What’s a funny joke?

Water Splashing Festival?

On the Water Splashing Festival, everyone splashed water on each other to bless each other. Suddenly one person cursed: Damn, who splashed me? Others advised: Splashing you is a blessing.?

The scold said: Don't do this, who is going to pour boiling water on me?

2. Waiting for the bus?

Go to work this morning to catch the business*** When the car arrived at the platform, the car had already started. So I chased and shouted: "Master, wait?

I, master, wait for me!..."?

Is this a passenger who stuck his head out of the car window and said to me: "Wukong, please stop chasing me"?

3. How is this unreasonable?

Hospital Outside the delivery room, a group of men were waiting to become new fathers. A nurse hurriedly walked out of the delivery room and said to one of them: "Congratulations, your wife has given birth!"?

Another man threw his cigarette butt on the ground, jumped up and shouted: "That's unreasonable! I arrived before him, why hasn't it been my turn yet?"?

4. Needle injection?

A went to the hospital for a health check-up. The nurse took a needle to draw his blood. Looking at the shiny needle, A couldn’t help but ask: "Will it hurt? I’m afraid of pain!" The nurse said: "Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than 20 years..." Person A said: "Great, I'm relieved!" Then the nurse inserted the needle and heard Person A acting like he was killing a pig. After a scream, the nurse slowly added: "There is no pain."?

5. Self-defeating?

In the bar, George was drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would drink his beer secretly after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found that another note had been added to the paper. One sentence: "I also spit out a mouthful.". . . ?

6. Too loud?

Zhuge Liang is a man who is proficient in eight kinds of skills, one of which is ventriloquism. But on this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing things with Liu Bei in the tent. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid that Liu Bei would hear him, so he was embarrassed. He had an idea and said: "My lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I imitate the woodpecker call and call it to you?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the sound of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked: "How is it, my lord? Do I learn the same thing?" Liu Bei said: "You can learn it again. You farted too loudly just now, and I didn't see it."?

7. ?

There was an ugly girl who could not get married and hoped to be abducted. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnappers thought she was ugly and sent her back to her place of origin. The girl refused to get out of the car and the kidnapper headed her. Gritting his teeth and stamping his feet, he said: Let’s go! I don’t want the car anymore! ?

8. The train was very crowded during the Spring Festival travel rush. A certain person took advantage of the stop to stick his butt out of the window to defecate. The inspector under the car noticed and yelled: Fat man holding a cigar, put your head back?

9. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and when I was about to bend down to pick it up, it turned out to be phlegm. Oh my god, who vomited so roundly? ?

10. During a military drill, a cannonball strayed far away.

The soldiers sent to investigate found that the shells had fallen in the farmland. There was a farmer standing in the field. His clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes: Is it worth using shelling to steal a cabbage? ?

11. Do you still remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students: "The first row counts!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly: "Count!" So, you turned around reluctantly and hugged the tree! ?

12. The weather is hot and cold, and it’s difficult to calm down in this season. I always miss you in the distance. I would like to raise a homing pigeon and let it fly to you every day, even if it can only do A simple action: shit on your head! ?

13.?

One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: What the hell are you doing? I’ve never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from! ?

14. A woman from a village came to the city for the first time. She wanted to go to the toilet, but she had not seen her for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police for help: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the maternal toilet? ?

15. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she walked over and whispered to him: "Be careful!" The patient smiled and said: "Baby."?

16. An old man lost his car. When he put the newly bought car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: Let you steal it! The car was not lost the next day, and there were two more locks and a piece of paper that said: Let you ride! ?

17. The teacher wanted the sports committee member to confirm whether all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him: "Go and check out all the girls in the class." The sports committee member was a little pervert and asked hurriedly: " Which one do you want to kiss? "Teacher￥#...￥?

Super hilarious post from teachers and students on campus - distracted and late for class?

