Refrigerator joke 885

1. The hunter hunted and saw two birds in the tree. He shot down one with a gun and found it hairless. Just wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: Damn, I just coaxed her to take off her clothes, and you shot her down. . .

2. The farmer wanted to kill the rooster but couldn't catch it, so he grabbed the hen and said to the rooster, Don't come down, let you be a bachelor! Rooster: You fucking think I'm stupid. If I fall, she will become a widow. . .

There is a parrot hanging in front of the hotel. When the guest arrived, he said, "Hello, welcome!" " A regular customer thought, I'll go in quickly and see how you react. One day he ran in and the parrot said, "* * *! You scared me! ! ! "

In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and Tian Zhongzheng stood with you. Your clothes are torn, and your face is dark and full of tears. You said: Is it worth stealing a cabbage and frying it with shells?

5. The Beijing-Kowloon Railway was opened to traffic, and the citizens along it watched. A female passenger on the bus threw her sanitary napkin out of the window and stuck it on a citizen's face. After the citizens took it, they said: I * * *! This car is so fast that a piece of paper can make your nose bleed! ! !

6. Twenty years ago, my mother was waiting for the bus with you in her arms. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my mother cried. An old man selling bananas patted my mother and said, don't cry, big sister! Give your monkey bananas! Poor thing. I'm starving. . .

7. The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. Rogue: Did you eat? The farmer said, yes. Rogue: I asked the donkey. Hearing this, the farmer turned and slapped the donkey twice: Shit, there are relatives in the city who don't say a word.

8. The pig asked God for rebirth. The emperor asked: farming? The answer is too bitter. Say: work? Too tired to answer. Hey: Playing with monkeys? The answer is too difficult. What did the emperor ask for? A: You can eat, drink and fuck! The emperor was startled: Son of a bitch still wants to be a national cadre!

9. A child in the delivery room smiled after birth. The midwife was very surprised. When she gathered around to observe, she found that the child's fist was clenched. After breaking it, she found that it was an abortion pill. She only heard the child say: He *! Do you want to kill me? It's not that easy! ! !

10. Ducks and crabs race and reach the finish line at the same time. It's hard to say who is the winner. The referee said, come and cut the cloth with stones! Duck is furious: He *! Black whistle! Set me up. It was cloth when it came out. He always comes out with scissors! ! !

1 1. Two counterfeiters accidentally created counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to take them to a remote mountain area. When they bought a 15 candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried, and the farmer found them two 7-piece ones.

12, the giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live this kind of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees! A man climbed over the wall and went out of school, and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why not go to the school gate? Answer: Meters, Bang Wei and Bang Wei don't take the usual road.

The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying.

The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it.

On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason.

On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site, I have the final say. An American, a Japanese and a China are going to travel together. They met a group of natives who ate people. They got caught. Tribal.

The chief said, "I'm happy today, and I won't eat you, but each of you will eat my 100 board." Before you get hit by the board, I can satisfy each of you.

Wish. "Americans got the surfboard first. He asked for 30 mats, got the board and put it on his ass. The first 70 boards are ok, but the last 30 boards can't hold up. After the fight, the Americans are dying. What the Japanese want is 100, so it's okay. China people say; " Here, give me the Japanese mat and let it face up. Top ten horror jokes in history

(1) The ghost killed them.

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loves her more than anyone in the world.

But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly without even giving him a reason. look

His girlfriend went shopping arm in arm, and he was in pain and lost his mind. Finally, one day.

He killed his girlfriend. He was going to kill her and then kill himself.

But when I was dying, I felt the value of life. Since then, he has been plagued by nightmares every day, in which he

Girlfriend naked, with long hair, red tongue hanging down, fingers like hooks to kill him.

Nightmares tormented him like needles, and one day he found a Taoist priest and begged to get rid of him.

The Taoist priest asked him to do three things:

First, give his girlfriend a good burial.

Second, burn the pajamas that his girlfriend wore before her death.

Third, wash away the hidden bloody clothes.

Everything must be finished before midnight, or you will be killed!

He did everything carefully according to the orders of the Taoist priest, but he couldn't find the bloody dress.

Not here.

It's almost midnight. Beads of sweat dripped from his face and wet the carpet.

He found the bloody clothes in the middle of the night, but no matter how he wiped them, he couldn't wash them off.

At this time, there was a sudden strong wind, lightning and thunder. The window was shaken from side to side by the strong wind, and the glass was broken.

This crack is even more terrible. Suddenly all the lights went out and the whole room was dark. lightning

In the middle, I saw his girlfriend wearing bloodstained pajamas, her eyes dripping with blood, and her expression was ferocious.

He snapped, "Do you know why the blood won't wash away?" He was too scared to say a word.

