Tell you how to face loneliness

Tell you how to face loneliness

Tell you how to face loneliness. Everyone will be lonely sometimes. There are many kinds of loneliness. A person will feel lonely when he is alone in a foreign land. Loneliness, you will also feel lonely when your actions or decisions are not understood. Loneliness is also a kind of training. Please read below to tell you how to face loneliness. Tell you how to face loneliness 1

1. Understand loneliness

Like happiness, pain, happiness, and sadness, loneliness is also an emotion, but when facing loneliness, you should Know that you are not alone, because there are relatives or others who are thinking of you far away. Your state of being alone only means that others have other things to do and cannot be with you, and we are used to defining this state as "loneliness".

2. Accept loneliness

When we understand loneliness, then we need to truly accept it. We must learn to accept our own state of being alone. We understand that this is just a part of life. This is normal. One person’s story needs to be completed by one person. This process will happen to everyone. Everyone will experience it. It’s not a big deal. Everyone is the same. I can accept it. Everyone must learn to grow up on their own. big.

3. Diversion of attention

Some people have difficulty controlling their emotions. If you are controlled by loneliness at this time, you might as well divert your attention. We can find a book. Or watch a movie or TV series and put your energy into it. Then you will slowly be attracted by the plot in the book or movie and gradually forget about loneliness, and the loneliness will dissipate.

4. Enjoy loneliness

When you are alone, it is also the time when you are talking to your own soul. You will find that you are constantly talking to your brain, that is, talking to yourself. , you can take a better look at yourself, slowly sort out your recent life status, etc. Plus, you can focus and think better about the things that have been giving you a headache.

5. Focus on the present

Only when we are not disturbed by others can we be more focused, and when you are lonely, there is no one to disturb you, so focus on the present things and take it seriously. Do the things at hand, don’t think randomly, take back all wandering thoughts, base yourself on the present, and complete the current things well. Tell you how to face loneliness 2

1. You are not alone | Youarenotalone

First of all, I want to tell you that you are not alone.

Kristin Neff mentioned in the book [Self-compassion] (the Chinese version is called "Self-compassion", because the name is not well translated and I often dislike it): an important element of self-compassion, It is to realize our shared humanity.

As individuals, we have our own uniqueness, but at the same time, as members of the human race, we enjoy all humanity. As I mentioned in the last article, each of us has to face the most common human issues of death, loneliness, freedom and meaninglessness. At this point, there is no difference between us.

In the short story collection "Eleven Kinds of Loneliness" by the famous American writer Richard Yates, he tells eleven stories about loneliness. As a realist novelist, he does not have gorgeous rhetoric or any happy ending to please readers. He just uses minimalist words to describe the various indescribable loneliness of human beings in this world. Maybe we have never experienced the situation of the characters in the novel, but we can still find the resonance in it. This is the human nature we enjoy.

Like you, I have felt lonely countless times.

This loneliness is the loneliness that I feel when I read an exciting piece of text but have nowhere to share it;

This loneliness is the loneliness that I like someone but can’t get. The loneliness I feel when he responds;

This loneliness is the loneliness I feel when someone likes me, but I cannot respond to his feelings;

This loneliness is the loneliness I really want to have a close relationship. Relationship, but not even a person I like is lonely;

This loneliness is the loneliness that I shared my deepest feelings with my mother, but she said she didn’t want to hear it;

This loneliness is the loneliness in which I humbly and devoutly respect my own choices, but yet others regard me as an alien;

This loneliness is the postmodern consulting orientation that I choose to set people free, but in Often the loneliness of not being understood by my peers;

This loneliness is the loneliness that I may never be able to let another person understand all my feelings and thoughts;

This loneliness , is the loneliness I feel when I want to understand someone and show my appreciation and curiosity about him/her, but am rejected;

This loneliness is after I end a relationship, The loneliness of contacting him habitually, but knowing that we will no longer be connected;

This loneliness is that sometimes I can’t even find the language to express my loneliness;

This loneliness is the loneliness I face when I face all my losses in life, knowing that no matter how much social support I have, I still need to face it on my own;

This loneliness is the loneliness I face All life choices, the loneliness of knowing that I am fully responsible for them;

This loneliness, I know that I must die alone, my death, the loneliness of no one to accompany or replace... …

I believe that almost everyone has had similar experiences with the 14 types of loneliness I just mentioned.

So no matter when you are lonely, my dear, you are not alone. In this world, there are many people who are experiencing the same or similar loneliness as you at this moment when you feel lonely.

2. Try to understand your loneliness

But it is not enough to realize that loneliness is the human nature we most enjoy.

Perhaps you can also try to understand your loneliness.

In fact, you already understand a lot of it. As a girl working in a foreign country, the differences in language and culture can really make people feel extremely lonely. I have never really lived abroad, but I know that language and culture actually create a lot of values ??and meanings that we enjoy, which we cannot experience before we live in another culture.

Sometimes this kind of loneliness is so simple that when everyone is laughing because of one person’s jokes, you can’t find the point of laughter at all. So please understand your loneliness. You may need to spend more patience to adapt to a country's culture than at home. Culture is invisible and very huge, so please understand your own loneliness that you still cannot integrate in many situations.

Secondly, although you have been in Australia for eight months, it is still a place you have never lived in before. This means your social support system may not be strong enough. I remembered that in the first year when I came to Beijing, I had been teaching English and had almost no other social support except my colleagues who taught TOEFL together. It wasn’t until I slowly started to open up to myself that I really felt like I belonged in my third year in Beijing.

