Jokers and people who listen to jokes

1. Change my girlfriend's phone number to mine when my classmate takes a shower. Send him a text message in bed at night "Husband, I'm pregnant". I saw that buddy suddenly turned over and got out of bed. Badabada smoked a box of cigarettes and borrowed money from the dormitory ... 2. Today, on Valentine's Day, a MM who has a crush on me for a long time called me: "Come to my house, no one!" I ran away with excitement! ! ! ! ! ! ! Knocking on the door for more than an hour, I found that there was really no one ... 3. In class, anonymous sent a note. When I saw the content, I really wanted to beat him up. It said: Are you there? 4. Today, when the whole family was watching the costume film shown by Hunan Satellite TV, they suddenly asked my dad: Dad, why do you think I should call you Dad? -My dad's weak answer: You can also call me Amar. A friend recently bought a car and took us out for a walk. Another friend had the following conversation with his sister: MM: Brother, your friend drives steadily. Gabby: Well, yes. You saw another bike pass by. 6. One day, my sister went to my brother's room. Sister: "Brother, take off my pajamas, will you?" Brother did it. My sister said, "Take off my bra again!" So is my brother. Sister said: "Finally, take off my underwear!" " When the younger brother finished, the younger sister picked up her clothes and said, "Don't wear my clothes any more! Pervert! ! ! 7. One day, a friend was stuck in a traffic jam in Beijing for several hours and finally couldn't stand it. He angrily opened the car door, opened the trunk and took out a long stick. Everyone in the traffic jam looked at him in surprise, only to see him curse and hit a snail on the ground, knocking and cursing: "Don't you dare follow me!" "8. Reporter: Uncle, if you have ten acres of land, would you like to give half of the harvest to the Party? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: If it is two villas, would you like to dedicate one villa to the party? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: What about two cars? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: What if I win the grand prize of one million? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: What about two cows? Uncle: I don't want to ... Reporter: Why do you want fields, villas, cars and bonuses, but cows don't? Uncle: I really have two cows! 9. It's a waste for the handsome guy across the street to eat noodles. Eat two noodles and go. So I poured the bowl of noodles to the hungry wild cats on the roadside. After a while, the handsome boy came back with a bottle of water in his hand. I looked at the empty bowl with a suspicious face ... At that moment, I just wanted to be a passer-by who buried himself in noodles ...10. The company is 1 mm, and the signature of QQ a while ago was 5.056.107.128.189.23 (). After studying and studying, I can't figure it out. I sent it to the company's math genius, but it didn't work. Finally, I had to ask her, "What are the numbers in brackets?" MM replied, "I don't know, it hasn't come yet. "... 1 1. When I got up in the morning, my husband turned over, and the quilt wrapped him up and rolled him up several times. I looked at him who continued to sleep and felt very cute, like a sushi to be cut. Then he wrapped this big one in the middle with a belt and went to work. When I came back at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I saw my husband still lying in bed. It was the shape of sushi to be cut in the morning, but he looked at me from different angles. He said: Being hungry for a day is not the key. Turning off the air conditioner when you leave is not the key. It's not the key to go to work the next day to explain that you didn't go to work and didn't answer the phone. The point is, I'm wearing a wardrobe facing the bed. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he felt embarrassed and funny. I didn't hold back when I laughed. . . . 12. Someone posted a question: Is there any good way to pursue a bank counter MM? If you save money without taking your passbook, she will stop you ... Bank sister: Hey ... your passbook! ! ! The landlord replied with a smile: it's your passbook! ! ! In junior high school, the school is close to home, and every small holiday is to walk home. 13. One winter vacation, I was walking alone on my way home and I accidentally saw an eagle flying in the sky. The coat I was wearing that day had a big white-collar worker who imitated rabbit hair. At the moment I caught a glimpse of the eagle, I didn't think it would fly down and catch me as a big rabbit, did it? So I resolutely found a hidden corner to hide and stood in the cold wind for nearly half an hour ... During this half an hour, I leaned out an eye from time to time to secretly see if the eagle was still there, but now ... now ... all the time, so I finally found something strange, so I bravely observed the eagle carefully for a while, and then ... cursed in a low voice: "mental derangement, cold weather! 14. It is said that one day I had a stomachache and hurried to the toilet. It took me a long time to take off my pants. I have been farting loudly all my life. Then I heard my buddy in the pit next door: "Holy shit ..." When I finished, the buddy said: Brother, do you have any paper? You scared me just now, and the paper fell into the pit! 15. Take the subway to work in the morning. It's too crowded There is a very lovely girl next to her. Kawaii is texting. I accidentally took a look and found that she wrote: "There are many people on the bus today, which is very crowded." After a while, I remembered something and laughed to myself. I didn't mean to look back for a while, but I saw this girl continue to write "There is still an SB standing next to me"16. When I was in my senior year, I went downstairs one day after studying by myself, thinking that the person walking in front of me was my roommate. I secretly ran up and kicked his ass and shouted, Are you actually studying by yourself? ! The man rubbed his ass and looked back at me piteously, trembling and saying, hmm. A few seconds later, I was hesitating about how to apologize. Man's answer: Big Brother, I am a freshman, and I dare not do it in the future ...17. Once in class, a classmate was very hungry and made instant noodles. In order not to let the teacher find out, he put away the book and buried his head, but the heat still came out. The teacher said calmly, "who is this classmate who is obsessed with reading?" "18. My girlfriend said that I agreed without much pursuit. She broke me up too much, and I pursued it again. I agreed. Then, it's gone. Yes 19. I went shopping in the school supermarket today. Don't you have to brush the bar code when you check out ~ There will be a beep ~ I can't brush any marinated eggs I bought … I didn't know what was going on in my head at that time … so a long sentence came out: "beep! ~ ~ ~ "The whole site is petrified ~~~ 20. The total intestinal area is 200 square meters. Our house is not as big as the place where shit lives. Better be a piece of shit. This is really worse than shit. ~ 2 1. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I arrived at the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and my mother's diligent little man was killed. He met a charming and rich woman and was fascinated by her. He quit his job, betrayed his fiancee and eloped with this woman. On the plane, the woman asked him, do you remember your grin sister who was humiliated by you in middle school? He zheng, at present the woman more see more feel familiar. Is that you? He asked. The woman shook her head and sneered. Thanks to you, she committed suicide after graduating from high school. He is afraid, so you are afraid. . . ? The woman smiled insidiously. I am her brother. 23. He is worth tens of millions, owning countless luxury cars, private luxury restaurants and modern farms. Since he lost his QQ number, he has nothing. 24. Fold paper into heart-shaped origami when you are free, and give it to her when you see her. How long has this habit been? He doesn't even remember clearly. Suddenly one day, she said on the phone, "A waste paper collector came today, I asked the price, and then sold all the heart-shaped origami you gave me ..." She paused, "It's only nine dollars. Dress up and let's go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get the certificate. "