A cold joke in less than 20 words

1, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

2, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

4. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

6. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

7, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

8. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

9, junior high school art evening, answering session.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." Please raise your hand when I finish. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

10, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

1 1, at school

One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

12, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

13, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

14, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

15, my sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

16, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

17, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

18, go home on weekends when I go to school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

19, a leader of the Education Bureau checked the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

20. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

2 1. One day, on my way to school, my bicycle had a flat tire. I asked where it was inflated, and my classmate said, "There are abortions everywhere in the street!" "

22. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

23. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

24. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" "

25. At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted, "Keep your voice down, the tone is wrong." Suddenly I was speechless, and my face turned red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

26. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

27. Go to breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. Just as we were talking, the two students who ate stuffing when wasting came over and said, "Well, you can eat my foreskin in the future." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

28. Tell a true story. MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

29. A classmate from high school in my dormitory called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

30. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " " ..