Stab you with a stick. A serial joke.

■■■■■ Funny SMS: You don't have to laugh, but if you laugh, it will be the top. Please indicate which article to start laughing from .34

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12, the beauty of learning is that people are confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in her stupidity.

No regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

13 I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy!

14, have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I brushed it in this life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, so they fucking turned back!

15, two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried, and the farmer gave them two 7 pieces.

16, your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs!

Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

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& gt& gt Latest news: The main transmission route of SARS is currency in circulation. For the health of you and your family, please clean up all your cash and seal it in plastic bags. I will collect it at home for a small fee.

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& gt& gt A couple of lovers were caught by a savage in the mountains, saying that you would let you go if you ate each other's shit. The lover did it. On the way home, the woman cried. The man asked her why, and the woman said sadly, you don't love me, otherwise you won't pull so much!

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& gt& gt On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, much less. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fell down, I ran up and stepped on my foot!

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& gt& gt Shall we go on a date on Saturday? Please grant my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the seaside with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I'll take you to climb the highest stone near Shanghai and kick you down!

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& gt& gt It's hot and cold, so it's hard to calm down this season. I always miss you in the distance. I am willing to keep a homing pigeon and let it fly to your place every day, even if it is just a simple action: pull a shit on your head!

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& gt& gt Yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, the sea is so boundless, and you are standing on the blue seaside. I stabbed you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

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& gt& gt Love is empty, love is empty, I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

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& gt& gt When I turned away, you cried helplessly behind me, and the heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.

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& gt& gt I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from the face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

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& gt& gt When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig! ! ! !

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& gt& gt Are you lonely? If so, why do you go downstairs to buy ropes and sticks, tie ropes to sticks, and wave sticks on the roof when it is windy, and people will ask you? Just say: I have a seizure. . .

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& gt& gt people are really tired when they are alive! Standing thinking about sleeping, getting on the bus and waiting in line, unrequited love is really painful, eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, working is particularly tired, robbery is not enough, and you have to pay taxes to earn money, alas! Even texting pigs costs money!

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& gt& gt is just a gust of wind, so eternal, just a dream, so real, you bow your head and say nothing, but I can't calm down. I finally can't help telling you, let me know the next time you fart!

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& gt& gt One night, a naked man called a taxi, and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man!

The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

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& gt& gt Dear users, your phone bill is less than 0. 1 yuan. Please pay the phone bill in the near future: selling children, women, rice, iron and blood, land, houses and wives. Thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom

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& gt& gt I wrote your name all over the sky and it was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and was taken away by the police.

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& gt& gt In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. The classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?"? You don't let me know! " This classmate: "Hey."

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& gt& gt Dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad impact on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn stylistic knowledge!

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& gt& gt Yesterday, I dreamed of God, and he said that he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. He thought about it and said that I would take another look at the globe.

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& gt& gt There are six kinds of pigs in the world. Those kept at home are called domestic pigs, those born in the mountains are called wild boars, and those who see this news are called stupid pigs. If you are laughing at a stupid pig, you are angry with a big pig, and all the people who ignore me are dead pigs. If you don't answer the message, you are even worse than a pig.

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& gt& gt, you go! Find someone worthy of your love … I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you left with someone else for a bone.

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& gt& gt I think what you think; Wear clothes without styling; I don't get along with anyone; No matter where you go, you are not welcome; I can't keep up with Lenin in thinking; Don't steal if your heart is fine; Pneumonia is atypical!

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& gt& gt Monkey Search Notice: I lost a hairy monkey. Features: dirty, covered with nose, holding a mobile phone, I can read text messages. I love monkeys. Write back to my master as soon as possible! Master misses you now.

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& gt& gt6 When I met 9, I said, Take two steps if you take two steps, and practice handstand. 0 meets 8 and says: If you are fat, you will be fat. Why should you wear a belt? 7 meet 2 and say: come on, don't kneel down again, I won't marry you; I haven't seen breast augmentation for several days!

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& gt& gt One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, I'm Hong, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi!

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& gt& gtAbcdefghijklmnpqrstvwxz, do you know what is missing? Even if you don't have you, no matter how much happiness I want, my friend, it's a lifetime!

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& gt& gt Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!

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& gt& gt You are the sun in my heart, but it is raining; You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first. ...