The girlfriend went on to say, "Because you didn't use Prynne washing powder, you idiot."

(2) Meet a female ghost at night

It was late at night, and a taxi driver decided to take another passenger home, but the road was already closed.

There are not many people left.

The driver drove aimlessly and found a white shadow shaking in front of him, waving to him. It was very quiet.

There are people overnight, and this situation has to remind people of one.

Kind of, what people don't want to think, that's a ghost! ! !

But in the end, the driver decided to give her a hand. The man got on the bus and said in a sad hoarse voice:

"Please go to the cremation factory."

The driver trembled with excitement. Is she really ... he can't think of further, and he dare not go further?

Yes, I did.

He regrets it, but now he must send her to him as soon as possible.

The woman's face is comely and pale, and she has nothing to say all the way, which makes people feel creepy. The driver really can't hold on.

Driving down, close to where she was going, he made an excuse and stammered:

"Young lady, I'm sorry. It's hard to turn around ahead. Go by yourself. It is already very close. "

The woman nodded and asked, "How much is that?" The driver quickly said, "Forget it, forget it, you are alone."

Woman, it's so late, it's not easy to come. Forget it! "

"How dare you?"

"That's it!" The driver insisted.

Women can't help it. "Well, thank you!" Say that finish, opened the door. ...

The driver turned to start the car, but didn't hear the sound of closing the door, so he turned around.

……

How did that woman disappear so quickly? He looked and sat down, no! The front, left and right sides of the car

No side, no back!

Did she just disappear?

The driver's curiosity, so he wanted to find out. He got out of the car and came to the open door.

"Did that woman walk too fast, or did she just ..." He was about to collapse.

Just about to leave here,

A bloody hand patted him on the shoulder. He looked back and saw the woman standing there with blood all over her face.

He spoke in front of him.

"master! Please don't stop at the ditch next time you stop ... "

(3) There are two people.

In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path, which is strange to say.

People often have accidents there.

Soon a man and a woman were accidentally knocked down by a bicycle and died on the spot. One night, five-year-old Xiao Zhi and him.

Mom passed by on her way home. Xiao Zhi suddenly said, "Mom, there are two people on the telephone pole." mother

Take him by the hand, walk away quickly and say:

"Don't talk nonsense, son!" But it soon spread, and one day, a reporter came to collect it.

Visit Xiao Zhi and ask him to show him where the car accident happened. Xiao Zhi generously led him, reporter.

Ask: "Where is it?" Xiao Zhi pointed to the top, and the reporter looked up?

Look, there is a sign hanging on the telephone pole.

It says: everyone is responsible for traffic safety.

(4) three ghosts complain

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They said to god, they all died miserably,

I hope they can go to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full.

But there's another place!

You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven! So, the first ghost began to say ...

He was a cleaner before his death. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night! One day, I was in a building.

Clean the glass outside the building!

It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude!

On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! but

Survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously!

Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to wait.

Slow down and climb up!

Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again!

I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below.

I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life!

I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ...

I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure!

But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work and went home.

I see.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer.

So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. On the balcony, I found two.

Holding the railing in one hand, I thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if it falls.

Fuck you!

As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched the house and went into the kitchen.

Room, found the refrigerator big enough, so I threw it down. Finally smashed him to death! I am too tall.

Xing! Laughing a lot.

Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said ...

I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house.

Shake it!

Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So the kitchen also found the toilet.

I also looked for it, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't know.

Bai, how did her husband know I was in the refrigerator? He threw the refrigerator from 13 floor! I just

This even crushes the refrigerator!

(5) The toilet is haunted

Chuyang visited the countryside. When chatting with relatives, relatives told him that there was a toilet here.

Ghosts, however, if you don't accept ghosts, ghosts won't hurt you. May be the original acclimatization.

Because, at night, Chu Yang's stomach hurts badly.

There is no way out. Chu Yang should be afraid?

Z crustily skin of head went to the toilet.

As soon as Chu Xiangyang squatted down, he heard a ghost's voice:) n Red toilet paper or white toilet paper? "

Knowing that ghosts are unacceptable, Chu Yang replied, "I always use newspapers."

Well, it seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again. number

This time, however, he was no longer afraid.

Seeing Chu Yang backward, the ghost held out his hand and said:) n Youth Daily or Central Day?

Newspapers? "

"I always use sports newspapers."

In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time. ) n Youth sports or central sports

? "asked the ghost.

"... I ... I just want to sprinkle X. "

(6) Ghost mobile phone

I used to call, but I didn't press the number like this. I inserted my finger into a perforated disk and dialed it.

Yes

Once upon a time ......

Xiaoming's home phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in. .....

One night at midnight 12, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver.