Perhaps what is more lonely than an unfamiliar environment and culture is the loss of a relationship. The loss of any relationship is deeply sad and lonely. Of course, there is so much to say about the loss of relationships, and I will set up a happiness laboratory to explore this topic in the future.

At this moment, if I have to say something about loss, I would like to say: Don’t force yourself to “get out” of grief. Only when grief is truly experienced can it flow and then flow away.

Allow yourself to experience grief, but also loneliness, and all the accompanying emotions. At the same time, grief is also valuable. The more significant the loss in life, the more it can make us grow. At this moment, only by holding the mentality of humbly learning from it can we be truly different from the past in this loss.

Dear, please try to understand the loneliness you are experiencing at the moment, try to understand its complexity, try to see that it is not easy for you, try to give yourself more patient listening, Be less judgmental and less blaming.

Of course, when you are judging and blaming yourself, please also be aware of them, no longer judge your judgment, but allow yourself to still judge.

Sometimes, understanding is a long process. But even if you understand yourself a little more, you are practicing the art of loving yourself.

3. Has loneliness brought you any benefits?

If you are not ready to respond to this question, take your time.

It is not easy to understand one’s own loneliness.

Regarding this question, maybe you will have more ideas when you fully understand your lonely situation. So now, I will respond to it with my personal experience.

What are the benefits of loneliness?

Frankly speaking, I desperately need solitude. I am an extroverted person. Most people’s impressions of me are that I am lively, talkative, and talkative, and I have been a so-called “little angel with positive energy” for a long time. But now that I have reached the age of 30, I like to be alone more and more.

I still really enjoy chatting with good friends, and I also really enjoy the conversations with my clients in counseling. But these conversations are high-quality conversations with wholehearted, curious input. I am no longer keen on parties, and I no longer like general conversations, because I do not get nourishment from them.

I spend most of my time with myself every day. I really need and like this kind of time. I need them to give me space to listen to myself: the inspiration for all my writing, the human issues I want to explore, the direction I want to spend time reading next, all of this needs to be done in a space where I will not be disturbed.

Reading, writing, painting, running, listening to music, cooking, bathing, etc. are all a meditative state for me. During these events, I listen to my inner dialogue and hear my inner voices, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant.

Take reading as an example. Reading can be said to be my "lifelong hobby" because I find that when reading, the author's thoughts will stir up ripples in my heart, big and small, and these ripples are an invitation to think and talk to myself. dialogue. A good book will provide me with different perspectives on life. From these diverse perspectives, I continue to re-construct my own world in the way I like.

So I like to take care of reading, which is called reading Zen. It is an exploration of my inner world and a reconstruction of it.

Of course, when I really calm down, there are still many voices that make people uneasy. For example, it may say: "Is the book you are reading now really important? This month You have bought more than 30 books, how are you going to finish reading so many?", or "You are still here reading, while others are already dating, you are a single person," or " "Oh my God, you have already understood Wittgenstein's philosophy. Will you not be able to chat with others properly in the future?".

These voices will come and tell me that I am not doing enough, that I am not good enough, or that I am worried about my future, etc. I would thank them for their concern and then keep returning my attention to what was important to me at the moment.

Loneliness is like the patience required to brew a jar of good wine. It is my best partner on the road to becoming the Joy I like.

I admit that I like talking to others more and more, and now many of my thoughts and decisions in life have been greatly influenced by those nourishing conversations. But at the same time, I must also admit that as important as connecting with others is my loneliness. Ultimately, those enlightening conversations, what I learned and experienced in my experience, needed to be integrated in my own space.

I even think that even if I have my own family in the future, I hope to have my own independent physical space (such as a study and studio of my own), in which I can be free from any Exploring myself with restraint, constantly re-constructing the world I like, and enjoying the inner flow that cannot be felt when connecting with others.

4. Loneliness is life’s question to you, so what does it want to tell you?

Of course, after experiencing loss, loneliness is a very painful thing.

When we calm down and hear ourselves full of accusations, judgments, and self-deprecation, maybe we don’t like to be alone.

I often say that emotions are questions about our lives. So dear, loneliness, what does it want to tell you? If it were to ask you a question, what would it ask you?

Maybe loneliness wants to tell us that the world we have constructed for ourselves contains too much judgment, blame and self-denial, and now it is time to change it;

Maybe Loneliness wants to tell us that we have not learned how to better connect with others, how to truly listen and be with others, how to learn to love someone instead of just asking for it;

Maybe loneliness It wants to tell us that our self-worth does not disappear because of the loss of a relationship. Maybe it wants to ask us: In what way do you want to interpret the value and meaning of your life?

I thought again of the Vipassana meditation that many of my friends around me are doing recently. This kind of Vipassana meditation practice (of course the part I want to talk about has nothing to do with religion) usually requires us to not speak for 10 days. We would hand over our phones and meditate along with everyone else.

To be honest, I have never dared to try it, because I don’t know how I would feel if I didn’t speak for 10 days because I talk so much. But I will definitely go back and give it a try this summer.

Why? Because I believe that when we really calm down and listen to ourselves, we may hear various voices at first, some of which make us feel pain, helplessness, frustration, anxiety, fear, sadness, or anger, but this listening process, Just realize that these sounds, these thoughts and feelings will pass. It turns out that they don't really hurt us. We are always the masters of our own lives.

Similarly, as I mentioned above, we can listen to ourselves by reading, writing, painting, dancing, music, doing housework, taking a bath or any other way we like.

Since loneliness has chosen to arrive at this time, it must have something to tell us. And what else can we do besides being humble listeners, curious explorers, and sincere responders?