Can copy the power of communication, the power of emotion.

* * * Love is an ability that everyone needs, but many people misunderstand it!

1. Why do you want to comfort others, but it always backfires?

2. Why do you always get along with others?

3. How can we manage a healthier interpersonal relationship?

4. How can we avoid being "rhythmic" and cheated?

5. Interpersonal indifference and cyber violence, how to solve these social problems?

Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, has a classic psychological definition of * * * emotion: he can go deep into the inner world of the client and take the initiative to look at the world with the client's eyes and attitude, but at the same time he can clearly realize that he is still himself.

In other words, we should be able to walk into other people's world and get out of it.

There is a word that is often confused with * * *, called sympathy.

It's sad to see someone affected in the disaster area;

I felt angry when I saw my child being abused by excellent parents.

I feel pity when I see a wandering scholar.

When I heard my lover complaining about the pressure of work, I said to him, "This job is not easy, baby, don't do it if it's not good."

Which of the above four situations do you think is * * *?

Not * * *!

Analysis of four reasons

First, * * * love is to understand others from their perspective, while sympathy is also to try to understand others, just from their own perspective.

Secondly, the classic expression of * * * is "I don't know, so I want to know what happened", while sympathy always says "I know everything, I understand everything".

Third, * * * love is mainly listening, and sympathy always likes to give advice to each other. When we sympathize with a person, we are actually making the next judgment, that is, this situation is quite bad, and it is not good to fall into this emotional state, so it is easy for us to subconsciously propose solutions, hoping to help the other person get out of the predicament as soon as possible.

Fourth, many people worry that their feelings for others will make their emotions unbearable. In fact, this is also a misunderstanding of other people's feelings. * * * Love needs us to look at the problem from each other's perspective, but it doesn't mean that we can't stand from each other's perspective. It is still a kind of sympathy to confuse one's position with the other's.

* * * Love allows people to keep different positions. We can understand each other from each other's point of view, but that doesn't mean we must support him. We can also keep our own position and allow ourselves to have different ideas about one thing.

* * * Love is a kind of ability, which makes us get rid of egoism, let us see the difference between ourselves and others, and even let us put ourselves in other people's shoes and understand their thoughts and feelings.

In fact, * * * emotion has a profound neurophysiological foundation, and to some extent, * * * emotion can be said to be our talent.

* * * The development of emotional ability is related to two parts of the brain: the amygdala, also called the emotional brain, is a part of the limbic system of the brain, which can generate various emotions and store memories. The neural circuit of animal brain is mainly controlled by amygdala, which is the case for a long time after human babies are born.

About 1 100 million years ago, the mammalian brain evolved into a new cerebral cortex, also known as the thinking brain. This brain region is mainly responsible for enabling us to reflect on our feelings and then adjust our behavior according to this reflection.

Emotional brain and thinking brain cooperate with each other, so that we can not only maintain emotions, but also experience emotions and develop some positive emotional reactions such as pleasure, concern and altruism. * * * Emotional ability is the result of mutual cooperation between emotional brain and thinking brain.

The concept of mirroring capability is introduced here. This is a unique human ability. I don't know who I am after the baby is born. He builds his own self-image and self-concept through the reaction and evaluation of his parents or others, just as we can't see ourselves and need a mirror. What kind of mirror can give the truest image? Nature is a flat mirror, which can reflect the truest side. If parents don't deny their children's emotions when they are injured or feel pain, and let them know through words and actions that they can understand their children's feelings, and at the same time, they are sincerely concerned about their children and willing to take good care of their pain, then the children will feel that they have been treated by their families and deserve to be loved. Mature in such a family environment, even if one day there is no such "mirror" outside, children know what they are. When encountering difficulties, he also has the ability to take care of himself, and can even mirror the care and care he has experienced to others.

When my nephew was a child, he was ill and ate "Assimipramine", which was too bitter to swallow. Later, he took out the kitchen utensils and toys himself, then put the medicine in a bowl and said to himself, I fried a bowl of vegetables, which smells good, smells good, and I will be fine after eating it. Then he ate it all at once and served it with warm water! This is a good ability to reflect. It has a healing effect on yourself.

In fact, love is very simple, just change your position. Sometimes you don't even have to really change places, just say what you see.

However, this is a common mistake made by many people. We often lack patience. Before listening and understanding others, give them a judgment!