The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is this 444-4444?" Can you ...

help me

Call the police 1 19? I am so miserable! .......」

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me!" " ! 」

Man: "I can only call 444-4444, but I can't call O."

Xiaoming was scared to death. Hang up the phone quickly, only.

Hey, GuoGuoGuo w4444? Is it?

Ghosts? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again. Xiaoming didn't dare to answer it, but the phone kept ringing ... Xiaoming had to put it down.

Pick it up.

Man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 1 19 for me?

I am so miserable!

.............., my finger is stuck in the telephone dial! 」

damned

After the Halloween masquerade, two men walked home ... when they passed a cemetery,

On a whim, they wanted to go through the cemetery. When they were halfway through, they were frightened by the sound of drumming.

Stop. The sound came from somewhere in the dark. They trembled with fear.

Then they found an old man chiseling a tombstone with a chisel in his hand. One of them said, "I

Oh, my god.

Sir, we thought you were a ghost,

It's so late. What are you doing here? "The old man scolded:" * * *, they spelled my name wrong. ! ! ! ! "

(8) Jack-o 'lantern

On a dark night, a man drove through a graveyard at night. The breeze blows, and the surrounding sounds

Rustling, straight hair stand up, scalp hair suddenly. Just then, he suddenly found a little red in the distance.

The color of the fire is flashing.

His first thought was "jack-o'-lantern". So he carefully picked up a stone and pointed it at the light.

Throw it here.

I saw flames swaying behind another grave. He was even more afraid and picked up another one.

Throwing a stone at the fire, I saw the light fly to another grave. At this point, he has been

Close to collapse So he picked up another stone and threw it at the lamp.

At this moment, I heard a voice from behind the grave: "Shit, who is it?" Even pulling x is not happy.

So ...

A pack of cigarettes cut me three times. "

(9) Dolls

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company. Late one night, he drove past a very

A desolate place, surrounded by darkness; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, bright and dim.

That lamp.

When he saw a lady waving to him by the roadside, he was wondering when it was built.

Go home in his car. After the lady got on the bus, he closed the door and started driving.

After a while, he wanted to know why the young lady didn't speak, so he looked back at the mirror.

Listen, there are no young ladies here.

There is a doll sitting there. He was scared to death and grabbed the doll.

Thrown out of the window, went home and was seriously ill for three months.

...

...

...

...

...

After his illness, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, "You really don't want it!"

That's interesting. A beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to take your car last time, but she just took it.

When the doll was thrown in, you closed the door and drove away.

(10) On a dark and windy night, on the longest ... most terrible road.

……

The taxi driver drove there ... a woman waved to get on the bus by the roadside. ...

Well ... it was quiet all the way ... until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "Apple A is delicious ..."

The driver thought it was great ... so he took it ... and took a bite. ...

The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!"

The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

Want to know what she said? ………………………………………………

"... but I don't like it after giving birth! …& lt； ! -dv news _ AD _ BEGIN-& gt；

Respondent: 2s3d 4f- Jianghu rookie level 4 2-3 2 1:42

A slip of the tongue of laughter! A terrible slip of the tongue!

1 The bowl fell off, and it was a big scar.

When I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, and I replied: three poles (half past three)!

Once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much is 47 kilograms?

The first sentence when I go back to the dormitory always asks, "Is there anyone looking for a phone to call me?" ...

In high school, my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I ordered a few dishes, and I still want to add something. I was going to say scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I don't know what happened, but what I blurted out was-tomato fried tomato boss ...........................................................................................................

Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured the soup and used up all the tissues. Cousin shouted "hurry up, hurry up, get the toilet paper, get the toilet".

Something at the same table fell to the ground, so I bent down to pick it up and stepped on it with my foot, and I stepped on its hand.

He was furious: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!

Creepy! ! ! ! !

The exam score is very low, and I complain bitterly: my score is too cheap!

10 tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

1 1 In high school, classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The whole class suddenly caught a cold.

12 A foreign teacher once showed Mandarin in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise his standard of Putonghua, but as a result, exporting became your standard.

The quasi-word is really ordinary, cold ~ ~

13 and MM are in front of the stall selling soybean milk fritters. I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste." MM smiled.

14 once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

15 There were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: Boss, a pepper without seasoning. . . .

The waiter also loudly repeated: 1 1 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! ! . . .

16 me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

17 in the internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "teacher!" "

18 once, everyone was evaluating the back of a beautiful woman in front. I was going to say "her legs are thick", but I said "her soil is brittle."

19 My mother said to me before going out to play mahjong, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine ~ ~ ~ ~"

When I was sitting in a restaurant at the age of 20, I casually called it "network management to provide food."

2 1 MM go out shopping one day!

Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky!

Then a word popped out of her mouth: "This black frog barks like a green crow. . . . $%^@#@%!

