Tell an interesting and humorous story ~

1. On the bus, two brothers are chatting. A man asked, "Is Big S Asa in S.H.E?" The other man replied, "Ah? ! Brother, you are a Martian, and the big S is Selina in twins, the one who just got burned. Wang Xiaofei is still affectionate and engaged just after being burned ... "2. After graduating from college for three years, several students in the class chatted about technology, java and xml. Another classmate opened a factory at home and became a manager early, which was very distressing. After a long time, he added: Our company is looking for a driver because of business expansion. Requirements: 4 years java development experience! Suddenly, the crowd quieted down. . .

3. An old man went to buy tomatoes and chose three. The stall owner weighed it and said, "A catty and a half, three dollars and seventy cents." Grandpa said, "just make a soup, you don't need so much." After that, I took off the biggest tomato. The stall owner quickly glanced at the scale again. "Two pounds, three pieces." Just when I couldn't see the past and wanted to remind my uncle to pay attention to the scale of the stall owner, he calmly took out 70 cents, picked up the big tomato he had just taken, and turned away. 4. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 5. That's the smell. Once upon a time, there was an old man who liked to drink the soup cooked for him by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " 6. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "

7. Two children talk: A says: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like foxes. Two students are talking after the mid-term exam. A: This time, I am miserable. I'm sure I'll be scolded for doing so badly in the exam ... What about you? B: B: Women's singles are below 80 points, men's singles are below 70 points, and mixed doubles are below 60 points ... I can't even imagine this time ... 9. My brother said that I bought a cup with "I want a raise" printed on it, and I pointed these words at my boss at every meeting. Finally one day, the boss also bought a cup, which said "fuck off"! 10, Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived. Last night, my family and I went downstairs to burn paper money to worship our ancestors, leaving my sister to look after the house. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me, "Brother, a few people talked to you on the Internet just now, and I helped you reply!" " "I looked at the message record curiously. It turned out that ... Oh, my God, my sister actually replied to me: I'm sorry, my brother is gone, and he can't come up to talk to you unless I help him burn paper ...