3 classic funny jokes: Don't honk the horn again, big brother. Every time you honk the horn, the car stinks.

1. A young couple has a lovely baby, and his wife teaches the child to call him "Dad" every day. The husband is very moved and thinks it's very kind of his wife to teach the child to call him "Dad" first, instead of calling him "Mom" first. He feels really happy. One cold winter night, the child kept crying and calling for his father. The wife pushed her husband and said, "Your son has been calling for you. Go quickly." Who will your baby call first?

2. A friend went to a scenic spot to play and ordered a "Beef Lamian Noodles" in a small noodle restaurant. Later, I found that there was not a piece of beef. So I called the shopkeeper to argue, and the answer was: "The master who makes noodles is surnamed Niu!" My friend almost fainted on the spot and asked, "Don't you consider long-term business?" The shopkeeper replied, "The average guest only comes here once in his life. I am very lucky to have a bowl of noodles here, hehe."

3. The goddess in pursuit finally spoke to me: "Would you like to be my moon?"

I can't wait to say, "Yes, yes …",

"Would you please stay away from me for 3, kilometers?"

"…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… That buddy thought it would be nice to pick up such a beautiful woman. I didn't expect the taxi driver to say, "Get off the bus and don't want your money."

5. In the street this afternoon, I saw a buddy smoking a cigarette and waving to the opposite taxi. The driver turned around in the traffic and drove to the buddy's side. The buddy went to the driver and said to borrow a light first. After the driver borrowed the light, he left in a dashing way, leaving the taxi driver in a mess ... It wasn't over yet. It was half a minute before the driver got off and scolded for one minute ...

6.

the driver said, let it go! The words sound just fell and there was a loud noise, and there was no one in the car.

After the show, the man asked the driver with a little pride: Brother, does it stink?

The driver replied weakly: ... Brother, regardless of whether it stinks or not, you fart ... spicy eyes

7. It was only when you were away from your girlfriend that WeChat complained to me: Shit!

I woke up this morning! I will be woken up tomorrow! I really can't stand it.

I'm surprised how she talked to me about this topic!

She added: It's so dry in Beijing that I have to buy a humidifier.

fortunately, I just held my horses and didn't return.

8. One day, my mother was going out to buy food, and my father entrusted her to buy cold medicine by the way.

when mom came back, she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to buy cold medicine.

Dad was so angry that he said, "Don't even buy me cold medicine, just jump off the building! !”

Suddenly, my mother said, "Wait and jump. I'll buy you insurance first."

The whole family was suddenly speechless ...

9. A student was caught by the headmaster when he climbed over the wall.

The headmaster asked: Why did you climb over the wall?

The student pointed to his coat and said, Meters Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!

The headmaster asked again: How did you get over such a high wall?

The student points to his pants: Li Ning, anything is possible!

The headmaster said angrily, What's the taste of climbing over the wall?

The student pointed to the shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying!

The next day, students go out from the main entrance.

the headmaster said in surprise, why don't you turn it over today?

The student pointed to the whole body and said, Anta, I choose what I like!

the headmaster was furious, saying, I want to remember your big mistake!

students are dissatisfied! Why? I didn't make a mistake!

The headmaster sneered, M-Zone-My site is my business.

1. I ran into my ex-girlfriend in the supermarket. She looked at the ladies' underwear in my hand.

She said with bitterness in her eyes: After you left me, you posted it, and you knew how to buy clothes for your girlfriend!

I glanced at the cucumbers in her shopping basket faintly and said,

You have become gentle since you left me, and you all know to take your husband home!

11. One day, I went to the hospital and saw an old man standing at the door of the laboratory. He was very sad. So I went over to ask what was going on and replied, My grandson is sick and lying at home. Take his shit to test. Because I took the bus, I was afraid of smoking others and wrapped it in many layers of paper, but who knew that the stool was stolen on the bus. . In a male petrochemical company ...

12. A grandfather and a grandson were watching Where is Dad Going.

The grandson suddenly said, Grandpa, can you sing a little star?

Grandpa said: Yes!

grandson: then sing it for me.

grandpa: the stars in the sky join the big dipper, so coax me to join the big dipper.

13. A female friend studying medicine is a bit cheerful, but she is quite popular with teachers.

One weekend, the teacher asked her to get the specimen, and when she came back, the bus took the wrong direction.

The point is that the idiot fell asleep in the bus and got off at the terminal.

Can you imagine a woman walking in a deserted place at 11 o'clock in the middle of the night with a hand, a leg and a head,

crying?

14. I didn't have the habit of sleeping naked before. If I accidentally slept naked a month ago, I couldn't extricate myself. One day, my friend came to my house to play, so he had to sleep in underpants, but he couldn't sleep until midnight. He had to get up quietly, just folded his underpants and put them on the bed. A friend's trembling voice came from behind: What do you want to do to me?

