Three kingdoms joke

1, Guan Yu received the news of Liu Bei in Cao Ying, and immediately left with his sister-in-law, who asked? There are many checkpoints ahead. Uncle, can you be sure?

Guan Yu took off his clothes and rode on the red rabbit horse, saying, Sister-in-law, don't worry. I will destroy them first. ?

2. In 233 AD, Liu Chan ascended the throne, ignoring the state affairs all day long, drinking and eating meat, and having a big belly.

Bright see displeasure, speak frankly:? Your Majesty, do you remember the last words of my late emperor?

Zen:? Don't worry too much about military affairs, I keep it in mind. Don't stop eating small meals and don't stop being hungry. ?

3. One day, Liu Bei and Zhang Fei were drinking. Seeing that it was getting late, Liu Bei said to Zhang Fei. Third brother, it's getting late. We have enough time to finish this cup. ?

Who knows that Zhang Fei laughed at Liu Bei's face. Ha ha! Big brother looks really drunk, and second brother's name is Yunchang! ! ! ?

Hua tuo treated Guan Yu with poison. Then he asked Liu Bei:? What do you value most as the overlord?

Liu Bei replied:? Rende! ? Then Liu Bei asked Hua tuo:? As a famous doctor, what is the most important thing for you?

Hua tuo replied:? Medical ethics! ?

Aside Zhang Feihong face shouted. Doctor! I thought we agreed to keep our business secret! ?

5, Battle of Red Cliffs, Cao Cao spies to report:? I heard that Zhuge Liang wanted to borrow the east wind in order to attack our army! ?

Cao Cao laughed and said, Zhuge Cunfu is just playing tricks. There is nothing to be afraid of. ?

The next morning, Cao Cao was awakened by the alarm on the other side of the river. Dongfeng 2 1-D in position, target locked, ready to launch! ?

6. After Liu, Guan and Zhang became sworn friends in Taoyuan, they pushed a cup for a change.

Suddenly, the owner of Taoyuan came with a bunch of thugs, shouting: Dare to run into my site and run wild, I will give you some color to see see today! ?

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei both looked at Liu Bei and said, Brother, what should we do?

Seeing that the situation was not good, Liu Bei ran away and left a message by the way: Don't believe me, I'm just a legend! ?

7. Liu Bei visited the thatched cottage, and Zhuge Liang finally agreed to go down the mountain.

Who knows, Zhuge Liang suddenly stopped when he saw that Liu Bei's car was just an old Santana. Liu Bei said: Sir, why don't you get in the car?

Zhuge Liang changed his color angrily and said, Is that how you respect talents? I don't want a BMW Mercedes! ? Say and leave.

Liu Bei looked helpless: Who asked me to be in charge of a famous national poverty-stricken area? Even this Santana is borrowed! ?

8. Sima Yi led an army to kill the city, and Zhuge Liang sat on the rostrum burning incense and playing the piano.

His men were about to attack the city, but Sima Yi waved and stopped them. You didn't even notice that Zhuge Liang, the all-powerful real estate tycoon, was also reduced to busking, which shows that the local economic situation is not optimistic and the pressure of real estate regulation is great! If we go to the city to invest in real estate at this time, we will be trapped. Withdraw! ?

9. Zhang Fei stood majestically on the Changban Bridge, holding a bully snake spear.

Cao Cao immediately led a million-strong army to kill.

Zhang Fei shouted:? Well, if any of you want to cross the bridge, you have to ask me if I agree! ?

Seeing this, Cao Cao ordered the army to retreat.

People don't understand. Cao Cao said, Didn't you see a piece around Zhang Fei? Changbanqiao toll station? Brand? We have so many chariots and horses to cross the bridge to pay, and we must not let me lose everything! ?

10, Guan Yu asked Liu Bei:? Have you ever seen a 3D movie?

Liu Bei said, Third Brother, when did he make a movie?

1 1. After Liu Bei entered Xuzhou, there was a famous blacksmith in Xuzhou at that time, and Liu Zhang Guan asked everyone to cast another sharp weapon.

Liu Bei took the lead in visiting, but the blacksmith declined. General Liu, you have a sword. ?

Guan Yu continued to visit, but the blacksmith declined. General Guan, you have a knife. ?

When it was Zhang Fei's turn, Liu Bei quickly took his hand and said, Third Brother, according to your temper, why don't you go? (Note: Zhang Fei's weapon is a bully snake spear. )

12, Liu Bei is too white to see him during the day. Zhang Fei is too dark to see him at night. Very not easy to wait until dusk, both in the sky, guan yu disappeared.

13, Mrs. Cao Cao, Queen of Linyi, Shandong; Mrs. Liu Bei and Mrs. Mi are from Linshu, Shandong; Mrs. Sun Quan and Mrs. Wang are from Linshu, Shandong; Mrs Si Mazhao and Mrs Wang are from Tancheng, Shandong province? The whole three countries are a group of Shandong son-in-law fighting?

14, Liu Bei worshiped Zhuge Liang very much and wanted to invite him out of the mountain, so he came to Longzhong, but Zhuge Liang was away and he was disappointed. When he returned to Xinye, he heard that Zhuge had gone home and immediately prepared his horse, but extremely said Zhuge was not at home?

It was not until the third visit that Zhuge was finally invited. During this period, Zhang Guan silently accompanied Liu Bei.

Mr. Liu, who witnessed the whole incident, said: I have lived for 42 years. Are Guan Hezhang really the most boring person I have ever met? .

15, Liu:? Won't you invite me in?

Liang:? Why?

Liu:? Because I'm here. ?

Liang:? I know. ?

Liu:? You are at home. ?

Liang:? I also know that. ?

Liu:? Then why don't you let me in?

Liang:? Because I'm on guard. ?

Liu:? Are you afraid of my cheating?

Liang:? I need to watch out for anyone I don't know, unless he is a dead man. Only the dead can reassure everyone, and there is no need to guard against it. ?

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