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& gt& gt What's going on? I called your mobile phone just now, and after the bell rang, the phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please redial later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.

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& gt& gt In my eyes, you always look carefree, eating with relish and sleeping soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.

& gt It is a very happy thing to miss you.

Nice to meet you.

Loving you is what I will always do.

Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing.

but ...

Just lied to you.

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& gt& gt Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying next to your pillow, and there is a suicide note: I struggled all night, but I failed to pierce your face. Your impudence makes me live in this world. Lord, please forgive him. I killed myself.

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& gt& gt Are you secretly thinking about me? Are you really thinking about me secretly? If you really want me to tell you, I won't let you miss me. Be reasonable, I miss you too!

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& gt& gt marriage:

An empty and poor man is ugly to 1.49 meters.

Keywords primary school culture, rural hukou,

Broken house, three rooms, an acre of thin land,

My wife didn't,

This medicine won't leave the mouth all year round,

Nowadays, SMS is widely used for girlfriends.

The revolutionary road goes hand in hand.

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& gt& gt A thunder woke Bush up in the middle of the night and shouted, "Quick, turn on the light!" The bodyguard lit the candle tacitly. Looking at the heavy rain outside the window, Bush hissed, "I'm all over Afghanistan."

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& gt& gt One day I can't hear your voice, I can't eat, two days I go to work, I'm not in the mood, three days I can't sleep, four days I can't get up, five days I go to the hospital, and six days I queue up to be reborn. Are you willing to give up?

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& gt& gt Men are not bad, a little abnormal, men are not coquettish, they are just idiots. Men are not philandering, they must be nervous, men are not hooligans, and their development is abnormal.

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& gt& gt Types of pigs: domestic pigs are kept at home, wild boars are born in the mountains, stupid pigs are reading this news, stupid pigs are laughing, stupid pigs are angry, and dead pigs don't reply to the news.

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& gt& gt people are really tired when they are alive. I want to sleep when I stand, I have to wait in line by car, and I am very tired when I go to work ... Oh, it doesn't matter. What bothers me most is that I have to pay for sending messages to pigs!

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& gt& gt I have a poem that many people in the world know. When a fool reads a poem, knowing its meaning means knowing it, but not knowing its meaning means not knowing it. I knew you were a fool. A fool must be reading this poem when he hears the squeak of his mobile phone.

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& gt& gt You eat happily, destroy the earth, cry after falling in love, and beg for heaven and earth when borrowing money. Now you are finally married. Thank god.

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& gt& gt, you find someone who is worthy of your love. I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you ran off with someone else for a bone.

T.T

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& gt& gt Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I really want to be by your side quietly. I know you never take care of yourself. Whenever I leave, you jump out of the pigsty!

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& gt& gt I've thought about it for a long time, and I'm afraid it will hurt you, but to show my sincerity, I have to say-get up!

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& gt& gt You are as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as lovely as a bird, as knowledgeable as a horse, as brilliant as a butterfly, as diligent as a bee, and like everything. No wonder everyone calls you an animal.

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& gt& gt has always wanted to ask you a question, but I dare not speak rashly. Especially in the quiet and lonely night, I want to send a message to ask you: Do you still wet the bed these days?

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& gt& gt Yesterday, I made a bet with my friend. I said: there is nothing more stupid than a pig in the world. I lost, so it's all your fault.

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& gt& gt Every time I hear your phone, I can't sleep well. When I saw your hungry eyes, I was completely confused. I won't sigh if I don't satisfy you, alas! Feeding pigs is really troublesome!

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& gt& gt, listen! I want to chase you! It is you that I have been looking for! I will seize this opportunity! I must catch up with you! Dead cockroach, if you catch me, you will be trampled to death.

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& gt& gt Take a good rest and pay attention to your health this week. During this time, you must strengthen your exercise. Objective: Sit quietly for 2 hours below zero without abnormal reaction, and keep smiling.

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& gt& gt If I were the sun, I would give you warmth; If I were a diamond, I would give you eternity; But I am nothing ... so I can only give you a harassment. Ha ha!

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& gt& gt Handsome is a crime, and I have committed a heinous crime.

Cute is wrong, I've been wrong again and again,

Smart and punished, I should be chopped to pieces,

How can I escape from the jealous mouth when I am humble and accused?