1. Everyone knows that speaking with headphones makes the sound louder. The big one doesn’t know it. Once in an English class, the teacher asked everyone to study by themselves after the lecture. One of my classmates put on headphones to listen to music (of course, this is not allowed). In order not to let the teacher see it, he asked the classmate next to him to look out and said very loudly: Teacher, come over and call me! ! As a result, the teacher heard the sound and came and asked him: What's the matter? ?

2. When I was in junior high school, I was the class monitor. Once in geography class, the teacher interrupted the class. I was concentrating on reading a novel and didn’t care whether it was in class or after class. A classmate next to me complained to himself: "After class, "Ah", I thought the get out of class was over, so I shouted "stand up", and it became quiet for a while. I felt all eyes focused on me. The teacher smiled and said: You want to rebel (she was reasonable when she dragged the class), and everyone suddenly Laughing all over, am I blushing? ?

3. A classmate of mine in high school was late for school at noon. The head teacher showed him his watch at the door without saying anything, meaning: What time is it? My classmate looked at his watch and said: This watch is not mine.?

4. In English class, the classroom was quiet, suddenly two of my male classmates, A: Be gentle, B: It's okay, haven't you inserted it yet? Haha, the whole class is in an uproar...?

Do you know what they are doing? Person B is helping Person A remove earwax! ?

5. There was a math teacher (female) who raped me in junior high school. My deskmate (male) asked her a difficult question when get out of class was about to end. She thought for a moment and said something we will never forget: "I'm sorry, good things have happened these days, and I can't do it..."?

6. When I was in English class, the high heels of the beautiful woman next to me accidentally scratched the ground. Suddenly, a sharp sound pierced the sky. The English teacher stopped and looked at us suspiciously. The beautiful woman next to us didn't respond, pretending to be reserved. I was the only one laughing, so our English teacher asked: "Just now, were you screaming..."?

7. The first Chinese language teacher in junior high school drooled during the lecture Flying around, I was giving a lecture one day. When the lecture was getting exciting, a classmate in the front row said he saw a rainbow. A high school history teacher gave an impassioned lecture, and a hidden weapon flew out of his mouth. If he looked carefully, he saw dentures...?

8. In elementary school, two boys were chasing each other. The principal saw them and tied them with a rope. Individuals are tied up one after another and asked to run N times around the playground.

?

9. In the sixth grade of elementary school, boy A put ink in his mouth and then sprayed it all over boy B. Boy B went to the class teacher to complain. The class teacher said to boy A, you can still drink ink, and you can eat shit. ? The boy turned around and left. The head teacher looked slightly panicked and sent another boy to see what he was doing. ?

10. When I was in high school, there was a handsome guy who taught chemistry. He liked to flick his long, flowing bangs, even during class. Finally one day, his head flicked - "bang". The teacher covered his forehead and squatted down on the spot. It took him 5 minutes to stand up with tears in his eyes. From then on, I never saw him flipping his hair during class. ?

11. The high school teacher talks about analytic geometry: Suppose, I have a P, now, I put this P here...?

12. There was also a school sports meeting For the opening exam, a radio gymnastics program with 100 or 200 people was prepared and they practiced every morning and afternoon. One day, the students were very disengaged in the practice. The principal got angry and started lecturing (the principal’s biggest specialty is roaring) and the roar suddenly fell out of his mouth. The principal immediately picked up a white thing and stuffed it into his pocket. Then he fell silent and the students laughed again - the white thing was dentures. ?

13. An old man in his fifties who was the head teacher of the junior middle school class. He was bored during his self-study one day. He walked up to the desk of a girl in my class and greeted her cordially: "***, what is your mother doing at home? ?”?

14. The junior high school physics teacher’s Mandarin is super non-standard. It took us more than a month to basically understand his speaking routine. One day, he walked into the classroom very angrily, threw his homework book on the table and said: Half of the classmates did not make ducks yesterday. Listen carefully. They will not make ducks today. Invite all your parents! Alas... we are speechless, all of us are dumb~~~~~?