In high school, the national flag was raised every Monday, and then someone spoke, mainly some daily behavior norms. Once, I was honored to do it.

At the end of the speech, I accidentally read "Don't make noise in the theater" as "Don't make noise in the brothel". The whole school was there at that time.

There are many school leaders, and I'm so cold. . . .

I want to say whether qq has been opened, but it is said that QQ has been opened.

When I was in junior high school, I read a text that XX was wandering in the corridor, but I read that XX was lewd in the corridor ... The teacher blushed.

In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a Everbright Bank near the school, which just opened, so the brand is still hung with red cloth ... but the cloth is hung.

I blocked Chinese characters ... I read "China Everbright Bank" ... My classmates laughed me crazy and I couldn't hold my head for years!

26. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will have more wine. ..

27 once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?"

"He replied," don't take your name! ~~~~~"

Buy oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

Read the text aloud in junior high school. . . The joy of the soldiers' victory is beyond words: "We just want to set up a monument for everyone! (commemorative coin)

I just returned to Chengdu at 30, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up for dinner. As soon as I got on the bus, I shouted, Oh, I'm starving. Actually, I want to say that I am hungry. )

3 1 I tried to express that "the customer is God" but said "the customer is heaven", so far I have been laughed at by my friends ~ ~ ~

My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

I discussed life with a friend, and as a result, he said that he now wants to buy a piece of land in the country to farm and raise chickens. Life is so boring! ! I said ... why?

However, living in the country is also quite leisure, all kinds of pigs, raising land. .....

I went to the high school class for a physical examination. When I took my blood pressure, my classmates found that a male classmate in junior high school took my blood pressure, which seemed to be an internship there.

Okay, that mm's sleeve won't pull up. When he was in a hurry, he said to the boy, why don't I take off my pants? The boy's face turned red at once that

Well, it's probably cold.

Once I was in a hurry and wanted to tell the truth. As a result, I said "the elephant is really white" and was laughed at.

36 if you don't listen, drag your ass and beat your pants ...

Students go to Internet cafes to surf the Internet. We asked him which row he was sitting in.

He said, "Go and sit at the other end of the portrait row!

In the internet cafe, I wanted to get off the plane and check out, so I shouted, "Boss, stop the plane!" " "Khan ...

39 junior high school art evening, grab the answer link

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

Full laughter

When I got up in the morning, my mother asked my brother, "Did you wash your face?" The younger brother heard "what time is it" and said "8 o'clock". Who is it?

Then my mother heard "wiping face" again, and then said "wiping face is washing face", which made me laugh.

4 1 The bean skin in Wuhan Laotongcheng is delicious.

When I went to eat, the cashier said "a bowl of land"!

42 Xi' an calls rice. When the students came back from Xi 'an, they shouted, "Boss, a bowl of rice!" " The boss is cold!

Master, give me a roast chicken.

Once, my classmate stuttered, and I was anxious: your tongue is straight (straight) and you are talking! !

Once my friend and classmate said that he was really charming, and my friend corrected him, and then my friend spoke loudly; I'm going to splash water! !

46 junior high school self-study early, Chinese class representatives write on the blackboard.

Read the text of lesson 15 silently. Look at the blackboard when the deskmate comes.

While reading "Black Dog Read Lesson 15"

A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child, saying that among birds, I usually don't eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but I often eat seafood.

I once saw an old man sweeping the steps on my way to school, because I often saw him sweeping, and I knew he volunteered. I'm really touched.

I want to talk to the old man when I go up. At first I wanted to ask him how old he was, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I said, "How old are you?" Koichi

Output sweat. . . . . .

I went to Sashido for dinner when I was still at school. When ordering, I ordered a "skin painting".

The political teacher talked about the inevitability of things in class. Speaking of human beings, give us an example, just one sentence: for example, people become apes!

5 1 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of white powder ~!"

One day, when I was at school, there was a phone call for me.

My classmate handed it to me and said, "Fuck you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

In junior high school, we hit a man and pushed him to the ground. He said that scholars can be humiliated, but they can't be killed!

In junior high school, I bought a beautiful cup. My deskmate told me that the cup looks good. I said, yes, I bought two specially,

One brushes his teeth and the other gargles. . . .

Once a classmate's mother called in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

Once my mother asked me to collect clothes from the balcony. I put it down and asked her where it was. She was cooking and said without looking back, "Sand!

Distribute clothes! "I was there.

64 gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!" " "

Go to eat noodles ~ ~ ~ Say to the boss: There are two sides to the soup bowl. . . . . The boss stood there. . .

My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Once I patted my roommate's stomach, and she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

Classmate 68 went to buy tickets. When she came back, we asked her what tickets she had bought and whether there were any seats. She said she bought a station ticket, and finally we asked her.

Standing or sitting.