Simple version of homophonic joke

1. The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you." One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )

2. The leader of a certain unit loves to drink. Once he drank too much at a public banquet and got drunk on the spot. A man played a eulogy and said, "You are a great man, and your stomach has been tested by alcohol." . You are in a bad mood. You have experienced the battle of drinking (lasting) and participated in the battle of filling your stomach (defending your title), but I didn't expect that you didn't wake up as if you were dead (fortunately) after the ninth (China) alcohol and tobacco (research) conference in the wine industry. Ears are here.

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because I had to pay the bill, I said to the master, "Go and buy me two bamboo poles."

As soon as the master heard that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", he quickly agreed and rushed to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You are a smart man, you should know! "

The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears.

Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" "

The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " "

Hearing this, the touts frighten forward, hurriedly replied:

"Ears … ears … here … in my … pocket!"

Do what you see.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year.

When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the lease of the land next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of fields."

Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mouth and said, "If I don't give it to Zhang San, who will I give it to?"

Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!"

The landlord replied, "That sentence was nonsense (chicken talk) just now, and now this sentence is" play it by ear (chicken talk) "

There is a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go by plane. Afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity, do you want to seize it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an "opportunity" to conclude the transaction and immediately called back: "Take it if you can."

When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.

Geographical name correlation

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."

The headmaster is angry.

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "rabbit, shrimp, pig tail!" No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! 」

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Sausages and pickles, please!"! 」

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" 」

Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! )

No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. ...

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.

A foreign girl married to China. When eating breakfast, I was pointed out that I can't eat fried dough sticks: "Dip it."

She stood up at once and was told, "Take a dip!"

Confused, she said indignantly, "Let me eat standing up. I have stood up. Where should I stand? "

One day, the zoo was divided into three rooms and one hall because the lion is the king of all animals. Monkeys like to swing around, divided into two rooms and one living room; Wolves always walk around, so they have a room and a living room. When I got to the bear, I divided all the rooms and gave the bear a small room. Bear didn't want to, so he went to the dean's theory and bared his teeth at the dean. The dean was angry and roared, "Look at you, it's good to give you a room, but what hall (to listen to)!"

A saw that B was struggling to move the box, so he said, Let me help you move it.

B can't use the roller on the box, so he says to A, Go away!

A is very angry, B says quickly, I let you use the wheel.