15. Who told me that the toilet is blocked and may be frozen? Who told me that you can flush it with boiling water? Pit dad! I burned a big pot of boiling water and it all fell down. Not only did it not work, but the poop tasted worse after it was boiled! Super smelly! The whole house smells of poop. My cats have run away from home.

lady white snake: "Fahai, you don't know love!"

fahai: "I even gave you the most prosperous Leifeng tower in the lot. What do you want?"

17. when the company attendance machine presses the fingerprint after work, it will give a voice prompt: the sign-off is successful. Then this day, the diaosi technician of the company thought the voice was too cold and changed it. At the end of work, everyone pressed their fingerprints and sent out a coquettish female voice: Take care, Grandpa, and come back tomorrow to play ...

18. Many people go to work by bus in the morning. I suddenly felt my stomach upset, and after a "grunt",

finally let go of a long fart, which was very comfortable, but it smelled terrible.

people around me are covering their noses, so I cover my nose and pretend.

I was feeling smug, when suddenly a person next to me called, "Fart man, your cell phone rang!" "

I subconsciously took out my mobile phone and looked at it, huh? There is no telephone ...

At this time, I feel all kinds of eyes from people around me ...

19. When I thought that my sister paper was a thrifty and pure sister paper, I couldn't help but feel nervous when I saw my dad's warm pants hanging on the balcony. My dad's pants burst, so I had to help him sew them up ... It was not until a long day later that I found out, Ciao! Men's warm pants are like that. I really can't imagine my dad's expression when he saw the sewn pants ...

2. The kindergarten children went out for an outing, and the teacher said that there should be 1 people for any kind of activity. After a while, someone suddenly shouted: Who else is going to WC! ! Hurry up! The nine of us can't hold it any longer!

21. Last night, when I went downstairs near zero, I saw the guard's grandfather urinating in the flower bed. I was about to bow my head, but he looked up and saw me. Everyone was particularly embarrassed. Then I wanted to say hello to ease the atmosphere: "Grandpa, you still water the flowers so late ... < P > 22. My classmate, I asked him why he would rather deduct points than fold the quilt. He said, if I fold the quilt, I can't tell which one is the head cover and which one is the foot cover. I don't want to lick my smelly feet to sleep every day. I was suddenly struck by thunder!

23. A friend is driving a short-distance bus. One day, when the bus was full of people ready to leave, he suddenly felt a stomachache and wanted to take a shit. But when the people were full, he thought of the destination and solved it. But he always wanted to fart on the way, so he honked his horn to cover it up whenever he wanted to fart. This time he honked the horn again, and the grandmother next to him spoke: Don't honk the horn again, big brother. Every time you honk the horn, the car stinks.

24. After going to the toilet, I found that there was no paper, and only my three-year-old daughter was playing in the living room. So I screamed and asked the girl to hand in the toilet paper. The girl readily agreed. I am deeply impressed that it is really useful to raise a child, and it can save you from the toilet without toilet paper at the critical moment.

After waiting for a century, my daughter came back and handed me a small piece of coated paper that was not as big as her palm ...

25. Walking down the street with my brother, suddenly a girl with long curly hair in front of me started to dance with her teeth bared, shaking her head and throwing back foul words, feeling like a ghost. Dude, push me and say go, go, go! ! I thought he was afraid of touching porcelain, so I quickly followed him and left quickly. After walking away, he said breathlessly … I … just … flicked a cigarette butt and didn't … flicked it far away … She went to her head …

26. My classmate's mother went online to buy things and communicated with the shopkeeper. I originally wanted to ask, "Can you pay on delivery?" The result was written as "Can you live long enough to pay?" After a long time, the shopkeeper replied weakly: "Dear! I'll fight for it. "

27. On my way home last night, there was a woman in front of me. We all walked slowly, keeping a distance of about two meters. At that time, there were no people in the whole street. It was very quiet. After walking for about ten minutes, the woman's footsteps became slower and slower. Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "If you don't start again, I'll be home!"

28. The old king in the city wrote on the wall: "The animals defecate here." The next day, he found that farmers were holding horses and cattle in the back row of the house, and said, "People in the city are really particular about it, and animals also have a place to shit."

29. I broke a test tube worth five yuan in the experiment today, and my teacher asked me for compensation. But I only have 1 yuan on me, and the teacher has no money to give me change. We looked at each other and didn't know what to do. My best friend saw my confusion, grabbed my other test tube and fell to the ground. His wit touched someone at the place, and the applause lasted for a long time and spread throughout the main building.

3. In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists did an experiment. They once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day?"

The classmate interjected, "Is the chicken pregnant?"