Two funny jokes

1, a police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and ran over to ask it: I am a police dog, what are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

I have a request: invite me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate. Invite me to have a good meal, or write: marriage, male or female, unlimited conditions.

3. The cannibal father and son hunted, and the son caught a thin man. The father said: Let go, no meat to eat! His son also caught a fat man, and his father said, let go, it's too tired! His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, take it home and eat your mother at night!

One day, we went to a wishing pool. I bent down and made a wish, and then threw a coin into the well. You wanted to make a wish, but when you bent down, you accidentally fell into the well. I was startled and muttered, How clever!

You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world to find you, and I went through a lot of hardships to find you: TMD! Our wings are on the same side!

6. A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl, and the girl told the boy that if you kissed me, you would be responsible for me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old!

7. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard and said with a grimace, "It's so soft and confident!"!

8. The monkey picked up a card. It wants to see what it is, so it climbs to the branch to see. At this moment, a flash of lightning hit it. The monkey cried and said that it was an IP card!

9. Zheng Xiding's daughter-in-law went to her father-in-law's house to find her husband. Seeing my father-in-law washing his face, he asked, Dad, where's Ding? Father-in-law is unhappy and continues to wash his face. The daughter-in-law was angry and asked, Dad, where is Zheng Xiding? Father-in-law is furious: wash your face!

10, a patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, cucumber and watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

1 1, Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and children live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cat. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

12, wolves invaded, and small animals set up death squads to fight. Mantis: I have two knives. Hedgehog: I'm covered in hidden weapons. The longicorn sings while swinging its tentacles: Hum! I have nunchakus! Nunchakus! Hum, hum, haha!

13, the science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Does nobody know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

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Jump off a building >

If you want to jump off a building,

If you want to turn into meat sauce, please go to the tenth floor.

If you want to hurry, please go to the ninth floor.

If you want to catch your breath, please go to the eighth floor.

If you want to struggle, please go to the seventh floor.

If you have any last words, please go to the sixth floor.

If you just want to be disabled, please go to the fifth floor.

If you only want to be hospitalized, please go to the fourth floor.

If you just want to scare people, please go to the third floor.

If you are just interested, please go to the second floor.

If you want to be called crazy, please go to the first floor.

Those who are good at jumping please go to the basement! ~~~~

& lt This stone looks familiar >

A, B and C went shopping and found the slogan of a new store: "The latest technology-accurate computer IQ test". After watching it, they were attracted together. When I walked into the store, I found a big chair connected to a helmet, and there was a wire behind the helmet connected to the computer.

A first sat in a chair and put on his helmet. The computer reacted for a while and typed a line. "Your IQ is very high: 275 points." A I was very happy after reading it.

B sat in the chair again, and the computer rang for a while and typed a line: "Your IQ is medium: 75 points." B was unconvinced after reading it.

It's C's turn. C is nervous. His face turned blue when he sat in the chair, and his computer kept buzzing. Finally, he typed a line: "Don't make fun of stones." C collapsed in the chair for a while.

Both B and C are not satisfied, and they are determined to compare the level after practice.

Five months later, the three men came to the shop again. A still got 275, and B also got 125. C's turn again. C sat in a chair trembling, and the computer rang for hours. Finally, he typed the following sentence: "This stone looks familiar."

Move the boss to the toilet

One morning, a mobile boss suddenly felt anxious outside and had to find a public toilet.

"What do you do?" Cried the aunt looking at the toilet.

"I am a mobile boss, in a hurry. \"

"Don't you know that everything is charged now?" Auntie.

"Okay, how much is it? \"

"50 cents in, 30 cents out." Aunt looked at him.

"Out of things will charge? "The boss stared.

"What are you looking at? We implement two-way charging here. If you set up a bathroom package, you can charge one way.

"Well, I'll pay. "The boss took out ten dollars.

"Shit or pee?" Aunt asked with money.

"Mama of, hurry up. \"

"Well, do you need a set meal? There is a discount for 50 stools and 30 stools at a time. " Aunt said.

"Stop it, I'll go in first and pay immediately." After the boss went in, he chose the last pit and went out for a long time.

"Sir, you chose the No.5 pit, and you have to pay fifty cents for the selection. When you were in there, you didn't say you wouldn't choose to let it go.

