What are some positive humorous jokes?

01

1. The husband happily said to his wife: "You have been devoting yourself to the family in the past few years. I am going to promote you to an official position next week!" My wife said happily: "What official position are you being promoted to?" I will marry a little wife and make you a big wife. ?

2. Yesterday, I asked a big boss, "Business is sluggish now and everyone is under great pressure. How is your sleep?" ?He replied: A baby's sleep. I said: He is indeed a master. You can still sleep like this! He was silent for a while and said: Hey, I often wake up in the middle of the night and cry for a while before going back to sleep. Sleep for a while before crying.

3. The man was chatting with the beautiful woman in the bar. The man asked: "I don't know what kind of man the beautiful woman is more interested in." The beautiful woman was silent for a while and said in a low-key voice: "Big money, big tools."

4. The old lady got on the bus, and a kind-hearted young man offered her seat to her. After a while, the young man’s phone rang, and after he answered it, he heard him say: “Honey, I’m on the train now, and I decided to go on a business trip at the last minute.” , you don't believe it, you are really on the train. At this time, I saw the old lady clearing her throat and shouting: "Beer, drink, mineral water, chicken feet instant noodles, ham sausage? Come on, young man, put your feet away!" ?

5. Someone said to me: ?When someone pours cold water on you, you should boil it and pour it back. ?But I prefer to be a person like Lime. The more others pour cold water on me, the more my life will boil! Suddenly I felt a chill all over my body, "Nima, who poured the foot-washing water downstairs at this late hour!" ?

6. I get diarrhea as soon as I eat noodles, but nothing happens when I eat other staple foods, so I went to the hospital for a checkup. After the doctor asked about the symptoms, he said: "This is not a big problem. It is easy to cure. No need." Afraid. ?I quickly asked how to treat it. The doctor looked at me and said, "You can just stop eating noodles." ?

7. The teacher asked: ?A man wants to boil a kettle of water, but halfway through lighting the fire he finds that there is not enough firewood. What should he do? ?Some students said to look for it quickly, and some said to borrow or buy it. The teacher said: Why don’t you pour out some of the water in the pot? ?The classmate had an epiphany.

8. When I was a child, I made a mistake and was beaten by my mother, but not a single tear was shed! After the beating, my mother stroked my head: Silly boy! Why don't you run! Does it hurt? After hearing this sentence I cried! You chased me for two whole streets, tell me where else can I run!

9. A man was riding a motorcycle home. He was afraid of the wind, so he deliberately wore his jacket inside out and buttoned it from the back. He accidentally fell down while turning and died after ineffective resuscitation. The reporter interviewed the old man who was passing by. The old man sighed: It was so miserable. His head was turned upside down. I was still angry when I came over. I tried my best to help him turn his head over, but he was no longer angry.

10. A beautiful female classmate chased me to my house, crying and said: What should I do if you leave? My mother was anxious and asked me: What is the relationship between you two? I was very puzzled and said: Doesn't it matter? ! The girl cried and said: Auntie, don't get me wrong, if he leaves, won't I be the last one?

11. The son said to his father, who is the mayor: "I like the daughter of the deputy director across the street very much!" ?The director secretly told him: ?That is your half-sister, we can only be friends. ?The son said again:?I also like the girl from the section chief's house next door! The director added: "That's your other half-sister. Don't tell your mother." ?The son cried and told his mother these experiences. The mother comforted her son: "Look for whoever you like, don't be afraid, you are the mayor's son!"

12. The foreman said to the new worker dissatisfied: "You work slowly, walk slowly, and think slowly. I really don't understand. What makes you so fast?" The new worker quickly replied: "I'm tired." Be quick. ?

13. There was an old man who tripped over a pile of cow dung when he went out in winter. He thought there was someone behind him, and was afraid of being seen and losing face, so he quickly said: I can’t keep up with my youth. Then he immediately got up, looked back and saw no one was there, and then said that he had the same smell when he was young.

14. Once while eating and chatting in the canteen, I suddenly found that I had dropped a piece of rice outside. I secretly felt that I was sorry for the farmer uncle by wasting food, so I picked it up and ate it. But later I discovered that the meal didn’t seem to be mine.

15. The husband came back from a business trip. Wife: Are you looking bad? Are you motion sick? Husband: My seat faces away from the front of the car. I’m not used to it. Wife: Why don’t you change seats with the one opposite? Husband: There’s no one on the opposite seat, so there’s no way to change.

16. Do you know why the sea is blue? Answer: Because there are fish. Why are fish blue? Because fish can spit bubbles! Why are fish blue when they spit bubbles? What? Because there is a sound when the fish spits bubbles? blueblueblueblue...?.

17. Someone always peed outside the men's urinal in a certain unit. The cleaning lady was very troubled. The office director posted a slogan saying "One small step forward, one big step for civilization". Still, There was no change. Recently, a new female leader came to the unit. After research, she changed the slogan: "Peeing outside the pool means you are short, dripping on the ground means you are weak. The effect is amazing, no one pees outside the pool anymore." .