees to dinner, and everyone enjoyed themselves." During the dinner, the manager took out three bottles of whisky and said to everyone,' Everyone here, you have never betrayed your wife in your life. These three bottles of wine are his, and no one raised his hand. Do you find it strange? "

The wife asked curiously, "Then why don't you raise your hand?"

The husband said in a panic, "You know, I always prefer beer to whisky."

Study and money

Father and son saw a very luxurious imported car.

Son: people who ride this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!

Father: People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!

wordless

After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together in the kitchen.

Father and son are watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence.

Son: Mom must have broken it!

Father: How do you know?

Son: She didn't swear!

internally and externally

Students who are also in primary school but in grade, their future wish is to be clowns.

Miss China: No ambition! You can't teach a boy!

Foreign teacher: May you bring laughter to the whole world!

The feeling of crossing

My wife is cooking in the kitchen. Husband grabbed it next to her: slow down and be careful! The fire is too big. . . . Turn around quickly, there is too much oil!

Wife: I know how to cook.

Husband: I just want you to know how I feel when you are chattering around while I am driving. . . .

A bus without a driver

A bus full of passengers is driving down the hill quickly, and a man is running after it. A passenger sticks his head out of the window, and the car chaser says, man! Forget it! You can't catch up! The man replied, I must catch up. I am the driver of this car! !

New neighbor

The new neighbor is so hateful that he knocked on my door at midnight last night.

Did you call the police immediately?

A: No, I think they are crazy. Keep playing my trumpet.

Hit a pig

Zhang San is driving on a mountain road. Just as he was enjoying the beautiful scenery leisurely, the oncoming truck driver suddenly rolled down the window and shouted, Pig!

The more Zhang Xingjun thought about it, the angrier he became. He rolled down the window and shouted, You are the pig!

Just after scolding, I bumped into a group of pigs crossing the road!

Father and son

Little boy: Father always knows more than son.

Father: Of course!

Little boy: Who invented the electric light?

Father: Edison!

Little boy: Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?

Whose problem is it?

Three engineers went out by car together, and the car broke down on the way.

The mechanical engineer asked: Is there something wrong with the engine?

The electrical engineer asked: Is there anything wrong with the circuit?

The computer engineer said, let's go out first and then come in to see if it will get better.

rear

Coach: There are two things that will stop you from becoming a good football player.

Player: What is it?

Coach: Your left foot and right foot.

Provide antonyms for a given phrase

In order to punish a group of disobedient students, the teacher made pairs for the students, and they would not be allowed to go home unless they could.

The teacher said, "It doesn't rain when it snows, but it turns into rain when it hits the ground. It is more troublesome to turn into rain. It is better to rain at the beginning. " .

A student said to him, "sir, if you don't eat shit when you eat, it will turn into shit when you eat." Eating shit is much more troublesome. It is better to eat shit from the beginning. "