Music, so 60 cents each time. Besides, you spent fifteen minutes and one second in it, and the first minute was charged at fifty cents per minute.

And then charge 40 cents per minute. Less than one minute is charged by one minute. Besides, because your excrement occupies our

The sewer is broadband, please pay RMB for another month. Finally, you can see other people entering the toilet through the small hole.

Please pay the caller ID fee 1 yuan. "The boss has been staying there.

"So, Mr. Boss, we don't charge cards here. You have to pay 59.4 yuan in total. If it is overdue, it will be paid per thousand points every day.

We won't notify the late payment fee for the third fee, and we will collect it by legal means when it reaches 1000 yuan.

As soon as the aunt finished speaking, the mobile boss fainted in the urinal with a splash! !

The mobile boss said in a daze: Is there a king's law?

Aunt said: my site, I have the final say.

During World War II, a village was surrounded by enemy troops. ...

I can't get out and I can't get in ... At this time, there is not much food in the village. ..

The village head called a meeting (of the whole village).

Village head: "Now I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to listen to first? "

Villager: "listen ... tell the bad news first."

Village head: "The bad news is that our food is gone. We have to eat cow dung ... "

Villager: "it doesn't matter ~ there is good news ~"

Village head: "Yes ~ We still have good news! ! The good news is, ...

There is still a lot of cow dung ~ enough for us to eat for a long time. ....

During the investigator's visit to the police station, Xiao Zhang saw photos of ten wanted criminals posted on the bulletin board and asked the police uncle, "Do you want to arrest these people?" "The police uncle nodded, and Xiao Zhang asked," Why didn't you catch them when you took pictures of them? 」

The emperor is pregnant (this super classic! ! )

There is a professor in the literature department who finds students who are difficult to learn famous.

One day, he told the students a very depressing composition topic:

Content should contain two elements: nobility and love.

The students thought about it very painfully, but one student handed in his homework the next day.

After the professor saw the homework ... there was only one sentence in the composition: "The emperor is pregnant."

The professor is naturally very angry. He called the student and asked him to join the science fiction element.

The student quickly added a sentence in front, which became: "The emperor of Aquarius is pregnant." The professor was furious and asked the students to add suspense elements. The student quickly added another sentence at the back.

The emperor of Aquarius is pregnant. Who did this? The professor ran away like crazy, and finally he took the killer's advice.

Students are required to add religious elements.

The professor looked at his victory triumphantly and smiled.

The next day, the student handed over his finished manuscript to the professor.

The article is written like this:

... "the emperor of Aquarius is pregnant ... my god. , who did it?

N boys were taught to talk to each other by the snitch teacher: (The finale is coming/. . )

The first boy truthfully admitted being beaten; Back to the dormitory, said:

Ma Ji, I want it all. Then don't admit it.

First field

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy A: No. ..

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

Boy A naturally stretched out two fingers and took it. ..........

Scene 2

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy b: no.

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

Boy B is holding French fries carefully because he heard about A.

Teacher: Don't you want some ketchup?

B accidentally got too much, and immediately played it with two fingers-

Teacher: No? The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Call your parents ...............

Scenario 3

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: no.

Teacher: No? All right, French fries.

Because of the first two examples, the boy C carefully finished the French fries with sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

Boy C picked up French fries and put them on his ear. ..................

Scene 4

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: No. ..

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate the French fries with trepidation and put them in his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy Ding quickly took French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stepping on them with his feet. .......................

Scene 5

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy just took the French fries,

The teacher said: Don't invite me to dinner.

The boy quickly took the French fries from his hand and then took out the lighter. ...............

Scene 6

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy has sweated his palms and bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster!

Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth.

The boy took the French fries out of his pocket: it's safe, it's still there, the fire hasn't lit yet …

Scene 7

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: I swear to God, I will never smoke again.

Teacher: You really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries.

Boy: It's natural to take away the French fries and eat them clean.

Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy: [get carried away] Wandi Road. . . . .

Scene n:

Teacher: French fries, please!

Boy: (trembling) No thanks.

Responder: Meimei 236- Assistant Level 2 8-26 09:04

A series of short and funny jokes.

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