Complete works of long jokes

Joke is an artistic language, taken from life. Therefore, it is easy to understand and always makes us laugh. It can add different colors to simple life and relieve daily stress. Next, I carefully prepared that long joke for you. Welcome to watch!

A long joke (a hot article)

1.99% of engineers miscalculated a problem: a couple went to buy a cake together, and the girl ate 3/7 of the cake and the boy ate the remaining 4/7. There are more boys than girls in 4.5 yuan. How much is this cake? (@ Chen Liren)

2. I just took a taxi home with my husband, only to find the tragedy at the door, and their money was still two yuan less. The three were relatively speechless. When embarrassed, the husband said weakly, "Master, we still need two pieces. Please drive back a little. " Suddenly the car quieted down.

I saw a motorcycle and four cyclists. It's seriously overloaded. When crossing the intersection, the police uncle waved him to stop. The great master came and couldn't sit down. I drove away. The police uncle was surprised.

I have a woman with small breasts. Today, I walked with my boyfriend. He began to hum the songs of Xiaolong people there, and suddenly stopped to ask me how to sing next. I am very proud to sing "I have a little secret, little secret (Little Mimi)" there. I didn't react until I saw him laughing beside me. Damn it, what happened to Mimi? I'm hungry, your son. I'm sorry!

5. Friends fall in love for two months, and the screen name is changed to "blue". Only recently did I know that the literal translation of blue into Chinese is called "Bulu".

6. When the police came to the crime scene, a man said: His death was a little strange. The other asked, what's the matter? The policeman replied, I don't know. Di Renjie always said that.

7. A roommate hates being called "whatever". . Once I went to the supermarket, another roommate asked her to bring me some supper. Asked what she wanted to eat, the other party said to help herself to something salty. She asked what she wanted to eat again, and the answer was "whatever". Finally? My roommate brought her a bag of salt in a rage!

My friend is a hen-pecked wife. Somehow, his wife angered him. He was furious: "You mess with me again, just like this piece of paper." Then he shredded the paper in his hand. The wife said nothing and slapped him: "I will make you angry." See what you do to me? " Said, her hands rested on her hips, glaring. Who knows that my friend held back for a long time and said, "You, don't be angry with me."

9. A friend and his daughter-in-law went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a certificate. It turned out that the staff member was his ex-girlfriend. What is even more depressing is that the marriage certificate has the seal of the staff, so he stayed on the marriage certificate with his wife and ex-girlfriend. . .

10. My dad came home drunk last night and asked me to call 10086 to complain to the operator. I was in a hurry and sent him a short message 10086. After seeing him enter the room, I continued to be busy. Three minutes later, I turned on the light and asked why the instructions I 10086 sent him were wrong. I have no choice. So the old man went to bed contentedly.

A long joke (classic)

1. The junior high school chemistry teacher went to the gas station to refuel the motorcycle. If you want to smoke a cigarette after filling it up, take it out and put it in your mouth without leaving the gas station. Just as one o'clock was preparing, the waiter came over and said to him with a smile, "You want to die."

2. The cat's melancholy rose bath! (*^__^*)

3. A buddy said that his view of a good car is that you drove out and hit four cars in a row, and your car has nothing to do with it, that's a good car. Someone replied, "You are a bulldozer." Someone later added: "You can consider a bumper and tie a Nokia."

My son is two and a half years old. On this day, my mother took him to play in the street and met an old colleague. My mother greeted her colleagues politely and said, "Long time no see. You are getting younger and younger. How old are you this year? " Colleagues smiled and said, "What are you doing young? I am almost five years old. " As he spoke, he teased his son and asked kindly, "Baby, how old are you?" The son thought for a moment and said, "It's almost three o'clock!" "

5. Leader: Why not report this in advance? Me: I did. Leader: I answer so many calls every day? You should send me an email! Me: I sent an email. Leader: There are so many emails every day that I can't read them at all. Can't you report to me? Me: You are not in the office. Leader: Should I report to you everywhere? I think your attitude is very bad! Me: such a leader can't afford to be hurt!