There is a post on Zhihu, in which a mother is asking questions. She asked, "My daughter is going to college this year and wants to buy a LV bag as a gift. What should I say to her? " I like an answer very much. Answer: "If it were me, I wouldn't say anything. I want to listen to her. "

In fact, our listening is "biased listening" most of the time. What do you mean? That is, in the early stage of listening, we often draw some tendentious conclusions based on past experience. The whole listening process is often biased and rigid.

Contrary to "tendentious listening", it is "emotional listening". The so-called "emotional listening" is to abandon yourself and give others ample opportunities to express their thoughts and feelings without controlling and guiding communication. Listening with emotion is the most important way for us to reach * * *.

* * * Four steps of emotional listening

The first step is to put aside yourself, not to judge, not to label people, not to do simple classification. Don't expose yourself casually.

The second step is to let the other person fully express his thoughts and feelings. Try to use open-ended questions and don't let emotions dominate. Only when both sides of the conversation can observe emotions from a distance can it be considered as emotional listening. Remember, * * * love is not fanning the flames, don't make each other's emotions more excited, let alone get excited with each other!

The third step is to evaluate. Be careful not to confuse evaluation with judgment. Evaluation is the ability to find the real situation based on * * * emotions.

Accurate evaluation includes two parts: one is to evaluate the other party; The second is to evaluate yourself. In fact, it is to reflect on whether "love" has deviated from the track.

We go out of ourselves, walk into each other's world, see the world with that person, and then understand his past, character and motivation. This is mutual evaluation. To evaluate yourself, you need to reflect on whether you have emptied your prejudice in listening, and whether some places have been distorted because of your emotions, needs and fragility in evaluating each other.

The fourth step is to express those words of "empathy" to the other party.

Empathy sentences mainly include two parts, one is "emotional confirmation" and the other is to express your "understanding".

* * * How does emotional ability play a role in our interpersonal relationship?

Let's look at the stage characteristics of interpersonal relationship development.

The first stage is called "idealization",

The second stage is called polarization,

The third stage is called "integration".

Understand the above three stages and use the power of * * * emotion. When you can see the problem from the other person's point of view, it is easier to accept a person's limitations, and it is easier to understand your own limitations, so that you will not be so harsh on others and yourself. Know yourself and know yourself. "* * * Love turns love into love".

Finally, I want to remind you that love is not the privilege of good people. Don't think that others think about your problems from your standpoint, it must be for your own good, and don't think that if others don't love you, it will be bad for you.

There is a joke on the Internet that there are several best businesses in China: selling entertainment to teenagers, anxiety to the middle class, youth to women, health to the elderly and so on. Advocating "you can't lose at the starting line", or lamenting that "a monthly salary of 30,000 yuan can't afford a summer vacation for your children" or "5-year-old Niu Wa's resume shocked netizens ..." and so on, to gain benefits through * *.

Then how can we resist the negative influence of * * *? Four principles can be used to resist the dark side of * * * *:

First, we should know that "true * * * love" can always make you, that is, the recipient of * * * love, gain something, and the main purpose of * * * love is to benefit you.

Second, everyone has their own desires. You'd better know what you need!

Third, we should pay attention to these people:

? Pay attention to those who always blame others;

Especially beware of strangers' sudden "self-invited familiarity"

Beware of those who don't match their words with their deeds.

Be careful not to be incited by others.

Finally, I want to share with you the emotional method of "eyes, ears, mouth, nose and heart" created by Chen Ding-"five senses" to help you quickly master the emotional method and apply it to your life:

1. Look, that is, put down your mobile phone, put down half-heartedness, look at each other intently, look at each other's eyes, and express your concern for him with your body posture.

2. Ear is to restrain your desire to express, listen to each other's voice more, and put more than half of your energy into understanding each other.

Mouth, that is, please tell the other person what you just understood in a friendly tone to show your understanding of him. Of course, please tell me what you don't understand and ask the other person humbly.

4. Nose, nose is used for breathing. When we are in intense emotions, there is no way to * * *. Remember, you can take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. Of course, you can also teach others to do this.

Heart, we should always pay attention to the purpose of our love, whether it is for the good of each other or just to meet our own needs. With a sincere and kind heart, please start with * * * and influence your life with your life!