My 800-word composition in the eyes of my classmates

Huang Shuyu of Jiangxi Tonggu Middle School

"Housekeeping", "Lu" and "big money" are my classmates' views on me. I was furious and made excuses: Do I look like a housekeeper? Do I look like Lu Shen Zhi? I worship the national chess player who gently shakes the paper fan; Do I look rich? Rich people don't tighten their belts.

But the excuse is invalid and the image remains the same.

"'Xiao Yang, put on the school card quickly!' Hey, which group did you sweep yesterday? Why is it so dirty? With the swish of sweeping the floor, you shouted angrily. Every morning in self-study, he sweeps the floor, pours spittoons, cleans the blackboard, says hello and wears school cards, and does everything. He also has to deal with daily "discipline scores", health checks and so on. Isn't it? You have too much to do with this housekeeper. However, it is precisely because of this that our class is the first in the evaluation of civilized classes in Zhou Zhou, and we are proud of it! Some students refuted my defense and proved the scientific rationality of the image of "housekeeper" It seems that we can only "accept".

Do you know what my self-evaluation image is? The contrast of "Prime Minister" is too great.

"You are still a horse, you still gently shook the paper fan. Think about how we lost Go in our class. How did you do it? " Bang "kicked the door rudely, and the door suddenly opened and hit the wall, bang. You, with a jacket on your shoulder, came in listlessly. You looked like a defeated soldier retreating from the front line, waiting to be burned. Alas! The jacket fell casually on the table. Then, you sit down and complain to yourself:' Wen Ying is really useless, three times five divided by two, and suddenly you are surrounded by people from Class Two. This is over, and the first place in the Go competition in our class will be ruined! Cough ... Ma is gentle and elegant. Does he like you? "The classmate said rudely.

I only do this when I lose chess. I've always been gentle! How can I leave my name for my classmates?

"Donation for Wenchuan earthquake, when the school informed us, we were all in class. Who doesn't have much money in his pocket for the time being, but you can conveniently take it out of his pocket 100, which means it's pocket money, plus you usually spend generously. Doesn't this mean that you are a rich man among our students? I was so shocked at that time that my eyes almost fell into the money. " The students moved out the hard evidence.

Well, I just came back from home the day before and kept it in my pocket. That's half my living expenses. What pocket money is it?

"Housekeeping" means that I have a nagging problem; Lu Shenzhi shows that I am not calm; Big money means that I usually spend money lavishly. There is a gap between me and myself in the eyes of my classmates, but what's the harm as long as I have a sincere heart? Behind these three impressions, isn't it my sense of responsibility, honor and helpfulness?

Teacher's comments

This article describes two "I" ―― I in the eyes of my classmates and I in my heart, which seem to belittle reality and praise, but saying "I" actually means that "I" is responsible; To say "I" is reckless means that "I" has a sense of collective honor; Exposing "I" is really saying "I" is helpful.

The article uses three segments to construct the full text, and each segment is in the form of "classmate's narrative+my inner reaction". Deepening the theme in the comparison of two "I" shows that there is always a deviation in looking at a person. As long as it is sincere, why bother?

The students' narration is the details of "I" words and deeds: the details of talking and doing things during self-study in the morning, the details of the failure of Go, and the details of donation. These details are full of personality, so the characters are vivid and vivid.

Language has a sense of humor. "I am a housekeeper, not a woman", "scientific rationality of image" and "take it" all reflect this feature. (Huang Fuzhong)

On students' creation

I wrote "I am in the eyes of my classmates"

Huang Shuyu of Jiangxi Tonggu Middle School

Articles about "I" and "I" have been written in primary and junior high schools, so they are old topics. Although nine years have passed, I am still so ordinary and will continue to be dull, and I have never really asked my classmates what they think of me. The topic is Chen, and the characters are too ordinary for me to care. These three points are the difficulties in writing this composition. But then I thought, I have many nicknames, so let's start with nicknames.

1. What do you want from me?

The topic is "I in the eyes of my classmates". Obviously, I write about myself from the perspective of others. There are two ways to write it: one is to let my classmates tell me what kind of person I am, for example, to trouble my classmates to tell me that I am a "responsible person" through one thing; The second is what kind of person I am from my actions. For example, in "Biography of Children's District", the children's district sent a person to solve two traffickers, which made the traffickers "dare not go through the door". This detail shows that in the eyes of traffickers, there is a "powerful person" in the district.

The second requirement is to write the character's personality, which needs details to express. Detail expression is to portray characters through real and vivid details. The description of true details is an important means to shape characters and achieve typicality. Therefore, we should choose the details that are most characteristic and can best express the theme of the work, otherwise we will give them up without hesitation.

Second, what materials do I have?

Writing materials, I only have some nicknames of my own and the origin of these nicknames. The nickname of "housekeeper" is that she likes to nag, which has nothing to do with the class, but we do have a classmate who doesn't nag, but always works consciously in the class. He is the labor committee member of our class. I think Lu Xun's writing is "eclectic", and I can also combine it with the Labor Committee.

I really won the nickname "Lu" myself. My level of Go is quite good, but I lost to Li in the trial. I am very angry. Unexpectedly, he lost to Class Two again. I couldn't stand the tone, so I did those moves. As a result, I was criticized by the teacher for kicking the door and asked me not to be so generous. As a result, my classmates took it as my nickname.

The students in our class are very active in donating money to the victims of the Wenchuan earthquake, and there are many touching things. I will use it in this composition.

Third, how should I write?

Three nicknames and three things, how should I write them? At first, I described these three things in detail, and the number of words reached 1500, but after reading them, the teacher said that the details were not vivid and the center was not prominent.

I changed the details, and then I left them behind. My way of expanding the details is:

1. Cut a cross section of life and describe it in detail. The third paragraph is the details written while talking. In order to enrich the content of the article and better express my sense of responsibility, I wrote the language in detail. With the sound of sweeping the floor and talking, a busy image emerges.

2. Break down actions and strengthen character. The fifth paragraph, if omitted, is "You opened the door and entered the classroom". But this does not reflect the personality of the characters.

Action decomposition "open the door": kick the door "bang"-the door "bump". This highlights recklessness.

Action "sadness" decomposition: walk-walk listlessly-fall down rudely-sit down-talk to yourself. This way of writing strengthens the sense of collective honor of "I".

But the three details are separated and incomplete, so there must be a clue to connect the three and make them a whole, which is the key of the article, so there is a last paragraph that meets the following requirements:

1, in response to the above, that is to say, what is written above should have a foothold in this paragraph. "tidying up the housework" means that I don't like rambling about Lu Shenzhi "which means that I have the shortcoming of not being calm; Big money means that I usually spend more money. " That's what it means.

2, can sublimate the theme, so that the front material is not simply piled up. In this way, the two "I" have a contrast, which plays the role of creating a theme here.