What are some funny doctor-patient conversations?

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird.

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient, What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm. This is normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor began to get nervous: how could it not be seen?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

They ran and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, Hey … Why don't you come down …?

The man above answered him: No ... OK ... Ah. ...

I'm not familiar with it ...

There is an old lady in a mental hospital, wearing black clothes and holding a black umbrella every day, squatting at the gate of the mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two men were silent for a month.

The old lady finally said to the doctor, I'm sorry. ...

Are you a mushroom, too

Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one will take him to the hospital at once."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no, Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning. He insisted that he was my toilet. "

"Quick, send him here quickly!"

A gentleman was silent for a moment: "So … I don't have a toilet?"

A patient roared, I am the dean, and you all have to listen to me! ! !

The attending doctor and nurse asked him: Who said that?

He replied: God said.

At this moment, a patient suddenly jumped out and said, I didn't say that!

A patient went to see a doctor for the first time.

"Did you consult anyone about your illness before you came here?" The doctor asked.

"Just ask the owner of the drugstore around the corner," the patient replied.

Doctors hate that people who are not doctors often give medical advice. He made no secret of this: "What bad idea did that fool give you?"

"He asked me to come to you."

A reporter went to interview a psychologist with excellent medical skills. The doctor said, "I once asked the patient this question." I asked them,' The bathtub is full of water. Do you want to get the water out quickly with a spoon or a washbasin? The reporter interjected, "Can normal people use pots?" The doctor looked at him puzzled and said, "Normal people will unplug the bathtub!" "

Doctor's question

"Excuse me," a doctor asked his colleague, "why do you always ask patients in detail what kind of wine they often drink when you see a doctor? Can you judge the patient's health according to the brand of wine? "

"No, of course not. However, according to the brand of wine, the patient's economic situation can be judged, and then the outpatient expenses can be determined accordingly. "

dispel

Patient: "I'm afraid this operation will cost a lot of money."

Doctor: "Don't be afraid, you can leave a will for your heir to inherit your handicraft fee."