6. One day when I was shopping, I said to my lovely girlfriend: Come to IKEA with me later. She suddenly replied: Is it your aunt's house or your second aunt's house? If you go to your aunt's house, forget it, she is too fierce!

7. My cousin works in other places and goes back to his hometown by train. Just getting on the bus, I saw a buddy sitting in his seat, so I said politely, big brother, this is my seat. I didn't expect this guy to look at his ticket and seat number. He was angry. You are blind and have no eyes. My cousin looked at him sadly and said nothing. He waited for two stops and saw his buddy fall asleep. He gently woke him up and said leisurely, brother, you seem to be on the wrong bus. ...

8. No matter how smart the mobile phone is, no matter how high the computer is, it is more interesting than a lively and lovely girlfriend who can run, talk and laugh.

9. Singles Day is coming. As Valentine's Day, a sophomore elder sister who has never celebrated Singles' Day is very anxious. My classmates have been helping me find a primary school brother. After seeing my junior girl whose height is 180 once, I haven't heard from her. According to this classmate, he was asked about his impression of his senior sister afterwards. He implicitly said: Senior sister knows too much? I know nmlgb ...

10. I will take a taxi to my friend's school at xi Railway Station. My friend told me that 23 yuan had arrived. I got on the bus and he was driving. I walked for a long time. I looked at my watch and jumped to more than 60 yuan, so I didn't speak. Finally, at more than 70 yuan, I asked the driver: Have you seen Superman? The driver looked at me doubtfully, and I calmly said that I just opened the door and ran away. . .

A long joke (selected article)

1. Last night 12, I slept soundly. The phone called, and I reluctantly answered. I was puzzled and said, "Who is it?" She said, "I'm in the toilet. Please bring me some toilet paper." I said, "It's too late today. Tomorrow. " And then I hung up. Get up in the morning and be abused by roommates. . .

2. I found an iPhone4S in the park yesterday. I saw that the photo album turned out to be a beautiful woman and decided to return it to her. The date is still in the park. It's almost time for the park. I made up a message "I'm pregnant" with her mobile phone and sent it to all the friends in her group. After I gave her my mobile phone, I left immediately, which was very successful.

3. Eating in the canteen, sitting next to a couple, seems to have just talked about ~ ~ ~ and ready to leave after eating. The man pointed to a bottle of water just bought on the table and said to the woman, take this water! The woman said: You take it! The man said: you take it! The woman said: You take it! The man said: you take it! F: I asked you to hold it for me!

In high school, the director caught someone peeking at the girls' dormitory with a telescope in the boys' dormitory and flew into a rage. In the afternoon, the whole school raided the male and female dormitories. Results: 23 telescopes were found in boys' dormitory and 4 1 in girls' dormitory. Six of them are divided into single tubes.

Chatting with dad and helping him solve computer problems, so I used remote access, but it doesn't matter later. I said to my dad, "Dad, I want to buy a pad to watch", and I saw my dad typing over there: "How much is it?" Then I deleted it word for word and replaced it with another sentence: "buy."

6. A restaurant keeps a parrot hanging at the door. When the guest arrived, he said, "Hello, welcome!" " A regular customer thought, I'll go in quickly and see how you react. One day he ran in and the parrot said, "Damn it! You scared me! ! ! "

7. The math teacher in middle school is Yu Wentian. One day, a classmate called him, Miss Yu. I guess I didn't know there was a compound surname. The teacher said awkwardly, classmate, my name is Yuwen. Call me Mr. Yuwen. The classmate paused for a second and said, but you are a math teacher!

8.

9. One day, my son came back and said to his father, "Dad, some people say I am a straw bag." "What? Call my son an idiot? Hum! His son is an idiot! Moreover, his son is the biggest, biggest and biggest straw bag in the world! " The son's father went on to say, "Hum! Which guy said you were a straw bag? " The son replied, "My grandfather!"

10. I took my five-year-old brother to the movies, and suddenly there was a scene of the hero and heroine making out; They threw their clothes under the bed one by one. I turned my head nervously to see my little brother's reaction, but the situation was not as bad as I thought. Seeing my brother say that he is not convinced: Brother! Why can't they throw clothes and I can't?

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